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'Gutfeld' on AOC's latest push to end targeted deportations

Tue, 18 May 2021 23:00:52 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 18, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK CITY: -- winning like the Nets. Amazing season, number one rated offense in the NBA. Kyrie Irving historic season. But the biggest victory for the Nets is yet to come.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. And the big victory for New York is when you finally leave.

And yet another scoop missed by Woodward and Bernstein, Washington Post reporter Carol Leonnig claims that Donald Trump didn't want any fat or short Secret Service agents on his detail. Now, that's hard hitting journalism. If these allegations proved true, not only was President Trump guilty of institutional fat shaming, he also singlehandedly crushed the lifelong dreams of a shy chunky young lad by the name of Brian Stelter.

There's a long way for a joke. Now this is from a book on the Secret Service. But the only buzz being generated, it is about the most interesting man on the planet since that old guy who drinks those techies, Trump.

According to the book, Trump once said, "I want these fat guys off my detail." He added, how are they going to protect me and my family if they can't run down the streets? You don't even have to add anything to this. So, once again, someone's trying to sell a book based on a conversation that likely cannot be verified by someone on record. And what happens everyone in the press calls the same source to verify it.

That's their confirmation, misinformation loop. But we don't do that here at GUTFELD. Mainly because we don't have the budget for a phone and I'm really lazy. But also there's no need to because I believe that quote is 100 percent factual.

Of course, Trump would say he doesn't want that guys on his detail, because that's what we all say if we were the president, too. He is us. We are him. He is right. Only -- one of the only reasons to be president is the perks. This is not a great job. Half the country hates you. And you always have to wear a suit and a tie, even at bed. And unless you're a left-wing shill, the media despises you. And you can't even look at a woman without being accused of something.

And even if you do get lucky, how can you be intimate when there are three men with guns nearby? I mean, I can't. I practice a lot in prison. And God forbid you want to have a drink. You'll have to put the whiskey in a juice box which is something I learned from the gals on outnumbered.

Having Secret Service is priority number one. As president you can do anything. Hey, let's drive by my old guidance counselor's house and pelt is used Miata with rotten eggs. And if anyone comes for you, the Secret Service can shoot them in the face. I think that's in the constitution. I didn't check but I'm assuming. Look, when I become president I don't want an agent who looks like a coke machine with a head.

I want him to -- I want him or her to look like, you know, Dolph Lundgren during the alleged steroid phase, alleged. Or Carl Weathers in the Action Jackson phase. What a body on that, huh? And he needed one to fight Craig T. Nelson. Nobody remembers Craig T. Nelson. So, you need a show of force, not a show of flab. You want Clint Eastwood, not Clint Howard. And remember, the movie was called In the Line of Fire, not In the Line of Dairy Queen.

This is why Trump was so beloved. He'd say what you would say, he didn't lower -- he didn't lower any bar. He spoke like you do when you're at a bar. Of course Trump also didn't want short people there either. So, as a member of that community whose height has been historically underrepresented in law enforcement and also on dating shows, should I throw a tantrum? Should I drown myself in a teapot or hang myself from a bowling trophy? Now I get it.

If you're supposed to take a bullet for the President, it's kind of unfair if the President is a taller target than you. That seems like a thing that should be on the checklist of human shields. Is he in reasonably good shape? Check. Does he owned a pair of mirrored sunglasses? Check. Is he taller than Peter Dinklage? Check. Of course, this service has fitted standards for agents in the field, you have to be able to run a mile in under 10 minutes and beat up 10 hippies while writing a black bear.

But some agents they also have office jobs, and that's where I would work. I know my place. I can catch a typo, but not a bullet. I'll take one for the team as long it's a -- it has -- it's a spice latte with skim. Plus, I'd have a really cool secret code name like sorry ladies, he's married. But this excerpt is meant to portray Trump once again as intolerant claiming he tried to remove staff he deemed too fat or too short.

Boohoo. No one minded when he enforced the same standards for the Miss Universe pageant, telling men who are too fat or too short that she didn't make the cut. That happens all the time. among women, it's known as dating. Kat, back me up. All right. Don't. Fine. I wonder what our angry white male thinks.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: You know, one of the things I learned in life, not everyone can do everything. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a baseball player or a fireman. I guess I'm not suited to either one of those. Yes. There's a lot I can't do. But if you want a guy who can whittle a stick into something recognizable? I'm your man. What do you think? Human hand?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Tolerant jerk. I wonder what our angry black male thinks.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: What it is, sir? President Trump said he didn't want to short fat guy as a bodyguard. I (BLEEP) knew I.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, once again the media experiencing their trademark Trump withdrawal seeks their next fix in another dopey excerpt. But remember this, Trump may not be a fan of imperfect physiques but he never denigrated the working guy in law enforcement. You want to contrast? Try Joe Biden's recent comments commemorating National Police Week, after a perfunctory expression of gratitude.

He noted "A deep distrust towards law enforcement, which has been exacerbated by the recent deaths of several black and brown people at the hands of law enforcement." He's like a guy with a sore tooth. He just couldn't leave it alone. Thanks for that, Joe. Remind me not to have you give the eulogy at my funeral. Of course the slandering of the police seems way worse to me anyway than wanting reasonably fit people to protect you in your country.

And of course, it was Trump's insult, not Joe's that gets more coverage. Do you think Trump gives two rips about what the positive body image crowd thinks? Fat chance.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. We were worried he wouldn't come back after Kat tried to steal his prescription pad. Host of Ask. Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew Pinsky. He's from the Hawkeye State and always straight former acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker. She likes her Prince Harry, ӣ��Ƶ contributor Kat Timpf. He's so huge getting on his good side takes two trips, my massive sidekick and host of "NUFF SAID" on Fox Nation. Tyrus.

All right, Dr. Drew, we're going to wait in some dangerous territory.

DR. DREW PINSKY, BOARD-CERTIFIED PHYSICIAN: Yes. I want to thank you for that homoerotic opening. Well done. I mean, I don't know what that did for you. But I know my wife enjoyed it.

(CROSSTALK)

PINSKY: -- evidently too. So --

GUTFELD: Sounds very disgusting.

PINSKY: How dare you?

GUTFELD: I remember them from bars, though. Yes, OK. You're a doctor or so, you claim. I've never seen a proof of this.

PINSKY: How dare you? Do we have to go there?

GUTFELD: Just give me a prescription pad and everything will be done. Are people that are overweight or short, physically less capable in this particular job?

PINSKY: Yes, right. I mean, people become firemen. They have to pass certain kinds of testing. When people become Secret Service, but apparently, they have standards and these guys all passed it. But it does sound like Trump, doesn't it? It really sounds like him being him where everybody gets fired if they're not up to his specific little qualifications. I -- by the way, you mentioned the Miss Universe pageant.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: I believe on the only guest you've ever had that was actually a judge on the Miss USA pageant for him.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow.

PINSKY: Yes. He sat behind me with Melania. And it was an interesting experience --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You're the strangest doctor I've ever met.

PINSKY: Thank you for that. I thank you.

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) you know, I saved the patient on a plane. I was a judge on a pageant. You make me sick. Dr. Drew. You have saved many people's lives.

PINSKY: I had.

GUTFELD: I kid, I kid.

PINSKY: I know that.

GUTFELD: All right. Matt, welcome to the show.

MATTHEW WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: Thank you.

GUTFELD: I know this isn't like those other Fox shows.

WHITAKER: Oh, it's not. Plus, I'm not remote from Des Moines. That's the other thing.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Right now you wish you were. Do you think -- do you think the President -- I believe he said this and you work with the president.

WHITAKER: I did. I was in his cabinet? I spent a lot of time --

(CROSSTALK)

PINSKY: Yes. But what I know is he's in the Miss USA pageant. Do you understand?

WHITAKER: Yes.

PINSKY: You know he's meant from Miss Universe to Miss USA like --

WHITAKER: Or whatever. I, you know, obviously he likes fit law enforcement. You know, Attorney General being jacked. I might add but -- and then he had Bill Barr. Bill Barr is very obviously jacked.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: But I, you know, I think it's important, when I -- when I had that, you know, that glorious moment where I had a security detail of FBI agents. I mean, they were all, you know, very fit and willing to break a lot of necks from what I could tell. So, you know, I think it is good. And in the President's defense, it was -- it's a visual medium.

GUTFELD: Right, right.

WHITAKER: And so he wanted to make sure that he had people that looked like me around him.

GUTFELD: Yes. No, but that that's exactly right almost -- because he is a product of our culture and a product of television, Tyrus. You are -- you were a bodyguard.

TYRUS: Yes. I was.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I -- the -- you know, I'm with him I don't have an issue with him not wanting short fat guys or whatever is around him because being a bodyguard takes a special kind of dude and although I did my job to the best of my ability, there was always a little voice in the back of my head, if they pull a gun, quit. So, you know what I'm saying? Like --

GUTFELD: Don't take the bullet, it says new (INAUDIBLE)

TYRUS: You know, I mean, I don't even like his music that much. You know, like gun --resume, resume in two weeks --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: By the way, by the way, somebody could literally yell gun every five minutes in the entourage you are traveling with.

TYRUS: Well, that's how you always find out who's really got it, you know, and I disagree with the president a little bit because in all my bodyguard stuff it wasn't always the other big guys that I would rely on. I usually work with someone your size because he could see things that I didn't.

GUTFELD: Oh, you mean like the ground and --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Yes. And like -- but I look up here at his and he sees bodies, he sees people's waistbands.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: It's important because you know who's touting and who's not.

GUTFELD: Oh, I get it. I can where the gun is.

TYRUS: A guy has got a gun stuffed in a small of his back or the side that you can see it. And I hear a little voice, it's like Dennis Allen. You pull on my gene like, Tryus. Yes, Greg? Done. Oh, thank you, Greg. And then we go get him.

GUTFELD: Eye that can travel on your shoulders.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Like a little wiggling nymph. I see your show. Kat, do you remember the bodyguards for Gaddafi? Do you remember that? The hot girls? Do remember this?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. Which is -- this is -- you didn't talk about my favorite part of this story which is that apparently these body guards were so hot.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That Tiffany Trump broke up with her boyfriend started spending a lot of alone time with one of the bodyguards. And nobody does -- we don't talk about Tiffany Trump enough because I -- I'm more and more convinced the more I hear about her that she's awesome.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And like, you just said that, you know Trump, is so ruthless in this and -- he is, but I think it's nothing compared to how ruthless Tiffany. I am serious. OK? And you know, January 19th. Right before Biden's inauguration. Obviously a lot of stuff going on in her family, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: What did she do? She goes to Instagram and announces her engagement to another guy who she met partying at Lindsay Lohan Beach Club in Mykonos. Like drunk may not give a (BLEEP) but Tiffany gives no (BLEEP) she want to party with Tiffany.

GUTFELD: I think we could stop on that note. I was -- I was going to use my Breakfast at Tiffany joke but you know what? I think you said it all.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next. Does AOC want gang members scot free? We discuss.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Shed a tear for the dearly deported. So far, left Dems are pushing to end targeted deportations of criminal illegal immigrants, including suspected gang members like those from M.S.-13 who've been tied to brutal killings across the country, which I guess would make those felons anchor criminals. New York Congressman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez says like that's funny. Said this country is at a "racial reckoning." I mispronounced her name. That's funny.

She joins 34 Democrats and demanding an immigration overhaul including pulling back on targeting gang members for deportations. She's right. These undocumented felons are just coming here to commit felonies that Americans won't do themselves. AOC writes, "The definition of an aggravated felony is a relic of the racist war on drugs." Adding the member Adam invites racial profiling by presuming that an immigrant is a public safety enforcement and removal priority if they've been convicted of an offense in which an element was active participation in a gang or someone older than 16, who intentionally participated in a gang.

OK. Take a breath. The memorandum she's criticizing says that we should prioritize the deportation of convicted criminals who are also gang members. So, where's the racist part? Was the guy who wrote the memo wearing blackface at the time? I must have missed it. Keep in mind, these gang members mostly prey on other Central American immigrants with crimes including murder and child prostitution.

We're not talking about mixing recyclables or misgendering a cashier, these are bad people doing bad things. So in a AOC's world, we can't put these felons in prison, and we also can't deport them. So what should we do with them? Give them their own shows on CNN, I hear they're hiring.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: So Matt, it always feels like the far left like they hate -- they hate American citizens more than they hate illegal immigrant criminals. And they -- I mean, if you can't put them in jail, what do you do with that? I mean --

WHITAKER: And this is the only category that really you can currently deport. If you think about the Biden administration. I mean, they've reversed every policy and this is kind of the last thing that we all agree on.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

WHITAKER: Getting rid of the violent gang members that are here illegally if -- I mean, if that, you know, I've often said that the two parties appear to be tacking towards different goals currently which is the first time in our nation's history. And I think that's where -- this is the example of it because this is a -- this would be a blanket amnesty. And meanwhile, the southern border is just pouring in and you don't think there's people that are want to do bad things. You're -- this is, you know, that's very Pollyannaish.

GUTFELD: It is. It is. I wish I knew what that meant, Pollyannaish. I always see if --

WHITAKER: I nearly got it out.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I always hear people say that and I said naive. It means naive, Tyrus. I think that's --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Yes. Very good, Greg. Very proud of you. Yey.

GUTFELD: You know what?

TYRUS: Yey.

GUTFELD: That's a very interesting thing about like, how the parties are going this way. It almost feels like we are kind of entering this phase of two different countries. Like there's one that it's -- like, OK, fine that these states will deal with their immigration in a different way than this these states. Well, there's a solution.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Well, it's the states that are furthest away from where the problem is that have all the great ideas.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I couldn't agree more with AOC on this one. I think this is a great idea. I think we should give Sally Struthers and do a little infomercial. You know, for just six cents a day.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You can adopt a gang member, bring into your home by take one shot here or see me no more. He's three teardrops away from being a new soldier. You could bring him, we could fly Him into your neighborhood.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: He could, you know, he could stay with you for just six cents a day and your youngest daughter.

GUTFELD: Yes

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: My point is if you brought them to their doorstep or their town, this would not be the thing. They'd be like they've got to go, we've got to do something, we need the National Guard, we need more police mark, we got to do some.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's interesting --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: So, it's always fun for when you're safe in New York talking about what you need to do in Arizona and California. It's amazing.

GUTFELD: It's two different countries, Kat. I think we're headed towards a bifurcation, a word I had to look up today.

TIMPF: Yes. I don't know what it means.

GUTFELD: I don't know, splitting. I don't even know --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes. So it means, splitting. OK, Greg. Well, I don't know because I -- my views on immigration right have always been, you know, any non- violent person who wants to come contribute to our economy should be able to do so because I don't -- and it contribute the economy (INAUDIBLE) because I don't believe in a welfare state period. And that's always where people on the left have, you know, disagreed with me there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And now apparently they're also going to disagree with me on the violent part.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Which is really truly shocking. I don't -- I mean, it's not -- you - - I'm OK with discriminating against violent people.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I don't like people who commit violent crimes. I also thought it was interesting because years ago when I was doing stand-up, there was a guy who I did stand up with, he's on some of the same shows and he got caught with cocaine and he got deported.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: And he was a white guy who got deported back to London. So, what would she -- would she call that injustice too or no?

GUTFELD: I don't know. And you lost your connection?

TIMPF: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: But that's not true. She does not do drugs. She does not do drugs at all. At least right now while we're on set. Afterwards, it's another story. All hell breaks loose. So, do it off, Dr. Drew's head.

TIMPF: Following Matt. Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

WHITAKER: --better though. It would work better off hat.

TIMPF: First thing I thought when I saw you.

PINSKY: I just -- there's so many things that are happening in this country right now. I don't understand where they're going. I just, you know, the homeless thing in Los Angeles, I was asking someone who's defending it. So what if they show up on my lawn or --

GUTFELD: Right.

PINSKY: -- you know, that's where we go. I like to go into my son's bedroom? Yes. Well --

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PINSKY: It's like, well, I don't understand what the logic is. It seems to be no logic, nowhere we're going with this. And that's the part I find most distressing because it just keeps -- there -- it's never enough. If there's just beef constantly. I have a beef. I have a beef. I have a beef.

TYRUS: Right.

PINSKY: Like what are we trying to do?

TYRUS: If I may, I'm not an epidemiologist, but I think it's my previous point. They're not affected. So they're talking from thousands of miles away --

PINSKY: Is that it?

TYRUS: -- on stuff that has nothing to do with them. Because if they were in the mix, they would not be saying that. She'd be the first one calling, there's gang members outside my house. Not there's new Americans here with shotguns and blades, it's going to be great. Oh, I have to go.

GUTFELD: Yes. And by the way, if you make that phone call, you're racist.

TYRUS: Right.

GUTFELD: This idea of move -- and now everything in which you are concerned about in life becomes racist. We've -- I mean, what can you can no longer protect yourself because that itself is racist.

PINSKY: It's just confusing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: I want to get it right. But I'm confused.

GUTFELD: How dare you discriminate against a gangbang or Dr. Drew?

TYRUS: I'll just be that racist guy with no crime in my front yard. I'll just be that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I'll take the heat.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. The tradeoff is far superior. All right. We're going to move on. Up next, a guy who was relieved of command for his anti-Marxist scam.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Was he reassigned for speaking his mind? I speak of space force Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Lohmeier who was recently removed from his posts following comments he made on a recent podcast while promoting his new self-published book. Holy handsome look at that jaw, talk about square. You're going to have a picnic on it. Are we sure this guy's even from Earth? And can we trust someone this gorgeous to tell the truth? So, what got turtle luscious in trouble?

Well, on that podcast, Lohmeier slammed Critical Race Theory and Marxism in the military, which his superiors are now investigating to see if it constituted prohibited partisan political activity, or simply things that a sane person would say. Lohmeier or oh Meyer, as I like to call him, also criticized Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin's diversity and inclusion agenda. Here he is talking about it on the mysterious show called "HANNITY."

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LT. COL. MATTHEW LOHMEIER, FORMER SPACE FORCE COMMANDER: There were videos being sent out to every base service member that we were asked to watch in preparation for our extremism down days and discussions on race in which we were taught that the country was evil that it was founded in 1619, and not 1776 and that whites are inherently evil. And so, I speak up against those things in my book.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I didn't hear a thing he said. This guy so damn looking, it's like looking into a mirror. This guy is planning on going where no man has gone before, sign me up. All right, Tyrus, I have been on this planet for many, many years. And when I come across someone that handsome, I don't know if they could be trusted, because he may be gliding by on his lustrous hair, his angular jaw, his subtle allure of his eyes, he might be completely incompetent. But he does look like a Space Force Commander, so I trust him on that.

TYRUS: OK, I'm clean again. All right. Listen, when this when this story first broke, I had this brothers back and I do agree with this stuff about the 1619 stuff is kind of ridiculous. We should do a little more research and maybe talk to African India, about slavery before we started blaming all on good old America. We cleaned it up in hundreds, they clean it -- there are thousands that's still going on. So let's not be so quick to blame it all on us, but I think he might be exaggerating just a (INAUDIBLE), to sell his book.

GUTFELD: Oh, yes, maybe.

TYRUS: You know, you got to get cleared, you know. And so he's kind of stepping onto -- he has some good ideas, but I think he's kind of getting, he's getting a little cloudy with what's actually being presented in the military and what's not. So I don't think he should have lost his post for speaking his mind in a podcast. But if he is embellishing to sell a book, I do have an issue with that.

GUTFELD: Kat, how are things at home with your new husband? Just curious. I mean, I mean, Space Force lieutenant, who cares? You know, at this point, all bets are off and all -- go for it.

TIMPF: They're actually going really well. And my husband, I also find to be good looking. Because I am, you know --

GUTFELD: He's no Space Force Commander.

TYRUS: But she did marry the guy, so I think she liked some of (INAUDIBLE) a little bit.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: How dare you denigrate him?

TIMPF: Yes, and my husband also has great hair and he has a great jaw as well, which I --

TYRUS: OK, let's not discriminate against people without --

TIMPF: No, also want to point out, I also want to point out that the first time that you met Cam in the green room, the first comment you made about him was about he was good looking and about his jaw.

DR. DREW PINSKY, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: Greg, is there something we need to talk about?

TIMPF: The very first thing. You were like, he seem like a nice guy like his jaw line.

GUTFELD: I was just saying with this guy. It's like, it's like, he just looks like a Space Force Commander, right? He looks straight at us out of what do you call it, central cast?

TYRUS: I'm not sharing your mind.

PINSKY: But thank you for not giving us a shirtless picture of him, I appreciate that.

GUTFELD: Oh, those are my private collection, Dr. Drew. How dare you? How dare you? Do you have a comment? What do you think of this?

TIMPF: Look, I'd like to also see what kind of information comes out. I don't -- it's not that I don't fully trust him, but I also don't perfectly trust the government either.

GUTFELD: You're right.

TIMPF: If they say that, oh, we'd never had, this never happen, but that doesn't mean it didn't. Trust no one ever.

GUTFELD: There you go. You've been watching "The X Files" again. Matt, do you think? Do you think that the government does have, if he didn't have this thing checked out, then they're kind of right, right?

MATT WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: No, it is an active duty officer, he needed to clear this. But you know, I mean, obviously, he's not getting in trouble for comparing Marxism, which is a failed ideology to our lovely capitalistic system and a Democratic Republic or a Constitutional Republic.

I think what you said at the end is exactly why he's in trouble. He criticized the inclusion and diversity programs of the SECDEF. And so, that's, that's why, you know, this administration feels very strongly about diversity and inclusion, almost like the mantle that they're going to worship.

GUTFELD: Right.

WHITAKER: That's why that criticism is what's got them in hot water.

GUTFELD: There you. Dr. Drew, I faced a lot of discrimination because of being I guess, good looking. So, could this all be because he's just really good looking much like me.

PINSKY: Much like you, I'm going to say no.

GUTFELD: OK.

PINSKY: I'm going to say that's not the issue here at all.

GUTFELD: OK. What is the issue?

PINSKY: Well, it's something you and I have talked about in private. It sounds like.

TYRUS: No, let's do it here. Let's do it here.

GUTFELD: IT's all right, all right. Wait, we have a story on strippers coming up.

PINSLY: He's going to --

TYRUS: He's going to circle back.

PINSKY: He's trying, he's trying to blow a smoke right now. It's OK, it's all right.

GUTFELD: All right. Still to come a story about strippers. That special report refuses to cut.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "PANDEMIC-CON"

GUTFELD: As Fauci scoffed, they're still taking it off. As American strip club reopen, shout out to the essential workers. Sonic dancers are snagging a lot less cash and their fishnet stockings. Gone are the days of lap dance and VIP rooms and private shows for Brian Kilmeade. He's not up right now. He won't know about this until, like, next week.

Revenue in the industry has decreased 17.4 percent in 2020, and is expected to get worse this year. But there is a solution that's as clear as the heels on their feet. Economic migration, strippers in states with strong anti COVID measures can move to ones with more relaxed attitudes like Texas and Florida, where take it all off includes the mask.

Now about those states, they have better outcomes including zero COVID deaths in Texas since Slow Joe accused them of Neanderthal thinking, and that's what I call --

ANNOUNCER: "VICTORY FOR NEANDERTHALS."

GUTFELD: Turns out it's so easy a caveman could do it. But it stumped the president of the USA, maybe it was listening to this guy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WHITE HOUSE CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE: I am now much more comfortable in people seeing me indoors without a mask. I mean, before the CDC made the recommendation change. I didn't want to look like I was giving mixed signals. But being a fully vaccinated person, the chances of my getting infected in an indoor setting is extremely low.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, it was all for show, Doc, saying so. You've been so consistent until this point. Speaking to shows, even ones no one watches Mika Brzezinski had this to say on morning, Joe.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MIKE BRZEZINSKI, NBC NEWS HOST: I am working with a team here. And there was one person on the team who is not vaccinated. I'm wearing a mask around that person. You know, it is really if you want to follow the science, then there are times you need to still wear the mask.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, a way to make that person feel bad. But we have to agree, always wear a mask whenever you're near Joe Scarborough. What an awful thing. There's one person, one person here that might have cooties, by the way that is so anti science. So if you don't get that if you are wearing the mask for yourself.

PINSKY: It's exactly right.

GUTFELD: OK.

PINSKY: Exactly right.

GUTFELD: Kat, as a co-worker, I'm legally prohibited from asking you anything about the stripper story.

TIMPF: I love the strippers. I do because they are saying they want to work, right? That's very American and capitalist of them, they want to get back to work. And I really respect that, especially because it's a job I could absolutely never do. I can never do it. I can't walk in heels. I could never dance and then there's no way I could get through a lap dance without asking the guy if he was mad at me.

PINSKY: I have to tell you, I've not been to strip club since my bachelor party 30 years ago.

TYRUS: Good. Go with that. I like it.

PINSKY: But it's not fun for me because they come forward. They want to tell me about their cervical cancer, their lip procedures and things very bizarre.

GUTFELD: That is, you know -- I saw you jump out of your skin with the mucus stuff.

PINSKY: Yes. I mean, that's insane. Follow the science, you are vaccinated, you can't transmit if you're vaccinated. So, the only cannot get significant disease, you can't transmit if you'v been vaccinated. So, the only people that have to worry are people that choose not to be vaccinated and they wear a mask to protect themselves or not if they choose to. Yes, but it's not us wearing a mask after having been vaccinated does follow the science. Nothing.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know what pissed me off, Matt, was that basically, Fauci just admitted that he was lying in that hearing with Rand Paul, do you remember that? And Rand Paul was like going, I know, I'm -- Rand Paul's going, I'm right. I know this. And Fauci goes, he would go, with all due respect, Senator, you are not correct. He was lying.

WHITAKER: He was. And this is the thing, is this is the same guy that said we didn't need to wear masks.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: And then we did need to wear masks. And I guess that was because we didn't have enough mask, although everyone I see is wearing homemade masks.

GUTFELD: Right.

WHITAKER: And now we don't, and once you're vaccinated, you don't have to wear one. And so, this has been the person that is single handily driven all the confusion.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: And has never really followed the science as, as develop. So, I mean, I was told over the weekend by someone that I don't trust anything the government says, and I'm starting to sort of believe we all need to take the --

TIMPF: Welcome.

WHITAKER: I was part of the government. I was from the federal government, I was here to help.

GUTFELD: So, Tyrus, you have a choice here among the topics among the "PANDEMIC-CON," you can discuss the strippers getting back to work.

TYRUS: Pass.

GUTFELD: Pass?

TYRUS: I thought, you know, I didn't think strippers would need to go back to work because they weren't strippings, I assumed they were all in online college. Graduated by now and on their way to you know, law school and --

GUTFELD: Can strippers work from home?

TYRUS: I don't know the last time I was, the last I was at strip club was with Dr. Drew. I was young man, impressionable, but it was nice to sit next to a guy kept claiming by now he was a doctor. But you know, just -- Dr. Fauci, man, you know, it was just like three weeks ago, he's trying to go the double mask.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: Yes.

TYRUS: And then they said you couldn't, you had to wear a specific mask.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You weren't -- I mean, they, they're really doubling down on this whole mass thing. And then the crisis at the border happened and the economy happened, and they're like, we need no masks give no mask, but no one told Fauci so then he had to come out with that. That is how you don't save your own ass boys and girls. That is horrible.

WHITAKER: That's also the highest paid government official.

GUTFELD: Right. That's right. That's right.

WHITAKER: Right.

GUTFELD: And you know what I learned, and you might remember, I remember this, but I have to move on anyway, he wasn't very good in the AIDS crisis. I didn't know that until last week.

PINSKY: Listen, he was my North Star then. That reason I got involved in radio because of him.

GUTFELD: He believed that it -- but he was, he believed, he believed that it was like contagious in the air, didn't he or something like that?

PINSKY: He, he was -- I told you, I told people when this thing started, he's going to be excessive. He's going to be conservative. It is how he does it. And he coached us up back in the 80s to really overstate the risk of HIV because he kept saying there'll be two million deaths, we don't do that.

GUTFELD: I get it.

PINSKY: But listen, that's public health messaging. Don't confuse it with science.

GUTFELD: Right?

PINSKY: Science is about challenging thing. Public Health is about consistency and being clear about things. They went, they got very confused.

GUTFELD: It's called propaganda, Dr. Drew.

WHITAKER: It sort of is.

GUTFELD: You and your strip club friends can all go to hell. Here's next. Beauty pageant, a new way to erase bad decisions that's next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Would you pay to delete a regretful tweets? According to information uncovered by an independent researcher, whatever the hell that means, for $2.99 a month, Twitter is considering a new service called Twitter Blue, which includes an undo button allowing subscribers to unsend a tweet for a few seconds after posting it, or who accidentally retweeted anything from Christy Tegan. Where would she go? A useful tool if you accidentally use your real account for a tweet that should have come from your anonymous Steve Doocy fan account. Hypothetically.

Twitter Blue would also allow users to organize favorite tweets into folders, which definitely sounds like a thing you should do instead of getting some fresh air. Dr. Drew has there ever been a tweet that you wish you could unsend?

PINSKY: Oh, I'm sure there are many. Yes, there are many. But it just reminds me about how much we're trying to control language these days. I mean, controlling the language seems to be the overriding impulse everyone has. I've been, I've been thinking a lot about some Abraham Lincoln said recently, recently, I've been thinking that recently.

Which was that, if the, if you call an elephant's trunk a leg, how many legs does an elephant have? Four, because calling it a trunk doesn't make it -- calling it a leg doesn't make the trunk a leg. And we are so busy trying to control language these days that we are just preoccupied with words, and Twitter, and messaging, and it's a big mess. We should be getting off Twitter not paying them more.

GUTFELD: Can we have a spider, instead of an elephant.

PINSKY: It wouldn't make it up.

TYRUS: This would be a good time to do it.

WHITAKER: Yes. So, for $2.99 undoing my tweet that I was going to be on the show is a really good idea.

GUTFELD: You're not even on Twitter, are you?

WHITAKER: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: Oh, you are?

WHITAKER: @MattWhittaker46, shameless plug.

GUTFELD: Oh, there you go. That means 45 people got there before you.

WHITAKER: Exactly.

GUTFELD: All right, Kat, this seems like something that would be up your alley.

TIMPF: Yes. Because some -- you know, sometimes you have like, oh, you tweet something, and it's so good -- at least mine are. And then you notice you made a little typo, and then people might think that you were tweeting while you're drinking even though that's something you would never do.

GUTFELD: It's funny the ones that I regret, I just don't remember.

TIMPF: The next day, what is this?

GUTFELD: It's when Fox P.R. calls me? Did you see the see the press about something that you wrote? And it's like, some of the stuff was like completely, completely in my head innocuous, but apparently people like to take things out of context. Tyrus, do you ever wish life had an undo button, Tyrus?

TYRUS: Every morning when I get up. As I walk on the plane heading to New York, it would be so nice just to go. But I live in a really rural world. This is stupid. Don't give them a dime. You can't take it back. Somebody will have it. And even worse, on top of your bad tweet, they'll be, in other news, he attempted to delete his tweet. So, you really know how evil and bad he is. This is a setup. This is a horrible setup for someone who says something and tries to delete it or they make the mistake.

GUTFELD: That's a good point.

TYRUS: I was 12 years old and I said something dumb on Twitter. I tried to fix it. But when I'm trying to fix it, it's retweeted everywhere. And then you can't get drafted at 21 because you messed up when you were 12.

WHITAKER: And Twitter sucks now since Trump got kicked off.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WHITAKER: So, I mean, it's like it's a dying --

GUTFELD: Yes, it's like the funniest person at the bar, left the bar and now you're just stuck with his weird friends.

TIMPF: I don't know this Tiffany tweet, I got to look into that.

TYRUS: They shouldn't charge you to undo a tweet. I mean, that's just, again holding you, you got to pay.

GUTFELD: It's like that. You know, it's like that big foamy stain remover, they used to have this supermarket before your time, Kat, but it was a big, what did they call it the thing that would have the foam and steam, the steam remover? I don't know what it's called. But it's true. The moment you remove a tweet, somebody is going to have a screen grab of it immediately.

TYRUS: And you're guilty. Why do you try to remove it then?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Why I think you know the most the what would make Twitter the best thing is to remove trends. Because how would the lazy media know what a story is? So, they've they always are able to, I would say like 80 percent of the stories that we're seeing right now, our producer or somebody on a show, looking at Twitter trends, seeing what's trending and go, oh, this person must have said something, let's go after that person. But if you remove the Twitter trends, they'd all have to go back to drudge. That was a joke. But go back to drudge because drudges like socks. It's true.

PINSKY: But your point is well taken which is that you say things are relatively innocuous and they get twisted and as they are trending, they get twisted into something else and the media reports that as fact.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PINSKY: You can, you can see fake news created real time on Twitter.

GUTFELD: No, it's amazing, it's amazing and it's out of your hands. It's like a little, it's a little moral tornado. All right, let's take a break. Be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Before we go, just a quick reminder that.

ANNOUNCER: "ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS. ANIMALS ARE JERKS."

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Dr. Drew Pinsky, Matt Whitaker, Kat, Tyrus, studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

END

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‘Gutfeld!’ on mask guidelines, Democrat leaders

Fri, 14 May 2021 23:00:18 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 14, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: I feel like I'm going to have to rewire myself so that when I see somebody out in the world who's not wearing a mask, I don't instantly think you are a threat. Or you are selfish or you are a COVID denier, and you definitely haven't been vaccinated. I mean, we're going to have to rewire the way that we look at each other.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Or you could just be normal. All right. After months of sputtering vacillation, the CDC says fully vaccinated Americans can ditch masks and don't have to social distance in most indoor places. Unless you're in a room with Andrew Cuomo. And that case run. Speaking of that ass, even after restrictions have been lifted, he's still being cautious, claiming to rely "on the facts and the science." Yes, now he's careful.

Was he relying on the facts and the science when he sent COVID patients to rest homes? That were facts in science, then his treatment of women were delightful acts of chivalry. So, the CDC says you can skip wearing masks outside. In other news, the CDC says women can vote and wear pants. So, I'm not sure I'm for either. We're going too fast. According to The New York Times, the CDC is finally catching up to the science. It's not true.

They're finally catching up to you. We always knew that COVID doesn't spread outdoors. It's not like chlamydia at Coachella, which I learned sadly. We also knew that vaccination was supposed to eliminate risk of spread, which was motivation for getting it. The CDC, however, is so obsessed with the slightest risks, the kinds that are smaller than choking to death on soup, made their guidance as helpful as financial advice from Bernie Madoff.

So why did they change? Is it because they've now followed the science? No, because if they had followed the science, they would have come to this conclusion a while ago. Fact is they didn't follow science. They follow you. They knew that if they kept pushing the American public too far we were going to push back. Plus, the experts knew you were right. But they couldn't admit it. And anybody married is laughing at that right now.

See? All their guidance is based on fear. Fear of not being wrong, but fear of being exposed. Why is that? Well, these are not leaders. How can you tell? They played it safe. That's not a leader. That's your 75-year-old aunt Tilly backing out of her driveway. Leaders take risks. They listen to experts, but then weigh the risks against the benefits. It's like a coach who talks to his assistants and then goes for it on fourth down.

That's a hockey reference, Kat. A leader must face obstacles head on and if they fail, be willing to take the fall. As for the experts in the media, their constant covering of their assets created ever worsening feedback loop. A weak politician might accept the risks of reopening but retreat, the moment someone tweets but people will die. So they told you to sit tight at home masks even if you're living with older folks.

The irony that people who yell wear a mask or you're killing Grandma were supporters of the biggest grandma killers of all. Until after every time an adult publicly assessed risk. You get some media asshat asking how many people are you willing to see die? Just over a month ago, CDC Director Rochelle Walensky said she had a sense of impending doom. Well, thanks for the pep talk, Doc. You must be great on a plane flight.

Fact is we accept death every day. It's sad but true, insurance actuaries count the future deaths we naturally accept no one has ever been able to escape the phenomenon of death. Except Keith Richards. Leaders get that but experts don't. Experts aren't paid to lead. Like Gramps taken a leak at 3:00 a.m. They're just paid to spray their opinions all over the place. And the American people aren't experts, they're better.

Think about our ancestors who came here in the opposite of a safe space. No expert was advising them to come here. Like marshmallow top sweet potatoes. It's unique to America. We're number one, because we won't take number two from anyone. So we ditch the masks. But why stop there? While we're at it, let's decide on other crap that we're tired of. Like those stupid little circles on the ground.

Where you're supposed to stand in line. I just want to buy Preparation H at Wal-Mart without having to play the CDCs version of Twister. And enough with bringing your disgusting reusable bag to the store. It's got more bacteria in it than Tommy Lee's hot tub. Let's get back to paper or plastic and stop charging us for it. That Green New Deal is all about the green I'm afraid. Seriously, remember how much fun it was to shop for food and the good old days?

The smells, the colors, the cereals, the checker who hates you because he wants laughed at her. I'm with her shirts? The produce section was therapeutic. Sure you never bought any vegetables, but it smelled great on your way to the freezer to grab beer and chicken nuggets. Oh man, in the deli section, being surrounded by all that meat takes me back to my wrestling days. And who needs all that meat? Turns out I need all that meat.

Seriously, there are like six kinds of salami. No wonder foreigners openly weep in front of the counter. In their shops back home the meat was made of wood. And let's not forget the head cheese. Now we know what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. And let's stop wiping down everything. I've never wiped so hard since that time as a kid when I thought ex-lax was leftover Halloween candy. That's another poop joke. Let's go to the angry white male one more time.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: New guidance from government officials? Let me guess. Does it say ignore everything we say and live your life like a free individual? Like someone who makes his own decisions about his own life? Is that what it says? Because that's kind of what I've been doing. You know what? Why don't we assume that's what it says?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Typical far-right extremists. Now this might sound corny, but we need to see each other's faces, even Kat. We need to see smiles. We've been through a lot together and we need to interact like human beings. Like naked Germans at fat camp. We need to feel free. And finally, let's stop talk -- taking media proclaimed experts seriously, unless it's me. You can trust me, because I'm truly an expert. Actually, I am an expert in nothing except buying used leather chaps on eBay.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's such a great author. He can eat alphabet soup and poof out of bestseller, Up in the Air author, Walter Kirn. She's so sharp, you can use your brain to stab people, financial analyst and author of the Man's Guide to Corporate Culture, Heather Zumarraga.

This man actually reads Apple's terms of service, FreedomWorks vice president and author of the new book When Politicians Panic, John Tamny. There he is. Every day her husband tells her three little words, what have I done? ӣ��Ƶ Contributor, Kat Timpf.

Walter, is this the right time to stop wearing masks or were you -- were you over this a while ago? What is your whole -- vomit your opinion on me is what I'm saying.

WALTER KIRN, LITERARY CRITIC: OK. First of all, masks are going to end when teenagers tell us to end them. You know, when parents are going out for the night and they're putting on the mask and the kid says mom, please don't mask, it will be over. Because they rule the world. Yes, they rule the world. And, you know, they're not going to be into them soon. And this is going to be like a snow melt in Minnesota where -- the snow doesn't melt all at once.

GUTFELD: Right.

KIRN: You know, under certain trees and rocks, it stays. And there are going to be people who don't give up their masks ever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: They're going to be like those people who after presidential elections keep the losing bumper sticker on their car. That way -- that way they can't be -- they can't be blamed for anything that happens over the next two years.

GUTFELD: It's so true.

KIRN: So, there's going to be people who just like they have Bernie stickers on their Subarus are going to keep the masks and about 2-1/2 years from now somebody is going to die of COVID in Brazil and they're going to say, see?

GUTFELD: Exactly. You're not going to be able to escape the, oh, a COVID outbreak or this or that. And you can use that, your analogy is excellent. That it's like the person who wears two masks or three masks is just like the person with three bumper stickers.

KIRN: Exactly. I mean, there's --

HEATHER ZUMARRAGA, FINANCIAL ANALYST: The more the better.

GUTFELD: Yes, the virtue signal.

KIRN: Yes. And so anybody who ever dies or contracts COVID for the next five years is going to bring out these people who come out in their mass and say, if you'd been like me none of this would happen.

GUTFELD: Yes. Heather, you just wrote a book on Corporate Culture. How is corporate culture changed? Is it changed forever?

ZUMARRAGA: Well, basically, there is no corporate culture if we're all living inside our home, working remotely, you're one of the few that have dared to step outside.

GUTFELD: I consider myself a true American hero.

ZUMARRAGA: Where no man has gone before.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

ZUMARRAGA: You are a true American.

GUTFELD: You know, I think I deserve a lot of applause for basically (INAUDIBLE) yes, thank you. Now you can stop applauding, stop applauding I'm, you know, I -- we can applaud later.

ZUMARRAGA: All right. I think that we will have to wear a mask as we go back to the workplace in this new normal corporate culture. And I hope not forever. Fauci said, we'll never be able to shake hands again. And that's in the book. And at the time when I was writing it, I had hoped he would be wrong, but maybe true that that may not be acceptable to even shake hands.

GUTFELD: But he doesn't help matters. He is such a -- he's such -- he's like the prototypical, prototypical or just typical? Why did I add photo to that?

ZUMARRAGA: I don't know.

GUTFELD: He's the typical bureaucrat, John. He's there -- he's not there to lead, he's there to protect his job, right?

JOHN TAMNY, FREEDOMWORK VICE PRESIDENT: Oh, yes. For him, they're always going to be holed out. She looked back to the former Soviet Union. There are still people who believe in Stalin to this day in wish those days were around and that describes Fauci to a tee. He's never had so much attention in his life. He -- and let's add that all this expose -- hides all the -- how he was wrong so many times before.

We're talking about someone who said that aids can be passed around just by sitting next to each other.

GUTFELD: Did he say that?

TAMNY: Yes. That's in 1983. That was the report he wrote.

GUTFELD: Are you kidding me?

TAMNY: It doesn't indict him that he's wrong. What indicts him is that he's been so wrong so many times and he continues to foist --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Who's the guy that invented PCR?

TAMNY: Kary Mullis.

GUTFELD: Kary Mullis. Do you ever see what he asked to say about Fauci? He -- I mean, he basically says exactly what you say that Fauci is just like how did he get this far, right?

TAMNY: Kary Mullis challenged Fauci to a debate over age and claimed that the PCR test could not be used to diagnose illness. And unfortunately, Kary died in September before COVID.

GUTFELD: Oh, really?

TAMNY: You can fact check that but it was that fall. We would never have had an Anthony Fauci, had Kary Mullis still been around. He -- I don't think he's going to last frankly, I don't think he's going to last as this avatar of COVID.

ZUMARRAGA: It was more important to throw out the opening day pitch than to solve the pandemic at the current time of crisis.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: He did do a great job though.

ZUMARRAGA: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, you know what's funny?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Should we have a national just quit this stupid stuff day?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Where everybody burns their masks. And just pick a day, because to Walter's point, it's one of those things. It's like a slow melt. Unless we say enough.

TIMPF: People are still holding on. They really saw as like, how ugly are you people? I don't -- actually, it's not that though. It's worse than that. I saw a lot of very dumb takes on Twitter yesterday, shockingly dumb, even as someone who watches as much reality T.V. as I do. There was one woman who's a reporter writer for The Huffington Post. And she was saying, listen, this is horrible that this is happening.

You know, we should keep the mat -- keep the mask, in so many other countries it's not a big deal. And I am an Asian-American, I want to keep wearing the mask without feeling uncomfortable. And although she thought that she set up that tweet in a way where you could not disagree with her without being a racist. He was so stupid because this isn't another country and the differences It was founded on individual liberty.

So you want to wear your mask, knock yourself out. Maybe literally, even if it's so hot outside, and you're exerting yourself at all. OK? But I'm not going to and you can leave me alone.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, are there any practices that are -- that bother you guys that are that your fear -- like the -- those little things on the floor piss me off? What are they called, cats? No. The little round -- the round surface --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: The temperature taking.

GUTFELD: Yes. All of these -- I mean, is this stuff all going to go away?

ZUMARRAGA: Well, I heard you were wiping milk jugs.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ZUMARRAGA: Up and down for a long time. So, I mean, that would -- that would bother me --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: And the wiping, we didn't have to wipe the drugs.

ZUMARRAGA: Well, look, when I'm exercising outside, if I'm not wearing a mask just the other day and the person that I'm passing turns and faces a brick wall. The New York Times said not one case.

GUTFELD: I know.

(CROSSTALK)

ZUMARRAGA: You know, out of 120 million --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- better they were than you are.

ZUMARRAGA: Maybe.

TIMPF: That's really it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: And that's why we're going to have trouble giving up the masks because it gave people the opportunity to shame everyone, laughs at each other at their sight. And Americans love that.

GUTFELD: We are going to move on. Up next, their cities burn but liberals never learned. Good rhyme.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Chicago, L.A., New York. These are all cities, Kat's thrown up in. But they're also cities where liberal leadership has turned them into hellholes in Chicago. This is great. They're releasing feral cats into the streets to tackle a rat explosion. Rat explosion is also my favorite death metal band. They recently opened for ferret feces, also a great band. That's for poop jokes. Anyway, I'm keeping track, trust me.

Anyway, it's true since 2012, a thousand cats have been released in Chicago with Orkin naming it the rattiest city for the sixth consecutive year. Well, who's working? Some dude? Anyway, you think the rats would die from the constant gunfire, but maybe the cats can finally catch Jussie Smollett's attacker. Though not all the cats are on board. Watch what this Chicago cat did yesterday.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh man, you know your city's unlucky when even black cats are like, I'm out of here. Oddly, he choked on a rat and died minutes later. I kid. he's actually doing fine. He's running a bed and breakfast in Vermont.

All right. Meanwhile, in L.A. homeless crisis has led to a massive spike in fires at encampments. They're happening at a rate of 24 fires a day. That's one fire every hour, Kat. It's more than half of all fires the department responded to.

And finally in New York, I don't want to say the violence is out of control. But violence is out of control. Yikes. This week, four people, including a transit worker were attacked in the subway, a span -- over a span of three hours, days later, two men randomly slashed three strangers on the subway in a span of 12 minutes. My God. Liberals applauded the attackers for wearing their masks. So, what do all these cities have in common?

Lefty leaders. L.A. they've had Democratic mayor since 2001. In New York, seven out of the last 10 were Dems, the two safest administrations, Republicans Giuliani and Bloomberg. In Chicago. They've had Democratic mayor since 1931. But when you're talking government, why fix what's broken?

John, is this like -- we talked -- so we -- this this topic is on every day in my brain. Is this unsolvable? Like it -- if the people running the cities continue to deny what the issue is then there's no way forward. I hate to be a doomsayer. But I am.

TAMNY: What do they always say about New York City that it was liberalism's Vietnam. And so, it's something that keeps being solved. And then unsolved. I would just say there's one little pushback here about this. The homeless don't go to Jackson, Mississippi, or Birmingham, Alabama, they tend to go where the money is. I remember in the 1980s in Los Angeles, back when media discovered homelessness in the first place.

GUTFELD: Right.

TAMNY: It was a pushback against Reagan. And if you look back at that time, a lot of the homeless people were driving to the encampments, park in their car blocks away, going and being homeless for a day and then going back to their houses. There's -- where there's a lot of money invariably, there's going to be a lot of homeless. In Austin, Texas right now, it used to be a left-wing city, now to rich left-wing city. Homeless are everywhere.

GUTFELD: That's an interesting idea. You know, I always wonder too when the -- when the idea and the issue of homelessness came about, because I think I was like a teenager. And it was like, it's obviously, it was huge. And it was because it was under Reagan.

TAMNY: Ronald Reagan invented homelessness.

GUTFELD: Right. Right.

TAMNY: If it had been a Democrat president in the 1980s, we wouldn't have discovered it.

GUTFELD: Right. Exactly. It would have been swept under the rug, or it would have been just -- I think what we called them before transients.

TAMNY: They were bombs before.

GUTFELD: They were bombs. They rode the rails, Heather, much like you do. By the way. Man's Guide to corporate culture right here.

ZUMARRAGA: Thank you.

GUTFELD: We'll talk about in the --

ZUMARRAGA: I wrote it for you.

GUTFELD: You wrote it about me or for me?

ZUMARRAGA: I wrote it for you.

GUTFELD: You think I got a problem, Heather? Is that what you're saying?

ZUMARRAGA: No. It's to protect the good guys from saying or doing anything that could get them in trouble.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I'm a good guy [inaudible] mistaken. Let me ask you this.

ZUMARRAGA: Yes.

GUTFELD: Corporate culture. Is that going to die? Because people are going to leave the cities. You don't need to live in a city.

ZUMARRAGA: Right.

GUTFELD: You don't need to live in a --

(CROSSTALK)

ZUMARRAGA: Well, the homeless are living outside.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ZUMARRAGA: Homelessness has doubled since 2018. So you're right. Maybe the books and all that irrelevant. I hope that's not the case.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: I want to read that book.

ZUMARRAGA: Well --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- culture offers book.

ZUMARRAGA: Right. It's for back to work post COVID. But that's what these people want. They want a job or maybe they don't know they want a job. That's what they need. These makeshift shelters aren't working. You see the mass of fire spreading. The fire officials are saying let's give them an education on fire safety for example.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ZUMARRAGA: I don't think that's going to go very well.

GUTFELD: (BLEEP)

(CROSSTALK)

ZUMARRAGA: -- job. Yes.

KIRN: I want to talk about the cats. I want -- I grew up on a farm.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KIRN: They're going to miss the rats once the feral cats take over. Rats don't jump out of wooden piles and scratch your eyeball.

TIMPF: Listen, to hear something that people don't know about feral cats and I am -- I am very educated on feral cats. I'm the mother of a feral cat and I've been a friend to many others throughout my life.

GUTFELD: You're going to have a thousand feral cats by the time --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: I hope so.

GUTFELD: In your apartment.

TIMPF: I hope so. Because just the smell of the cats keeps the rats away. When I moved into this house in D.C. that I found on Craigslist, there was all these rodents. And then my parents brought my cat to live with me again. And they were gone. The guy Steven who own the house, he said I'd never seen so few mice and rats in here and it was thanks to the smell of a feral cat. We don't thank them enough.

GUTFELD: Wow. You feel bad now, Walter?

TIMPF: Yes.

KIRN: Not at all really. Because I just keep thinking of the sight of cougars roaming, you know.

GUTFELD: Please stop it. With the hunting people with giant cats. My goodness, Walter.

KIRN: Yes. Sorry.

GUTFELD: Yes. You're going to -- you're going to end up getting a lot of angry mail. Although homeless people don't write.

KIRN: No.

GUTFELD: To shows.

KIRN: But I mean, why don't they --

(CROSSTALK)

KIRN: Why don't they use the logic of superior force? Now we're not going to have cops. We're just going to have feral cat.

TIMPF: Yes.

KIRN: Defund the police, bring out the cats and cougars.

GUTFELD: Now I could see that as a movie plot. That's a movie plot where you just let animals roam. Then they're trained like those robot dogs.

KIRN: Yes, yes. I don't know.

GUTFELD: Why do cities vote for stuff that destroys them? Does anybody know?

ZUMARRAGA: No, that's a perfect example of liberal policies destroying a beautiful city like you said in your monologue. I mean, look at Cuomo, if you -- if you're paying attention to the science, the science says you -- if you're vaccinated or you have immunities you don't have to wear a mask outdoors.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Feral cats are angels from God.

GUTFELD: There is a coffee mug.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: Somebody at home --

TIMPF: Please somebody --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Somebody at home make the coffee mug. Feral cats are what?

TIMPF: Angels of God.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next. The pizza party said no. And now she's rolling in shows.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: When the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, that's a lawsuit. A car dealership in the U.K. is being forced to pay its receptionist $32,000, that's four million pounds, because her colleagues repeatedly failed to ask her what kind of food she would like to order on Pizza Fridays. Yes, the poor woman was starved for pizza and attention, allegedly.

Treatment that the employment tribunal deemed a campaign of victimization, which is what we would call having to eat English food. The receptionist claims that the problem began after she filed a sexual harassment complaint against a colleague in March 2018. But to be fair, if someone accused you of harassment, I wouldn't ask about her choice of toppings either. She also complained about her hours and her pay, perhaps all that complaining must have left her hungry.

The dealership managers insisted the real reason she had been invited to the monthly lunches was that she was a part time employee leaving work at 1:00 pm, but the tribunal said that was no excuse. Finally, when questioned why she asked for so much dough, she said she needed the money. Heather, all right, OK, so you got this book, "The Man's Guide to Corporate Culture." This, this is one of those tests, problems that they have in a book at H.R., right? So, there's a dilemma.

A woman has a legit charges of sexual harassment, right? I'm going to say for the record, it's legit, even though I have no idea really didn't read the story at all. But OK, here's the dilemma. If you ask her to go to lunch, do you -- are you, do you risk perhaps being involved in some kind of conflict? But if you don't ask her, then you hurt her feelings? So, if - -

HEATHER ZUMARRAGA, ZUMA GLOBAL LLC: Either way, you're screwed.

GUTFELD: Yes, either way you're screwed.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEW CONTRIBUTOR: This is a family show.

GUTFELD: This is a family show. I don't know what kind of filth you watch when you go home to your apartment in New York. But we're different people here, OK. We're all from the, we're all like Walter, we're all from the mid-country, if that's what it's called? The mid-country.

ZUMARRAGA: That's the thing is that the pendulum has shifted too far in the opposite direction. If you look at things like the feminist movement and the Me Too Movement, rightfully so that needed to happen, but now you're in a case, you're dealing with cases where you as a man, as a good guy in the workplace, darn if you do, darn if you don't. We're not saying --

GUTFELD: Very good. You could have said damn.

TIMPF: Yes, don't say "darn," say damn.

ZUMARRAGA: Are we allowed.

GUTFELD: Don't be a (BLEEP).

TIMPF: Easier said than done.

ZUMARRAGA: But the pendulum has gone too far in the opposite direction. Everyone is politically sensitive. Everything is now politically correct. So, this woman who wasn't invited to have pizza at work, she's a victim. She was excluded. Look, I was excluded from things my whole life. I guess, I left a lot of money on the table. I mean, I didn't say a word you move on.

GUTFELD: That's true, Kat. If you could sue for every time you were excluded from something, you would be super rich.

TIMPF: I know. I know. I think, I actually, I didn't eat today. And people might say that's because I'm so hopped up on nicotine and espresso, but I could say, well, Gutfeld didn't ask me to eat. He, he didn't so I had no idea how to do that for myself. Yes. It's, it's, it is tough, because, you know, I obviously do want to be treated as the equal, brilliant, dynamic human being that I am. Regardless of the fact that I'm a woman. You guys can come over anytime.

GUTFELD: You don't want to eat lunch with me Kat, unless you're --

ZUMARRAGA: But society deems you as a victim if you're left out. So, it is a really big issue.

GUTFELD: Being left out. You could be, Walter -- you can now be sued for hurting people's feelings. I know the sexual harassment thing is a different part of this. So, I don't want to make light of that. But this is like it is -- I mean, what if she was somebody that just kept putting anchovies on the pizza? I would not invite somebody who likes anchovies.

WALTER KIRN, NOVELIST: The problem is turning work into a child's birthday party.

GUTFELD: What if your birthday clown?

KIRN: Well, I don't consider that. It could be a likely possibility. But here's the thing, there's been there's been this trend to make work your family, you know work your social life and so on. So, as work becomes your social life, you're going to start to have social problems like, he wouldn't dance with me. You know, she's prettier it's that so. And this doesn't happen in coal mining, for example. You know, in coal mining you have you didn't die under a rock slide. You don't have Pizza Friday.

GUTFELD: No, you don't. You have survival Friday. I made it home. Yes, that's so true. Oh no, they have a I-didn't-lose-a-finger-Tuesdays. I worked at a bottle -- I like to always say, maybe I should just not talk about it -- John, save me. All right, so I live on the, I live under the impression that that it can't hurt to sue anymore because I keep reading and keep every day you read in the paper about settlements and settlements. And I wonder if am I, am I just am I inaccurate, inaccurately seeing this that it's actually I'm just reading about it but it's not real.

JOHN TAMNY, REAL CLEAR MARKETS EDITOR: I would be a damn liar if I didn't tell you this is a great story. We must live in a rich world if you can sue for being left out. And I'm waiting for the U.S. lawsuit. We're going to quadruple or five times this if you're left out of pizza here. The Brits have nothing on us for stupidity. Only the richest countries yet to be this stupid. Wait, wait for hours, this is a sign of immense prosperity.

GUTFELD: It's an interesting thing. It's the, it's kind of like -- it's, it's there's an evolutionary concept about handicapping that certain kinds of species can handicap themselves because they're a such a strong species, right? So, it's like a very rich country can endure these kind of idiotic things but, but a country that's smaller --

ZUMARRAGA: I would say this is ridiculous. And the company should have stuck to their guns, the employer, and said this is ridiculous.

TAMNY: They don't have these lawsuits in Bangladesh.

TIMPF: You know who else never does this? Feral cats.

KIRN: They police themselves, they do.

TIMPF: They sure do.

GUTFELD: You would probably sue on behalf of feral cat.

TIMPF: I'm going to do that as soon as we're done here.

GUTFELD: Yes, you make a list of all the restaurants that feral cats aren't allowed in.

TIMPF: I'll be your queen.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. There's a t-shirt. Up next, our ombudsman is back to tell us what we got wrong.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Welcome back. Let's find out if we got anything wrong this week. For that, we go to our show's ombudsmen, Steve Phoenix Jr. Steven and I once owned and operated a bed and breakfast in Vermont. He own the bed and I made him breakfast. Anyway, Steve, how do we do?

STEVE PHOENIX JR., FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, Greg, you know, we never made money, but we made memories. And I got to say all those years in jail made me miss the old days. Anyway -- hey, before we get started, in the last block, you said $32,000 is four million pounds?

GUTFELD: Yes.

PHOENIX: It's actually 22,494 pounds. So, I haven't --

GUTFELD: It's less.

PHOENIX: Now, you go ahead, Greg.

GUTFELD: It's less than the 40 million pounds.

PHOENIX: By, by a substantial margin. I haven't seen somebody that's far off base since I was at Yankee Stadium.

GUTFELD: All right. Well.

PHOENIX: But now, let's get to the issue at hand, shall we? On Thursday, you suggested solving problems by printing money. Mike, baby roll that beautiful bean footage.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL HEMMER, FOX NEWS HOST: These are taxpayer dollars that you're saying we're going to give out a million dollars a week for everybody that gets vaccinated.

GUTFELD: Yes, but is it really -- I mean, we could just print more money.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PHOENIX: Oh, you know, too bad. There's no real world examples of printing money going horribly wrong. Oh, wait, hey, maybe you've heard of a little country called I don't know, Venezuela? They've been experiencing continuous and uninterrupted inflation since 1983. And according to the Wall Street Journal, the main cause of the country's hyperinflation is heavy money printing from their central bank. Hello.

GUTFELD: Hey, two things, Steve, one apparently you do not recognize sarcasm. Number two, what is correct -- I noticed a mask behind you. What is that?

PHOENIX: Oh, well, that's, that's for sleep apnea. That's -- it's actually not even mine. It's my friends that they come over and they have sleep apnea, and I'd sometimes after. You know what, this isn't about me.

GUTFELD: OK.

PHOENIX: Kat.

TIMPF: Yes.

PHOENIX: Kat, on Tuesday, you had something very interesting to say about the Hollywood Foreign Press. Mike, if you would please.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TIMPF: Wait, like so you know what this thing is? The, the H, F, whatever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: OK. Do they -- so they need these sounds like and so they've known that they're all white guys for a long time, right? All these celebrities have known this for a long time. They weren't pissed then, they're not pissed now. They're just now pretending to be pissed because it came out public that they're all you know, bunch of white guys.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PHOENIX: A bunch of white guys. Well, actually, Kat, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association consists of about 90 members from over 50 countries, only three of which are Americans. In fact, the majority of their membership is female, former President of the Organization Mahir Tatianna from India. Now, according to a recent publication in the Los Angeles Times, other prominent members include Chinese-born actress Lisa Lu, who, as you of course know played the grandmother in the 2018 hit film. Crazy rich Asians. Oh, and how about former beauty queen Margaret Gardner.

TIMPF: OK. I understand. Hold on. Hold on.

PHOENIX: Excuse me. Excuse me. May I finish?

TIMPF: Hold on. I just would like to say my mistake, I did not know that but I just I don't know much about the Hollywood Foreign Press because I'm such a woman of the people. It's a little elitist for me.

PHOENIX: Of course. Well, I may I suggest some real glasses so you can finally see the truth.

TIMPF: No, these? I'm near sighted a little in my right eye now. So, these are not a farce. They were only a farce for seven years, and now they're not.

PHOENIX: Well, you were nearly making an interesting point, but I'm afraid we're going to have to move on.

Heather. Oh, Heather, hello.

ZUMARRAGA: Hi.

PHOENIX: How are you, dear?

ZUMARRAGA: Good. How are you?

PHOENIX: I'm well, thank you. You mentioned earlier in the show that Dr. Fauci made some comments that we would never shake hands again?

ZUMARRAGA: Right.

PHOENIX: Is that correct?

ZUMARRAGA: Yes, he said, we'll never shake hands again in the workplace where I go around hugging everyone in the workplace even during COVID. So, I'm sure I'm in big trouble.

PHOENIX: Very lovely of you. Well, in fact, in the original NPR interview, Dr. Fauci did sort of laugh, and you can see it in the transcript. And in fact, in a follow up interview that he gave with the Today's Show, in April of 2020, he said that those comments were made somewhat seriously implying that his actual statements were in jest. So, not only are we reading our hands, but you're spreading lies.

ZUMARRAGA: I'm sorry.

GUTFELD: Wow.

ZUMARRAGA: I stand corrected. I apologize.

GUTFELD: You know, I don't think just, you know -- this was your first time on the show, and I think it might be your last. I hope your book sells well because you're finished.

PHOENIX: One last one, Greg, if I may.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. On Tuesday, you responded to an odd comment, a guest made about Hillary Clinton in an equally odd way. Mighty Mike, let her rip baby.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, the reason Hillary Clinton lost is because of the Russians or something when we all know the reason she lost is because she's a lizard person, blood soaked monster. So, it's the whole problem here is government and politics. And once again --

TIMPF: Blood-soaked monster.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, it's factually true.

GUTFELD: You know, if you look it up, actually, I think it was Snopes ran in and said she's the lizard person. I'm almost positive Snopes did that. Snopes might have to do with Snopes on this.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PHOENIX: Wow. Well, interesting. I did put my own private investigator on this one. We went in and we did some digging on whether or not Hillary is in fact, a lizard person. And well, turns out this one's true. Well, yes, nailed it. My bad, my bad.

GUTFELD: I wonder if you'll be snooped over this.

PHOENIX: God, I hope so.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PHOENIX: That's all my time, Greg. Thank you so much.

GUTFELD: Have a great day and enjoy your gift mask tonight. I'll be home a little early.

PHOENIX: It's not a get mask. It's not a get mask.

GUTFELD: All right. Not bad, not bad. Up next, I answer viewer questions in the greatest segment since the last segment.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Time for one of the greatest segments ever created A.K.A. --

ANNOUNCER: "PUNCHING DOWN: WHERE GREG READS YOUR MAIL."

GUTFELD: Tonight's edition is sponsored by cicadas. If you love insects, but you'd prefer to wait 17 years to see them, they're the bug for you. Cicadas. Now, to the mail.

Lee asks, "What movie or TV actor was your first crush?" Actually, I was too busy playing sports and were -- what's so funny? I'm working on cars and working on cars to develop any crushes in between the morning and afternoon football practices and tinkering on my GTO in the driveway. I never really got around to developing infatuations but maybe I should think about it some more.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The vice president lives in the flickering strobe lights that alternately illuminate or shadow his unwritten responsibilities. It is sometimes uncomfortable. It is sometimes ego-diminished, but it is also quietly rewarding. This office of the vice presidency --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, technically, Spiro Agnew wasn't an actor. He was Nixon's V.P. Still, what a hunk. He knew how to handle the hippies too. Hose them down and throw them off a cliff. Anyway, I just realized this letter was from Lee Majors. Really, Lee? This is how you want to get on my show. Just call me, you have my number, Heath. He was even Big Valley. He feels My Big Valley. That's my heart. My heart is a big valley, you sick people. What is wrong with this audience?

Claudia asks, "On Teacher Appreciation Week What advice would you give to kids who hate or dislike teachers?" Well, I think it's actually really healthy to dislike your teachers, especially if they skip right from first base to second. Actually, I don't remember having a really bad teacher at all. In fact, if I remember correctly, there was one teacher who had a tremendous impact on my life.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All leading cleaners, Mr. Clean is now the most powerful ever put into a bottle. New Mr. Clean cleans faster. Floors, walls doors faster than other liquid cleaners. But floor cleaning doesn't have to be that tough.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That guy was built. Michael asks, "What is your routine that keeps you in such great physical shape and so handsome?" Well, thank you, Michael, I'm blushing under this makeup even though what you're saying is entirely justified. In truth, I exercise regularly using only the body resistance of my workout partners: Sven, Gustavo, Clem, and Gus. But it's not just about exercise, it's really important that I watch what I put into my body. Another shout out to Sven, and Clem, and Gus, but not Gustavo. No, no, no. His visa expired and he's on the run. He also stole three of my suits. If you see him, do not try to apprehend him yourself. Tying him up only excites him. So, one thing I miss about Gustavo.

Karen asks, "Batman or Superman"? Let me tell you, Karen, when I was growing up, I wasn't much into superheroes. Or maybe I just wasn't into the kind of superheroes other kids were into. Superman was too boring, and Batman, he was really just a messed up rich guy with daddy issues. But let me think, I guess if I had to pick one hero.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is our apartment. We are the Jeffersons.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You guys laugh. But when you have time, you got to go on the Google machine and read about Sherman Hemsley. Do you know about Sherman Hemsley? He had an LSD lab in his basement. And he was a total prog rock freak, he cut an album with one of the guys from "Yes." You guys are not even responding to this. I'm reigning Sherman Helmsley facts on you, and you people are Godsmack.

TIMPF: Well, because it's amazing.

GUTFELD: It is amazing. I'm not making this up. If you're at home, you Google that and then you send all four of these people articles and laugh at them. I'm getting out of breath. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Walter Kirn, Heather Zumarraga, John Tamny, buy his book, Kat Timpf, Steve Phoenix, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you America.

Gutfeld on Alec Baldwin vs cancel culture, relaxed COVID restrictions upsetting the socially awkward

Mon, 17 May 2021 23:00:46 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 17, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: So, I got back down to my office after the show. Everybody calm down. I didn't say I was leaving CNN. I just said it was the end of an era for "CNN TONIGHT" with Don Lemon. I'm not leaving CNN. So, you will have to tune in Monday at 10:00 to see. That's it. So relax. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: End of an era. Who is he again? Aging actor Alec Baldwin took to Twitter on Friday. Comparing cancel culture to the devastation of a four, forest fire. We went to trees for comment.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No. No way.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You suck.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. What an angry bunch but they have a right to be angry. They're on fire. So, is Alec finally coming to his senses? Well, let's act like the four people who saw his last movie and hear him out. He said "Cancel culture is like a forest fire in constant need of fuel functioning objectivity, no prejudice, no code. Just destroy. The disturbing -- the deserving and the undeserving alike."

Sorry, that was him describing how to treat your children. Which by the way I support. Now, Baldwin hasn't had a successful movie in years. His last hit was probably across the forehead of by terrified bike messenger. But he's right. Sadly, I had to read his tweet secondhand since he blocked me on Twitter years ago. No kidding. In fact, he's blocked more people than his steady diet of cheese. Young people will understand that later.

It's ironic that someone who's condemning cancel culture had canceled me from his life altogether. But if I was in Hollywood, having to turn on the T.V. every day and see someone is handsome and talented as this, I would be -- not that funny. I would be insecure enough to block me too. Still it hurts. He made me feel like Kim Basinger or his brother Stephen. Mr. Steve. Thank God, there's a place for us.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK, Donna. Why don't you begin?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, I'm still pretty traumatized by this. So I don't really know where to begin. But I was on Twitter. I wanted to see what this actor had to say because, you know, I loved him in the Heartbreak Kid.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Charles Grodin?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No. The remake.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, Ben Stiller.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, what a (BLEEP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well, Ben Stiller though. That's huge. I mean, he used to be a really great actor. I mean, not so much anymore really but, you know, everyone just relax. Toby, how about you?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I still can't really process this. I think you guys remember that fat kind of unfunny guy was married to Roseanne.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tom Stevens?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tom Johnson.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tom Arnold.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. Tom Arnold. He blocked me. And the funny thing is, I don't even know who he is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. But that doesn't. It needs to be somebody who's famous for something other than being married to a famous person. So, anyone else?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, Greg Gutfeld blocked me.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's huge. That's like the Holy Grail.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, I mean, that's like being blocked by The Beatles. If The Beatles were actually good.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I mean, truly, Greg blocking you on Twitter. No one can up that. Oh, you know what, actually, I think that's all for today. I actually got a Brazilian wax appointment in an hour. So, same time next week.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I need it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. A loud mouth lefty like Alec Baldwin disowning cancel culture. That's like Colonel Sanders condemning fried chicken. Or Mike Lindell condemning pillows. Look how he hugs that. That's kind of disturbing. Or Jesse Watters condemning hair gel. But when a dude who spent decades slamming people he politically disagree -- disagrees with has now seen the light actually, maybe it's a good thing.

Obviously, he came around to the ugliness of cancel culture once he saw what it did to someone he loved. His wife, who became a human pinata after she appropriated Spanish accents during last T.V. segments.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Very few ingredients, we have tomatoes, we have -- how do you say it English? Cucumber?

HILARIA BALDWIN, ALEC BALDWIN'S WIFE: Cucumbers.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: How do you say cucumbers? That's a good question.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Cucumber, cucumber, cucumber, cucumber.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That's a real person by the way. So, Hilaria, her real name was accused of lying about her Spanish heritage. True we haven't seen someone being a fake Hispanic so hard since Beto O'Rourke tried to put a guacamole pipeline through El Paso. But here's the irony. Back in the good old days under Trump people like Alec had little to worry about. Trump was their necessary diversion, everyone aimed their nerf guns on orange Satan.

He took all the incoming fire. So most of the disgusting libs could carry on being disgusting libs. Like a craven terrorist, they use Trump as a human shield. But now that zombie Elvis has left the building. The cancellers have no choice but to eat themselves, which is great news for the employees at CNN who have a hankering for a baked potato. So, it's not really that Baldwin is standing up for you as we would like to think.

It's because his pals, Woody Allen and Andrew Cuomo are drawing more heat than black leather car seats in July. And it's from somewhere other than their pants. He really didn't care when people he disliked were targeted. Be that the Covington kid or Brett Kavanaugh, it's when he started seeing his rich and powerful amigos get picked off like terrorists within 50 yards of Chris Guile. It started to get a little too close for comfort, which is fine by me.

I welcome anyone who's finally seeing the light, even if it's for selfish reasons. I wonder what our angry white male feels about this. And why hasn't he been canceled yet?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Good coffee, cancel culture. Believe it or not we had grown up to. We just didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't like a T.V. show. Change the channel. Didn't like a song? Turn off the radio. Pretty simple stuff. And it wasn't as if we didn't have controversial entertainment. I remember one show sister and a brother. She was a little bit country. He was a little bit rock and roll. It's all right.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right. Still isn't right. Fact is whenever anyone comes around to the evils of cancer culture, like a relative in rehab, we should support them, even if they won't support us. That's the definition of sharing the risk. And when you see people like Baldwin actually nervous about losing their own skin, they might actually put their own skin in the game. No matter how thin or leathery it may be.

So I salute Baldwin stand against cancel culture or to put it in a way he'll understand, gracias senior.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She knows both like I know bears, Fox Business Correspondent Susan Li. His hair can be seen from the Mars Rover, Reason associate editor, Robbie Soave. She's so libertarian, she thinks tonight's guests are being detained. ӣ��Ƶ contributor Kat Timpf. And he's back. He's the big man on any campus. My massive sidekick and host of "NUFF SAID" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

Robbie, I think the important question is if you ever got canceled would your hair go on? You've been writing about this a lot? Is this a positive sign when you see somebody who's basically kind of been a bully to people now realizing that it doesn't pay?

ROBBIE SOAVE, REASON ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Yes, absolutely. I think we should welcome basically anyone to the side of, you know, what cancel culture is a problem. And we all get way too freaked out when someone says something kind of harmful, I guess but innocuous and we all need to lighten up. So, I think that's a good thing. I think the danger is expanding cancel culture anymore because now you have literally everyone.

On all sides of the political spectrum, if they get in trouble but Cuomo said, he's a victim of cancel culture. And everyone is like, oh, no, I'm being canceled. And that's going to make it -- that's going to be bad if like we need to confine it to something we can actually criticize. And not just be like, no, you should be canceled.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's a good example of this. Liz Cheney.

SOAVE: Yes, that too.

GUTFELD: Yes. The media going, the canceler is she -- Liz Kate Cheney was canceled. No, you know, she just got, you know, she was the one obsessed now she has -- what? Which she still got a job, right?

SOAVE: Yes.

GUTFELD: She's a Cheney. Susan, welcome to the show.

SUSAN LI, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Great to have you here. I'm so glad FBN allowed you to leave that part of the building.

LI: For now.

GUTFELD: Yes. You got to be bronze. So we know what happens. Now do -- what is your take on this as a business concept? I mean, that -- it seems to me that most corporations are terrified of this so they act in a defensive manner.

LYDIA: Yes, they have to protect their brand. Good will as we call it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LYDIA: But some people should be canceled. So I come from a technology finance background. And we talked about binary zero and one.

GUTFELD: Right.

LI: Yes. I don't think that's the case. So when it comes to cancel culture, there should be a sliding scale because compared to say, Jeffrey Epstein, who's probably the worst.

GUTFELD: Right.

LI: I mean, is it anything compared to that? He -- I think he should be canceled.

GUTFELD: Yes. That is --

TIMPF: I don't know.

LI: What do you think? You tell me.

GUTFELD: So you murdered him. Is that what you're saying, Susan? You murdered him. How did you get into the jail?

LI: I had an alibi.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You can ask her. You can ask her.

GUTFELD: You are hosting at 8:00 in the FBN. Tyrus, welcome back to the show.

TYRUS: Hello, Greg. Thanks for having me.

GUTFELD: Good to see you.

TYRUS: Oh, is a pleasure.

GUTFELD: Me too.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Can we stop lying and get to the question?

GUTFELD: My question is, do you think there's a gender divide in cancel culture? Like, is it more likely for a dude than a girl? Or why am I -- see? I'm going binary again.

LI: Yes.

GUTFELD: Susan --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: OK. You're just trying to pretend like you understood what she meant (INAUDIBLE) he has no idea what binary is at all. You know, and you're asking me is it worse for the guys and the guys?

GUTFELD: I said --

TYRUS: No. No. Every scenario where a guy gets canceled for if you put him in a skirt and change the thing they'll make it her a hero.

GUTFELD: Except for Caitlyn.

TYRUS: She's still a hero.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: What are you talking about?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Caitlyn Jenner's life is better.

TYRUS: That supports what I was saying.

GUTFELD: Was it?

TYRUS: You're so stuck on binary.

GUTFELD: Yes. You're right. I disagreed with you.

TYRUS: But, you know, here's --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I agree with you but I pretended to disagree with you.

TYRUS: You, you know, just say I missed you. I get it. The -- but we're missing the whole point. The great point about the cancel culture, there's difference between accountability which would be Cuomo's area and being canceled for speaking your mind on Twitter and they want to get rid of you because you hurt their little feelers. And then there's this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: President Trump's gone, I'm not getting any bookings from person. I'm not -- I'm not getting any bookings, period. So hey, cancel culture maybe come look at me, maybe spotlight me, look more like an attention cry because the cameras been off him for -- ever since, you know, a switch. She's -- apparently his Joe Biden impersonations not TV worthy. So he's jumping into the cancel culture with a life vest on because he can say something about them, but not enough to where he's actually challenging going after people just -- cancel culture is bad.

It's like a forest fire. You know, please notice me. Look at me. Give me a special

GUTFELD: I think it's from being in a Woody Allen movies. That's what it is. I don't know, Kat. What do you make of this whole quandary? If I may use that word.

TIMPF: Well, I'm very against cancel culture. I don't think that people should be, you know, judged, thrown out of society for making a joke that, you know, an online mob decides is offensive. It is a little different to spend decades of your life pretending to be Spanish person when you're from Boston. Although I don't even a hater for that because that was the best thing to happen to me and all of 2020.

GUTFELD: Yo, it was finally a story that didn't make me cry.

TIMPF: It was a Christmas miracle. It's so funny. Because who does that and then does it so publicly? I just hated the way she made herself a victim like people are -- but if she would just been like, ah, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Whoops. I did do that. Oh. I'm crazy. I would have been the biggest fan in the world.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: She played the victim card. It's like no, you pretend to do that when really you're like a ball -- like I'm not ballroom dancing light, you know.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. TIMPF: Like, you pretend to do that? Like, that is insane. And we're going to have to call you out on it. But if she would have owned it, I wouldn't have even been mad because it was a great, great gift.

GUTFELD: Yes, it was. All right. We've got more to come. I'm excited about this next block. Are the SATs, DOA? We discuss FYI, ASAP.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are they helping the poor by eliminating scores? The University of California go halitosis, has announced that it will no longer consider SAT and ACT scores when reviewing admission and scholarship applications. The 10 campus system has more than 280,000 students statewide. That's a lot of people who will soon be waiting on me. I went to Cal, I can say that. They decided not to continue fighting a judge's injunction that barred it from considering test scores even when they were submitted voluntarily.

You should never volunteer more information than is required frankly, I learned that lesson when I confess that triple murder in 2012. But at least they didn't find out about the quadruple homicide here before. Crap. I did it again. It all started in 2019 when some students in the Compton Unified School District argued that standardized tests placed an unfair disadvantage on students of color, those with disabilities and those from low income families.

Can you blame that on white supremacy? Well, the students who are accepted based on those tests are overwhelmingly Asian. So white supremacy it is. The Board of Regents already voted to drop the SAT and ACT test through 2024. That's a year, Kat. Now the U.C. system has to develop their own test. Here's tape of the first student to take the exam.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, man. That's an old tape and hammer was nuts back then. All right. So Susan --

LI: OK. Yes.

GUTFELD: What exactly --

LI: The Asian student, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. I'm profiling you.

TYRUS: It's funny that way.

GUTFELD: I'm profiling you.

TYRUS: Why don't we get to the brat question in the next segment?

LI: Let's go.

GUTFELD: All right. Tests, you're good at taking tests. A racist would say that you're good at taking tests.

TYRUS: Racist just did say.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's rewind. OK. What -- if you're not -- OK. What -- if you're not going to use the test and what would you use when deciding a student? What are the things that might replace that? So, that's a serious question, Susan.

LI: Oh, well, I would actually want to talk about tests.

GUTFELD: OK.

LI: It is easy to get --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Geez. Also now you're a racist.

LI: No. It's just the facts. You saw that the yield in the Harvard case is primarily Asian-American students who study hard. I was one of those kids on Saturday school waking at 8:00 a.m. pressing my face against the window, watching my friends playing soccer instead. I would have wanted to do that.

GUTFELD: Blow your own horn much, Susan?

LI: Well, just say, you know, we studied hard. I wish they got rid of these tests when I was younger.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I hear you.

SOAVE: But you're right about the -- what else would they use instead of the test. So then they do recommendations and they look at extracurricular activities and those things benefit the wealthier and tending to be whiter kids. So it's bad. It actually hurts minority students more if you get rid of the test because that's a more equitable thing than all the other crap they're going to look at.

GUTFELD: That's such a good point. Are we -- is this -- are we seeing the end of college?

SOAVE: I hope so.

GUTFELD: Me too.

SOAVE: God, I hope so. Yes, it's such a scam.

GUTFELD: It really is.

SOAVE: They pay money for this? They go into debt for this?

GUTFELD: Yes, no, it's a terrible --

(CROSSTALK)

SOAVE: Don't do that.

GUTFELD: It did -- Kat, it --

(CROSSTALK)

LI: It's got to be empirical way to get to measure students and their abilities. So what's wrong with standard --

GUTFELD: Height.

LI: OK.

TYRUS: Yes. I'm with that. How is that going to work?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: There is so many jokes in that direction that we will choose to avoid because I want to be on tomorrow. So Kat, I learned nothing in college, it's safe to say. How was your college experience? Are you pro or con SATs?

TIMPF: Well, I completely agree with Robbie. I also think it's interesting that I've noticed, you get -- it's not enough to get into the college, you know, if you're like looking for a job, and you write on your resume that you got into a school, that the interviewer is going to say, OK, then we'll have him.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

TIMPF: It's not enough. And if you want to actually look at ways to help, you know, these students, it's charter schools, school choice, things that people don't want to touch because of teachers' union and those other things. There are ways to help. And if, you know, grades could just as well tell you how you're going to do in college without the test scores, that'd be one thing but it doesn't. It's the combination that tells you more.

So, this is just trying to look woke without actually solving any of the real problems. And potentially, as Robbie mentioned, making it worse.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, you remind me of my friends in high school who made me take their test.

TYRUS: You know what, I'm going to let -- you know, I hit you second, let it go. Here's the thing. We have to -- this has to fall back on to parents. We always want to blame the testing or whatever. She had a great point. While she was pressing her face against the glass where we played soccer.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And baseball and mom and dad were like, my kid's going to play in the NBA. Her parents were saying, I don't know, you're going to know math, you're going to know how to read and you're going to be able to apply these things. If you want to something extra on this, that's on you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: It goes to the parents. You can blame, you can break it down. But apparently, in the Asian community, they put education a lot further than some of the other things were like, well, my kid is going to play in the NBA. We have a problem in this country, especially with Americans and in my community. We focus on the wrong things.

GUTFELD: Right.

LI: They told me I could play in the NBA.

TYRUS: Yes, absolutely.

LI: Yes, before.

TYRUS: I'm sure they didn't want to get, you know, culturally appropriated for telling you no. I wouldn't say you couldn't either, I just roll a ball and say you could dunk that for me, please. That'd be great. I'll wait.

LI: In a big vertical.

TYRUS: But -- yes, but the point is that we focus on the wrong things like in my situation growing up, I couldn't afford to take the SATs, so I had to go the junior college route to get a scholarship to get my stuff together. And my road was a little longer because I wasn't able to do those things. But I still instilled in studying got where I needed to go.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GUTFELD: College is good if you actually take advantage of it. Colleges, you go there to go to on parties and play a sports career and it doesn't work out. And then of course with this administration, they'll pay it for union. It's all fun. But you get what you put into it. And we're not putting enough in our American classrooms. We're focusing on the wrong thing. Everybody wants to be an Instagram star or an American Idol instead of real dreams.

Get your kids. Math isn't racist, it's just numbers. It's what you put into it. And we're not putting enough into it. So the SATs can stay or go, it doesn't matter. It's what we're putting into it.

GUTFELD: And we also have to stop down to creating the occupation of stripper. There's something --

TYRUS: What?

GUTFELD: Yes. I'm just saying --

TYRUS: How did you get there?

GUTFELD: I was just thinking there were some occupations that actually make a lot of money and we kind of like oh, it's not a good -- no, actually it's --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: Binary stripper.

GUTFELD: Stripper, non-stripper.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: What is on your notes?

GUTFELD: February. I don't know what's in my notes. All I was going to say -- Susan, I would commend your parents but I don't know why they kept pressing your face against glass. I think that's very straight.

(CROSSTALK)

LI: I did that.

TIMPF: I pressed my face against the glass too but I'm (INAUDIBLE) really looking at anything.

GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. Up next. Are people bugged by post COVID hugs?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Get your embrace out of my airspace. Americans are finally emerging from their COVID coupe cocoons. Cocoons. That's a whole different story that Kat can explain. I was in a cocoon for three days, face against the glass. But anyway, not everyone wants to be a social butterfly. According to The Washington Post, not an actual post, Susan that would be weird, relaxing mask mandates and distancing rules has upset the socially awkward. It's got little to do with COVID. Some people see traditional greetings and hugs and handshakes as an assault on their personal space, especially if you work in the Cuomo administration.

Further complicating things is the CDC who, Thursday, announced appeared to give vaccinated people permission to go maskless and mingle as long as it's OK with your state government, community leaders, local witch doctors and the PTA. Some states including California, New Jersey and Massachusetts are keeping their universal mask mandates in place, but that doesn't mean 2020 made all of us selfish shut-ins transition.

According to new polls, nearly two thirds of Americans say they're more selfless than ever before. Thanks to the pandemic, 87 percent donated some of their paycheck, 31 percent walked in neighbor's dog. One in three helped shovel out a neighbor's car. And a whopping 98 percent send $1.00 to the foundation to make Greg rich enough to buy a toilet made of gold.

All right. Tyrus, where do you stand on any of this? I know that you've been dying to --

TYRUS: Your little lonely shed by the lake with a gold toiled. Please help them today. Call the number at the bottom of screen: 1-800-Greg-What-Are- You-Doing? You and I were the one of the things that we were excited about in the pandemic was we didn't have to shake hands anymore.

GUTFELD: You're right. It's true. That's true.

TYRUS: Like this was a great way to avoid the common cold. And the really uncomfortable handshake conversation with someone you just want to say hi. But the great thing about the pandemic, it was an elbow, a head nod, maybe even a bow if you really want to keep distance.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Now, the first thing that when someone knows is you're vaccinated like, Tyrus, you vaccinate Yes. How's it going? I only have one shot. You know you I lie quickly to avoid handshaking. Before, during the pandemic, if you were eating with mass on normal come up to the table. Now, like, he's vaccinated, go. And they'll walk up, hey, how you doing? I'm like, I'm eating. I just don't. I was so happy with not having to touch.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's great. It was awesome.

TYRUS: Shake hands or hug and everyone was healthier because we weren't passing colds and stuff to each other.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Now, didn't see, didn't see that messed it all up and everybody wants high fives, handshakes, hugs, they've started doing them kissing cheek things. Yes, I would just like to go back, if the CDC could just go back to like saying, you can do everything you want, but we can't shake hands or hug anymore. Like because if you do, it will cause COVID-20. I mean, they sell us stories anyway, right now, so at least helped me out. I don't want to shake hand.

GUTFELD: You get hand cooties.

TYRUS: Plus is the awkward when people don't shake it. When I shake hands with you, it feels weird. It's like two little fingers in my hand. It's like a little baby. I got to, I got to act like oh, you got a good one there, bro.

GUTFELD: A little baby's hand. You're going to pile on. You know what? You're just another bully, Susan. I don't know what they taught you in school. But you have to take my side. All right, um, what do you -- do you think that that's permanent? Like the stuff about handshaking? Like if you go into now because you know, it's going to come back, you say it's going to come back?

ROBBIE SOAVE, ASSOCIATE EDITOR, REASON: It's all coming back. It's over. We're going right back to doing everything the way we did before. I don't think human behavior can be like radically altered without us literally being forced, which we were being forced. We're not being forced now. I think most people will go back to normal. I like human contact. Is that, is that a wrong thing to say?

TIMPF: You like to touch people?

GUTFELD: Oh, that's creepy. #MeToo, Robbie.

SOAVE: Darn it.

GUTFELD: I guess, you've never heard of that.

SOAVE: This is why I'm such a due process advocate. I have to watch out for myself one of these days.

TIMPF: Hugs used to be all I lived for. Oh, yes. When I was in high school, it was like I'd stand around groups where someone was hugging their friends. I just like hope someone would hug me that I'd write about it in my life journal. I'd be like, oh, yes, Corey hugged me. LOL. Haha. And like hope people would read it and think it was OK for them to hug me too, and then I don't know what I thought that would accomplish.

SOAVE: We're getting through a lot of dramas tonight.

GUTFELD: This is real. Are you telling the truth?

TYRUS: No, this is real.

TIMPF: It's real.

TYRUS: This is real.

GUTFELD: She's laughing at you. You are a cold heartless person, Susan.

SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CONTRIBUTOR: I wear gloves now and it's a crutch but I feel if I wear gloves, nobody wants to shake my hand. So, still the elbow bump.

GUTFELD: You know what else is a crutch? A crutch.

TYRUS: A good stop to be like, Tyrus? Yes.

GUTFELD: Don't you guys talked about the selflessness? Did you guys --

TIMPF: I got five hugs today and I'd write down the people that hugs me and I'd publicly post that.

GUTFELD: Can I tell you how selfish I am. So, I had my, my sister and her husband visiting this weekend, and my sister came into the office to use the bathroom. But she slipped and she fell. She twisted her ankle and my first thought is no hiking this weekend.

LI: I was thinking lawsuit.

GUTFELD: I was, I was like, I go, I don't have to hike. And I'm thinking like, why is it only women like to hike? Binary? Yes, it's binary. We'll be right back. Up next, our extra pounds weighing claims down.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Can you fly the friendly skies with oversized thighs? Will they cancel flights due to your cellulites? It's true. They want to check your weight at the airport gate. You don't get rhymes like this on a Stuart Varney. No rhymes on Varney. Two years ago, the Federal Aviation Administration put out an interoffice memo about how fat we're getting. Old FAA standards list the average adult passenger in their carry-on baggage at 170 to 175 pounds. New standards increase that to 190 to 195. Unless you're Chris Christie, then you just combine the two.

Now, according to popular aviation blog, View from the Wing, U.S. airlines may have to start weighing passengers that comply with FAA rules. That's because, "The assumptions they've been using for passengers are outdated. Americans are getting fatter and the federal government wants airlines to find out how much fatter their passengers have gotten, at least for smaller aircraft."

So, you've heard of crash diets? Maybe it's time for an avoid-a-crash-diet, am I right? But this new weight concern is mainly about small planes, the kind that I fly in private, which have fewer passengers. There's more weight variants in those planes, so you could be asked to give your weight which will then be broadcast throughout the airport with a really clever high school nickname, like Freddy McFatFace. Susan would probably laugh at that.

No one asked me but there is a way around asking someone's weight. The airline can just hire those Carnival wait guessing God. Not only will it improve airline safety, they'll get my Uncle Ned a job. The dude's been on the couch since the carnival left town and all he does is eat funnel cake and cry about the bearded lady. They were saving up to buy a two headed cow. Now, she shacked up with the Elephant Man because it's all about the trunk.

No, Kat, you put on pounds, let's not lie. Are you, I mean, Jesus, since you've been married, you put on what do you call the matrimonial 50?

TIMPF: Yes, 50 pounds? I gained 50 pounds in the past three weeks?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's hideous. It's all in your ankles.

TYRUS: Did die.

GUTFELD: So, are you -- I mean, if they ask you your weight. Should they do that private? How are they going to do this? Will they do this?

TIMPF: I don't think that they can do this. I don't think they can do this because people will get upset, and emotions are in this current culture more important than a plane not crashing? I really believe that.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Susan, is -- you obviously claim to cover business? We don't -- we're not really sure. It's on that companion channel, FBN.

LI: Yes, the network.

GUTFELD: If you guys don't have it, you can certainly look for it. What -- is this actually feasible? It seems like the airlines are only getting worse unless you're rich. Everybody else is getting screwed.

LI: I've seen you at (INAUDIBLE), so I know that, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's the name of the private airport.

LI: Yes, discriminations --

GUTFELD: Susan and I run into each other --

LI: Once in a while.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LI: But I think it's discrimination, don't you think? You can't just ask somebody? How much do you weigh?

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm not going to offer that type of information up. I would rather give my password and tell people how much I weigh, since it goes up each and every year.

GUTFELD: it's interesting though. I just, you know, Robbie, I don't care how what people, how much they think I weigh it's more about percentage of body fat. 6.3 -- take that Stelter. Robbie.

SOAVE: I don't think this is necessary. They tell you all these things like with the turn off your phones thing, right? They say, if the phone's on, it's going to mess with the signal. What are you talking about? That's not true. I don't believe that. I don't believe the plane could crash if everybody left their cell phone on. I just don't believe that. I think it's the same thing with what the plane is going to weigh too much. Has a plane ever gone down because the passengers were too fat? I can guarantee you the answer is no.

GUTFELD: We can't prove that though.

SOAVE: So, it's safety theater. It's safety theater. It's oh-on-what-if.

GUTFELD: It's all about the imbalance, Tyrus. By the way, Tyrus, like, anyway, question --

TYRUS: Cowards die a thousand deaths. Soldiers live but once. It was a point in my life when I was a body guard and was snooped. That mean the other body guards would have weighing competitions at the airport because they don't scales big enough to hold us. I think accountability is important. And I have no problem stepping on the scale being 356 pounds, and jack the 6'8". You know, I'm saying but and it's a point of pride.

But again, it goes back to accountability. Now, the woke, Kat made an amazingly great point. They go to the doctor's office and you'd be like, we need your weight. You can't ask me that. Yes, yes. Just because your medical profession and my weight might have something with my health doesn't mean I need to tell you. They go into stores that don't have 3x long calls. You need to get

TIMPF: The store's problem.

TYRUS: Yes, it's always somebody else's problem. Here's what we take too much stuff when we travel, too many bags, and whether you're on the big side or a little side, you shouldn't weigh in, because if there's two of me, impossible on a unicorn; but if there were two of me, I would want us on separate sides of the plane.

GUTFELD: Right? Yes.

TYRUS: Preferably across from each other, so we can hold hands and get out in case of trouble. But the point is, is like we need to know these things. Yes, this is important. It's not about you. So like if you step on I'll go first because all everyone will look at me. I'll go first and the yellow light comes on. You can't fly well. You'll go put a trash bag on run three laps and wait in an hour. That's not what it's about.

GUTFELD: You know, I think that they should be able to ask a lot of uncomfortable questions like, do you have good manners? Yes. Have you bathed recently?

TYRUS: Do you believe in shirts with sleeves?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Next to people on a plane. Do you vape under a blanket to your peers?

GUTFELD: Yes. Name Kat Timpf.

TIMPF: Yes, I do. It's like, it's not like I'm bringing kids on the plane.

GUTFELD: We had to we had to ask the uncomfortable questions about therapy animals in order to get in bed. We did like two years of topics, just and by the time. We created it, so they got rid of it.

TYRUS: She, she had to kill her scorpion. That's right. That's right. Laura down.

GUTFELD: You know, this is an amazing segue to the next block. Up next, as I tried to read a tease, would fighting a zoo make a man out of you?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Who's got what it takes to take on the snakes. A new poll finds that nearly 25 percent of men think they can beat a King Cobra in an arm to arm fight, which is only fair because Cobras don't have arms. This study was brought to you by a bunch of 13-year-olds that asleep over. When asked what animal you think you could beat in an arm fight, men and women were generally in the same ballpark, a majority think they could take a rat, a house cat or a goose, just

happens to be the three things you can find in cats purse. On the other end of the spectrum, you got grizzly bears, lions and elephants which you can't take in a fight, but 6 percent of women still said they could take down a bear. I wonder what kind of bear they're talking about, you know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what I'm saying. Am I talking to myself? Yes, you are. Stop it.

Still, the gender split was greatest for the Cobra with three times as many men as women saying they could take the serpent in a fight. I don't know. It's a weird poll asking people what animal they could beat up. I don't think animals are pulling each other on what human they could take. Although, it's probably George Clooney. But they don't have to talk they just do it. For more, let's go to a live goose fight already in progress.

Took him three months to kill that human. You know, Robbie, this is, it seems like a story that you wouldn't cover at Reason because you don't have the guts.

SOAVE: But it is a question that you don't mean my college buddies would talk about like four hours at college. What animals could you kill and under what circumstances? So, it matters though, and this poll did not clarify. Did not armed but are you wearing clothes? Because if you have a shoes, your odds of prevailing against the state are dramatically improved.

GUTFELD: That is true.

SOAVE: Shoes won't help you for the grizzly which it is ridiculous that people thought there was an animal more deadly than the bear bears. Bears will kill you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SOAVE: You could not do any.

GUTFELD: What about pumps? You think pumps are good?

SOAVE: That could help. That could if you're wearing Susan's shoes here. Yes, I'd give you a chance. But the hippo was on the poll as well. And that is actually the animal that kills the most human beings of all.

GUTFELD: All large jaw.

SOAVE: They collapse boats in African Rivers and everyone dies, everyone.

GUTFELD: And I don't think it's wise to teach children that Hungry Hippos are adorable.

SOAVE: Or that they should, or that they should want for Christmas.

GUTFELD: Yes, I think that's true. You know, Kat, I was wondering who did this poll. I was thinking, was it Frank Luntz? Because clearly, whatever that thing is on his head beat him in a fight.

TIMPF: I don't know. I think it does explain a little bit why men don't live as long as women.

GUTFELD: That is true.

TIMPF: Cobra? Yes, I'll go. Yes, yes. They'll do it. I can't, you know, I'm a woman. I know I can't do that. What if I'm fighting the Cobra and I get my period, what would I do?

GUTFELD: You know, what? How about all those girls watching that, we're thinking whatever a guy could do, I could do it too. You just, you just threw up on them.

TIMPF: Well, I -- that's good. If me throwing up on us going to make you live longer, you're welcome.

GUTFELD: That'd be interesting if that did work. Because you could sell your vomit. Kat, you could sell your vomit.

SOAVE: This would be great --

GUTFELD: Is that a good business?

LI: No, no, really.

GUTFELD: I want you tomorrow to go to work and say I can't believe that they I was asked if selling your vomit was a good business decision.

LI: I was short that idea. It's impossible.

TYRUS: This is Shark Tanks, you have three seconds go.

GUTFELD: Hello, Sharks, Kat Timpf will throw up in front of you.

TIMPF: Willing to test the hypothesis.

GUTFLELD: She brought some samples. What were you going to say, Robbie?

SOAVE: It's such a like New York Times feminism thing like, women don't want to fight snakes as much as men do and this is why we're not equal yet as a society. You know, get more women in front of the snake, that's what it's going to take.

SUSAN: I bet you, those 47 percent has said they could beat a viper. If they saw a needle, they would probably faint. I'm tired -- come on, Tyrus.

TYRUS: I'm waiting patiently for my turn.

GUTFELD: But you know what's interesting, why is it that women can pop other people's zits but run from the spiders?

TIMPF: Because it's so satisfying. And there's nothing else I'd rather do.

GUTFELD: Think about that. Think about -- this is, I've done this research. Women love the pimple popper, but when they see a spider in the bathroom, they run screaming, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Because pimples don't have legs and fangs and kind of a thought process.

GUTFELD: Mine do.

TYRUS: No mental images. That was why I wouldn't come back unless you promised. Listen, just the way this was written was terrible. A Cobra is not a viper, geniuses, morons. You don't even know what you're trying to fight. These, this poll is taken by people whose life is kicking their ass every day to the point you're stuck between law and order marathons. You hop on and a pop up comes out, could you be the Cobra? Yes, I could. You know, what are you doing, honey? Nothing, mom, I'm fighting snakes. Leave me alone. Like, who would, rational person is going to say I will fight a Cobra?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I mean the war with animals is pretty much over.

GUTFELD: Yes. We won. That's right. We're number one, you stupid animals.

TYRUS: Cobra's are pets in boots. If it was close, this show would be a whole lot different.

GUTFELD: Oh, god, you're crazy.

TYRUS: You know, they always love who could win in the fight? You couldn't beat the rat. In a one-on-one fight, there's a reason why our brain took over.

GUTFELD: You what's great? You'll be great "OUTNUMBERED" would have a manatee in the middle seat, not a man, a manatee. I don't know what I'm saying.

TYRUS: The point is any one of those people who said they could beat up a cobra, let's start with a garden snake. Let's see how we go there, and when they get bitten or crying.

GUTFELD: By the way, underrated movie, "Cobra," remember?

TYRUS: Stallone.

GUTFELD: Stallone. All right, I'm going to shut up. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night, please do so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Susan Li, Robbie Soave, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

Gutfeld: NBC decides to not air 2022 Golden Globes over lack of diversity

Wed, 12 May 2021 18:01:46 -0400

This is a rush transcript post from "Gutfeld!" May 11, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS HOST: Numbers are tough, very tough. Gutfeld, he's next.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CAITLYN JENNER (R), CALIFORNIA GUBERNATORIAL CANDIDATE: I need to surround myself with good people. And I'm very fortunate that the Republican Party has supported me in a way that they've surrounded me with really good people.

DANA BASH, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: You said you haven't talked to Trump at all about any of this?

JENNER: No.

BASH: So how do you get people excited to vote for you now that you want to be on the ballot?

JENNER: Because I'm cute and adorable.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: That's good enough for me, Sugar Plum.

All right. You want to hear something that's going to blow your mind? I mean, besides the fact that it's been a week and Kat's still married? According to The New York Times, there is not a single-documented COVID infection anywhere in the world from casual outdoor interactions such as walking past someone on the street, or eating at a nearby table. Yes, you heard that right.

The New York freaking Times admits that outdoor COVID transmission is the biggest myth since Trump colluded with Russia. Not a single-documented COVID infection anywhere in the world from casual outdoor interactions, such as dining, strolling or giving Jesse waters the finger what you should do at every opportunity. I'm hyperventilating over this and yet, what do you see? People outside masked up. Sometimes wearing two.

Others wearing face shields as if they're about to clean Shane MacGowan's teeth. He's the singer for the pokes. This is why I tell you to floss, Kat. She doesn't listen so how did we get here? Well, first we were lied to. Last month, the CDC told us that less than 10 percent of transmissions were from outdoors, which is true. Technically, .1 percent is less than 10 percent. And that's likely the real rate of transmission, .1 percent not 10.

That's like 100-fold difference. I think. I don't know. But of course the media is spread that large number like herpes and a beehive full of sweaty bees. And now everyone looks like Michael Jackson impersonators in their stupid use asks, they're jogging, they're on bikes, they're in swimming pools even. It's embarrassing to be human. We all look like fools because it's pointless. It's like wearing a seatbelt to lunch or a football helmet to bed.

Thank god those days are behind me. So, the CDC lied to us. They made a statement, they knew is technically accurate but intended to deceive through a 10th of a percent is literally less than 10 percent. But this is like saying there's less than 10,000 black bear attacks a year in the U.S. It's true. There's roughly one black bear attack a year. And I bet it's the same bear and the same guy. He's a pervert.

The worst part the bear wasn't even wearing a mask. Stupid bear. So the mask guidelines are quite literally a cover up. The CDC still says if you're unvaccinated, you should wear masks outdoors. And even vaccinated should wear them at large events like concerts and sporting events and we love Gutfeld rallies. And they're still having kids wear them at summer camp at all times which I'm fine with because I hate children but I know it's wrong.

But apart from Operation Warp Speed, our pandemic response isn't grounded in science. It's grounded in science fiction. I wonder how our angry white male feels about this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Masks not aware one. Besides it would interfere with my opera cycling.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's so angry and so white. So even though the stats tell us otherwise the media continues to peddle fear. Creating docile obedient readers is their stock and trade. It's their business model. And when they run out of scary stats, they literally climb a mountain to find more. The Washington Post just ran a piece on the spread of COVID among -- get this, Mount Everest climbers.

The press will literally go to the ends of the earth to find new places for people to be afraid of COVID. Yes, people who climb Mount Everest are at risk for COVID as opposed to the normal way of dying on Mount Everest. which is being impaled on a pile of frozen poop. And then they just leave you there. But their normal risk of dying on the mountain is between .5 and 1.1 percent. I want to put it in another way, it's somewhat less than 1,000 percent.

But it's higher than the death rate for a 25-year-old, from COVID at any elevation. Something tells me when you go into Nepal to find the untold story of COVID, you're getting desperate, but I'm still waiting on the COVID numbers for people who live under the sea. So why is the mask lie so bad? Well, it's another transparent deception that makes the average person skeptical about everything the government tells us about COVID, even the true stuff.

And it creates conflicts between self (BLEEP) and the nice people they're trying to mask shame.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I want you to know that your insensitivity is ridiculous. I no longer have grandparents due to this virus because of people like you who don't want to wear a mask in the store. It's ridiculous. Actually, it's insensitive and it's disgusting as a human being for you to show so much privilege to all of these people. There are so many older people in here who have health conditions, other people.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm not going to just --

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh great. Oh, let you do congratulations for your pregnancy. It's ridiculous. And I want you to know that. You're on candid camera.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: God. I hope that nice ladies baby is born. It grows up and beats the crap out of that guy. He'll deserve it then. He's not going to change. The truth is the media played up the mask angle because they saw it as another way to split the country in half. Which is the only math they're good at, their vision. You wear masks, you're patriot, don't wear them, you're Neanderthal who's trying to kill my grandma.

It's all -- it's hard to keep us angry and divided. But the truth is far different. So leave the masks off outside except you, the media, after lying to millions of people I'd be hiding my face too.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's so bright that big dipper lister as a job reference, Republican strategist and ӣ��Ƶ Contributor Lisa Boothe. Oh, you'll love it (INAUDIBLE) he's so libertarian, he has Gary tattooed on his Johnson. Part of the Problem podcast host Dave Smith. I'm so proud of that one. He's the comedians' comedian, as opposed to being the headliner.

The loftusparty.com editor in chief Mike Loftus. Got a haircut. She loves wearing sandals because they also have no soul. ӣ��Ƶ contributor Kat Timpf. And tonight's special guest, Dr. Wayne McMasters. He's working in creating the cure for aging. And he's here to tell us all about it. That's coming out. Very excited.

All right, Dave. What do you make of the -- what do you make of the CDC and all this stuff? They're still not even changing their tune.

DAVID SMITH, HOST, PART OF THE PROBLEM: I think you were appropriately angry at the beginning. Look, I was telling people on my podcast, Part of the Problem, get it wherever you get podcast.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: In March of 2020, that the data we had already then was conclusive that you were not getting COVID from any other way besides sustained one on one contact with someone who had symptoms. And just to be clear, I'm an idiot. OK? And I knew this in March of 2020. They've been wrong about everything.

GUTFELD: Right.

SMITH: That's why this is just one more thing. They're wrong about outdoor mask. They're wrong about lockdowns mitigating the virus, they were wrong about wiping down your grocery.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: They were wrong about asymptomatic spread. They've been wrong on everything. These people -- if you have had COVID or you're vaccinated, or you're not very, very sick, and you're outside wearing a mask, you are an insane person.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: And you kicked -- my wife made me wipe down everything including the blood. But it was (INAUDIBLE) we bring in -- we bring in the groceries and I'm sitting there like wiping down cartons of milk and I'm going this can't be how, this can't be anything. I shouldn't be making that move.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: All right. You still do it.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: This can't be how it's supposed to be.

TIMPF: I don't want to cover my ears when I was --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know.

LISA BOOTHE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: With Lysol?

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Michael, that's why you're safe because you will never have any sustained one on one contact.

MIKE LOFTUS, WRITER/COMEDIAN: Wait, what? I'm the guy that fights the bear.

GUTFELD: Yes. You're the guy looking for a bear downtown. You know what I mean.

LOFTUS: I don't know your lingo, sir.

GUTFELD: Of course you don't. And anyway, I want to commend you on dressing exactly like Billy Jack tonight.

LOFTUS: Thank you.

GUTFELD: What are your thoughts on this whole mask thing?

LOFTUS: The mask thing -- well, the mask is now officially the anti-Make America Great Again hat.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Yes.

LOFTUS: That's what it is. That's just saying I am a sheep I comply.

GUTFELD: Right.

LOFTUS: And you're a racist if you're not wearing a mask.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: So that's part of the fun. I'm still laughing at the whole Washington Post. People climb Mount Everest, and they describe it as like the perfect setup for a super spreader event.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

LOFTUS: Right. Now isn't -- wasn't Sturgis the perfect setup for a super spreader?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And spring break was the perfect setup and a MAGA rally was the perfect -- they can't all be perfect setup.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, exactly. And by the way, they're already wearing masks.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: So they'd have to put another mask, Lisa, which is ridiculous. So anyway, you know what kills me about the self-telling people that it was spreading outdoors? It got people to stay more indoors. So you were end up like young people with their older relatives and people died that the stuff about being outside not being outside actually accelerated death. That's my opinion.

BOOTHE: Well, sir, are you supposed to wear a mask if you climb Mount Everest because I walked up four flights of stairs with the mask the other day, I was like deeply out of breath. It's embarrassing but I was like loosening the mask like trying to get air and --

GUTFELD: Have you thought about a peloton?

BOOTHE: Well, I did see commercial, it was very appealing.

GUTFELD: Yes. Just don't get the treadmill.

BOOTHE: Yes.

LOFTUS: Oh, my kids love that thing.

GUTFELD: Oh, shut up you.

BOOTHE: But it's almost like criminal what's happened in the country.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOOTHE: We knew back in April of 2020. We knew that the fatality rate was much less than we originally thought yet the government didn't make any changes. We knew back in May of 2020 that 66 percent of the new hospitalizations in New York City were people who were staying at home. And so like, what is Governor Cuomo and de Blasio do? Let's keep them home where they're all getting sick.

I mean, it's all just complete B.S. And I live in Florida now which is amazing. I mean, the first weekend I was there, I went to a club because like, everything's open.

TIMPF: Wow.

BOOTHE: Yes. I just want -- I wanted a taste of freedom. It was a Sunday.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: We're trying (INAUDIBLE) Lisa.

BOOTHE: I think it was like 2:00 -- I think it was --

GUTFELD: Oh really.

BOOTHE: Yes. But that's late for me.

GUTFELD: Ye, it was. And did you Uber it or do you to get a ride home with a fellow?

BOOTHE: I Ubered it. I see -- I see where you're going with this. But you will not catch me. It was -- it was an Uber.

LOFTUS: The Washington Post described it as the setup for a superspreader.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know what, you're part of the problem, Dave says. You're spreading COVID. Kat, last word to you if that's indeed possible. Where were you? I tend to remember where you were in the whole mask world. Were you wearing it outside?

TIMPF: I'm not. Yes, no. I'm not now. People were yelling at me and I was still doing it. And now I'm not doing it because I don't care. Look, there was also research that came out this week suggesting that and this makes a lot of sense, it goes back to what you were saying. The safety of activities is really more about the morality that you see in those activities already.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: And always has been than an actual likelihood of transmission. Putting back to again in July 2020 when we knew at the very least much less likely outdoors. They were saying it's more safe to go to a museum than it is to go to a beach.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: So it's ridiculous. It's not fair. The whole mentality of, you know, protests are OK.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Parties not OK. Which is offensive to me because partying is my protest against my mental baseline.

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. And also --

TIMPF: And now we're partying.

GUTFELD: They don't want the people that are deciding what is a moral activity to be deciding what is your moral activity? If people actually think that protesting is somehow morally higher than going to a club and getting wasted, like Lisa Boothe already did. Hooking up with some strange guy.

BOOTHE: No. That didn't happen. Rise.

TIMPF: Welcome to the show.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I hope to God your parents aren't watching this, Lisa.

BOOTHE: Me too.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: (INAUDIBLE) the heat off me. I hope my dad is watching.

GUTFELD: Yes. Anyway. All right. Are the Golden Globes cursed for not being (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: The show won't be saved after the network caved. NBC a network that once employed O.J. Simpson has announced they will not air the Golden Globes. Which for the longest time I thought was my favorite cereal. This after an outcry from actors in studios that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association which puts on the event is lacking in diversity. In L.A., Times report in February revealed the organization had no black members.

They claimed they tried to recruit their first black female last year but Rachel Dolezal passed. They pledged to reform and last week approved the plan to diversify its membership. Some studios including Amazon and Netflix say it's not aggressive enough of course, can't be woken up. And that they won't work with the Hollywood foreign press until more action is taken. Even Tom Cruise all four-foot-seven of him has taken a stand, probably on a box.

He reportedly returned his three Golden Globes to the Press Association headquarters. He won the award for Born on the 4th of July, Jerry Maguire and getting a box of detergent down from a very high shelf. Loftus, you claim to have worked in Hollywood. We have no proof of this.

LOFTUS: That's true. That's very true.

GUTFELD: So, I mean this is probably -- I have a theory. I have three theories actually. Which theory do I want to put -- OK. Hollywood always tries to sell themselves as heroes in every plot in the Red Scare. They were the ones who that fought the anti or they fought the, you know, the Joe McCarthy's. I think anything that they did nothing because they are literally throw their allies to the wolves.

And in -- because they don't want to get -- they don't want to get cancelled. So they're -- I mean, who is the Hollywood foreign press? Who were they?

LOFTUS: The Hollywood foreign press is a bunch of people from Europe who loved to go out to lunch with famous people.

GUTFELD: Right.

LOFTUS: That's it. And --

GUTFELD: I've never been with them.

LOFTUS: I think -- I think what happened is that the NBC looked at the Oscars ratings, and it's like, yes, we should cancel. We should cancel the Golden Globes. Seriously, Ricky Gervais could trim his toenails and get higher ratings than the Golden Globes.

GUTFELD: And he should.

LOFTUS: It's a complete joke. And oh, Tom Cruise, what a hero. Like, huh? How long did it take him to find the Golden Globes?

GUTFELD: Yes. That was --

TIMPF: He's the face and remains the face of a cult.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's what he did. I mean, the thing is, these are all -- it's all a protection racket, right? For cheese balls to throw people that they can to the crocodile. So the crocodile doesn't come after them.

LOFTUS: It is. And it's -- and Hollywood has completely lost their way. They're no longer about entertainment at all. It's like Hollywood. It's like some big crazy bakery where the head chef is having sex with all the waitresses, and they have to audition and show their boobs. And the busboys are hiding money in the bank.

(CROSSTALK)

BOOTHE: Was that Harvey Weinstein?

(CROSSTALK)

LOFTUS: That's what it is. And then all sudden somebody runs in and says you're not using enough saffron. Shut it down.

BOOTHE: Yes.

LOFTUS: It makes no sense. How about you make some entertainment?

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Kat. It tells me that if you're in Hollywood, you cannot trust it -- I mean, anybody because they -- because right now I think they're in an actual woke panic, that they know that they're watching people drop like flies. James Franco is completely MeToo'd off the face of the earth. And his best friend, Seth Rogen just sold them down the river. Not that that's part of the story. But I'm going to talk about it.

TIMPF: Yes, I don't think it's a good idea to really trust anybody unless you have enough stuff on them.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You can just --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's true. You take assured --

TIMPF: Destruction.

BOLDUAN: Absolutely.

TIMPF: Yes, yes. But look, it's easier, right? Like, than having to actually do anything about any of these problems in the world. Any problem in the world that -- it's so much easier to say, I'm going to give back these three Golden Globes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: It's so much easier to say look at all these problems as if -- so like, wait, like so you know what this thing is? The H.F whatever?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: OK.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Do they -- do they -- so they need these people.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: And so they've known that they're all white guys for a long time, right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: All these celebrities have known this for a long time.

LOFTUS: Yes.

TIMPF: They weren't pissed then. They're not pissed now. They're just now pretending to be pissed because it came out public that they're all, you know, a bunch of white guts.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was hard for Tom Cruise to return those awards because to him their life size. Lisa, what do you -- what do you make into this? Do you think that like, it's -- wokeism has now killed award shows? It's killing everything. It's like -- it is like -- it's like COVID for the immoral?

BOOTHE: So we can't have nice things. I mean, like everything that used to be fun is no longer fun. But I think it's actually kind of clever. So the ratings have completely stopped, they know it's going to be suck, or they know it's going to suck then they're like trying to be virtuous and be like, oh, we're like canceling it because of this whole thing. And then now they, you know, but I think Ricky Gervais had the best line in that monologue in 2020.

And he was like, if ISIS started a streaming service, we would all call your agent because it's entirely true. And that's why people aren't tuning into these things. Because it's like, who wants to listen to a bunch of people that hate you, that are completely full of it that honest to God, if ISIS did start something that was successful, they would all be on board with it. I mean, it's complete B.S. but I actually think it's kind of smart.

Because if you know you're going to fail at something, then you can just like bow out and be like, oh, I'm doing it because, you know, I'm a virtuous person.

LOFTUS: Yes.

BOOTHE: As impose to just sucking and then, you know, being embarrassed.

GUTFELD: Yes. And then -- and then just go to a club and stay on all night.

BOOTHE: On a Sunday. And taking Uber alone going home.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- are watching and disgusted by your behavior.

BOOTHE: I'm in so much trouble.

LOFTUS: Turn it off. Turn it off.

TIMPF: Lisa.

GUTFELD: I almost want to talk to you about the James Franco thing because I think he's going to have to -- we were talking about this in the green room. We have an extensive green room, lots of snacks, champagne. I was saying that you can -- you can hold two complete thoughts in your head. You can believe that Franco is a textbook Hollywood sleaze away, but also think that Seth Rogen is a rat.

LOFTUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: You can think though both those thoughts.

SMITH: For the record I had a granola bar and a bag of chips. I'm not going to play this game on T.V., Greg. It's not that great. Yes, look, right. You can think that James Franco is a creep and also have some feeling of what loyalty or friendship. Listen, if one of my best friends murdered somebody and if you know my friends, they probably had.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: I would not say a word about it. If they got caught I would have no comment on the situation.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: So yes, that's just gross but can I just say to you point, wokeism as a distraction, I think is the most important thing that everyone's --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's a really good point.

SMITH: Don't -- why do you think it is that it's all the most powerful people.

GUTFELD: CIA.

SMITH: The CIA, the FBI, big corporations, big tech, millionaire athletes and actors who are pushing the woke stuff. It's a big distraction so you don't focus on the other thing that a left winger might focus on.

GUTFELD: Right.

SMITH: Which is wealth and power. And how could -- what is more elitist and capitalist than the Golden Globe?

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: It's the same with the NBA. You are by nature not diverse. Let's have some diversity the Golden Globes. Let's have some poor people.

GUTFELD: We need more white old guys in the NBA. We need more.

(CROSSTALK)

LOFTUS: Let's just a league, I would watch that every day.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Oh, lots of old white guys, that would be hilarious. All right. That's racist and you know what else is racist? Librarians. We're going to talk about that, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "EVERYTHING IS RACIST."

GUTFELD: Oh, it's true. The books aren't just late, they're full of hate a Cornell University Library, librarian, are saying that libraries are racist for the way in which they categorize books. Rianna Esmail spoke at a virtual campus event arguing that the Dewey Decimal System is bigoted because it allots more classification codes to Western topics. This lady must be a real laugh right during story hour. The Dewey Decimal System as we all know, categorizes all knowledge into 10 groups, then further subdivides those into sub sections.

Now, this fact might surprise you. I don't care. According to Rianna, non- Western European subjects like Asian language or African geography are putting more broad sections, which I guess is bad. And in religion, Christianity has 89 sections compared to one for Islam. So, I guess that makes it racist. Hooray. But look, the Dewey Decimal System was invented in the West in 1873. So, it was the steam engine, the cotton gin, and the dashboard cigarette lighter. That doesn't make them racist, it just makes them old.

And finally, when asked about alleged racism in College Libraries, Cornell students responded, what's the library? So, Lisa, in, you know, in between your massive reckless partying, have you been to a library lately and do you feel that they are racist?

BOOTHE: Well, that's why I don't go.

GUTFELD: At least go there to sleep. Sleep it off.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: You go there to sleep it off, you Alki.

BOOTHE: At this point, I just want to know what isn't racist?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOOTHE: Because it would be much easier to keep up with because now everything is racist, and it's just very difficult. And like, I don't understand what's going on now, because now we have schools and colleges that are having graduation ceremonies, like different ceremonies based off of race and like income. So, we're like fighting perceived racism by being racist.

GUTFELD: Yes, no, it's true.

BOOTHE: And like, somehow segregation is like a good thing now? Like I just, this is like all baffling to me. And of course, anyone who claims to be anti-racist is massive racist. And we're teaching young kids to hate each other based off of the color of their skin. I mean, this country is just so screwed up right now, and it's just, you know --

GUTFELD: Or it's just towards the boiling part where it'll letting explode and it will turn into an anarchic Utopia.

BOOTHE: Bad time to be a white guy.

GUTFELD: That sounds like a great movie. You know, I thought, Dave, I thought libraries were only for the homeless to masturbate.

BOOTHE: They are.

TIMPF: I would know.

DAVE SMITH, COMEDIAN: Kat was way to certainly about that --

TIMPF: I used to go there to use the Internet. When I've lived in California, and I've entered I used to compete with all the homeless guys that were there watching porn.

GUTFELD: You know what they did in some of the in New York, they built the side, what do you call it side -- what are the things they put -- partitions?

SMITH: Yes, that's, that's helpful. I was saying before, right about this being a distraction. So, I was on the Amtrak the other day going to D.C., then we've all probably taken this right. And you go, you know, when you come up to Baltimore Penn Station?

GUTFELD: Right.

SMITH: And you go the outside part over Baltimore. Yes. And there is these neighborhoods. I mean, it's horrible. It looks like a war torn neighborhood, buildings falling apart. It's 100 percent black in these neighborhoods, or 99 percent. The kids growing up in these neighborhoods, they have nothing.

GUTFELD: Right.

SMITH: You now, we say it's like a tough time to be a white person. That's true. It's really tough time to live there. You know, what is not helping those people? The Dewey Decimal System being questioned.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SMITH: This is how crazy we are as a society. It's like if you actually care about groups of people who are marginalized and struggling and up against it, all this woke stuff does nothing for them. Nothing. It's really embarrassed.

GUTFELD: It's true. It's true.

BOOTHE: Good point.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, the great part of this scam is when you call an inanimate object racist and actually respond.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: That cup right there is racist because it's white.

TIMPF: Yes. Yes. Libraries need to confront and apologize. I'm like, well, how might a building do that?

GUTFELD: I just saw a library down the street beat up an Asian lady?

TIMPF: Oh, that's awful. It surprised me because they are so racist.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Again, again, it's like, Dewey Decimal -- was it rude and right, I guess he said 1870s right. I'm reading this I'm like, wait until this lady finds out about the rest of the 18 centuries.

GUTFELD: That's true. It was not a good time.

TIMPF: Maybe she should spend sometime in the library read about the 1870, not the woke-st years we've ever had.

GUTFELD: It's true. It is a fair point, Kat. You know, Loftus, the Dewey Decimal System, I never thought we'd actually do a segment on it.

MICHAEL LOFTUS, COMEDIAN: How great is that? It's like, it's fantastic. It's like we're in this like crazy racist scavenger hunt. And you get like extra credit for the most obscure or like, oh, yes, the Dewey Decimal System racist, good find, good find.

BOOTHE: But what do you win?

LOFTUS: I don't know.

GUTFELD: But you know, the funny thing is, if you go into the Google machine and you go, something is racist usually comes up. It could be anything. It could be I think even like, you know, dairy products, Windows.

LOFTUS: Yes, yes, it's like, it's like that old memory you guys who used to play Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.

GUTFELD: Yes, Six Degrees of racism.

LOFTUS: Yes, that's what it is. We just have to find the links. Hasbro's going to come out with this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: They're having big fights about what the piece is going to look like. A big shout out to all the homeless guys

(CROSSTAL)

LOFTUS: You're in the library, you're homeless, you have one nice moment, and walks, Kat, and you're like --

TIMPF: Update my resume.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: No, I really did.

GUTFELD: Stay out of it, party animal. All right, up next, does posting day and night make us want to fight?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Does social media divide us? Or does the problem lay inside us? A new NBC News poll found that 64 percent of Americans think social media is doing more to split us apart than it is to bring us together. In other words, we're united in the belief that social media is dividing us. Great, I think I'll go block myself.

This included a majority of Republicans, Democrats, and Independents, as well as both young adults and seniors, that's old people. 66 percent of respondents said they use social media at least once a day, even though only half of them said it made their lives better, meaning it actually made their lives worse. See, that's why I'm the host.

Maybe it's true that social media can make you more aggressive or angry. I haven't seen it myself. That's for sure. And remember, this was an online survey done on social media. So, the study is actually part of the problem. And for that reason, they should all die.

LOFTUS: That was fantastic.

Sorry, Kat, do these polls help us at all? Are we going to all of a sudden change our behavior because a poll told us it was bad?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: I don't think so either.

TIMPF: No, we will certainly not do so. And I always think that, you know, like, if people are divided, right? Obviously, it's like people --

GUTFELD: Are we really?

TIMPF: But, yes, they are. But it's like, I don't think social, but it's just showing it to you. Like, I feel like people -- you know, me, for example, some people really like me, some people do not like me at all. It'd be better if I didn't know that, but you know what they would not like me anyway.

GUTFELD: So many people hate you, though, more than like you. That's got to bother you? Like, a nine to one --

BOOTHE: I like you.

TIMPF: Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate it.

GUTFELD: You would. You're probably high right now.

BOOTHE: I'm not.

TIMPF: I don't know. I mean, some people who really like me can be a little uncomfortable, where they say that kind of stuff. Or I'm like, does your wife know you're on here? So, people hate me might not be so bad.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Dave, I have an excellent question for you. Because I was about --

SMITH: -- extra credit.

GUTFELD: Yes, no, this is this. So we, when, when automobile the last great invention before the Internet was like the odd auto automobile. We knew at the time that speeding, and no seatbelts were awful. But we needed laws to make us change that, do we need laws to change social media? Was that a great question?

SMITH: We didn't, we didn't need laws for it then. And we don't need laws for it now that we, that improving technology is what made cars safer. But no, look, the problem here isn't social media. And I wish conservatives particularly would realize that you guys were right in the beginning. Remember, you hate the government.

The problem is obviously politics. It's not that you can share pictures with your grandma. The problem is everyone hates each other over what? Over Trump versus Biden or a Democrat or Republican. The problem, by the way, they weren't even kicking people off social media and all this tech censorship, censorship, which is a big problem.

They weren't doing that until Congress hauled them all in front of them and started threatening everyone for, well, the reason Hillary Clinton lost is because of the Russians or something when we all know the reason she lost is because she's a lizard person, a blood soaked monster. So, it's the whole problem here is government and politics and once again, well it's factually true.

GUTFELD: No, if you look it up, actually, I think it was Snopes ran it and said it's true. She is the lizard person. I'm almost positive Snopes did that. Snopes might have to do with Snopes on this.

SMITH: Yes, double check.

GUTFELD: Double check. (INAUDIBLE) it a fact. Give it five Pinocchio's or whatever they do, Loftus. You know, as a millennial, I don't know if it's a, if it's an issue for me as it is for like an old guy like you.

LOFTUS: Well, Greg, now I know why Tyrus moves away. These are horrible people.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: The people that run the social media, the Twitter people, the Facebook people, the Instagram people. Government has to step in and they have to break them down. I love how these guys will testify in front of Congress, like, hey, did you censor that person's speech? And they are, sorry, algorithm did it. The algorithm. The algorithm? Hey, moron, somebody writes the algorithm. I want to look into that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: I am making it my life's work now to have Facebook broken up. I want to know who the fact checkers are.

TIMPF: That's your life's work?

LOFTUS: Yes it is.

TIMPF: That is the most depressing thing I've ever heard and that is saying something.

LOFTUS: You haven't seen the way I do it.

GUTFELD: My life's work is making sure. I don't know. Never sit this close to me again, you freak. Lisa, you know, obviously you go on social media to look at all your party pictures. So, you can so you can remember what happened the night before. Is social media dividing us or are we dividing social media?

BOOTHE: Maybe both but I will say I went out of town last weekend I went to the --

GUTFELD: Must be nice.

BOOTHE: But I left my cellphone in Miami by accident and I was already like three hours there. No, I'm saying it was like the most glorious thing ever because like then you're just paying attention to everything. It was so much fun. However my --

GUTFELD: You're a hero.

BOOTHE: No, no, but listen, my parents thought I was dead because I forgot to tell them I was going away --

TIMPF: Well, they probably wrote about that a lot, Lisa.

BOOTHE: No, but I forgot to tell them I was going away. So, my dad sent an e-mail to all my friends asking if anyone had heard from me.

GUTFELD: Oh my god. It would be great to have read it. Lisa is dead. And the next text, tired about these e-mails.

BOOTHE: I'm alive news.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. We need you to come down to the station, the radio station where you won two tickets to the circus.

BOOTHE: I'm not going to give you my dad's e-mail address.

GUTFELD: He's going to contact me. We're going to have an intervention. All right, still -- speaking of your favorite topic --

LOFTUS: That's actually why we're here.

GUTFELD: This is exactly -- this is the first televised Lisa Booth intervention.

BOOTHE: Where's Dr. Drew?

GUTFELD: By the way, this is your favorite topic coming up, can magic mushrooms cure feelings of doom?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Will taking a trip help you keep your grip? After decades of testing at raves and jam band concerts, psychedelic drugs are getting recognized as effective treatments for mental health concerns. New research shows that magic mushrooms, Ecstasy, Ketamine, never heard of it, and even LSC, Lisa, can help people safely deal with trauma, addiction in 45-minute drum solos.

According to the Journal Nature Medicine, it's the only journal you can smoke. MDMA, aka Mali combined with therapy was MDMA-mazing in treating severe PTSD. The New England Journal of Medicine also reported psilocybin the magic part of magic mushrooms was as effective as Lexapro for relieving depression, without the side effects of sexual dysfunction, or creepy T.V. commercials.

This openness to mind expanding drugs follows marijuana legalization in many states, and like pot, has the potential to become big business if the drugs get FDA approval. And all this is good news for my cat who can finally stop dealing drugs on the down low.

Makes it so obvious. All right, Dave, I keep hearing this this happening. I'm pro this, but it's always like in the next three years, are we being led on?

SMITH: Well, I don't know. I mean, that's kind of how pot happened. And then all of a sudden, it's really everywhere. I mean, you know, the thing about it is right, as you think about like, you know, soldiers coming back from these wars, suffering from PTSD and all this stuff, it's not as if it's like, well, should we try mushrooms or just give them nothing? What we're giving them right now is heroin. That's like what they're taking and dying from, right?

GUTFELD: Right. Exactly.

SMITH: And these SSRIs and all of that. So, if there's some argument that this can help if there's some science behind it, why not try it? And why is it that we got people in this country sitting in cages for decades? Over this stuff that doesn't lead to any violence, isn't really a problem.

GUTFELD: It is. It's so true in in today's point, Kat, it's not the drugs that are the problem. It's the banning of drugs that leads people to street concoctions, which are poorly measured and harmful and people overdose on. If you can measure this stuff, people can live healthy lives. And if they do it under the right circumstances, like with me at a park, at 3:00 am.

BOOTHE: At the library.

GUTFELD: Yes, at the library.

BOOTHE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Lisa, are you holding?

BOOTHE: I'm not your cat.

TIMPF: Study after study. Right, you know, obviously psychedelic drugs are they do they diminish your ego. I think that's something that could be beneficial for a lot of people. And it's not shocking that studies are showing exactly that. Also, though, people should be allowed to do it if they think it's fun.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. You don't need medical reason.

TIMPF: Yes, you don't need a medical reason. You could --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Because you'll want to do acid. No reason to lock you in a cage.

SMITH: You're absolutely right. And just to add for like the Trump supporters out there, who are their main concern is the border and the crime and the gangs, this is all related to that. The reason why there are all these gangs bringing drugs, drugs up from the border, is because there's a black market for it.

GUTFELD: Right?

SMITH: If you legalize it, you take that away. 90 percent of the -- 90 percent of the immigration problem is solved if you end the war on drugs.

GUTFELD: You don't have to bring race into this but OK. Black Market, where does he come off? Are you done?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: So Lisa, this has got to be great news for you just so you can like --

BOOTHE: This is how rumors gets -- well, what's your cat, what's your cat going to do for work then?

GUTFELD: Well, you know what, that's the thing it's going to push us out of business. And that's another good thing, because you can -- where are you on this?

TIMPF: You know all those dangerous LSD cartels?

GUTFELD: Yes. Go ahead.

BOOTHE: Well, I was going to say I actually I didn't realize that Steve Jobs and a lot of people like CEOs did a lot of psychedelics reportedly. And I was wondering, I was asking myself maybe is this why I'm not a billionaire?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BOOTHE: Is that is that, is this what is holding me back?

LOFTUS: That was the one thing. We've all been waiting.

BOOTHE: It can't be anything else, right? That's the only thing I was thinking why am I not a billionaire? And that was what came to mind.

GUTFELD: It's funny. People say, oh, if it wasn't for acid, The Beatles wouldn't have done like Sergeant Peppers. But you know, Air Supply wouldn't have done their albums either.

LOFTUS: That is very true. And I'm not going to, I'm not going to badmouth Air Supply.

GUTFELD: Why not?

LOFTUS: There's some good stuff coming out them fellows mouth. I'm lost in love but I don't want to pay $10,000 to sing it.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

LOFTUS: No, this is fantastic. I've heard rumors that that mushrooms are quite a good time and I've also heard some pretty solid rumors about ecstasy being fun. And I think it --

SMITH: Sounds fun.

LOFTUS: Doesn't it?

TIMPF: It's a good name.

LOFTUS: Yes, think of all the DJs that are going to get work out of this, right? How many EDM festivals are there? There's not enough. But you know, I'm doing a set at the Mayo Clinic. Drop the base!

GUTFELD: You're making a good point out of this. So, what makes this -- you need drugs like this to become boring as martinis. Boring is like going to a liquor store, because what happens is the partying element of it makes everybody think that, oh, that's you know, it's just a bunch of people. Getting wasted when in fact it's like no people come home and they, they want to relax and this is should be their right.

LOFTUS: Yes, absolutely. Now, if I may --

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: I know we're all going to read letters also. So, I'll start. Lisa, we all love you very much.

BOOTHE: This is the intervention. OK.

LOFTUS: And we just want what's best for you.

TIMPF: There's nothing we won't do, but we won't do to help you but nothing that we will do to let this go on another day.

BOOTHE: At least you care.

GUTFELD: Your parents are actually outside and they want to talk. More stuff, be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Dr. Wayne Masters, I'm sorry we didn't get you. But you know what? That's for stealing my prom date, Becky, back in 1984, you jerk. Thanks to Lisa Booth, Dave Smith, and Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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Gutfeld: Cancel culture comes for Dr. Seuss

Sat, 06 Mar 2021 22:00:31 -0500

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," March 6, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): In order to open these doors, we do not say Open Sesame, we say Open Biden and that's our magic word. Open Biden. I love it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Here's some other magic words, seek help.

It was vamoose for Dr. Seuss. Yes, Tuesday was his birthday, which coincided with National Read across America Day, but the doc was nowhere to be found. Yes, just a few years after our first black President read Dr. Seuss to kids on this very day, the new old white guy completely strikes the author from the event -- cancelled -- because some of his books contain racist imagery.

Fair enough. But you just canceled the whole guy because of that? The dude sold 600 million books.

True, he is not a real doctor, but who is?

But he wrote "Cat in the Hat." True. It's the only one of his books that I read, so I decided to do some investigating. I mean, just how bad could these books be?

Well, it turns out pretty bad.

First, "Horton Hears a Great Lecture on White Supremacy." I had no idea. I had no idea. What about any others? "Green Eggs and Hitler." How did this get published? One more please. "If I Ran the Zoo, we'd only have Polar Bears because they're White." Well, that is offensive to everyone.

OK, I kid. To any CNN media reporters who are watching this, much like your stories, those weren't real.

But times are bad. We're turning into a police state. We're now the police. It's not the government banning books, removing movies from streaming services or getting people fired for old tweets. It's us, private citizens feeling the euphoric power of punishing the past.

Big Brother isn't a bureaucrat, but some dip [bleep] at "The Washington Post." So Seuss is gone, and others will surely follow.

But at least last week, Godzilla returned. I wonder, what does he want you to know?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: And I want you to know that I'm going to continue to fight right by your side.

The only division is between a handful of Washington, D.C. establishment political hacks and everybody else all over the country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Now that's clarity. What's the opposite of that?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And I'd be happy to take questions if that's what I'm supposed to do, Nance, whatever you want me to do.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: "Thank you for joining." Yes, Joe sure was happy to take questions and I'm happy to go hot tubbing with Michael Moore.

So what the hell just happened? Did a black hole swallow Joe up? Has anyone seen him since?

If a confused looking elderly man tries to smell your hair, please contact the police immediately.

But what a contrast, one guy would stand before you and tell you what's what, like it or not, and the other would mumble then disappear into a parallel universe where the early bird special is 24/7 and naps are required by law.

Joe is canceling himself, if that's possible.

Seriously, if you know where Joe Biden is, please tell him, he is yet to do a press conference.

Did he give those up for Lent? What's the deal, Jen?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: Any update on his first press conference?

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Not yet, but we will definitely have one. We will schedule it and you will be the first to know because you're pivotal participants in that.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ah, pivotal. That's quite an answer. But I wonder how -- does that work in real life?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, hey, Jen. I got you an extra hotdog.

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR, IMPERSONATING JEN PSAKI: Oh, hotdogs. Yes. I know. President Biden takes hotdogs very seriously.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, it is just food. You eat it.

TIMPF: Okay. See, eat it. You know what? I have to circle back with you on this one at a more pivotal time, like maybe dinner.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, Jen, putting in an office supplies order? Are there any binders?

TIMPF: Yes. It's pivotal that we have 400.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Four hundred.

TIMPF: You're right. Let's make it 800 and a pack of Mentos. How many? Just one. I don't want to be wasteful.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Priceless. All right. Of course, we know why they need to hide Joe. They are worried about him.

Did you hear dozens of Dems want Biden to give up sole authority to launch nuclear weapons? It's the presidential equivalent of your kids saying, dad, we're going to need you to give us the car keys.

I wonder, have they ever thought of a deep fake for Joe? I mean, this is how Joe sounds like now.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: Representatives Shirley Jackson Lee, Al Green, Sylvia Garcia, Lizzie Pinelli -- excuse me, Pinell -- and what am I doing here? I'm going to lose track here.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So did we. But what if we just did a little manipulation? I bet the media wouldn't be any wiser. Right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's time to get our economy going again. We of course abide by the law of diminishing returns initially brought to prominence by economist Johann Heinrich von Thunen among others.

Temerity shall revive the American spirit with the zeal of the Industrial Revolution in Great Britain. We no doubt recognize the distinguished tutelage of Her Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth II, but we must never cease to ponder the inherent shortcomings of the constitutional monarchy as a form of government.

I love to read.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Not bad. But he is still no Trump, which is why whenever Trump rears his orange head, the media jumps to attention.

Thank God for All Trump News, which soothes the media's assumptions about the world.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: You're watching ATN: All Trump News because everything else is boring by comparison.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm Anderson Lemon with your All Trump headlines.

The Washington football team will not have cheerleaders for the first time since 1962. A coed dance team will be taking its place. They claim the goal is to be more inclusive, but some say it's just another example of a man taking a woman's job, which is exactly what Donald Trump did when he stole the election from Hillary Clinton in 2016. Such a pig.

On the New Zealand coast, glow in the dark sharks have been discovered living a thousand feet below sea level. More research is needed as to why the kitefin shark is able to illuminate itself. But one thing is for sure, if Donald Trump had his way, he would burn to a crisp and slather it with ketchup and stuff his stupid face with it.

And Prince Harry tells Oprah that separating from Royal Life has been quote "incredibly tough" on he and wife, Meghan Markle, fair to say not nearly as tough as Americans had with a President who was a royal pain in the ass. I mean, every single day, there was no escape from that monster.

Turn on the TV, Trump; radio, Trump; podcasts, Trump. Twitter -- Twitter, I mean, you don't know the meaning of tough. I've bitten my nails to the stubs. I've got a bald spot from pulling my hair out.

This is my fourth vodka of the morning.

I'm Anderson Lemon, All Trump News.

(END VIDEOTAPE)

GUTFELD: Yes. Honestly, how different is that than our current media's game plan?

Rather than focus on the speeches at CPAC last week, the press claims the stage was built on the shape of a rebranded swastika.

Yes, just weeks after linking harmful conspiracies to January 6th, the media declares the CPAC stage, a Nazi tribute. This wasn't some rumor percolating in a Reddit forum. It was pushed by "The Washington Post," "U.S.A. Today," "Salon" and even TMZ.

Yes, TMZ. I guess celebrity dog-nappings just aren't getting the clicks.

Of course, after the story faded, you find out that the Nazi stage was created by Design Foundry, a company that's worked for Biden and MSNBC and whose political donations have almost entirely gone to Democrats.

So it turns out to be a hoax driven by a media that has Nazi on the brain. See, they are simply tripling down on their old strategy demonizing people they hate. It's like they invented a new game.

ANNOUNCER: Everyone I hate is a Nazi.

GUTFELD: Isn't that great music? It's some game but only one side gets to play. It's gross. I almost feel like John Brennan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN BRENNAN, FORMER C.I.A. DIRECTOR: I'm increasingly embarrassed to be a white male these days, when I see of other white males saying, but it just shows that with the very few exceptions, like Mitt Romney, Liz Cheney, Adam Kinzinger, there are so few Republicans in Congress who value truth, honesty and integrity.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Did anyone tell him Liz Cheney is not a white male. But he's right. Brennan should be embarrassed because he's the worst kind of white male, John Brennan.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests.

She's so bubbly she gives champagne a hangover. "Outnumbered" co-host and host of "Crimes that Changed America" on FOX Nation, Emily Compagno.

He cracks up more people than an unsafe roller coaster; writer, comedian and host of "Michael Loftus Live" on FOX Nation, Michael Loftus.

When things get dicey, she gets spicy and she once had head lice-y.

TIMPF: No, I did not.

GUTFELD: Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf.

And Earth makes him claustrophobic, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus.

TIMPF: Bed bugs, yes; scabies, yes. Lice, no.

GUTFELD: Sorry, sorry. They're all the same to me. You know, before this starts I'd like to basically call all of you Nazis and just get that over with and after the show, we will be burning Dr. Seuss books in Bryant Park. You okay with that, Tyrus.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, don't try to confuse me, Greg. I'm researching you.

Since an old white man like hidden racist comments in our children's book. I went out and I purchased Seuss-isms. So what's missing from that ism, Greg?

GUTFELD: I don't --

MURDOCH: What is it, Greg? Say it. I know you know what it is, Greg.

GUTFELD: Racism.

MURDOCH: Thank you. There's no reason to say it because this entire book is loaded with little tricks of the trade for me to watch these crazy white men get away with their stuff.

Multitasking. I can hold up a cup and milk, the cake, brothers don't have jobs. They always make mistakes. This is ridiculous.

This has always been there. I'm watching all of it. All of it.

GUTFELD: Anymore?

MURDOCH: You know there's more. Think outside the box, and that is the letter I use the spells zat. What is a zat, Greg?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

MURDOCH: Out of work, brother, apparently because you can't do anything else. This is ridiculous. Isms.

GUTFELD: Isms. Michael, what do you make of this latest cancellation of a legendary children's book author?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, WRITER AND COMEDIAN, FOX NATION HOST: It's horrible. This is the worst thing ever. If they can come for something like Seuss, nothing is safe.

GUTFELD: I'm sure there's a lot of very interesting things in the Bible, if you've ever read it. Oh, it's next, it's next. There are scenes of horrible violence and that David fellow just murders that poor Goliath.

MURDOCH: Thank you. I've been saying that. Goliath got a bum rap just for being tall. He got singled out and murdered, and they cheered this guy on.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. Yes, yes.

MURDOCH: I know you love that story.

GUTFELD: I did. I met my wife after that story.

MURDOCH: That and Rumpelstiltskin.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You love the most.

GUTFELD: Emily?

LOFTUS: I just want the Dr. Seuss thing to end because everybody is doing their own rhymes on Facebook.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: We get it. We get it. We all know you. One, to -- red fish, two fish, one fish, censor fish. We got it. We got it.

We got it.

GUTFELD: That's pretty good though. I should have used that one. All right, Emily. Nice pink today.

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Thanks. The prince thought was brilliant. That's the smartest he's ever been. He was fantastic. I think when they change his battery later on, they should definitely add in that voice to him and his string to Nancy Pelosi. I think that should have been his campaign slogan like, what do you think Nance? That literally sums up the Biden presidency, a hundred percent.

And to John Brennan's point about hating being a white male, the good news is he can identify as whatever he wants.

GUTFELD: That's true. That's true.

COMPAGNO: He is not stuck in that box.

GUTFELD: I felt also bad, Kat, for the signage person. Because she was waiting for Biden and she was -- she had no idea where it was going to go. What do you do when you're signing for Joe?

TIMPF: Yes. You have to drink some coffee. Stay on your feet. I just thought -- it was so funny the way they just cut the feed. That answers your question? Like, I'll take questions if you want, Nance.

It's just -- not even, oh, no. Because even him saying no could have gone another way.

GUTFELD: Right. Yes.

TIMPF: It wouldn't have just been a simple no. It could have gone on and on. And it's so funny, you know that nobody can make fun of that except us. You know, there is a lot of material there.

GUTFELD: No, you're absolutely right. None of this stuff shows up anywhere else.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Yes. Very, very good point there. Which is why we're going to have a nightly show, Kat. Did you know that?

TIMPF: Yes. But I'm getting fired. Blah-blah-blah. You're taking me out. Yes, I know. I know. Don't worry. Don't worry. I don't need to sleep at night.

GUTFELD: Okay. Up next, Biden had the gall to say Neanderthal. That's next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should it perplex us that they've opened up Texas. This week, Governor Greg Abbott announced the removal of all statewide COVID restrictions on businesses and ending the state's mask mandate. Mississippi also announced plans to open back up a hundred percent.

Not everyone was thrilled including this chap.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BIDEN: The last thing we need is Neanderthal thinking that in the meantime, everything is fine, take off your mask. Forget it. It still matters.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Neanderthal thinking. He would know. That's his age group. That was an obvious joke.

Meanwhile, rejected Thanksgiving float, Michael Moore, slammed the decision saying Texans now don't deserve the vaccine, and that's sullen bag of farts, Keith Olbermann, also called vaccinating Texans a waste.

But speaking of asses, in China, foreign travelers arriving to the country will be subject to mandatory anal swabs. Here's a picture of one.

No, no, no. I want to see the real anal swab. Come on. Come on. One more time. Anal swab. Oh, I hate these technical difficulties.

All right, anal swab, I have to say, Michael, might be the best "Wheel of Fortune" puzzle ever.

LOFTUS: It's probably my favorite.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: This is like --

GUTFELD: It's just a thing. Thing and then people just have to figure out there's an "N" missing and they're going, it can't be anal swab.

TIMPF: You would have guessed it right away though.

GUTFELD: Don't be. I would just count the number of spaces and without the letters, I'd go, anal swab.

TIMPF: You would be guessing that for every puzzle.

MURDOCH: There comes a point past paging me for the umpteenth time, Greg that is not for -- you're not even spitting now.

GUTFELD: The anal swab.

LOFTUS: The dirtiest President.

MURDOCH: What is anal swabs?

LOFTUS: Everyone, anal swabs.

MURDOCH: I bet it all.

GUTFELD: Okay, all right. I will just start a game show in which the answer is always anal swabs.

LOFTUS: Which is also great song from the "Sound of Music."

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: I'm not going to sing it because I don't have $10,000.00.

GUTFELD: What do you -- that's true, they'll find you. What do you make of -- is it Texas? Texas is like the guy that takes the risk, so other people don't.

LOFTUS: Texas is fantastic, and I was like so bummed out with like Joe Biden, he let me down again with like "Neanderthal," oh, man, he could have really slammed him.

He could have been like baskets of deplorables. He could have been making shirts and selling hats. He went Neanderthal and I'm not -- I'm not impressed.

TIMPF: And then Psaki defended it saying he was saying they're thinking is Neanderthal. It's like, duh, that's exactly what that insult is. You don't insult someone's body by calling him a Neanderthal, like every drawing of those guys, they have the best abs.

GUTFELD: True.

TIMPF: But Texas, I mean, do we all remember a year ago the reason for the lockdowns, right? To flatten the curve. So the hospitals don't get overwhelmed.

If you remember that, which just sounds like a blast from the past because it is, the goalposts have now moved to even when we do have vaccines, I don't know if I'm going to go back to school and teach the kids. It's gone completely different.

So if you go by that with their own logic of what they originally said, it's actually long overdue. Like pretty long overdue.

LOFTUS: And here's the other thing. It's like Neanderthal thinking -- like letting like illegal aliens come in, who didn't even test for COVID. There was like 108 of them the other day who just went poof, everywhere they wanted. So sorry if I don't want to wear a mask.

GUTFELD: But yes, but the thing is, because our politicians are so far separated from the reality that they don't care. Emily, what is your take on this matter?

COMPAGNO: Well, first of all, Texas was one of 17 states, right, that had released the limitation. Some never even had it to begin with, and Connecticut announced this week as well. But because it's a Democratic Governor, clearly, they're not subject to that name calling.

With those anal swabs, though, in China, you guys, do you realize that just next year, we're going to have the Winter Olympics there. They are going to have an attendance rate of zero.

No one -- every foreigner has to be subjected to that. No one is going to come compete there.

GUTFELD: They better warm up that swab.

COMPAGNO: We don't have to boycott at all. No one is going to go.

LOFTUS: It's a brilliant plan by China to check out everybody's backsides. They're like, listen, we're going to have the Olympics. I want to see some booty.

So let's -- we need a test immediately.

GUTFELD: I don't know all right, Tyrus. You have a choice of topics.

MURDOCH: I am just going to stop it. I am going to stop it right here. I'm going to stop you from even getting started because I know you're so excited right now. Take you back.

GUTFELD: Who would have thought?

MURDOCH: First of all.

GUTFELD: Would have thought, Tyrus that the anal swab could help you flatten the curve?

MURDOCH: You just couldn't -- you just -- you love it, every topic tonight, we'll go back to that. But the thing about the woke -- the word woke is past tense, which means you woke up late. You should be awake.

Because while he dropped the Neanderthal insult, science the week before had just came out to show Neanderthals had the same cognitive abilities and hearing as human beings.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And far better abs.

MURDOCH: Ergo, we are the same thing.

GUTFELD: You're right. You're right.

MURDOCH: So when you call someone a Neanderthal, you're saying they're an equal if you know what's going on, but if you don't, and things like current event and science is crazy talk to you, then calling someone Neanderthal is just fine even though you couldn't be wronger. But then again, he's not going to remember I brought it up to him.

LOFTUS: Why don't you remind him?

GUTFELD: That was a good point, because I forgot about that. All right, I've got to move on.

I just admire Texas. Texas is like the guy in the zombie movie that says we need supplies. I'll go. And Joe Biden is the guy that stays behind and goes, we'll just stay here, but then he'll take his share of the supplies.

LOFTUS: Oh yes.

GUTFELD: I hate that person. That's actually me by the way.

All right up next, hell no, Cuomo won't go.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

MARIANNE RAFFERTY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters." I'm Marianne Rafferty.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is facing another accusation of inappropriate behavior. "The Wall Street Journal" reporting that, Ana Liss says Cuomo asked if she had a boyfriend, called her sweetheart and kissed her hand. She served as a policy and operations aide to Cuomo from 2013 to 2015. Liss is the third former female aide to accuse the Governor of misconduct.

Cuomo is also mired in nursing home scandal and facing growing pressure to resign.

And poet, Amanda Gorman says she was racially profiled and tailed by a security guard during a walk home because she looked, quote "suspicious." The 22-year-old, the youngest inaugural poet in U.S. history tweeted, "One day you're called an icon, the next day a threat."

Gorman says the guard left after she showed her door keys and entered her apartment.

I'm Marianne Rafferty, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: The details mount from the undercount. "The Wall Street Journal," a paper is reporting that Andrew Cuomo's top advisors convinced state health officials to alter the numbers in last summer's report on nursing home COVID deaths. The changes, quote: " ... reveal that the State possessed of fuller accounting of out of facility nursing home deaths as early as summer of 2020."

The Health Department resisted calls by lawmakers and media to release the data for another eight months.

In January, the New York's Attorney General found that the State underreported deaths in nursing homes by as much as 50 percent.

And yet the handsy-swine won't resign.

Cuomo addressed the sexual harassment allegations he's facing from three women, and he said the magic word a few times.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. ANDREW CUOMO (D-NY): And I could intend no offense, but if they were offended by it, then it was wrong. And if they were offended by it, I apologize. And if they were hurt by it, I apologize. And if they felt pain from it, I apologize.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Apologize. Yes. Resign from power, get out of here.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: I'm not going to resign. I work for the people of the State of New York. They elected me and I'm going to serve the people of the State of New York.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, except they don't like you anymore, Andy.

The latest Emerson College poll has Cuomo's approval rating at 38 percent, so last year's COVID hero is now closer to zero.

By the way, where are all of Cuomo's fans now? A fond look back in our latest installment of --

ANNOUNCER: Fawn Stars.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: Carl, what was the most important message you heard from Governor Cuomo?

CARL BERNSTEIN, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: Real leadership.

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: It's starting to feel like America has this one President in Washington, but a whole different President for the coronavirus crisis, who's the guy in charge in New York.

ELLEN DEGENERES, TALK SHOW HOST: You call yourself a Cuomo-sexual and I agree with you. I feel like I'm a Cuomo-sexual, too.

JIMMY FALLON, TALK SHOW HOST: I know you've definitely and probably heard this, but you are well-liked among the ladies. People knowing that you're single, and they think you're good-looking and some people are calling themselves Cuomo-sexuals. They are obsessed with you and want to date you and want to marry you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I'd tell them to get a room, but with Andy, it might be in a nursing home. So Emily, you are our legal mind here. Is Cuomo toast?

COMPAGNO: I think he is. And here's the thing, he prefaced that statement, remember by saying, my attorneys told me not to make a statement.

My piece of legal advice for everyone here and watching is if your attorney is telling you not to speak, don't. He dug himself into a deeper hole a million times over there.

First of all, he talked about his intent the entire time. But intent doesn't matter. He should know because he requires all of us in the state, these employees to take this New York sexual harassment training. So we all know the law frontwards and backwards. His intent doesn't matter. It is how it's perceived.

And I think there were a million things in his statement, and in the questions that were immediately proven wrong. You know, he said he wasn't on notice. There's ticking the boxes.

But I think what's more telling right now is that sort of deafening silence that we hear on the national level by people in his own party that haven't quite come out with that same vitriol they did to past situations like this without credible allegations like now Justice Kavanaugh, where are they now?

I mean, it would be nice if the pendulum stays in the middle, which is given all voices, an amplification and a platform to speak. All investigations, transparency, and the thoroughness. And then we all wait for that conclusion.

But here, based on what we know thus far, he is toast. And I will conclude by saying that it seems like his primary challenger might be the Attorney General Letitia James.

GUTFELD: Interesting. Interesting. You know, Tyrus, I actually think, Emily, I don't necessarily agree with Emily. I think that both -- he has got to be awful when both parties in New York hate him this much. I mean, he's got -- he is getting leftists that want him to resign, maybe because they were just -- they want his seat, not literally.

MURDOCH: When it comes to politics, you've got to take away all rationality and decency. And, you know, if you see a wounded colleague, usually they go in for the kill if it benefits them, and if it doesn't, then they defend them.

You know, I think -- you know, we have to go back and look at Janice Dean, she's the hero, the fight she had to bring. What she knew from the jump was off, was not right, and all the ridicule that she took and was attacked, and just do the weather.

And now we're looking at the horrors of it, and it was -- it's not just the Governor. It was his team. It was -- everybody was involved in this process.

The effort it took to hide numbers, opposed to saying at the time when he had America's ear, when he could have said, this is the death toll that we're having in our nursing homes, and we need to do something. What we're doing is not working. He would have gotten a second Emmy.

You know, and now, this is -- I mean, the way I look at it is, it is like he was indifferent to homicide. Like literally people were dying, and he didn't even care because it wasn't good for his bottom line. That's basically how it looks.

GUTFELD: Yes. He had a book coming out. Kat, can we talk about Jimmy Fallon?

TIMPF: Yes. Yes, yes, I saw the video, I was like. I talk all the time about the dangers of not being skeptical. You know about the people in power over you because it allows them to be able to get away with things, it makes corruption easier.

I guess I'm going to start a little smaller and say, at the very least, maybe don't identify your sexuality based on your obsession with someone in power, over you like these Cuomo-sexuals. That was the thing.

Chelsea Handler was saying the same thing. "The Daily Beast -- everyone was -- "I'm a Cuomo-sexual."

I mean, I don't want to kink shame, okay, but that attitude is how -- Janice Dean, for a year she has been talking about this. All the stuff that's coming out is a bombshell because it is so bad, but it's also anyone who's been paying attention is like well, yes, of course and it's because that's why you can't -- just come on guys. Cuomo-sexual?

GUTFELD: You see, Cuomo should then blame them. You guys egged me on. You kept saying I was sexy. So I started sort of touching women. That's my impression, and it's terrible.

But the thing, Michael, last words to you, I just find it strange that the media is more upset about the sexual harassment than the nursing home deaths.

LOFTUS: Yes, that's the one that's been driving me crazy. If you've been paying attention for months like Janice Dean, like there's a lot of dead people and everybody is like yawn, isn't Cuomo dreamy?

And now he tells some girl, "I want you to eat the whole sausage." And they're like, whoa, record scratch. He's got to go. It's like watching the end of "King Kong." Right? He's destroyed half of New York, but it'll be the planes of sexual harassment that will take him down.

GUTFELD: Interesting.

COMPAGNO: But to your point, he apologized 17 times during that presser for behavior that made women feel uncomfortable. He has not apologized once for the thousands of deaths under his watch.

LOFTUS: Yes. The apology is so creepy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: He didn't like it. I'm sorry. He didn't like to --

GUTFELD: Also, we are not so -- he doesn't have to talk so slow. Like I always feel like I'm like being lectured by -- I don't know. Maybe or maybe, you know, maybe it's sexy.

TIMPF: And he definitely -- he definitely has nipple rings.

GUTFELD: Yes, he definitely does.

LOFTUS: You don't like the nipple rings.

TIMPF: He won't even aware a bra.

GUTFELD: You're kink shaming.

TIMPF: I'm not kink shaming.

GUTFELD: Stop the kink shaming. Up next --

TIMPF: I would never --

GUTFELD: There shall be no toys for girls or boys.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They want Cinderella next to that He-Man fella. Lawmakers in California -- are there any other kind -- have proposed a law that would fine department stores for separating children's toys and clothing into boys and girls section. What the hell?

Instead they would have to display them in one undivided unisex area -- the perverts -- the law would apply to retailers with 500 or more employees and they could get dinged with $1,000.00 fine for not complying.

The reason for this apparently, so girls don't feel bad about liking something in the boys section and vice versa.

Fine, but have they gone far enough? There's a lot of toys that are gender specific and they haven't solved the problem of changing those toys and making them gender neutral like they should.

I think it's time to get rid of the whole concept of boys and girls toys altogether.

You remember Rock'em and Sock'em robots. Just make it a rock and a sock. Right? Remember, super soaker. Oh, that's very male, very male. I prefer a plastic five gallon refillable water jug.

And finally, remember Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy, very gender specific. How about a rag and another rag? Merry Christmas. Here's your rags.

LOFTUS: And another rag.

GUTFELD: And another rag. All right, Tyrus, you have kids?

MURDOCH: Yes.

GUTFELD: A brood. Can we say a brood?

TIMPF: A brood.

GUTFELD: Say a gathering of children.

TIMPF: A gaggle.

MURDOCH: Baker's dozen.

GUTFELD: Does that make your life much harder?

MURDOCH: A bushel.

GUTFELD: Because you can't -- you can't go to the right aisle to find things.

MURDOCH: Okay, first of all, with all the things in California that's going on right now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: We're trying to fine stores that can't even open.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: For having boys and girls toys on different aisles in the toy section. Okay.

I have a six year old and I have three nine year olds. I'm not getting into all of that right now.

TIMPF: Wait all three of them are nine?

MURDOCH: And --

GUTFELD: But they're not triplets.

TIMPF: They're not triplets.

TIMPF: They are not triplets. Their hair doesn't match. Can I get to my thought?

LOFTUS: Wait how does this work?

MURDOCH: Listen, 2011 was an amazing year and I don't want it -- is what it is. They are with me now. So judge whatever.

TIMPF: Wait. What did you do in 2011?

GUTFELD: What did you not do?

MURDOCH: Okay, so anal swabs.

GUTFELD: Yes, anal swabs.

LOFTUS: He didn't go to China?

MURDOCH: Yes. No. The point is, when I take my kids to the toy section to pick out a toy, they immediately let me know where they want to go. So if my daughter says that daddy, I want to get a Marvel's action figure, we go get a Marvel's actually figure.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Or if she wants a Barbie or whatever. As long as they're playing and not on their iPad, I'm good with it. But I've never had the issue where they're like, oh, dad, I'm confused. Why is Barbie next to He-Man. Like what? You can read.

GUTFELD: You know, I was surprised, but Michael, you have children because you dress like a homeless folk singer.

LOFTUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: But how does this -- how does this affects you? I mean. Tyrus is right. We're in the middle of a pandemic. The stores aren't even open and they're doing this stuff.

LOFTUS: Homeless folk singer. That one hurt. No, it's the most ridiculous thing. Living in California to have this be anywhere near a priority is just such an insult. You literally have to fend off armed homeless people, avoiding needles in the street and human feces, but oh, thank goodness, the toys are mixed together.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: Thank God. Listen, if you've ever been late for a kid's birthday party, and you have to run in, you need to know where things are.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: You've got to go, you've got to get the toy, you've got to get out. Now they're going to mix it up.

Hey, you know what we should do in California? Just have everybody shop at the dump. It's all -- it's all recycled. It's all mixed together. It's all environmentally friendly. Just get -- just go to the dump.

GUTFELD: And by the way. As a child I love going to the dump, Kat, my dad used to -- we'd go all go to the dump on a Sunday, and he would just go, pick one thing you get to only pick one thing, he'd say.

TIMPF: I honestly spent a full --

LOFTUS: To my kids, I love you so --

TIMPF: No --

MURDOCH: You just wanted to say dump.

TIMPF: A spent a full year begging my parents to take me to the dump and they never would.

GUTFELD: The dump was like the magical fantasy.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: There were seagulls. There were -- there were just weird stuff -- you could find all sorts of [bleep]. Anyway, what are your thoughts?

LOFTUS: You weren't joking.

GUTFELD: No, I wasn't.

LOFTUS: That's fantastic.

TIMPF: Look, I don't know. It's just -- I never -- I played with mostly when I was little plastic lizards and rubber bugs, which -- a girly thing? I don't know. Probably not. I guess, I never thought about it. Maybe it is really that serious. I don't know if that's all my trauma comes from.

But you're all saying that this shouldn't be happening because there's so much going on in California right now, which I agree with, but I also feel like it shouldn't be happening ever.

I read this this bill, okay. I read this bill. This is a sentence of the bill. "Item 3: Toys means all products designed or intended by the manufacturer to be used by children when they play."

If you were writing this in a government document ever, you have gone too far. This is not when our country was being founded, like, where government was supposed to go.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Ever.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: This is when legal weed goes wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: This was a horrible idea.

GUTFELD: Emily, what's your take on this?

TIMPF: I can't believe you were allowed to go to the dump.

LOFTUS: I know. I wanted to hang out with the --

COMPAGNO: I know, whenever I think about a dump, I think about my bodyguard, remember that 80s movie where they like reconstruct that -- anyway, so it pains me to say this because we're from California and I love it. But this is the same state where the answer seems to be over regulation, more laws, right?

Remember there's threats of criminal misdemeanors if you address seniors by the wrong gender pronoun, in retirement home so I'm not surprised by this because there is the answer to everything out there is a legislative reason why you're more choke held why you're more crippled from actually succeeding as an entrepreneur or a small business owner there.

And coming from someone who has every single clothing item in a rainbow order, ascending order, the thought of shelves not all pink and all blue, is like my --

TIMPF: What do you mean by ascending order?

COMPAGNO: Like from black to pink.

TIMPF: Oh, God, if we were roommates, you would murder me.

COMPAGNO: You would murder me, for sure. I mean, it's really incredible.

GUTFELD: I just have to know where the boy dolls are because that's where I get all my clothes.

Up next. He paid for the date, but now he wants a refund. Is that okay?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: When they decided to break up, he told her to pay up. A woman named Alexx with two exes, always a good sign, shared a screenshot of text messages from a guy she'd gone on three dates with, but didn't plan to see again, asking her to pay him back some of the money he'd spent on her, quote, "I believe it was three separate times we went out, bar, restaurants where I paid for us both each time, I'd say $35.00 is more than fair for your food and drinks that I got you during those dates."

"I view you as a fair girl. I hope you'll consider reimbursing me. Thanks."

He then shared a link to his Venmo account so she could send him the money. The post went viral, as the kids say, but a few said he kind of had a point, Alexx made it clear that you would not be paying him anything in a follow up tweet.

The weirdest aspect of this story. They're both brother and sister.

No, I just put that in there. I don't know why. All right. Kat, should the guy -- I think the guy was right and he should have charged interest since she had none for him.

TIMPF: Oh, that's great. You had to get that in. Is that why we did the segment? So you can say that?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Okay. That's what I thought. Well, no, I think the guy is wrong. But I'm also no fan of her because I feel as though she's kind of bragging. Like, oh, he paid for all my dates. You know, like, my dating experience wasn't like that and I spent more than $35.00 in some of these guys and that's not like -- that's like before the therapy that I had to go to after. So I don't like anyone in this situation.

GUTFELD: You don't? You hate everybody. You know, Emily --

TIMPF: Not everybody, but Alexx and this dude, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Emily, as a woman, I feel -- as a woman, you know, you're told often or at least I was told growing up that you've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find a Prince Charming or get salmonella.

COMPAGNO: So as the saying goes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

COMPAGNO: I found it -- this whole thing was ridiculous to me. But this is the kind of kids that are being raised right now. Like all coming in three days later, I thought, I think it's going to be $35.00, and yes, thanks. Thanks. Exclamation mark.

Like I hated this start to finish. First of all, you either outline your expectations in the beginning, if he was going in this like that, like a transaction and be like, hey, let's both split it or whatever. And then that way, it's no skin off anyone's back if they leave.

And secondly, which has happened to like connection? What happened to me inviting you out, Kat and being like? No, I got this because you're my guest.

TIMPF: I'm available for that whenever by the way.

COMPAGNO: Exactly.

TIMPF: I'm not doing anything after this.

GUTFELD: She eats a lot though.

TIMPF: I do.

GUTFELD: It's disgusting. She like has got a hole in her foot. Hey, Tyrus.

MURDOCH: Hey, Greg.

GUTFELD: Where do you stand on this?

MURDOCH: I stand back on this. First of all, where the hell are you going that she only owes you 35 bucks on three dates? That's first thing.

But more importantly, we're all missing the point here.

GUTFELD: Uh-oh, here we go.

MURDOCH: This has nothing to do with money at all. This has to do with this is a common -- and I'm surprised, fellows you don't know this.

GUTFELD: I am old.

MURDOCH: You kind of throw a little controversy because you want to talk to her again. So hey, after our few dates, it looks like when I date again, do you mind paying me back? And it's just like, why, they weren't that bad? Why would I pay you back? Oh, I don't know.

And she's like, well, maybe we can go out again sometime. Yes, you know what, let's try it again. Let's figure it out. That's what he's going for.

GUTFELD: Does that work?

MURDOCH: No, Greg. It never works.

COMPAGNO: He hates him now.

GUTFELD: I see your point now.

MURDOCH: But that's what he was trying to do. And then here's where he gets a lucky break, and this is $35.00 well spent. Because the fact that you would say that to someone and her first move was to put your personal conversation out on Twitter for no other reason than to humiliate you and make her look like she's some great catch.

You might as well add an extra X to that name, because no one is going to stay with somebody who they literally have a conversation with you, and you post it on social media for attention and make fun of somebody.

So yes, you're not getting 35 bucks back, bro. But that could be a lifetime of nagging and being treated horribly and it's always your fault.

TIMPF: I knew that when guys asked you for money, it meant they really liked you.

GUTFELD: Mike, was this you?

LOFTUS: It was me. Yes. Listen, it was three lovely dates. We had a good time, Alexx. Just forget the 35 bucks. Just answer my calls. I just want to talk to you.

Yes, they're both horrible people. It's so horrible, I want transcripts of the conversations. I want to know what they were talking about.

GUTFELD: You know what though, you just stumbled into the truth. They're both awful people. They deserve each other.

TIMPF: Which is what makes this so heartbreaking.

GUTFELD: They deserve each other.

LOFTUS: They started at the wrong --

MURDOCH: She is worse.

COMPAGNO: No, he is horrible.

MURDOCH: He asked her for the money back.

COMPAGNO: Alexx is not nearly as bad as the guy in this. He is asking --

LOFTUS: Alexx is the villain.

MURDOCH: Did he post a pretty girl won't pay me back? Switch roles, if that was a woman asking the guy to pay her back, would we be talking about, oh, what a cat.

GUTFELD: All right, they are yelling at me to keep going. We could talk about this for hours. And God knows, I would love to especially with America watching.

But don't forget about my rescheduled live shows in support of my book, "The Plus" that came out a thousand years ago, April 18th at Columbia Speedway in South Carolina. Fingers crossed. Nashville August 22nd and Memphis October 9th.

Wow. Go to ggutfeld.com for ticket info. We are coming back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Emily Compagno, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf and Tyrus.

I'm Greg Gutfeld. And I love you America.

Gutfeld: Why don't Dems care about their dying cities?

Sat, 08 May 2021 02:17:26 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 6, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: You know what? I get people all the time. Oh, God, why are you guys talking about Trump so much? I'm sick of talking about Trump or whatever. Because what's happening in the Republican Party and Trump is a big part of it affects all of us right now.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: He's more powerful now. He's like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

LEMON: I don't know if he's more powerful.

CUOMO: On the Bizarro side. They struck him down. Look what he's doing with his party.

LEMON: I think it's more sinister. And I think he's more of the Wizard of Oz. But it -- does he have powers with Wizard of Oz?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: I guess that makes you to the lollipop guild.

All right. So while our media class obsesses over who is and isn't wearing a mask, there's something slightly more urgent going on that needs to be addressed. The tension in Kat's one- week old marriage. She's not here. Anyway. Nope. It's something called murder. Even if you pull that mask up to cover your eyes, it's not going to go away. Now I get it. The media only really cares about crime when it fits their narrative, white racist cop and innocent non-white suspect.

But if they really expect to get this country back to normal, and my definition of normal, not Don Lemon's, we're going to need to address the elephant in the room. Even Axios, a liberal new site admits this, the title of their piece, it's set to be a hot violence summer. They report that in a sample of 37 cities over the first three months of 2021 analysis found that murders soared 18 percent over the same period last year.

And last year's homicides were already up 33 percent you could do the math, I won't. These are great numbers if they're coming from your financial advisor at Schwab, not so much coming from the law enforcement Web sites. Also, all but three of the 66 largest police jurisdictions saw at least one type of violent crime increase, and it's likely to get worse as the weather gets hotter. So, this is called a crime wave.

A result of Democrats releasing violent mentally unhinged people onto our empty streets where they prey upon innocent victims. All while saying, we need to abolish the people tasked with stopping it. They're turning our cities into a Mad Max movie where getting shot doesn't mean your second Moderna vaccine. The anti-police sentiment made it worse. After all, why would cops go to any dangerous call if they know there's a chance they could end up on LeBron James' twitter feed?

And sorry, Is this the result of white supremacists or even some angry white males? Well, let's ask an angry white male.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: These people who want to defund the police, I don't get it. Then what are we going to do? Fight crime all by ourselves? I don't think so. I like the police protecting us. Then I can go back to doing what I like to do. Painting bananas.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Typical sis white hetero normative bigot. It's weird how liberals act though when you discuss crime. It makes them more uncomfortable than Tyrus sitting in the middle seat on its -- six-hour flight. They deny the data, some will even laugh when you cite the stats. Worse, they act like this is an inevitable act of nature, like the seasons changing or the plunge in CNN's ratings.

If only the media could blame the crime on Trump, they might actually want to do something about it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're watching ATN. All Trump News because everything else is boring by comparison.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi. I'm Mika Mitchell. Anderson Lemon has the night off. And yes, Mika can also be a man's name. Today's top stories. A Bronx man has been released without bail being charged with multiple hate crimes for violently smashing synagogue windows. Four synagogues to be exact. All attacked with rocks. Still, the suspect was release prompting many to say it's time to change bail reform laws.

We agree fix the bail. So Donald Trump goes to jail. OK and simple. OK? Get that monster off the street. Sure. He hasn't smashed synagogue windows, but he smashed our dreams. And you just know if Trump hadn't been president, this man from the Bronx wouldn't have had someone picked up brains like I do. And I get it. I know the feeling. I get angry just thinking about Trump.

Meanwhile, a Pennsylvania man was charged with cruelty to animals after police say he shot and cooked his dog. If it were Trump, he probably would have served it well done with a dollop of disgusting ketchup. As you know, Trump is one of only three presidents who didn't have a White House pet. So it's clear he incited this horrific crime. He is the one who should be charged not this Pennsylvania guy. He was only reacting to Trump's dog whistle.

And finally, Mother's Day is this weekend. I would call my mom and wish her a happy mother's day. But she voted for Trump twice. Yes, I know. She brought me into this world, took care of me, fed me, paid for my education. She really is a lovely, kindhearted person. But none of that matters. She is a Trump loving monster. And I hate her with every fiber of my baby. For ATN, I'm Mika Mitchell.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: My favorite Mika. So why don't the Dems care about their dying cities? It's due to the sunk cost of their bad ideas, the same bad ideas that have governed these cities for decades. And they care too much about holding power over these neighborhoods, even as the victims pile up like fast food wrappers on Brian Stelter's desk. So how does the media deal with this when they finally realize the truth is inescapable?

They manipulate language. Instead of violence, they call it gun violence as if the gun just got up on two tiny feet and shot the victim or they'll call crime a public health crisis as a way of removing any culpability. Yes, looting businesses. It's like an allergy. It's just that time of the season. You know, you sneeze but I break windows and steal watches. Look, we agree that when people get murdered, that impacts their health.

But treating it like an outbreak of herpes isn't going to help anyone. There's not enough Valtrex to go around, believe me. At least Axios admits that the pulling back of policing due to the drumbeat of media and activists likely contributed to more murders and fewer of them ever being solved. And yes, dear media most of the victims are black, and ignoring that is as yellow as the crime tape at a murder scene.

By focusing on one attention grabbing issue. Bad cops at the expense of a bigger, more destructive problem, a massive crime wave. You're partly to blame. It would be like a dentist telling a meth head to floss the four teeth he has left. Out of a thousand people shot dead by cops in 2019 nine were unarmed blacks. But if you watch the news, you think that number was in the hundreds or thousands or hundreds of thousands.

The press calls it an epidemic. So if that's an epidemic, what do you call the 7400 black homicide victims in the year prior in which 91 percent were killed by other black males? Don't those lives matter too? Even if they never get tweeted by LeBron James? It isn't that the crime that draws police into the neighborhoods. We're out of millions of interactions you end up with a Chauvin?

Look, there are some bad cops but focusing only on race and police, it's not going to make our cities safe again or even functional. And glorifying riots and attempt to make cops look like rejects from Police Academy Five will result in fewer good cops. And it's most damaging to the people it claims to help. But maybe that's the point. No more arrests, no more bail. No more cities. All you have left is empty block after block.

If you're into real estate, it's a perfect time to buy. Just don't walk alone at night. Be sure to invest in Kevlar.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's so bright, we should all be wearing sunscreen. Host of the Lauren Chen Show on YouTube, Lauren Chen. She's scold more lefties than the Yankees pitching coach, novelist, screenwriter and T.V. producer Gigi Levangie. He knows quips like I know whips. I prefer cat o' nine tails or writing prompts to be honest. Writer and comedian, Joe DeVito.

An in for Kat Timpf, she's the cheering raider turned legal crusader. "OUTNUMBERED" co-host, Emily Compagno. All right, Lauren. Is it Lauren or Lauren?

LAUREN CHEN, THE LAUREN CHEN SHOW HOST: Lauren.

GUTFELD: Lauren, thank you. You are Canadian. And you have crime there?

CHEN: We do have some crime.

GUTFELD: Yes.

CHEN: Thankfully. It's polite enough to only happen in Montreal and Toronto.

GUTFELD: Oh, that's nice. That's --

CHEN: Yes. But we do. We do.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

CHEN: And seems to be growing by the day unfortunately. It's almost like banning guns, which they have been for a long time in places like Toronto, especially for self-defense reasons. It doesn't really convince criminals that they shouldn't shoot people.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. What do you make of what's happening in the United States when you see what's going on, especially with the -- we're seeing -- we're seeing a rise in weird crime? Like -- just like, aimless dude's beating up people on the street. And the problem is with the media, if the suspects don't meet a certain criteria, it doesn't end up on their radar.

CHEN: It is scary especially being in a large city right now in New York. You have all of these reports about these anti-Asian hate crimes. But I mean, those stories have kind of dropped off since apparently, they weren't really white attackers, and it's a little bit harder to blame them on white supremacy. Now, it's not impossible. As we've seen some people try. I've heard that, yes, even if the attackers themselves aren't white, it's actually still Donald Trump's fault, because they were emboldened.

GUTFELD: Right.

CHEN: By his messaging because if we know that if there's one group that is a huge fan of Donald Trump, and false has every word it is, you know, black males and inner cities, they just -- they look to him as a thought leader.

GUTFELD: Yes. You just -- all you have to say is like -- it's the white supremacists that are driving the non-white suspects to attack Asians.

CHEN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Then you have it all. You covered every base, Gigi I like the name, Gigi.

GIGI LEVANGIE, AMERICAN NOVELIST: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you're in California, obviously, you're down in Santa Monica. I have a feeling you're kind of experiencing the same thing. But do you have -- are you allowed to actually talk about it? I mean --

LEVANGIE: Not in -- well, if you are wearing a mask --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

LEVANGIE: Especially if you're outside in 75-degree weather wearing a mask, you can talk about it. If you're not wearing a mask, no one will talk to you, so.

GUTFELD: That -- but will the criminals leave you alone if you're not wearing a mask? Like they might -- they might not take your wallet if there's a chance of getting COVID.

LEVANGIE: Well, that's true. They're very -- well also, we need to be vegan in order, you know, for them to talk to us. So, it's kind of confusing.

GUTFELD: You have intersectional criminals.

LEVANGIE: Yes, we do.

GUTFELD: Yes. So when they --

LEVANGIE: We're very proud of that.

GUTFELD: When they come to mug you, first they tell you what their identity is.

LEVANGIE: Yes. And their pronouns.

GUTFELD: Right. Right. And then if you use the wrong pronoun, they don't want any of your belongings.

LEVANGIE: No, that's it. They don't want the watch, they want nothing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LEVANGIE: I know. They're very picky.

GUTFELD: They're picky, but they're also polite. I kind of liked that about them. You know, Emily, you're actually -- what are you? A defense attorney?

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: There's so many things I was expecting to come out of your mouth. Yes, yes. That is what I was.

GUTFELD: So, you are -- you're looking at this from like -- somebody who defends criminals. What do you make of this? Is it -- are you saddened by it? What do we do?

COMPAGNO: Well, and I represented the government too. I was the federal attorney for a long time. And so, I feel like I have -- from those two of those angles I actually see this from a local perspective which is how differently all of the cities are treating this. So for example, in L.A. after they defunded the majority of their police budget, a year later, after the spike in homicide that you referenced earlier, they were like, oh, just kidding.

And then they infused a ton back into the police department, right? Sigh of relief. And then Portland was like, oh, no, not only are we going to strip the police have their budget, but we're going to unanimously decline the mayor's pleading to put $2 million toward it.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: And then the city council said, actually we'll let you put some money back but only to park rangers, only then because they're going to help. So, meanwhile --

GUTFELD: It's bears. Go ahead.

COMPAGNO: Right? They -- literally there was a story of two park rangers running from a guy with a knife attacking them, and then they had to call 911 to get saved. And then in Seattle, after they defunded the police, the judge there who was working out, you know, the DOJ investigates, they get into the consent decree. So everything that all the reform everyone is talking about Seattle was undergoing that, right?

That unanimously again, city council decides to defund the police. The judge says, what are you doing? You just set us all back three steps. You can't just get the budget.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: So for everyone clamoring for this to be the result or the conclusion, like it actually helps them. All over the country, you're seeing exactly why it doesn't. The crime is spiking, the judges are saying this is not how to clean up these cities. This is not the way for meaningful reform. So if anything, that was the only reason -- sorry, I might be moving to L.A. soon. You guys got it right eventually?

LEVANGIE: Oh my god. Where I'm moving out. So, you can have --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Oh, nice little crime swap. A little crime swap. That's an interesting story. It's like wife swap but you move into crime ridden areas who gets mugged first.

COMPAGNO: I don't like that. I don't that.

GUTFELD: I don't like it either actually. Joe, lucky for you. You're shut in. You don't go out very often.

JOE DEVITO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It's true.

GUTFELD: It's -- so you don't really experience a lot of crime. I like the fact that we just all assume it's all going to go away once the pandemic is over. Everybody's going to be outside and all the -- all the criminals are going to go, you know what, now that the pandemic stopped. I'm going to go back to my other job of not committing crime.

DEVITO: Yes. Well, you know, I don't know if the criminals have heard this. Committing crime is actually against the law.

COMPAGNO: Not at the moment.

DEVITO: Yes. It's straight, you know, it's nice to hear them say it's going to be a hot violence summer. I was hoping for a hot girl summer. But look at what's your given. It's funny. The white supremacist, they're having a hell of a diversity drive, aren't they?

COMPAGNO: Yes.

DEVITO: You know, kudos to them. And I always laugh when I hear that when people talk about white privilege and white supremacy. And I'm like, yes, that sucks. And they look at me and I'm like, oh, you're including me in that because I'm from Italian American family. We've only been white people since godfather three. So I don't want to (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: It's so true. It's so true. All right. Grade A block. Well, he was banned, but he could still reach his fans. Now he's got a site for those on the rights.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They're keeping him at bay. So he did it his way. After months of being banned from social media platforms. Former President Trump has launched his own communications platform. It's called (BLEEP) Twitter. I wish -- it's actually from the -- it's called from the desk of Donald J. Trump, which isn't it's flashy. And one of his first post was an epic trailer.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You can sign him and those who support him in the Senate to the trash of history.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Twitter permanently banning the commander in chief's personal account with 88 million followers.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I hope that every time he sends like a missive out, the music comes with it. Like he says, and it just comes out. Anyway, the site allows followers to share Trump's posts to Twitter and Facebook for now, which is ironic since Wednesday's Facebook Oversight Board upheld Trump's ban from Facebook and Instagram. I think we have a picture of the Oversight Board. I never thought I'd get to use that picture.

The board said it was not appropriate to impose the penalty of indefinite suspension and gave Facebook six months to review the ban. Meaning they're just going to keep bringing him in like Morgan Freeman's parole from Shawshank Redemption, until Trump finally declares that he no longer gives a (BLEEPP) as for Trump's Twitter ban, the company's CFO says Trump won't be unsuspended no matter what. And they took a shot at Facebook for using an oversight board to make their decision.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How are you guys thinking about him on Twitter?

NED SEGAL, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER, TWITTER: Well, there's no changes to anything we've shared in the past around the former president's account. You know, when you step back and think about our policies, we want to work hard to be consistent, to be transparent, so that people know exactly what to expect from us. We don't have a -- an oversight board like that. Our team is accountable for the decisions that we make.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. That's going to leave a mark. Nothing like good nerd on nerd violence. Meanwhile, this week on Twitter, an anti-semitic account had Anne Frank who was a colonizer trending and Facebook still hosts a page for the Nation of Islam. That's both racist and anti-vax. But by all means, ban Trump because he reminds you of the daddy who didn't hug you enough. Gigi, where do you see this going? Should we -- should we break up these social media platforms? Are they too big?

LEVANGIE: Not only they're too big, and they're too dumb. So maybe we can't do it. You know, maybe they're just like big offensive linemen, and there's nothing to be done with them. I don't know.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I'm glad Tyrus isn't here.

LEVANGIE: Sorry. But it's like -- it's like Revenge of the Nerds, the sequel.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LEVANGIE: You know, I think they're -- I think this world is being dominated by men and fleece this and I think we got to put a stop to that.

GUTFELD: All right. You know what? It's true. If you could pinpoint the moment that fleece vest came into, like public consciousness, that was the end of the world, it was all people in Davos, and they all had their little like, logo on it, fleece vests, Emily. You would never hang around somebody in a police vest.

COMPAGNO: That's all of Seattle.

GUTFELD: Yes.

COMPAGNO: Literally. What kills me is that about that guy, Ned at Twitter that says, oh, we do our own accountability. Twitter was the one -- who -- the ones who humanly decided to trend, the #UncleTim.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: That happened after Senator Scott gave the GOP rebuttal. That was a disgusting display of elevating a racial slur for some reason, and they're patting themselves on the back. And meanwhile, Facebook, who decides to create their own like quasi-independent decision making board and all of a sudden, they're holier than thou. That is literally like, if at your job, you were like, oh, no, I got this when your boss is like, you know, it's time for -- It's time for your schedule or whatever.

You're like, no, no, no, this -- I'm going to take it to this board. I created it. And then I'm going to abide by their decision. Who does that? And for some reason, we continue letting them do that I can't wait until legislation steps in enough to free us all from the chains of being bound to them. Because I think the free market in the way it stands right now is only operating so much. I think behind the scenes, we're still tethered to these guys because there's so much behind the scenes that they still own and they still control.

So, we don't really have that freedom of choice yet. I mean, even myself, I told myself, I'm never on Facebook. I'm so about it. Well, I'm on Instagram and that space, everything is connected.

GUTFELD: Yes, we need to talk about your Instagram post a little bit. Terrible. Joe, you're shutting and so you rely a lot on social media platforms for any kind of attention you get. Is it -- is it the whole idea that saying this is not a free speech issue, a lie because it's not like you're going to go out and start a Twitter in your backyard.

DEVITO: Well, they used to say if you don't like it, start your own and then they tried to do parlor and then they wouldn't let them host on the servers. Bhat by the way, the fleece vest, one thing it doesn't show off is the massive upper arm development of the guys you see wearing them. Yes. I have to be honest though, the preview that Trump put I thought was a little anticlimactic because you see this space shot and I thought we were going to see him in a spacesuit with helmet under his arm walking in slow motion.

And then he announces that, oh, he has a blog. You know, they always say conservatives want to take us back to the 50s. He took us back to about 2005. I think you should find Myspace. We have our -- our passwords are somewhere, they'll go to our old AOL accounts. It's infrastructure, the infrastructure is there.

GUTFELD: And Tom is still available. Remember Tom?

DEVITO: He's looking in --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Right. That's a -- nobody remembers Tom.

DEVITO: We're old.

GUTFELD: Tom was in a little my -- why am I wasting time on it? Lauren, in Canada you do have Twitter?

CHEN: We do.

GUTFELD: And you do have -- you do have Google. OK. You kind of miss Trump not being on Twitter?

CHEN: I miss Trump so much. Politics is so boring without him. A, he's entertaining in and off himself and then B, everyone freaking out about him all the time is amazing. And we've seen platforms like Parler launch. And they end up being kind of boring because they're echo chambers --

GUTFELD: Right. That's true.

CHEN: Only the right is on there. We need Trump to create his own actual social media platform, not a WordPress blog. So that way, the left, they won't be able to keep themselves away. They would just be so attracted to it. And I want us all fighting together again, I missed that.

GUTFELD: Me too. The one thing that I believe would save Twitter is getting rid of trends. Could you imagine what would happen to people if they went on Twitter and they didn't know what was trending? They would actually have to read the feed and make up their minds about what his story is based on what's coming in. That --

CHEN: They need Jack to tell me what to be mad about.

GUTFELD: Exactly. And that is the trend. All right. Up next. The Dems are gathering facts for campaign attack.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They're gathering dirt to hit them where it hurts. The 2024 presidential election is more than 1200 days away, and Democrats are researching who might run against Kamala Harris.

A lot can happen in 1200 days or in 20 days, or days with a strong gust of wind. Politico reports that the DNC is already putting together opposition research on more than 20 potential Republican challengers for the presidential nomination, ranging from former President Donald Trump to the my pillow guy Mike Lindell. Good luck getting dirt on that Trump guy he keeps a low profile.

Others on the list include former VP Mike Pence, Florida Governor Ron de Santos, Nikki Haley, Mike Pompeo, Senators Ted Cruz of Texas, Josh Hawley of Missouri and Rick Scott of Florida, and even some guy named Tucker Carlson. Which sounds like a fake name. So, basically, the pool of candidates consists of Tucker Carlson, and people who watch Tucker Carlson.

Now, the goal of opposition research is to uncover information to publicly discredit your opponent. For example, here's the oppo we gathered on Shannon Bream. Last month, she helped pay for the education of nine orphans. Why not 10? That's going to come back to haunt her. Also on weekends, she participated in a food drive. Makes you wonder what she's hiding. When she's pulling that kind of stuff. Hey, here's your candidate beads. And that's not a severed head in my trunk. Finally, she donates blood regularly. But how do we really know it's her blood? Do you, do any of us?

Yes. Makes you think, doesn't it? Hey, we're just raising questions here and Gutfeld.

COMPAGNO: Oh, no.

GUTFELD: You didn't like that, Emily? Did that upset you? That upset you, didn't you? But you know what, we don't know what she does after work. Anyway, is there any opposition research you'd like to look at?

COMPAGNO: Well, no. Also, in part, I feel like, I don't know, that list is so extensive. And I feel like with for example, Mike Lindell, who we all love. He -- I mean, he's already written a book. We know what's in his past.

GUTFELD: He's crack -- he was a former crack head. What are they going to find worse than that? Well, Hunter Biden could tell you. Nothing is worse than -- nothing is worse than being a crack head, and Hunter Biden goes, oh, yes. I knocked up a stripper while dating my late brother's widow, and then having an affair with a sister in law. I may have read a book about it.

GIGI LEVANGIE, NOVELIST: He's a busy man. He is a busy man.

GUTFELD: He is a busy man. Oh my god. Nobody bought his book though. I'm sorry, Emily, what were you saying?

COMPAGNO: Well, I don't know I got derailed. So, I think what's interesting about this is to me that it just displays the level of panic that's coming out of the DNC right now. In part because it seems as if we're not the only ones that see what their policies are doing and how much it's, it's repelling more than half of the United States. There, they can let them keep digging their grave because no amount of oppo-research is going to help them in 2022 people are done.

GUTFELD: Ah, what do you -- do agree with that? I never, I never I'm never optimistic about anything, including like I could just see America completely tuning out. And if you're looking for exit just New York is a great example. No Republicans vote in New York anymore. So, we just get stuck with de Blasio.

LAUREN CHEN, THE LAUREN CHEN SHOW HOST: Right. They just gave up and I based on the past two years, I feel like just blanket pessimism, probably. But I think the problem with all this opposition research is that we are so divided right now that a lot of the things that the left is going to think is like oh, some gotcha moment, the right is going to love.

Look at Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson wants to discuss the way that immigration affects voting trends based, love it, Republicans love it. Ron DeSantis thinks that you shouldn't be held accountable if you run over a protester who shouldn't have been riding the streets. Amazing. Yes, I mean, this is all going to just help the right if anything.

GUTFELD: I hope so. You know, Joe, basically all of this means nothing until we know what Trump is doing, right?

JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Yes because he just takes all the oxygen out of a room depending on what his choice --

GUTFELD: Which is scary for Joe. Yes, literally, we'll take the oxygen out of the room.

DEVITO: Yes, I think it's some -- it's pretty, geez, imagine having to be the person to dig up dirt on Mike Pence. Oh what a madman.

GUTFELD: Oh, he makes Shannon Bream look like Charles Mason.

DEVITO: Yes, I mean you have to hope that not like Michael Mandel. You'd have to hope maybe, maybe Pence is going to be a future crack addict to keep things interesting.

GUTFELD: But you know, he will only do crack by himself.

DEVITO: He won't. he won't keep that door cracked a little bit if you will. I like DeSantis because he took Florida from being our most insane state. Remember before he was there, if you've heard news from Florida, you never thought, oh, good thing that happened because yes. Either like was alligator, Walmart, bath salts just in different orders. And now, we can't make fun of them. They counted their votes. They've got corona under control. They keep trying to now and what stuff and he's, he's looking pretty good --

GUTFELD: He's, he's the most competent. I think the most competent candidate going right now. Gigi, what do you think about the fact that Biden is just kind of like intermission like, like, like you got Trump 2016 to 2020 then you have Biden is kind of like an intermission where we all kind of catch our breath.

LEVANGIE: Well, I was going to say, he's like a palate cleanser, but that's disgusting. And I personally only do opposition, opposition research. It's hard to say on my husbands.

GUTFELD: How many husbands?

LEVANGIE: It's hard to say.

GUTFELD: Do you have any concurrently? Are they, you do them in an order?

LEVANGIE: I have one. I call? Yes, I call him my current one.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, do you hire private detective?

LEVANGIE: Um, I can't really divulge that. But only on myself.

GUTFELD: I always wonder, I always wonder that private detectives aren't really as good as the T.V. shows claim they are. You know what I mean? Like they get a little license out of a cereal box and they're like private -- they're not really like Jim Rockford.

LEVANGIE: No.

COMPAGNO: Oh my god.

GUTFELD: No, I know. I love Jim Rockford. That's probably one of the best shows on T.V. I'll shut up now.

LEVANGIE: How old are we?

GUTFELD: I don't know I'm very old, very old. Up next, they put a mask on her face, but she still won the race.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She was flat on her face at the end of the race. And her coach was seething over her compromised breathing. I don't really know that but I like to rhyme. High School runners in Oregon, an actual state, will no longer have to wear masks after a track star recently collapsed at the finish line of a race. I can relate although I collapse at the starting line. Little self-deprecation there.

I'm actually a great athlete. This is Maggie Williams breaking her school's record for the 800 meters. But at the end, she tumbled face first and even lost consciousness. Her coach says she wasn't even sure where she was when she came to which she has in common with Joe Biden. That was easy. He gets the mass probably had something to do with it, with her collapse. So, he urged the Oregon Health Authority or OHA as it's known to change the rule, and they agreed.

Now, the state's athletes can take off masks while competing in non-contact sports outdoors like say looting Dick's Sporting Goods in Portland. But hey, at least Maggie won the race unlike my phone like my buddy Cole, the guy can never finish anything for call. Poor Cole. So, Joe, you don't exercise at all, which I am. Not surprised. What do you -- this is ridiculous. Watching people run with masks on is in your city. When you go out at times, I guess?

DEVITO: For me, I would have collapsed the beginning just to get out of running.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

DEVITO: I hate running. Yes, it's -- I like the exercise scientists they needed to consult that maybe wearing a mask while running is not helpful. Why not pop out -- maybe should take the lead weights off the feet, too. There's only two things that you need to do when you're running is move your legs and breathe. And congrats to Maggie, that's amazing that they're really turning it into Harrison Bergeron that if you're good at something, they have to punish you with all these extra add-ons. And that's, that's amazing she won. I can't imagine giving enough of (BLEEP) anything that it would throw myself across the finish line like that. Really, congrats to her.

GUTFELD: And good, Kurt Vonnegut reference, I might add. Gigi, did you see -- Fauci is still pushing, like saying like kids camp should still be wearing masks outside. This is torture.

LEVANGIE: This is because Fauci was probably beat up right after school every single day for his entire elementary school career.

GUTFELD: That could explain a lot of things in my life. The fact that I enjoy getting beaten, beaten up. I used to get it for free as a kid, now I pay for it.

LEVANGIE: That's capitalism, so.

GUTFELD: Yes, do you -- is this ever going to end are people still going to be wearing masks outside because they feel that that's the virtue signal?

LEVANGIE: Well, in California, Southern California, it's never going to end.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LEVANGIE: And they'll probably still be wearing Biden masks for sure. Other places, Nashville, outside Nashville, no one.

GUTFELD: Yes. Any place in Tennessee.

LEVANGIE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Right. Yes. Just follow the banjo music, no masks.

LEVANGIE: And we're done.

GUTFELD: Right. I'm kidding fans of Tennessee. I love Tennessee. Lauren in Canada, what is it -- uh, do you have a lot of like health fascists that are like stare at you badly if you're not wearing a mask outside?

CHEN: We just call those Canadians, right? Well, where I live, we're just coming out of an 8:00 pm curfew. That is it is still light outside that is early.

GUTFELD: For everybody?

CHEN: Everybody.

GUTFELD: That is nuts. Yes, 8:00 pm so you I have to eat dinner at like 6:00 if I want to get back somewhere. But you know what with the left all these crazy things I used to try to fight against it. But I've really bought into accelerationism now. So with the police, you know what you want to abolish the police, go for it have fun enjoy with mask. You know what, two masks, I say three, four. Plastic back over your face mask. As we know, breathing is how COVID is spread. We won't talk about the nursing home incident as we know, that's not a thing didn't happen. So yes, I'm just trying to encourage them. And then hopefully this a progressive problem will take care of itself.

LEVANGIE: Everyone should stop breathing.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's exactly -- that would be. Could you imagine that? Fauci actually had a sense of humor. He should go on and just say, you know, one way to reduce COVID is to practice not breathing. Like for lunch, it's just build up your, your, your whole, breath holding power. Until you can go through the whole day without ever breathing at all, Emily.

COMPAGNO: Right. Like in the 90s when sting was like, I'm tantric because a big thing for eight hours. If Fauci was like, I can my breath for eight hours, it would be amazing. Something to strive for. My thing is that how in Oregon Oh Ha, was like, we're basing our decision on medical guidance and evolving science, right, as if it wasn't based on a teenager collapsing and potentially almost dying. If I were her parents, I would have burned down that state, except my family lives there.

GUTFELD: You're, you're a lawyer? Does she have a right to sue? Or is that she was OK, I guess. But --

COMPAGNO: She was OK. And it depends on damages. But we've seen this tension play out in the beginning of the lockdown and through where essentially public health and safety and the amount of power that these guys have just set these rules. And then when you infringe on a constitutional right, that's when it's sort of a strict Nexus that is required and a compelling interest.

But until that point, if she says, well, you know, it's not, is it a constitutional right to run in a track? I mean, at this point, they're going to say no, no, but we were basing on the CDC guidance, right, the director came out of the CDC and said, yes, you don't have to wear masks outside. And what did the White House do? Oh, she was she was speaking in her personal capacity. So, even that wasn't enough to become guidance, right?

GUTFELD: You know what else is interesting, I hear this a lot from my drivers. Wearing a mask in a car, and you're alone, you get you hyperventilate, you're breathing in your carbon dioxide, and you get dizzy. And I've heard this is anecdotally, so I'm not going to say it's a fact. Oh, maybe I will. It's causing an increase, dramatic increase in car accidents. That's a fact that I just made up. But I wonder if people are passing out at the wheel because they're sucking in their own carbon CO2? I don't know. Don't listen to me when I say talk about science. That's on you. All right. That's what I do know a lot about. Who am I talking? Up next, we asked the question, "SPECIAL REPORT" refuses to tackle. Is there a glut of artificial butt?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Time once again for two more stories that are stupid but interesting. It's our award winning segment called --

ANNOUNCER: "TWO STUPID STORIES."

GUTFEND: The graphic never lies. In an odd photo released by the Carter Center named after the peanut farmer and First Lady appeared to have met with the Bidens. They appeared to meet with divide Bidens to form of ventriloquist act.

The weird image was caused by a wide angle lens but even stranger none of them are wearing masks despite a combined age of 4033. Meanwhile, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons released a 2020 report showing that butt implants are filling pants and operating rooms nationwide. And we do mean wide, am I right America? We haven't confirmed these stats we'll just assume that when it comes to big butts, it cannot lie. Lauren, what do you make of his butt surgery story?

CHEN: Well, first off, I just want to say their eyes follow you across the room. It's very, very off putting. But I was surprised by this because I don't know if anyone else's corona experiences has had been like mine. I don't need help in that department, right? No exercise and a lot of fast food have since kind of done service for me I guess in one respect, but I just want to say a big thank you to Nicki Minaj, you know, Megan (INAUDIBLE). All of these, these keen thinkers who have really revitalized this butt implant section of the economy.

GUTFELD: I agree too.

CHEN: Thank you.

GUTFELD: It was it was an underserved area of the body.

CHEN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Gigi, you know, what I think that when you do an implant there has to be more than just one function. Like why can't a butt implant also just be like, like a retractable awning that you can put?

LEVANGIE: Exactly. Well, I think people don't understand. It's practical.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LEVANGIE: Butt implants can act as a shelf.

GUTFELD: Right.

LEVANGIE: You know, and also they can be retro-fitted so that they if you can, if you're shot like --

GUTFELD: It's like bathtub fitters.

LEVANGIE: Exactly. Exactly.

GUTFELD: Where people just put the bathtub over another bathtub, you just put this over your butt.

LEVANGIE: It's perfect.

GUTFELD: And then you get in the bathtub.

LEVANGIE: By the way, I think the only person I think actually this is all due to the Kardashians. I think this whole, I think it's just the Kardashians who've had their butt implants removed and put back in.

GUTFELD: I'm not implanting anything in my but I'll tell you that. That in the E.R. Oh my god. Explaining to them that I fell on the train set. Emily, let's talk -- let's move on to taste.

LEVANGIE: Sorry.

COMPAGNO: I can't with you.

GUTFELD: Joe Biden? What do you make of this photo? Interesting.

COMPAGNO: So, yes, and I just learned it was the wide, wide lens thing. So, when I first saw this I was like that's what happens when you become 90? So, I've been terrified for like, and for like a day that that is what happens all the time. And then I learned it was from that wide angle lens which probably says more about me than them. But I mean, it just reminds me of the Dollhouse Murders that really awesome book I read growing up. They're in, they're in a dollhouse. These guys are in a doll house, with little tiny people.

GUTFELD: You know, Joe now that I know that there's a lens like this that exists, I might have start using it for my erotic photography.

DEVITO: That photo, it looks like the final shot to an area airy Aster movie terrifying. This is one way to look robust is to loom over to shrunken 90 something.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: I mean, it looks like she's going to have a drink of water and he's going to sing the national anthem with this act they have here.

GUTFELD: Yes.

DEVITO: No masks. Ridiculous at that age.

GUTFELD: That obscure reference for the director that did the movie --

DEVITO: "Hereditary" and "Midsommar."

GUTFELD: I give you credit for that. But you know, a lot of people don't know who -- what's her name?

DEVITO: Ariosto.

GUTFELD: Yes, OK. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Let's wait. It's a little bit, a little bit much. Who are you, Dennis Miller? I love Dennis Miller. He's going to come to this show, actually, Dennis. Yes, I am. Greg. Great. Don't go anywhere. Be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Laura Chen, Gigi Levangie, Joe DeVito, Emily Compagno, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with the evil (ph), evil (ph) Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

'Gutfeld!' beats Jimmy Fallon's 'Tonight Show' throughout April

Fri, 07 May 2021 16:14:46 -0400

"Gutfeld!" is already making a big splash in the late-night scene, immediately defeating "The Tonight Show" during its debut month.

The new ӣ��Ƶ show hosted by Greg Gutfeld made its premiere on April 5 has already bested the long-running NBC late-night staple hosted by Jimmy Fallon, who took over for Jay Leno back in 2014.

From April 5 to May 3, "Gutfeld!" averaged 1.515 million viewers while "The Tonight Show" averaged only 1.395 million viewers. The ӣ��Ƶ program is already competitive to Stephen Colbert's "The Late Show" and "Jimmy Kimmel Live," which scored an average 1.991 million and 1.579 million viewers respectively.

FOX NEWS DOMINATES MSNBC, CNN DURING APRIL AS 'TUCKER CARLSON TONIGHT' IS MOST-WATCHED CABLE NEWS SHOW

Other late-night shows "Gutfeld!" has toppled in its debut month include "The Daily Show with Trevor Noah," "Late Night with Seth Meyers," and "The Late Late Show with James Corden."

"Gutfeld!" also beat its cable news competitors. MSNBC's "The 11th Hour" anchored by Brian Williams averaged 1.375 million during the same time period while the second hour of "CNN Tonight" anchored by Don Lemon landed a weak 690,000 viewers.

"In April, the ӣ��Ƶ Channel debuted the late-night program ‘Gutfeld, exclamation mark.’ The exclamation mark is apropos as, since its launch, the show has averaged over 1.5 million viewers per night, representing a 25 percent increase in the 11 p.m.-midnight ET time period versus the month prior," Fox Corporation executive chairman and CEO Lachlan Murdoch said on Tuesday. "To put this into context, ‘Gutfeld!’ is drawing an audience that is roughly the same size as ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ and larger than ‘The Tonight Show’ despite Fox News reaching fewer households than the broadcast networks."

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

Greg Gutfeld, who is frequently accompanied by ӣ��Ƶ contributors Kat Timpf and Tyrus, has welcomed various ӣ��Ƶ personalities, commentators, comedians, and both former and current politicians onto his show to discuss some of the biggest headlines and trending topics. Gutfeld also co-hosts "The Five" earlier in the day.

All data courtesy of Nielsen Media Research.

Gutfeld: It's not about free speech, it's about control

Thu, 06 May 2021 23:00:37 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 6, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: What's the first thing anybody asked you when they want to put a new facility here in your city? How close is the interstate? What -- how -- you know, what's the access to the lake? What's going on? I mean, what's the water supply? They want to know you have the best infrastructure.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Time for a nap. Oh, it was big news. That Facebook Oversight Board extended the Trump banned from Facebook for six months. I think we have a picture of the board. But really their judgment to extend the band was about as shocking as Kat's inevitable annulment.

All Facebook did was kick the can known as Donald Trump down the road. It's like what Six Flags tells Chris Christie he's not allowed back on the rides until those 37 funnel cakes are properly digested. But the way I see it, anything that gets you off Facebook is a good thing. Seriously, it's a bigger time waste than online porn, or so I've been told. I've never looked at porn in my life. And if I did, it was for a few minutes at a time.

But the response from the media has been joyful. For them it's a major feeling of relief like President Biden after his fourth overnight pee.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JIM ACOSTA, CNN ANCHOR: He's sort of like a snake in search of a sewer these days. And he just can't find one.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This guy is -- has been a longtime troll.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Deep platforming works. Trump is going to feel the pain from this and we're going to hear a lot of screaming from conservatives that this is unfair.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You didn't think this was going to happen.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I remember I kept saying I hope I'm wrong. I wish I would be wrong.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I just want to like to bring you on when you're wrong because it almost never happened.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't mind in this case.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It's amazing how much they care about this. More so than any conservative screaming. We don't really give a (BLEEP) surprise. However, the Dems don't think it's gone far enough. Facebook, in fact, should permanently ban Trump, they say. These guys are as predictable as Hillary's wardrobe. When the Dems come up against something they disagree with, the instinct always is to ban it. They're not happy sticking their fingers in their own ears.

They want to stick them in your ears too. But for them to cure this decision, they have to turn a blind eye to their own rotten past. First, let's talk about the big lie as they call it. interesting how that phrase keeps being repeated as if they think saying it over and over again. We'll make it stick. Sorry, kids. These A-holes are the same creeps who put America through the biggest scam ever. That Russians through the 2016 election for Trump.

This ongoing fraud lasted four years. That's like eight Kat marriages. Four years is an insane amount of time to keep up with a lie. Let's ask Jussie Smollett, it seemed like only yesterday.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Russia interfered in our election.

DAVID GREGORY, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: Russia interfered in our election.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Russia interfered in our 2016 election.

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: Russia interfered in our election.

BRIAN STELTER, CNN HOST: That's an interference in an election. Is this a crisis? Is a national emergency?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That went on longer than a Hunter Biden bender. And they're pissed at Trump for complaining for like a few months. Who can forget all those idiots who still maintain that Stacey Abrams won her election, like Elizabeth Warren who disputed Abrams' 2018 loss in a tweet from just two months ago? How is that good for our democracy? It's almost as bad as feeding a fully wrapped burrito to a dog.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Who's ready for a birthday burrito? Sit, Bailey. Oh, sit. Sit, Bailey. Sit. Sit. (INAUDIBLE) burrito. Yes. Yes. Yes.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So cute when she tries to imitate a human. Gods don't have hands, Elizabeth. They can't open that. Even as the debunking of the Russian scam became so easy a child could do it. They still couldn't help themselves. Adam Schiff got more airtime than the MyPillow guy. They pushed it despite subverting our institutions and creating a hostile atmosphere for Trump supporters which leads to the other part of this B.S. that Trump should be banned because the big lie led to violence on January 6th.

If that's the standard, then every freaking person in the media should be banned especially after the last four years. Again, you want incitement. That was their daily exercise, branding you evil so that target on your back got even wider.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LAWRENCE O'DONNELL, MSNBC HOST: Donald Trump has been embracing American Nazis every day of his political career. You voted for the person who Nazis support.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The racism, the cuddling Nazi.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who's bad enough and Trump followed in the footsteps of Hitler.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: -- Hitler connection.

BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC CHIEF ANCHOR: Is it fair to say that there are Republican office holder with a kind of blood on their hands as we are discussing Nazis in 2018?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You are discussing them. Why is it always Hitler and Nazis with these bozos? Thankfully, some have moved on.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KURT BARDELLA, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: I've been thinking to myself this whole time, you know, al Qaeda, of someone that a lot of them, the Taliban, the people who want to do harm to our nation and to our way of life in our democracy, they got nothing on what this Republican Party is doing.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Who can forget Mike Pence yelling Allah Akbar at the inauguration? By the way, that guy you just saw was a former at Lincoln Project advisor, making him the last person to pass judgment on any behavior. Perhaps he should have been more concerned about the Lincoln Projects youth outreach program. They're about as safe for young men as asleep over at Kevin Spacey's.

It says something that Joy Reid would have him on anyway. Maybe she just loves a good smear.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Just because I do not want critical race theory taught to my children in school does not mean that I'm a racist damn it.

JOY REID, MSNBC NATIONAL CORRESPONDENT: Actually, it does.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So Joy brands her a racist for simply being concerned about our kid being brainwashed at school. This is the same Joy Reid who claimed her homophobic blog posts were fake, then that they were created by hackers then caused by Russians or elves and global warming. They'll say anything to hoodwink her viewers, all 16,019 of them. And let's not forget that most of the media dismissed or outright lied about the summer of violence not only excusing it but energizing it.

Chris Cuomo once said, show me where protests are supposed to be peaceful. I guess they only read the first few words of the First Amendment before a fake weight fell on his head. Talk about a big lie. As a crime wave sweeps the country, they pretend our biggest problem is white supremacy. Like a great magician. They have you looking at the right hand while the left hand is doing the dirty work.

Don't forget that while Trump was actually doing things like blocking travel from China to prevent the COVID spread. All these turds were lawyers were busy talking about was impeachment, banning flavored vapes and outlying plastic bags by taking our eyes off the pandemic ball. They harmed more people than slippery bathmats. It always dry them. But the real story, the people who control most of the information now control all of it. I wonder how our angry white male feels.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wait a minute. You mean to tell me if I say something Facebook doesn't like they'll ban me? And then I won't get those daily updates from friends and family about what they had for breakfast or who they voted for? Deal.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It's not really about free speech. It's actually more about control. The intolerant left has the media. They have the entertainment industry. They have academia. Now they got big tech, but lucky for you. You still have me and I got all my shots.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Welcome tonight's guests. She's so bright she's not allowed in movie theaters. Former Georgia Senator Kelly Loeffler. He's so smart that ways ask them for directions. Washington Times opinion editor and ӣ��Ƶ contributor, Charlie Hurt. And he's so hilarious. Milk shoots him out of its nose. Oh, it's weird. Writer and comedian Kris Fried. And she'll drink you under the table and then drink the table. ӣ��Ƶ contributor, Kat Timpf.

All right, Charlie. Welcome back to the program.

CHARLIE HURT, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Good to be with you.

GUTFELD: Do you see this as censorship? I mean, it's not like if they kick you off Facebook, it's not like you can go form your own Facebook, although I'm sure you've tried.

HURT: Yes. I guess I'm an angry white male because I would -- it would definitely be a thumbs up for me. I would be delighted not to get all of the -- but I don't understand Facebook anyway. It's all, you know, and I get it. I, you know, you know, it's kind of America's front porch. It's where a lot of people especially people who can't get out. And I -- and actually I don't -- I don't mean that derisively either, because I think that they're, you know, it provides a real service.

But I just I -- just don't really get it. You know, there's a reason that you don't -- like if you're not still friends with somebody that you went to college with or you went to School with 20 years later, maybe there's a reason for that.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: But sometimes they're public about their divorces and it's fun to --

GUTFELD: Yes. By the way, you have to look up your exes. That's what Facebook is --

(CROSSTALK)

HURT: I'm afraid to.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you should be. You shouldn't be dating people from penitentiaries.

HURT: I can't answer I can't continue down this line of questioning.

GUTFELD: Is the wife watching?

HURT: Probably. Might be.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I want to know if Kat --

(CROSSTALK)

HURT: And my mom.

GUTFELD: -- public or not about her divorce.

TIMPF: Oh, yes. But I'll put it on like Patreons, so you have to pay --

GUTFELD: Yes. You can fix his cameo.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Kelly, so I guess what drives me crazy is I didn't -- I'm not I'm not crazy about Trump's behavior on January 6th but the people calling him out had been doing that every day for four years. It drives me nuts to hear them.

KELLY LOEFFLER, FORMER GEORGIA SENATOR: Well, have you ever seen a liberal be banned or even censored off of a Facebook or Twitter? Probably not.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOEFFLER: And, you know, the Facebook panel had a very easy job to do. It was answer the question. Do you believe in free speech or do you not? And they clearly don't. And they're going to take six months to reconsider if they've gained that belief in free speech.

GUTFELD: Yeah. I don't know -- what? I know you want to jump.

TIMPF: I think it's funny this panel, because the whole purpose that was created Mark Zuckerberg put the -- created them to make these decisions so that he didn't have to do it. GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Right? And they said, OK, well, the original ban, we agree, with a permanent ban, you got to decide and toss it back to Mark Zuckerberg. Like what he was trying to do is every time when I was a kid, I'd asked my dad for something, he'd be like, I don't know, ask your mother, right? And then what the panel did was, every time my mother was like, you got to ask your dad because he doesn't want to make anyone upset because he's very powerful and influential, and a billionaire.

But he's also a wuss, and he knows if everybody likes them, then he has more money to make, and they didn't give him that option. So it's kind of hilarious in that sense.

GUTFELD: What do you make of this whole situation, Chris? Are you on Facebook?

KRIS FRIED, COMEDIAN: I am.

TIMPF: All day. He loves it.

FRIED: Yes, more than a few minutes, Greg. Several sites of my exes that they're on. No, I am, which is the problem because I think that's what they do. They have information on people like, you know, they go to Congress every two months or whatever, they're in there. And they're, you know, they're asked all these questions and then they're in, there asking them again three months later, and it's like a Jedi mind trick.

They go, hey, that was weird. This doesn't make sense. What -- and then they just go, yes, it does. And the media is like, good point. We'll see you in four months. They don't -- they never solve anything.

GUTFELD: No, you know, what's -- OK. Here's the power that Facebook has, Charlie. You're not -- like a lot of people say, I'm going to leave but they have all your stuff. So isn't it a fact that if you say I'm off Facebook, everything that you've ever put on there is immediately purged and nobody really wants to do that.

HURT: Yes.

GUTFELD: So they've got you by the -- by the -- by your memories. I almost said something else.

HURT: No, absolutely. No, they have everything about you. And -- but also it is sort of an addiction for a lot of people.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: People get really used to it and it becomes their sort of friend and it's how they connect with people. It's how they -- it's the -- it's how they -- it's what has happened to newspapers.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: You know, it used to be people would read newspapers in the morning. Nobody reads newspapers. I think I'm the last person who still looks for a newspaper to read in the morning. Everybody just goes to Facebook or the phone or --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- read the newspaper?

HURT: Yes. I tried to.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: But it's impossible to get. You can't -- it's -- and I need the -- I need like the tactile paper that gets ink on your hand.

TIMPF: I hope they don't keep everything. There was a private photo album called fun pictures with my friends when I -- when I was in college and I hope it's deleted, deleted.

GUTFELD: Well, you know what it is? It's -- like it -- I'm trying to figure out an analogy with -- if Facebook cuts you off, is that like in the 1970s the phone company saying hey, you can no longer use us because crank calling people. Is that what it's like? is that healthy? Because like if it's -- if it's cutting you off of something that big --

HURT: You know what it is?

GUTFELD: What?

HURT: Birthdays. I will never know anyone's birthday.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

(CROSSTALK)

HURT: -- Facebook. And that's what it is. Like, you know the second people are like we should do something about this. They're like hey, do you want us to get rid of every connection you have to people you don't even really care about? I don't know why we do it to be honest.

GUTFELD: Yes. I don't either.

TIMPF: Birthdays.

GUTFELD: Birthdays. All right, coming up. The media is gushing, but she's not blushing. Jen Psaki's love affair with the White House press. That's next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: their knees get weak when Jen Psaki speaks. A recent article published in the Washingtonian magazine, that still exists, features many members of the White House press corps gushing about their approval of Jen Psaki. The glowing press P stands in stark contrast to the unrelenting hostility faced by previous press secretaries. While Kayleigh got grilled by a biased press corps, Psaki faces hard hitting questions like why are you so awesome?

And will you go to the prom with me? That was out of line for Doocy. Take ABC News' John Karl who was quoted saying Jen is "one of the most well- qualified press secretaries we've ever had." Well, that's a great sweet comet. Peter Baker from the New York Times said she is a pro, you know. No, Peter. I don't. What does that mean? Well, unless by pro you mean one who spoon feeds his talking points from a binder the size and shape of Kansas.

So why do her vapid quotes float the media's boats? Well, she's a Democrat. She's working for a Democrat. And one of Democrats in power, White House reporters carry more water than a truck full of Poland spring. I wonder what the follow up article will look like after they ran it pasture before publication.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK, Jen. Just a couple more follow up questions for you. So where were you born?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Born? I'm not -- I'm not Republican.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well, how about, what motivates you at work?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, I am. I hate Republicans (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know what, let's just -- let's just try an easy one. What's your favorite food?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, Republicans.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You eat Republicans?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. Yes, I do. Every day. And that's it for this time. Republicans (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Kelly, knowing what you know now, would you have been a woman Republican or a woman Democrat? And you see how women Republicans are treated versus women Democrats?

LOEFFLER: Oh, I'm proud to be a woman Republican. But, you know, I thought -- I was thinking -- thank you.

GUTFELD: I identify as a female Republican.

LOEFFLER: Well, it's great because the mainstream media hates us, and you just walk around knowing that but I was thinking we should circle back later for the segment later

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

HURT: That is just --

GUTFELD: It's not circling back as much anymore, Charlie.

(CROSSTALK)

HURT: I think she got burned pretty good on that one.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: I think she's --

GUTFELD: Don't you think this is just basically a sub tweet at the previous -- prior administration?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You read the compliments, and they're not really -- it's not like they're saying, you know, she says -- she's, really you know, she's really calm.

HURT: Yes. And then at the end, they say, but she doesn't tell us anything.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: What's the point of the press secretary?

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

HURT: He does -- she is there working for -- we're paying your salary.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: Joe Biden isn't paying her salary. We're paying her salary. Her -- the -- her purpose is to provide information from the administration to the American people. But they -- but of course, none of that was even a slight problem. She reminds me a little bit of Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. And you've got all the crazies that are all sitting there, they just want their meds. And she has this way of looking at you and nodding.

And she has no intention of actually telling you what you want, or solving whatever problem you have. She can just -- she can just sort of nod you into submission. And then she gives you the --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I like that.

HURT: -- with the pills, and then -- and then they take them. That's all they want.

TIMPF: I know that very well.

GUTFELD: What happened? You know, I was looking at it this way that it's an easy job being a press secretary for a Democrat in the White House press corps because it's -- it is like being a bartender at a spring break bar. Everybody there wants to be your best friend. And they're throwing money at you. They just want a shot of Jager. I'm so out of it. Do they still do Jager?

FRIED: They just want a shot of Psaki?

GUTFELD: Ladies and gentlemen, you walked right into a beautiful show.

FRIED: Yes, I'd be cool and calm too.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FRIED: Like, you know, you grow up getting drunk at hibachis and stuff. That's what, you know, if I have my name -- if I had the job and I came out I'm Chris whiskey. You're like, what? Who's next? What?

GUTFELD: What do you make of her performance? And what do you make --

FRIED: Well, the media's love for her. It has become a bit of a -- it feels like a spelling bee situation. She comes out to the podium and the judges of the media, you know, they just -- they just want you to do well get through it.

GUTFELD: Right, right.

FRIED: And then there's Peter Doocy who's like, OK, your word is alien, and crisis. And she's like, can I have the country of origin? She doesn't want to say it. And then everybody applauds. And it's -- I don't know.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FRIED: It is --

GUTFELD: No. They all like -- they're like a parents of -- because they --I mean, they want her to do well. It's exactly the opposite of anybody else. Are you surprised by this, Kat?

TIMPF: No, but I think it's also -- is pretty dangerous. I mean, I don't think you're supposed to be in love with the P.R. machine of a person who's in power over you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like, it's not Stockholm, but it's definitely Stockholm-ish.

GUTFELD: In terms of the syndrome

TIMPF: In terms of --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Not like actual city. It's not like Stockholm.

TIMPF: No, I haven't been -- I'm not as well traveled as you might think. Because I am so cultured and full of a vast array of knowledge. But yes, look, this is what happens every time and you just -- I like to see the crazy stuff because we know there's crazy stuff going on all the time, no matter who's in power. And that's why, you know, I would love -- I think I'd be a great libertarian press secretary because I don't even think that they would care if you wear pants.

GUTFELD: Right. Yes. That's true. That's --

HURT: But if you were -- you wouldn't stick to even the admin -- your administration's talking points. You would just be out there telling the truth about anything no matter what.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: You're probably be really, really chaotic for this administration.

TIMPF: Yes. Yes, yes. I thrive in chaos.

GUTFELD: What about a -- I got a role but I didn't know the why -- you live in D.C. The Washingtonians still exists?

HURT: Amazingly it does. But --

GUTFELD: I thought -- I thought -- it's like regard ease. You know regard ease? Now nobody knows what I'm talking about. But it's a -- like, does James still exists?

HURT: Yes, no. It's -- no. It's -- no. But it's a, you know, it's a real estate glossy and it has like -- it has all the lists in it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HURT: For your bandwidth. And so when you do write your doctor's book about what ails you, you could do -- you'll be like one of the doctors listed in the -- in the 50 --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I know what you mean. It's the 50 best, that's right. That's a scam. All right. Still to come. Chris Cuomo is back and boy is he Chris Cuomo?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: He's the hungry jerk, looking for perks. Does Chris Cuomo deserve a premium spot because he had his shot? This way. Cuomo as seen on Cartoon Network claimed he should get a preference for seating when he goes to restaurants because he's fully vaccinated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: How do you make them realize that doing it is worth it? Beyond inflammation and personal satisfaction of prophylaxis?

LEMON: You pay them?

CUOMO: I'm fine with it. I'm fine with incentives. Businesses, I think you and I, we call for a table. It's going to be mobbed where we live. Wait, we're both vaccinated, I think we should get a preference. I'm fine with it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, a semi-famous guy wants an exemption. What he expect? This is a guy who loves exemptions, like being exempt from covering his brother, the governor, or being exempt from having to wait for a COVID test when it wasn't widely available at the start of the pandemic. It's almost like he got the kind of protection that people in rest homes didn't. But the upside, it should be easy to reserve the early bird special now that his brother's thin the herd. And who could forget when he did become infected, he says he was holed up in his basement, but we know he was breaking out of quarantine, the breaking the rules put in place by his brother for essential activities like fighting with his neighbors.

So, should Cuomo get his own special table? Sure. But there shouldn't be an option for people who don't want to sit next to Chris Cuomo. Maybe split the restaurant into two sections. People who don't want to be near Chris Cuomo. And Chris, is this like, if this idea came from somebody other than Chris Cuomo would you think it's a good idea? Like if it came from somebody else, like a doctor or a restaurant tour, I'd say you know what, that's not a bad idea. But coming from him, it just I can't like it.

KRIS FRIED, COMEDIAN: Yes, it just sort of their vibe makes you -- yes, it makes you be like, that's a good idea, but I don't -- we shouldn't though. But no, I totally would, I guess, I don't know.

GUTFELD: I don't know. How do you, how do you prove it? Like, OK, and then also, you could just see him in the restaurant lording over other people that don't have --

FRIED: Well, here's my issue with the whole thing is that I always hate their little transitions. Because I feel like he gets way too excited that he gets to like, hang out with his black friend at the end of the show. And he wants to -- so, then this like virtue signal kind of topic comes up and he uses it to be like, we should get a table bro, you want to get dinner? Like --

GUTFELD: I love you, man.

FRIED: They'll see me with you.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I'm not racist.

GUTFELD: Yes. That is such a good point. That is really a good point. Kelly, um, do you think he's -- do you think that he has a point? OK. How do you do this? Do you have like a special tag that says you're vaccinated before you go to the restaurant?

KELLY LOEFFLER, FORMER REPUBLICAN SENATOR FROM GEORGIA: Well, I think he needs an exemption tag that says I'm exempt from reality. Because he hasn't experienced what others have experienced in New York. That's right. I mean, he had COVID test rest brush to his bedside when thousands in the nursing homes were waiting on him. You know, we can't forget that. I mean, he used the privilege of his brother's office and, you know, he's exempt from reality.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, it's funny, Kat. It's like people, some people get into the entertainment industry or T.V. news, just for the perks. I'm not one of them, as you know, it's just came to me because --

TIMPF: We're supposed to get perks?

GUTFELD: Well, if you're immensely talented like me, they just flow naturally to me. But I don't know about you.

TIMPF: Yes, I just think it's interesting because I'm sure that this guy already is demanding special when he never makes a reservation for Chris.

GUTFELD: That's true.

TIMPF: He said, what's the name Chris? He never -- anytime him and a friend go out, he's there's like states for Chris Cuomo. He probably calls pretending to be his own assistant to make himself seem like he's more important than he really is.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Put it under Don Lemon plus one.

TIMPF: Yes, exactly. And it's like, you know, the answer to their question of how do we get people to be vaccinated? It's so obvious and it's such as make it different, like, you know, the, the vaccinated section at a baseball game still having to wear masks, even though I'm not a sports gal, but I know this baseball, they play that one outside.

GUTFELD: Yes, they do.

TIMPF: Yes. Why? Why is that the rule? Even the CDC is saying that. The answer is quite clear.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Just -- when you vaccinated, you don't got to wear a mask at a baseball game, which again, outside.

CHARLES HURT, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. I think you're on to something. I think you have a great idea. What they really should be a separate section for Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon. And I think that it would unify the country --

GUTFELD: And it is called CNN.

HURT: Yes, it would be so, everybody would be delighted. Listening to the contempt that and they can't conceal it. And it goes back to what you were saying, Kelly, the contempt they have for people and they're talking about what do we do to get these idiots to get the vaccine, and then they use a word like prophylaxis, which I'm glad to say I don't, I have no, I think that's a dirty word? I'm not, I'm not sure what it is.

TIMPF: I didn't bother to Google it either.

GUTFELD: It's a preventive, like medical -- it's not a device but it's a preventive medical action.

HURT: I'm pretty sure it's a condom.

GUTFELD: No, that's probably prophylactic, you silly little bird.

HURT: Whatever. All I'm saying, oh, all I'm saying is that I think it's a really good idea to separate them. And they really are the most obnoxious people, and it's because they have such contempt for their, their --

GUTFELD: Yes. Am I, am I stretching this idea that it seems to me that liberals always seek class distinction or any kind of method to separate people. And even though they talk about being for everybody -- it's like, it's like a binary, it's like a binary inclination where it's like, vaccination, you're not vaccinated. It's like they deliberate. It's almost like they can't help it, but they seek that that binary opposition to everything.

HURT: It's always all about the boxes.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's all about the boxes. There you go. He's not so dumb after all. Our good pal, Dr. Drew Pinsky almost died. He's going to tell us about it next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: When (INAUDIBLE) get the urge crime will surge. Violent crime is up nationwide with major cities seeing a 33 percent increase in homicides last year. Minneapolis just hit their second highest number of murders in a year ever. And in New York shooting incidents in April were up more than 150 percent over the same month last year, which means it's time for a new segment we're calling --

ANNOUNCER: "ONLY IN NEW YORK."

GUTFELD: Oh, that makes me happy, beautiful and scary. All right, so last week at a steakhouse in Brooklyn had argument over women prompted a guy to pull a gun outside the restaurant and fire it at his rival, but instead he hit two patrons who are just trying to enjoy their dinner. The suspect who had five warrants in North Carolina, it's almost a band, has been arrested and both of the victims are expected to survive although one of them still has a bullet lodged in his spine. Joining us is Dr. Drew Pinsky. Why is he joining us? Because he was at the damn steak house. The reason why I want you on Dr. Pinsky is because I'm so tired of people telling us that whoa, you know, this whole violent epidemic thing, it's like, it's just overblown. What are you going to say now when that happens to you?

DR. DREW PINSKY, Oh, no, it's not overblown. And Greg, Greg discovered I was at Peter Luger, because we were sitting next to each other at Kat's first wedding catching throats here, catching on. And he's he brought up the Peter Luger shooting. I said, yes, I was there. And he was like, what you're there? We were there. In fact, we were outside. My wife, Susan said, why don't we sit outside of this table we're waiting at. And I said, you know, I want to go in and get the full Peter Luger experience. Had we sat at that table, we would have been the object of the bullets.

GUTFELD: That's incredible. I mean, that is actually amazing. And they know, Luger is a classic restaurant, they never used to have outside seating until of course, the pandemic. And so you're kind of like unprotected out there. This guy had a handgun. He was on -- I mean, the bigger story is why was this guy on the streets, right?

PINSKY: Right. Well, and I suspect you guys are like Los Angeles, right? No bail. So, he's there again, I'm sure yes. And so, you know that that's the world we live in right now. And you know, it's funny we spend -- we love New York spend a lot of time there but our home is actually Los Angeles. And Los Angeles is such a mess. It's just in you know, you've heard me talk about that before but it was the first time I came home and felt better in Los Angeles. He's -- around me when I was going through dangerous areas.

GUTFELD: So, when did you first notice something was wrong? I mean, you heard a commotion? You're at your table --

PINSKY: So, there was a commotion, a commotion. And I was sitting looking across towards where the bar is and I heard a commotion heard someone yell, "Call 911, somebody down." And I saw a woman dive down behind the cashier counter. I thought oh, there's a medical problem back there, I'll go help. So, I started heading in that direction.

And then the staff came tearing around the corner and screaming, "Get down. Get down. Gunshots." And my wife was already in the corner she heard the gunshots and she led everybody there. And the staff, the staff, Peter Luger staff ever get your steak at Peter Luger, they deserve medals. They stood tall they made accounting for everybody they keep everybody calm down and I was astonished that I was as calm as I was but I think it was because of those guys.

GUTFELD: You know, if I were in the situation I know that being so important to America that I needed to survive that I would probably abuse my wife as a shield to escape and not through the backdoor because I probably get lost, I would try to go out through the front door with her as a shield and she would understand, RIP. Did you continue eating after this?

PINSKY: I'm just thinking Greg. You're, you're a different size target than me too. I feel safer for you. Yes, once we're done, because I -- no one else in my family was hungry but I actually I had strange I had my wits about me during the whole thing, I was trying to keep people safe and things. And when I sat back down at the table, I wanted that Peter Luger steak.

GUTFELD: You know what, you should have ordered shots for everybody. Is that a terrible joke? No, it would have been terrible if it was worse. But the thing is, Dr. Drew, this person has -- I mean when you have a bullet that close to your spine, this story could have gone really bad.

PINSKY: Oh no, it's a miracle that it wasn't worse. One guy was shot in the abdomen, the other guy was shot through the back -- it was almost a through and through chest wound, but the bullet ended up in his spine. I mean, bullets move around it. This was the whole thing about the experience was, he was very uncertain. We didn't know was this a drive by shooting? Was this a mass event? Was there going to be a shootout with the cops? And by the way, kudos to the Brooklyn police. They were there in two minutes. Had this been Los Angeles, we would not even have been speaking to the 911 operator yet.

GUTFELD: Why were they there so quickly? Why were they there so quickly?

PINSKY: Well, apparently they were at an anti-cop rally.

GUTFELD: Isn't that amazing? They were at an anti-cop rally. Finally, the people who hate the police did something good.

PINSKY: They did -- go ahead.

GUTFELD: No. It is such an interesting point that like, oh, like these, these cops have to supervise these babies at an anti-cop rally. And, and actually, ironically, they have to run and save people's lives. Actually, they caught the guy, the guy they chased the guy down, the guy thrown the gun somewhere. And now he's I guess him and Kat are dating.

TIMPF: My husband is watching.

GUTFELD: Your five-day-old wedding imploded. All right, Dr. Drew, thank you for coming on. Amazing story and glad you're safe.

PINSKY: Thank you guys. And again, hats off to the waiting, waiting staff - -

GUTFELD: By the way, how much did you tip?

PINSKY: A lot. Enough that they came over afterwards to thank you. But I really appreciate what they did.

GUTFELD: All right. Thank you, Doc. Coming up a guy (INAUDIBLE) about how white people walk.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCEMENT: "EVERYTHING IS RACIST."

GUTFELD: It's true. Everything is racist. He needed to mock how white people walk and speak of a Northwestern University newspaper editor who says the way white people walk on sidewalks is racist. Kenny Allen wondered why when he'd walk on campus, he'd always bump into people even when sidewalks were relatively empty.

Now, normal person might get himself to lenscrafters. Kenny is not normal. He's a woke college student. So, we decided instead to write an article about how racist white people are. "White people came to expect the right of way in public spaces. White people taught their kids to move through the world in the same way. Many people -- many white people walk around campus having unknowingly absorbed this particular facet of white supremacy." So, walking is racist. So, what's his next article going to be on? How elevators were made just to help the white man ascend to the top faster? I would bring up the racist undertones of moving stairs, but I don't want to escalate things.

This is such a grift. All you got to do is pick a topic link it to racism you get published. You probably get a job somewhere. I don't know where. I wouldn't hire anybody who wrote that.

TIMPF: OK, seven years ago, it was sexist. And I worked at, I was working at National Review at the time, and there was this article that was out about man slit slamming. Where a woman said she walked around and all the men bumped into her and barely any women did. So, I, this is my video, I made -- I wore a hidden camera and walked around Grand Central without moving out of the way to see who would bump into me and who wouldn't. Three times as many women bumped into me as men, OK.

And that's not even to say that OK, men or women are the ones -- no, it was one hour, one day, in one area, and that's just what how it worked out. And maybe it's not attributed to gender. The thing is, if you set out to find something, you're looking for sexism, you're looking for racism, you're going to find it. Because imagine, OK, so the white people didn't move. But imagine if the white people did move? The white people, they all move on the way when I go on the sidewalk because they're so racist.

GUTFELD: They're so scared of the black man.

TIMPF: That wouldn't be the article then.

GUTFELD: They're scared of the black man, they're moving away. By the way, why didn't you get a Pulitzer for this great work?

TIMPF: I don't know.

GUTFELD: I mean, and talk about taking a risk wearing a secret camera at Penn State.

TIMPF: I was 25 years old.

GUTFELD: Yes, it means, it's amazing that you're here on this show. Chris, do you believe that the sidewalks are too white in northwestern?

FRIED: No. I have no white male straight comedian jokes for this segment. No, I don't know. Chances are, it was just, you know, probably privileged people. Sure, I don't know. But chances are they're just selfish American people like everybody wandering around, listening to --

TIMPF: Headphones.

FRIED: Beats by Dre. You know what I mean? And it's the same thing to me as everybody gets sidewalk rage. They're slow people. There's cut off people. It's the same as being in a car and you can't see their race. You can probably assume the gender in the car. But anyway, it's the same thing --

HURT: (INAUDIBLE)

FRIED: I'm done, I guess

GUTFELD: You are literally finished.

FRIED: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. So, Kelly, what do you -- this is kind of, it just shows how indoctrinated everybody is in this kind of like woke ideology.

LOEFFLER: That's right. But at least none of us will be surprised when Northwestern tears up the sidewalk at the university. We'll all say OK, the world is a much better place. It's much more fair.

GUTFELD: Yes. Create some lanes, Charlie. Why don't you -- you know what, that would be the new thing. We need to segregate where people walk. So, we have a lane for blacks and a lane for whites?

HURT: No, that's, that's the perfect democrats solution. Yes, that's exactly what would solve all of this. But here's the problem with Kenny. Kenny is a victim. But he's not a victim of what he thinks he's a victim of. He's not a victim of racism. He's, well, it's sort of a, it's a strain of racism. He's a victim of having been lied to by all of these political hacks for his entire adult or whatever, teenage life, where everybody tells him that, oh, no, everybody's so racist everybody.

And then, and then, when you when you sort of imbue people with this, this one way of lens through which you look at everything. It's not surprising that he ends up writing a really embarrassing thing for the campus paper about how racist the sidewalks are. And what's really troubling about it is that reading this thing that Kenny wrote, all I can think about is, I can be reading this in the New York Times.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. That's from say, he's got a future. Yes, he's got a future. The other thing that drives me crazy about this, and maybe this is the biggest point and that's why I'm the host, and you're not, Charlie. This anti-racism woke cult, is giving users carte blanche to be racist. This person is saying, I don't like how white people walk. That is actually legitimately racist. But because you're part of the anti-racist cult, you can actually say that.

HURT: It's like your vaccine card. You get your vaccine card, and so you can say all these things.

GUTFELD: Yes. Well, anyway, we got -- we get into the block. Don't go anywhere. Be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, we're out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Senator Kelly Loeffler, Charlie Hurt, Chris Creek, Dr. Drew Pinsky, Kat Timpf, our studio audience.

Gutfeld on CIA recruitment video: They replaced CIA with TMI

Tue, 04 May 2021 23:00:50 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 4, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

BRIAN STELTER, CNN ANCHOR: At the same time, Bill, humor is so polarized. ӣ��Ƶ trying to launch a late-night comedy show, trying to compete with Colbert and Kimmel. How's it going?

BILL CARTER, CNN MEDIA ANALYST: Well, you know, the Gutfeld Show is what I expected, which is that it's not really about comedy or satire. It's about revenge. The idea is to tell jokes that get them riled up and they're not being entertained, they're being incited. And the idea is for them to say, yes, that'll show him.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Oh, he got me. So why wouldn't Brian Stelter defend me considering I gave him his start in cable news?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Brian, I like to play a little game where I just stay in my apartment, and I don't pick up the phone to see if anybody will come and check on me. Have you ever thought about doing that?

STELTER: And no one -- no one pays the rent. I mean, the landlord came after seven years to evict them. I want a landlord who won't evict me for seven years.

GUTFELD: Exactly. It makes no sense.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, with hair he's like a little adorable hamster.

Too bad the Oscars were last week because the CIA could have gone home with more gold than William DeVane. Have you seen their latest recruitment video? It's a gut-wrenching portrayal of one woman's triumph over bigotry and injustice in a world filled with pain and confusion.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm a woman of color. I am a mom. I am a cisgender millennial who has been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I am intersectional. But my existence is not a box checking exercise.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wait, didn't she just check every box? By the way, who actually says I'm intersectional? I mean, besides my couch. Here's more.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I used to struggle with imposter syndrome. But at 36 I refuse to internalize misguided patriarchal ideas of what a woman can or should be. I am unapologetically me. I want you to be unapologetically you, whoever you are.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Just what we wanted in a secret agent, one who blows their cover five seconds after meeting you. They replace CIA with TMI. Talk about oversharing How can this person go undercover? Aren't spies supposed to have a secret identity and not identify openly as 18 different things? Forget name, rank and serial number. Yes, my name is Susan Thomas. I am an art dealer traveling abroad.

But really I'm a bisexual non-binary gender studies graduate with student debt and childhood trauma who's in the CIA. Whoops, I should have left that part out and I have to kill you. The whole point of being the CIA is not being true to our identity. Whether you're a Latin ex or Scottish, especially if you're Scottish. The bagpipes are a dead giveaway. So, I say get over yourself or selves.

But sadly wokeness is now how we do business and even the CIA is in on it. Man, was I dumb? I thought that kind of P.C. builds had an expiration date once you graduated, like playing hacky sack or listening to Cat Stevens. The understanding was that this stuff was worthless once he left college, but I was wrong. The wokesters are now officially everywhere, drowning us with their box checking vernacular. Could you imagine being interrogated by a new age agent?

Talk about torture. Ed, we saw you purchase the ingredients for the pipe bombs. You were obviously acting out against the racist classes as patriarchal colonizers, trying to prevent you from being your best, most authentic self as a result of your lived experiences as a survivor of your chronic bedwetting or as we call it creative peeing.

You will confess to anything to stop them from droning on about themselves. Yes, yes, I had a bomb in my shoe. Please stop forcing me to list my favorite role models of color. So I admit this is like shooting sustainably raised salmon in a barrel. This video is not exactly top secret, and this woman is serving our country so good for her. But every blinking Yahoo on this planet can see how silly America's premier's intelligent agency actually is.

Even Twitter laughed, but not the CIA. These videos came out of multiple meetings and strategy sessions. The fact that they put this out there, it's kind of a huge blind spot. And spy agencies shouldn't have blind spots. It's like your dad getting an earring for his 50th birthday. Maybe this video might even get people to join the CIA but me, this level of malarkey couldn't get me to join an orgy. But maybe that's the points.

One more non-binary intersectional type means one less angry white male like me on staff. Right, angry white male?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How would I describe myself? I'm a regular guy, I guess. I like sports. I like -- I guess I like my job. I love my family. What's this for? The news? Because I hate the news.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You got to wonder what the world thinks of this. Our enemies are giggling like Don Lemon on a bicycle. Just the image that I find humorous. That is we have foreign enemies who dream of nothing more than killing each one of us every day. And I doubt that Oprah level University approved talking points about gender and race would scare them. By the by, have you ever wondered what a politically correct secret agent might look like? We already did.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This Christmas, Bond is back like you've never seen him before.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You hungry? I had an extra one.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Of course not, violence is so uncivilized.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's the same James Bond, you know, love, rewritten to please even the most progressive, socially conscious movie goer in 2018.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What it will be, sir? Let me guess. Martini shaken, not stirred?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Latte, soy latte, for decaf.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Extra deep one?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The beans sustainably sourced. I only drink organic farm-raised homegrown cruelty free coffee.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I have no idea.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: With entry and suspense.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Your move 007.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Is it? No, seriously, is it? I don't know how to play this game. I saw at a TED talk recently that competitive activities only encouraged toxic masculinity and marginalized disenfranchised communities into unjust hierarchical structures reinforced by a bigoted and corrupt system.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're bluffing.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's a bluff.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It isn't a Bond film without seduction.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, James, I've had a really lovely evening. Cats come inside.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You know, I don't appreciate the heteronormative assumptions in your proposition. It's regressive anti-neo feminist rhetoric like that, that perpetuates a patriarchal society of oppression and gendered subjugation, not the least of which I care to contribute to.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You could have just said now.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So get ready for the most politically correct secret agent of all time. No guns, no gambling, no girls, it's James Bond in The Spy Who Consensually Agreed In Writing She Loved Me.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You must be Q.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's LGBTQ now.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Your mission should you choose to accept it is to reject virtue signaling of all kinds. Good luck. This segment will self-destruct in five seconds.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guest. She chairs the Senate subcommittee on awesome, Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn. She went from pompoms to truth bombs. "OUTNUMBERED" cohost, Emily Compagno. She's three days into her first marriage. ӣ��Ƶ Contributor, Kat Timpf. And his tattoo artist charges in by the yard. My massive sidekick and host of "NUFF SAID" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

All right, Senator. How did you -- what did you think when you heard -- first heard that video? I mean, it's the language that drives me crazy. I like the fact that she's serving the country, but it's the CIA. It's so little -- it's touchy feely.

SEN. MARSHA BLACKBURN (R-TN): Well, the CIA should be about recruiting the best and brightest than there are.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BLACKBURN: About protecting this country. About stopping bad actors, bad people bad things from happening. And here we are putting the focus on someone that has imposter syndrome. And it's completely inappropriate.

GUTFELD: You know what's interesting about that? When you say imposter syndrome. Nobody knows what that is. But Kat.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

BLACKBURN: We all know what imposter say.

TIMPF: Yes. It's like kind of how I'm this huge superstar and a national treasure but I don't really realize that by myself.

GUTFELD: Everybody has imposter syndrome.

TIMPF: Right.

GUTFELD: Because that -- what that means is you think that you're not -- you think people are going to find out that you're actually not good at what you do.

TIMPF: Right. Even -- yes. I do. I am worried about that. Even though I'm excellent and unparalleled at what I do. Look, I just think that this in the reaction all of it kind of proves how broken and how the Democratic Party in the left in general, it's not just that they're obsessed with wokeness that's kind of all that matters to them. Because it's not shocking to see that conservatives don't like this.

I mean, it is pretty ridiculous. But on the left, you know, Jacobin mag is the only place I saw point this out hey, you know, the CIA is not woke with their decades of, you know, hyper militarization and all these things. These are things that liberals are not supposed to like but be like, oh, look at this nice ad. She made a nice little word salad of all these nice buzz words that everyone's supposed to say and then boom, that's enough.

Just like how for vice president they nominated a corrupt cop because she had the identity politics that fit. That's all that matters and it's crazy.

GUTFELD: It's an interesting trend because corporations are realizing that if you use the woke vernacular, they will overlook everything.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Including not paying your taxes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Or making, you know, ice cream that will like give you heart disease in 10 years.

TIMPF: Yes. Justin Trudeau blackface multiple times, like anything. You use the right buzzword -- may have -- make the right buzzword salad of wokeness, you're fine.

GUTFELD: So Emily, good to see you. That's all.

EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I've been waiting for it.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: This is part of -- this is part of a I think a series called humans of the CIA, which by the way, the title is pretty funny. Because it sounds like we know they're humans in the CIA. But it's like they were trying too hard to appeal. It's -- again, it's like your dad getting an earring. It's just like, so the CIA is trying too hard.

COMPAGNO: Absolutely. And they're the last agency that needs to try it all.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

COMPAGNO: That's the other thing. Like we all know what goes on behind those closed doors.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: We've all seen the movies, we know it all. And that's why that video that you guys made is so funny because I just kept thinking to myself, Mitch Rapp would never make a video like that Jason Bourne or 007 would never make a video like that. And then you did. And it just pulls back the curtain of what a farce this entire thing is that they're trying to do. And I think, you know, from a management standpoint, it's such a failure because when you invite in topics that divide in politics into the workplace, of course, they're going to bring it with you -- with them.

And so it's going to become a monster you can't kill. And for an agency like the CIA, or law enforcement agencies, we need them to be a certain plug and play. We need them to be code before self. We need to understand that if an agent can't make it or doesn't show up another one will perfectly replace them in the same standard, not to a different standard, because I just want to raise my hand and talk about my differences.

GUTFELD: Yes.

COMPAGNO: And recruiting based on those differences over the similarities and the code is a disaster. And it's dangerous. And I also don't understand why we are advertising to our enemies that like the CIA is staffed with anxious individual.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO: Helps no one.

GUTFELD: Yes. Although I would make a great CIA agent because I'm anxious all the time. And constantly thinking people are out to get me. You know what, Tyrus, here's the thing that -- don't look at me like that. You look like you're waiting for something horrible to happen. You are. OK. Who -- why does the CIA need a recruitment video when everybody loves to be -- like when you when I met Mike Baker, it's like he's in the CIA. It's like the coolest job ever. Do you really need recruitment videos to get people to join the CIA? It's a great title.

TYRUS, FOX NEW CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I'm still stuck on imposter syndrome. I don't -- I don't get it. Like you're saying you struggle from lying about yourself a lot? Is that impossible? Like you're really deep down a pirate, but you're just doing this CIA thing until the ship comes in?

GUTFELD: No, it's --

TYRUS: You know what I'm saying?

TIMPF: Look like how I worry that I'm not brilliant and beautiful --

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: OK. I'm not -- it's not what I meant. The --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Exactly.

TYRUS: The bigger -- the bigger problem in this that I noticed and I only watched it like, three or four times that wasn't sure what I was watching. I was waiting for someone -- you to walk out and be like, got you. But I didn't hear anything about America in that entire thing or serving your country or don't worry, 3:00 a.m. I'm on the job. Well, we know you can't because of the imposter syndrome and the anxiety you don't like dark quiet places. So you can't do it.

Like this was like the me, we're not -- we're not about country. We're about me. And this is the one business where you cannot be singled out and recognized and given participation trophies for being in the CIA. You're supposed to be America first. Duty to country and honestly yourself a second.

GUTFELD: You know, it's interesting. I think that's probably the concern. Besides just the language to me is so strange. Because it's not original. This language is being passed along through academia and everybody picks up on it, but it is the -- it's the triumph of the me over the we. Wow, I just came up with that.

(CROSSTALK)

COMPAGNO: Country first.

GUTFELD: Country first.

COMPAGNO: Yes.

TYRUS: I'm trying to put it up there for you. I got to do it. Not well in your case. Set shot but, yes.

GUTFELD: You know, that's unnecessary. Coming up. The anti-cop racist rants you don't want to miss.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Would you take a class from an anti-cop ass? During a traffic stop in L.A. County, a woman claiming to be a teacher unleashed a tirade on a Latino deputy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The speed limit is 40 and I was going 38. So why are you harassing me?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're correct. I pulled you over because --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Because you're a murderer.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Because --

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I started to record because you're a murderer.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You can't be -- you can't be on your cell phone while you're driving.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Like I was on my phone. You scared me and made me think you were going to murder me.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well, I'm sorry. You feel that way.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, that's not just a feeling. You're a murderer. I'm perfectly legal. And I'm a teacher. Still there.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Congratulations.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're a murderer.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What's that? Hold on still for me.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: OK, murderer.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, she's a teacher. I wonder what subject she teaches like how to ask to speak to the manager. I mean, imagine getting dinner with that. Later you know to probably sends back the appetizer before even ordering it. It gets worse.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He's only citing you for using your cell phone while you're driving. That's it.

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: For being a -- for him being a Mexican racist. What is that name? Gas on.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's on the citation, ma'am.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: There you go Mexican racist. You're always going to be a Mexican. You'll never be white. You know that, right?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: My god. Something tells me this woman has had to press one for English just once too often. Yes, nothing gets you out of a traffic ticket faster than some bonus racism. O think of all the times I just tried to show some cleavage. Meanwhile, a professor at Cypress College in Southern Cal is on leave after parading a student who called police heroes.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I think cops are heroes and they have to have a difficult job but we have to have --

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: All of them?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, I have not -- I mean, I'd say a good majority of them. You have bad people in every business and every part --

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes. Yes. A lot of --

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: A lot of police officers have committed an atrocious crimes and have gotten away with it and have never been convicted of any of it.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who do we call when we're in trouble and someone has a knife or a gun?

(CROSSTALK)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I wouldn't call the police.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Why wouldn't you call the police?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't trust them.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Who would you call?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Time to go.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We have to go. So trouble with a knife or gun sounds like a job for a social worker. Turns out she's not the only faculty against the force. A growing number of professors and students across the country have pledged support to the cops off campus coalition. An organization aimed at removing all police from campus. They're demanding zero police presence on May 25th.

Which sounds like a pretty good day to steal a professor's Vespa. But without campus police where would they report their hate crime hoaxes? On the upside the GoFundMe that was set up for the officer suspended for mocking LeBron James has skyrocketed to over 400 grand. That's nearly a buck for every time LeBron fakes getting fouled. That's funny, because I don't know what I just said.

I know nothing about basketball. That was written for me because I'm stupid on sports. Emily, that cop was a saint. Right?

COMPAGNO: Yes, yes, we know my temper. This is what's so insane to me that these cops endure this unrelenting verbal abuse. That was a nauseating encounter and get through it all. We expect them to not only exercise restraint, but also exhibit that polite decorum that he did. And they're also getting physically attacked and ambushed and killed. And we wonder why death by suicide for them is twice as much as dying in the line of fire.

I mean, these guys are being subjected to an incredible assault at all levels. And that trend is horrifying at the left seems to celebrate it. I find it sickening. And I think what is additionally and maybe more devastating than the community vilifying them from the left is the fact that they're not getting any public support whatsoever or the Democrat public elected officials.

GUTFELD: Right.

COMPAGNO: But they're not getting anyone that is saying these -- that is stating public messages of support so that they know that someone else has their back, these guys are being isolated and it's really troubling.

GUTFELD: You know, it is -- Senator, it -- is it this this current climate of antipolice sentiment. It's like energizing people even more to openly, you know, crap on cops. I mean, she thought that she was going to get famous, like, I'm going to record this cop while he's doing absolutely nothing. But just being polite. But she feels like this is the right time to do it. You know?

BLACKBURN: Well, and this is one of the reasons people wanting to stand up and support police, like they -- the GoFundMe that has just taken off so. This is the American people voting with their dollar to say, we stand with our cops. Of course, there are going to every once in a while be someone who is not within the code of conduct.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BLACKBURN: But by and large, the overwhelming majority and God bless these men and women, every single day for the jobs that say you're doing and for what they have to endure, is they do those jobs.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Tyrus, it was great. He didn't use any intersectional language, but he was awesome. Like, I mean, you know the thing and like, people forget that they -- that they have to put up with idiots every day. And that was a true idiot.

TYRUS: Yes. And you know, I think even harder for him is that I'm not 100 percent but I'm pretty sure she was Hispanic too. And sometimes the word -- and I said before racism is not just for whites anymore. Being called basically she was calling him Uncle Tom and Mexican, the word that she was looking for.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: But this trend of making it fashionable to resist arrest or to struggle with police officers leads down a road that ends up bad for a lot of people.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: She's not Rosa Parks in that moment. And she's borderline in criminal. And she couldn't accept her consequences and this is the last individual that should be teaching children anything. Just based off her comments and her lack of education, that when she was frustrated, and she was caught on the phone, the only thing she could do was call names and make racist comments about somebody. That's in our classroom. That's teaching our kids to problem solve.

Imagine she is with our kids. Same thing with the other professor. This is who's educating our kids. They're setting precedents because they're not affected. She got away with it. She probably could have spit on him. And he got away with it. But that cop that -- the bad cop everybody talks about, you pull that with him. It's not going to end that way. So why put yourself in that situation?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: For the one out of every 200 cops that are not going to take that. Why would you incite that?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And then why would you polarize it? No one should be applauding her.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Should be ashamed of herself.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Kat. I have a feeling that after all this happens. She's now going to become the victim. She tried to like -- so she tried to film it. And then she got filmed. And now she's going to say like, now I'm getting death threats after she -- she was calling him a murder.

TIMPF: Right.

GUTFELD: That's my prediction.

TIMPF: Right, yes. Because it's totally normal when you're, you know, mildly inconvenience to just call that person a murderer. Same thing I do when I go out to eat, they're out of clam chowder.

GUTFELD: You murderer.

TIMPF: You murderer. It's awful. And there really are real things that need to be done criminal justice reform arise, police reform arise. Nobody with half a brain could think that means there is going to be no law enforcement agency.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: They're going to have laws, you have to have law enforcement. And the more ridiculous this gets, the further we get away from actually making the changes that need to be made. Because yes, we need police, we need a law enforcement agency. I'm in the process of getting murdered. I am definitely calling the cops before I call the therapist.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Therapist is for later.

GUTFELD: Especially if the therapist is trying to kill you.

TIMPF: No.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: All sessions are on Zoom now. Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. Well those getting wed get arrested instead?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: "CANCELING TORNADO."

GUTFELD: You may now kiss the bride before you're locked up inside. Washington, D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser has banned standing and dancing at weddings under new social distancing guidelines. Also, all plus ones must be naked. Now, many couples are scrambling to move their weddings outside D.C. with just a few weeks' notice. Bowser's office said the band is yet another step to reduce the COVID spread because when people hit the dance floor, their behavior changes. It's true. I once caught salmonella from the chicken dance.

Anyway. Sorry. We're not the only country missing out on good times. I love the chicken dance. Germany is canceled Oktoberfest for the second straight year. Even though Oktoberfest is several months' away official say, COVID numbers are just too high and German hospitals are struggling. And health is priority number one at a festival dedicated to booze and smoked meats. Still, you got a feel for the people of Munich. We caught up with an Oktoberfest, fest, for tender to see how they're holding up.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm certainly disappointed that Oktoberfest has been canceled once again. But on the bright side, this gives me a chance to catch up on my favorite American show, "GUTFELD!" Greg has been quite famous in Germany since the mid-80s when he made those erotic films here. Many people enjoyed the dwarf from Dusseldorf Part Three. It was much better than the first two. Anyone who has seen it knows why Greg's abs are known all throughout Bavaria.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Those were the days. Kat, obviously, you are now married person. Are you glad that you were married here and you could dance?

TIMPF: Yes, although in New York, you're supposed to have dance zones.

GUTFELD: Oh really?

TIMPF: Where it's -- I'm not kidding. Where it's only people from a household can dance in one area apart -- six feet apart from other dance zones, which obviously my official answers that's absolutely what we did. But the real answer is who would do that?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Who would ever do that? No one would do that. No one would do this either. No dancing or standing, or no being near anyone outside of your house. Let's you sit there with a mask on for several hours sitting next to only the people you've been locked inside with for over a year. No, no one would do that. And there are ways to do things responsibly.

I had a very, very small wedding. Everyone that was vaccinated except for a handful of people who got multiple, multiple sets. There are ways to do this and making the rules this ridiculous that are no one's going to follow them. That's not guidance that they might as well just do nothing. Nobody's, nobody's going to do this.

GUTFELD: Very important to shave your dance zone. Yes, it's very unruly, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Yes, I love --

GUTFELD: Terrible. I don't know what that meant, Tyrus.

TYRUS: Yes, I don't either. I'm just doing my own thing. But I love these rules. These are great rules, because now I have more outs not to go to weddings. I would go but there's no dancing. If I'm not cutting a rug, I'm throwing stuff around. So, it's not you. It's me. Sorry, hon, we'll go --

SEN. MARSHA BLACKBURN (R-TN): Tyrus, come to Tennessee will let you dance in the streets at your wedding. And we're open for business --

TYRUS: I would but I think I need to tell you that I'm suffering from imposter syndrome. I'm not really a dancer. I just said that, so I can get out of the wedding and you completely ruin my attempt to get out of a wedding. Thank you, Senator.

BLACKBURN: You're welcome, anytime.

GUTFELD: It's true though, like Tennessee. You things are back to normal and have been back to normal for quite some time. And how are your rates? Your rates are not like anything worse than --

BLACKBURN: No, where -- we're in great shape and we are moving past this. People in Tennessee have said, we want to get back to normal, people back to work, kids back in school. And of course, you know, go to church. Go down on Broadway, go dance. You know that's fine.

GUTFELD: Yes. Can you call the owner of this company and convince them to move Fox to Nashville?

BLACKBURN: You might as well, everybody else is moving.

TYRUS: You want me to call Uncle Murdock.

BLACKBURN: Come on. Come on.

GUTFELD: We don't need to be in New York anymore. We don't. We don't. We don't. Sorry, everybody, but we don't. OK.

BLACKBURN: But you might get Tennessee imposter syndrome if you don't get there.

GUTFELD: That is true. That is true. All right, Emily, what do you what do you want to talk about, Oktoberfest or the wedding?

COMPAGNO: I'll talk about the wedding.

GUTFELD: OK.

COMPAGNO: So, there's a Sicilian saying that translates to I will dance at your wedding and it means that you will because you will celebrate. It's like, there you don't attend a wedding and not dance because that's a way that you celebrate and, and really contribute to that joy and that union. So, I can't imagine a wedding without dancing. It's like a wedding.

BLACKBURN: Or standing.

COMPAGNO: Or standing. Exactly, the whole thing is ridiculous. I feel bad for any of the businesses that of course will now have their support wiped away as everyone just flees across the border "Footloose" style because OK, we can't stand here. Then I'll just drive 25 miles and stand and drink and dance here.

GUTFELD: Yes. We've turned into the -- Americas turned into the movie "Footloose." You know, why is it, why is it the pandemic getting rid of the things we don't like? Like baby showers and stuff like that. Still to come, one way to clean up, mary Bill Gates without a prenup.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Was this Internet Explorer starting to bore her. Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce after 27 years of marriage and court documents reveal that the pair whose fortune is estimated at well over $100 billion did not have a prenup in place when they got hitched. This from a man who makes you scroll through 40 pages for a software update. His wife Melinda was the one to file calling the marriage irretrievably broken.

Maybe they should have gotten the extended warranty? In a statement, the couple said we will continue to work together at the foundation, but we no longer believe we can grow together as a couple in this next phase of our lives. In a Netflix documentary that came out two years ago, Bill explained that he took the decision to get married very seriously.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We cared a lot for each other. And there were only two possibilities. Either we were going to break up or we were going to get married.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: If it wasn't going to work with him, I would have moved on. I knew I would move on. He had to make a decision. And one day he walked his bedroom, his whiteboard had the pros and the cons of getting married.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It was so over when they were doing this documentary. I just realized that that was like she was like she never would have loved me at any like Bill and Melinda say they tried everything they could to make the marriage work including turning it off and turning it on again. Tyrus, so this whole prenup thing is an interesting problem, because it's hard to broach before you get married. If you get married and things go south, what do you do? 100 billion.

TYRUS: Well, I just, I just feel that when you're in the 100 billion zone, if that's -- he or she takes half?

GUTFELD: Yes, it's OK.

TYRUS: You're OK.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Yes, seriously, seriously (BLEEP) For the rest of us, we had to --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Make it their idea. Fellows, pay attention. She's not watching tonight. So, you have to convince them that they are more successful than you will ever be. You have to constantly bring up the time you got fired from the WWE or released from the Cowboy. You have to bring up your failures a lot. And then one day while you're eating dinner, and you'll be like, oh, we're getting married, we're going to do this and you should be like -- I was thinking, you have a good idea. And you're like, yes. If I kept mine, and you kept yours. If you think if that's what you want.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: I happen to have one right. But it has to be her idea. So, I've heard.

GUTFELD: Senator, he's very romantic, as you can tell. What is your, what is your take on, on this whole scenario? It's just a big story because of the amount of money involved, I guess.

BLACKBURN: I think anytime there's a divorce, it's sad.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BLACKBURN: And for a couple that is very visible, a couple that has worked in their foundation, I think that this is just a sad turn of events for them.

GUTFELD: Yes.

BLACKBURN: You know, I wish each of them well. Always reconciliation is the best course and but that's not the course that they have chosen. So, it's sad.

GUTFELD: And when another when a door closes, what opens, windows?

TYRUS: That's such a stupid --

COMPAGNO: I thought it was funny.

GUTFELD: Thank you. You know, Emily, you know, should be a psychic.

COMPAGNO: I know.

TYRUS: Here, come --

GUTFELD: How soon before Gates is on Tinder?

COMPAGNO: Oh, gosh. Never. Yes, that I, I can't unsee that. The interesting thing is, though --

GUTFELD: I didn't say Grindr.

COMPAGNO: It's all the same to me. They both signed the Warren Buffett Giving Pledge about 10 years ago. So, they're giving away the majority of their wealth to philanthropy and everything by the time they're dead anyway. So, and I also think you know, the interesting thing in the philanthropic world that the freak out wasn't like oh my gosh, what is this going to look like between the two of them but how it was going to affect the foundation which has a $50 billion endowment.

And I think everyone was worried that all of those lives that they affect positively would in some way be negatively impacted, which is why they were like we're not going anywhere in that regard. But I think it's been predicted and I agree that she, Melinda, is going to become more like more liberal and put her money where her mouth is in terms of more liberal causes, and what if she runs for office?

GUTFELD: Hey, Kat, you got married three days ago?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: So, is this hitting you hard? Because you could have had a chance with Bill Gates if you just waited.

TIMPF: Yes, yes, I truly messed up. No, look, I just don't get how a prenup would work right? Ask them again. And I've been away for three days. So, keep in mind I am an expert on this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I just like see what you know, when you do the thing like you take this? We say I do. But like if you have a prenup, you're not saying I do, you're like I do, but if I don't?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Sign this.

TYRUS: Kind of.

TIMPF: That's not the same. That's not -- then you're not saying I do. I guess you're saying I do but like maybe it won't, so sign this and I keep my own (BLEEP), that's not as romantic to me.

GUTFELD: Exactly. I feel the same way. OK, up next there grinding beans for drama queens.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: His frappy was full of crappy. Starbucks employees are online venti-ing. I don't even know why I'm reading this. Their frustration at customers who demand absurdly complicated beverages. A barista's tweet showed a 13 ingredient monstrosity ordered by a customer named Edward which has obviously gone viral. We wouldn't have done this story. And other Java's slingers are feeling his pain. The elaborate concoction, call it call it a Special Ed contained extra cream, banana, caramel crunch, frappy chips, honey blended a complete lack of self-awareness.

They shouldn't give him a cup of shut-the-eff-up, if you know what I mean. Hopefully the customers behind Edward added a smack to the back of his head. That tweet inspired other Starbucks employees to share their most annoying drink requests from fussy temperature requirements in double digit extras to seek to secret off menu items approved by the Illuminati. Meanwhile, Dunkin Donuts recommended their coffee black with add-ons of a Red Sox hat and a Pall Mall. So, Emily, does posting these images violate the barista-patient confidentiality?

COMPAGNO: Not that I'm aware of. It doesn't seem so. I think it's a good way for them to vent-i. Get it? Get it?

TYRUS: Second time's not the charm.

GUTFELD: That's a terrible joke in the first place.

TYRUS: You know what, I'm talking about this on "OUTNUMBERED."

COMPAGNO: I'm proud of my favorite. But I thought the funniest thing was when everyone was piling on and just sort of like eviscerating everyone who does this on a daily basis. Like this is a Tiktok challenge or whatever it was. There was some lady in line that said like, it needs to be 37 degrees Celsius, not 36, not 38, because I will know. I mean, people are psychopaths.

GUTFELD: Yes. And you know, Senator, you know what bothers me about this, this is not coffee. This is a dessert. It's like having cake for breakfast. That's wrong -- that's immoral.

BLACKBURN: It's amazing. Eat dessert first. That's how to start your day. No, here's the thing. Tiktok. I'm not a fan of TikTok. And when you get out there and you are going in intentionally to see if you can get someone frustrated, you can get the video you can put it up, you can have your moment, then you have to say what is the true purpose of this?

GUTFELD: Yes.

BLACKBURN: And it is to make the baristas uncomfortable and to see if they're going to mess up with building this, this streak?

GUTFELD: I had no idea this was that interesting. Now, I'm totally against it, Kat.

BLACKBURN: So, they're not suffering from imposter syndrome. They're a real barista they can handle this.

GUTFELD: Right, right.

TIMPF: It's just gross. I mean, I read this whole -- look, like, aside from the fact that you're creating a major inconvenience for another person. All that you get in return is the reward of then, like barfing for the rest of the day. I read this order, it had: caramel drizzle, extra whipped cream, extra cinnamon dolce topping, seven pumps of dark caramel syrup, extra caramel crunch, honey blend syrup, frappe chips and heavy cream. Like who could survive that? Like that, that's, that's --

GUTFELD: What you said, frappe.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Oh, I said it wrong.

TIMPF: Frappe. Whatever. OK, that's not -- your right. It's not coffee, and if anything, it's like self-harm. You're not going to feel good.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know what I mean, Tyrus is this the official beverage of white privilege?

TYRUS: Oh, no, it's the official beverage of fat privileges. They should call that fat-tacular. That's disgusting. You know what they should do, like what Starbucks does to me a lot of times, they just say, we don't have it.

GUTFELD: It's real when you ask where the bathroom.

TYRUS: Yes, well, I never go in. I'm a drive-thru guy. But literally, they know my order. Every time I pull up. They can spit it out: Irish cold brew, extra shot, egg bite. Tyrus, I mean, they -- that's how quick I am. There's nothing -- you get in you get out. You don't, you don't fantasize. And I mean this, like I said, just wow. You know that, after he gets that he should just drive down to the clinic and get tested for type two diabetes. I mean, this dude, this is just fat-tacular.

TIMPF: Your entrails will never be the same.

TYRUS: Yes. I mean --

GUTFELD: There are more ingredients in it than like a salad. Like, I understand like the salad thing.

TYRUS: He probably doesn't tip either.

GUTFELD: Yes, he probably doesn't. But the thing is, now I'm thinking this is just a prank that they pull on people. That's all it is. So, this is just something to make the baristas life hell, which makes me very angry because these are hard workers.

TIMPF: Murderer.

GUTFELD: Murderer. They're murderers. They have imposter syndrome. All right, I'm done. Stay with us. Be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Before we go time for this.

ANNOUNCER: "GREG SEES THE STAR."

GUTFELD: So, I was doing something I almost never do, which is watch "Morning Joe" on MSNBC and it was weird. It seemed like Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski doesn't seem like they're getting along these days. Take a look. It was just, just an ugly, ugly. Like he -- I mean, he just seemed very, very, very angry. I don't know. And it was weird. It was subtitled in Russian. I think, I don't know what they're saying. Look at that.

Very overprotective this little guy. Look at that. Oh my goodness. Sounds like we need an exorcism. All right. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Senator Marsha Blackburn, Emily Compagno, Kat, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

Woman charged with felony for not returning VHS tape after 21 years

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 23:00:15 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," April 26, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: All right. Hello, 911. I'd like to report an act of journalism. The A.P. actually reported something that's true. First, their weekend headline, one verdict, then six police killings across America in 24 hours, the subhead at least six people were fatally shot by officers across the U.S. in the 24 hours after jurors reached a verdict in the murder case against Chauvin. Now, this is usually how the media works.

It looks at the current crisis and thinks, hmm, how can we make it worse? Firefighters put out burning building but people still died. Hospitals save lives, but people still died. We won World War II but people still died. So the headline focuses on one variable, six killings until you get down into the article, where the A.P. momentarily changes their tune. Looking at the cases they write the circumstances surrounding each debt differ widely.

Some happened while officers investigated serious crimes. Police say some of the people were armed with a gun, a knife or a metal pole, one man claimed to have a bomb. The deadly encounters are only a small snapshot of the thousands of interactions between American police officers and civilians every day, most of which end safely.

Wow, did I just run headfirst into a fact? I might need to follow FNC's concussion protocol. I thought the media banned context. Of course then they added, uneventful encounters, not an issue. Their definition of uneventful of course is good police work. Remember the media's old adage, if it bleeds, it was the cops fault. So on this rare occasion, reporters admit police actually do do a good job which destroys the narrative.

A more accurate headline might have been. Most interactions are resolved peacefully or police face unknown dangers. But who would click on that? So what happens when the media stresses just one variable? Well, it becomes a moment on the Oscars.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRAVON FREE, ACTOR/WRITER/COMEDIAN: Today, the police will kill three people. And tomorrow the police will kill three people. And the day after that the police will kill three people because on average the police in America every day killed three people, which amounts to about 1000 people a year. And those people happen to disproportionately black people.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: It is one variable, but it's not just the peaceful or heroic police encounters that go ignored, but also the primary reason why police show up at all crime. By the time the police are called to a situation it's already bad. No one calls 911 just to say hi, well unless you're Kat.

Here's a New York Post rundown of the Democrat ruin city that I live in, NYC. Seriously, de Blasio broke this city quicker than a toy made in China. Shootings have doubled since 2019. And last week alone shootings jumped a full 250 percent, rapes rose 15 percent, felony assaults 42 percent, grand larceny is 81 percent. Murders were up only six percent but that's after a year where killings already jumped 45 percent. Now I could get into the kids being shot but then the left might say hey, Greg, getting shot is what kids do if they don't have knives.

While the hate crimes have shot up 500 percent but at last the perp's mugshots aren't exactly what the media wants. So they ignore it like it was a kid killed in a gang crossfire. If only the purpose were angry white males like this guy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I like the cops.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Have you look at nearly all police involve fatalities? Patterns emerge, non-compliance, illegal drug use mental illness, and even fear. And I get it, telling people that cops are killing blacks with impunity may cause blacks to fear cops. But there's also another pattern going on. It's one in which one shooting is covered and another isn't. This is some serious selective bias. I get it. No one covers a safely landed plane.

But imagine doing this with reckless driving only covering accidents in which the paramedic arrives at the scene and the driver still dies. You'd be left with a warped view that paramedics kill with impunity. (BLEEP)I don't want to give the left any ideas. Ilhan Omar might start calling to defend the EMTs. The current narrative about policing is based on isolated events taken out of millions.

Who does this help besides the guy remodeling Jeff Zucker's beach house? It doesn't help the people truly in trouble. I made a chart. Look at that. Spent all weekend on it. In life, bad things happen. illnesses, accidents, vending machine, honeybuns. These can all cut your life shorts. But life choices the environment you live in and bad luck can lead you to a place where it can only end badly.

Such terrible endings are often preceded by failed social programs and the far left that makes excuses for them. Sadly, the media ignores the problems that get you up there. Until you get to that moment at the end. Then all attention is thrusted upon the person who shows up when no one else will, the cop. And because we ignored all the factors leading to that moment. We blame that person.

Of course he or she could do a terrible, terrible job so terrible that a jury finds him guilty of murder. Others however, don't do a terrible job but only participate in an endless cycle to the best of their abilities. And when they do it right, we don't care. And when they don't we take them apart. You know, it's estimated that 250,000 people die a year due to hospital mistakes. If CNN could tie that to race, their network would look like a Grey's Anatomy marathon.

Cops are -- cops are like offensive lineman in the NFL. The only time their names are mentioned or when they commit an infraction. The false narrative that cops are unjustly killing minorities at an increasing rate has an unhappy ending. Gone is the decades long decrease in crime. Lawlessness isn't going anywhere for a long time. The left truly will have no justice and no peace. If you're a victim of crime, too bad. You weren't clickbait.

If you expect the protesters to help, sorry, they only read the headlines. Even after the children verdict, protesters blocked the Brooklyn Bridge. They're demanding to remove the police from the city engulfed in a massive Crime Wave. Who will show up then? Who will show up to help the innocent. It won't be the marchers, that's for sure. But they will call 911 if someone steals their skateboard.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's got the conviction to cure any addiction, host of Ask Dr. Drew, Dr. Drew Pinsky. He's a former priest who's still hot under the collar. Theologian and ӣ��Ƶ contributor Jonathan Morris. He's still terrified of Y2K. Comedian Joe Machi. And she's a perfect 10, but enough about her blood alcohol level. Host of "SINCERELY KAT" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

GUTFELD: Dr. Drew, by the way, thank you for helping with my medical problem in the green room earlier. This is the -- one of the primary reasons why I have Dr. Drew on is so I could get the free medical advice.

DR. DREW PINSKY, ASK DR. DREW HOST: Full consultation.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I have some psychiatric advice that I have to ask you, some things about --

PINSKY: Well, that's our usual --

GUTFELD: It's too late. You're getting married. It's over.

TIMPF: But I'm going to -- I'm actually going to look into what you told me about it. I never -- I never thought that naked Pilates would be so --

(CROSSTALK)

PINSKY: I mean, you know, it's one of those things.

GUTFELD: So you are a doctor or so you claim. What would be your prescription for America as the body? Like what is -- what could you do for America?

PINSKY: You know, there's a very strange phenomenon happening right now. And I've noticed it in the last couple of months, which we have -- I wrote about this in a book about the narcissistic turn, right? We have a lot of narcissism in this country over the last maybe 10 or 15, maybe even 20 years. We have now moved into histrionic where everything is hyper emotional. Everything is a panic stricken dramatic event, everything.

And the way you deal with histrionics is with grounding them in reality and containing them. People have got to get grounded. They have to -- if you don't gratify it --

GUTFELD: You don't bury them?

PINSKY: I don't mean bury them. I just --

TIMPF: That's why I was in that basement for so long.

PINSKY: Thinking histrionic, no, I'm just -- but it just -- you can't -- you can't gratify it. You can't continue to escalate it. You have to push it down ground and contain it. We have to get back to reality.

GUTFELD: I don't think that's possible given the social media. They're just the engine of social media survives on histrionics and hysteria. And I don't think it -- and also, I mean, people have legitimate -- people have legitimate concerns about crime and about police brutality, but they're operating on false and a false narrative. Jonathan, how is your newlywed house? How's your -- how is it going?

JONATHAN MORRIS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: She's doing very well.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MORRIS: I mean, it would be terrible, right? I leave the priesthood with permission from the Pope. Then I get married. Imagine if I'm like, oh, no, I don't like this. I'm going back (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Honey, honey, you can't screw this one up. I got the Pope involved. How do you -- you got to go to the Pope?

MORRIS: I did through with the help of my local bishop, Cardinal Dolan. But --

GUTFELD: Wow.

TIMPF: You can do that?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Can I do that?

MORRIS: What would you like to get out of?

TIMPF: Say hi.

MORRIES: This is the vicar of Christ.

GUTFELD: So now, I went to the doctor for medical advice. You're the Theologian.

MORRIES: Yes.

GUTFELD: What is your advice for this patient, this American patient?

MORRIS: You know, just listening to your monologue about policing and defunding the police. And you think of what Hollywood is doing and what the far left is doing. They're taking the moral high ground. They're saying, we're going to replace the Judeo Christian ethic, which is what our country was founded on. And we're going to have a new ethic, and that is that we are going to -- we're going to tell everyone that the best way to help others is and then they list all these different things like defunding the police.

GUTFELD: Right.

MORRIS: You're the ones who suffer or the ones who they say they're protecting the most.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MORRIS: Those are the most difficult neighborhoods. The poor, they are the ones who are suffering defunding the police, for example, I think it's tragic.

GUTFELD: No, it is, it is. You know, Joe, I asked the M.D. for his Medical viewpoint, the theologian from the religious standpoint. And you the terrified comic, what is your (INAUDIBLE) brightened assessment of the future?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: I think we're in trouble, Greg, because we got a system that doesn't reward context. Context is boring. That's -- that doesn't sell ads. That's why you won't see any ads on NPR.

GUTFELD: Right.

MACHI: Hyperbole selves. And if you don't agree with me, you're a terrorist.

MORRIS: It's canceled.

MACHI: It's an interesting thing. You get -- you get ratings by talking about crime on the news. And then you get ratings by talking about the cops in the news. And if you get rid of the cops, the crime will go up, which still gives you ratings. It's a -- it's an endless feedback loop where there's really no way the media can lose, except when the country collapses.

GUTFELD: No, it's true. It doesn't -- I keep bringing this up. It's like we don't -- we don't address the crime, the origins of the crime that leads to this horrible event in which a woman dies or man dies at the -- at the hands of the police. We don't look at that. And if we did, then what would happen? What -- the interesting thing about the A.P. article is what if they continue to do this, that every single -- every single incident of a police shooting, right?

They looked at, and they -- and they -- because they can do There is -- you have the manpower. They would -- it would -- the narrative would dissolve just the way their article did.

TIMPF: Or there'd be another article in Vox saying that publication was fueled by white supremacy.

GUTFELD: That's true.

TIMPF: One of the two but look, and that's -- this is an important issue as you brought up crime, serious issue, police accountability, serious issue. But when you're focused more on the narrative than on the truth, you're never going to solve anything because you're not operating in reality. So you should always be focused on the truth more than a narrative, but especially when we're talking about life and death and matters of safety like we are here.

GUTFELD: Yes. And I, you know, would -- I -- on "THE FIVE" I'd said this thing, and I don't know if I'd said it clearly enough, but the girl that had attacked the other girl was shot dead. There is a girl like her who is alive right now. And she could be five or six years old. What are we doing for that person so she doesn't end up in that final moment? We were so obsessed with the final moment that we forget about the years and the years that lead up to it.

All right. onto some lighter stuff, I hope. Up next. Why are they giving my grandkids copies of Kamala Harris's children's book? Good question.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

BUHAGIAR: She gave her pages to kids in cages while Kamala Harris still hasn't visited the border. Apparently her book has. Her 2019 children's book superheroes are everywhere. It's apparently included in the welcome bag. Wooh. That's a lousy bag, for unaccompanied migrant kids at a California shelter. You can't give them Dr. Seuss anymore. But talk about - - but talk about not reading the room, I mean, why not include a Zagat guide to star dining?

Or 10 tips for managing your real estate empire. The book is intended for kids ages three to seven who are too young to request anything better. And here this is a case of whether you're not being able to understand English actually might work for you. The book is uplifting messages like whenever there's trouble, superheroes show up just in time. Guess we know who's not a superhero unless she's the Invisible Woman.

So why are the kids getting this book? Fox asks the White House. They weren't aware of it. They only wake Joe Biden up for the important decision. Nor was President Biden aware of anyone named Kamala Harris. So did a local volunteer buy the books? If so, that would mean the V.P. is making money from this. Is she, Jen Psaki?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I'd have to check with our Health and Human Services team here. It's a good book.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, she's so adorable. But what a weird way to get back on the bestseller list, huh? Maybe I should try this out. Right, Kam?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KAMALA HARRIS, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: And they have to (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I never get tired of her adorable laugh. That laugh, Joe, is going to carry her to the White House.

MACHI: Oh, boy, Greg. I'll tell you what. If you cross the border, you get a gift of a bed that's made of the floor, a blanket that's made a metal and Kamala Harris a superhero book about superheroes without any powers. That's the -- that's the worst gift I got since I got that birthday card that said I need to get my teeth cleaned.

GUTFELD: You still -- you still put it up on the mantel, didn't you?

MACHI: So yes --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Exactly. You know, Kat, I've never -- I've never thought that swag would be a thing for the border when you're crossing. It's like, I get it from movie premieres or the Oscars. But not for crossing the border. But they actually have a swag bag.

TIMPF: Yes. I think they could have done better with as you mentioned, you know, choosing a book that is at least written in the language they are most likely to speak. But it's especially being Kamala, this is all she's up. She was forever. She was supposed to be the point person on immigration. She didn't even go there.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: Which I would love to be one of Biden's point people on (INAUDIBLE) like you think - like I -- maybe I would think I don't have the time. But you don't actually have to do anything. I mean, politicians often don't do anything, but they at least usually go to the thing. And like have people take pictures of them. So it looks like they're doing something like with the rich girls to go on mission trips to Africa for their Instagram.

MORRIS: Is that why they do it?

GUTFELD: You know, Jonathan Kat rarely makes a good point. So I thought I'd bring it up. The book was -- the book was n --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Positive reinforcement.

GUTFELD: The books in English. Isn't that kind of racist?

MORRIS: Gosh, I wouldn't say that it's racist.

(CROSSTALK)

MORRIS: But what I would say --

(CROSSTALK)

MORRIS: What I would say is, this is -- again, this is pandering from a moral perspective. We're going to welcome them. We are good because we give them a welcome. We give them swag bags. But what it's actually doing is it's encouraging human trafficking --

GUTFELD: Yes.

MORRIS: -- of children. And it's despicable. And I think President Biden needs to step up and say, we're going to send a different message.

GUTFELD: See? if I were Donald Trump, I would have flown down there with a truck full of the art of the deal.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

PINSKY: You do think like him, but here's, you know, it's a sweet book. But I'll tell you what, if everybody's a superhero, nobody's a superhero.

GUTFELD: That is so true.

PINSKY: Number one. Number two, remember what I said about histrionics? Turns out in some recent research it shows that excessive, gratify excessive, rewarding causes histrionics. How do you think we got here?

GUTFELD: Wow.

PINSKY: Interesting, right?

GUTFELD: Wow, that is mind blowing.

PINKSY: It is. And look at the populations of particular generations that were subjected to that and all the emotionality, interesting, right?

MACHI: I just want to point out I deserved all my participation trophies.

PINSKY: But you're hyper emotional now. That's the problem. You certainly been gratified in that way. You might have deserved them, but we would have held them.

GUTFELD: Are we beginning to notice that there's something off about like, we thought that Kamala Harris was going to be the replacement, right? The backup quarterback. And I think it's like because it was the choice by the media, and not the choice by the people because she sucked during the primaries. She was like -- she had the lowest number in the primaries. And now she's like a heartbeat away from the presidency, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, yes, absolutely. But because she has all of that, you know, that the media loves her, nobody's going to really go after her in the media, so she doesn't have to worry about it. We don't have to like her. We're going to like her they will make sure of it.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's true.

PINSKY: As Californians.

GUTFELD: Yes. What's the problem? I mean, seriously.

TIMPF: The ones that are not in jail because of her.

GUTFELD: Yes. There you go. Excited about -- are you excited about Jenner?

PINSKY: I am excited about Caitlyn Jenner. And I know that just now the recall was approved about an hour ago.

GUTFELD: Oh, yes.

PINSKY: So it's going through and it's going to be very interesting to see what Caitlyn Jenner has to say she is running.

GUTFELD: Yes. Excellent. All right. Still to Come. How does America plan to pay for Biden's infrastructure plan? I think he can make big sales (INAUDIBLE)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: This just in. America loves small government. Also this just in. America loves big government. Yes. Some new ӣ��Ƶ polls which are run by our parent company Orange Julius find that most Americans want lower taxes and smaller government. by a 56 to 36 percent margin people prefer a government that provides fewer services rather than paying for crap they don't want.

They see our government as an internet company that tries to bundle in a landline. But here's a twist worthy of Chubby Checker. That's a reference for you, Dr. Drew.

PINSKY: Got it.

GUTFELD: You're in your 70s. Not only is half the country in favor of Biden's $2 trillion infrastructure plan sitting on my tie. They want to do it by raising taxes and that's nuts. That's like saying you want to defund the police by funding more crime. It's confusing. Majority of Americans favor increasing taxes on corporations or taxing families earning over 400k a year. In other words, we want less government but also favor big government.

Just like a Republican Senator. Fact is, we don't know what we want. It's like the time I went to Baskin Robbins and asked for a 32nd flavor. All right, Jonathan, we want less government, but we favor big government. Why do we so torn on this? You know what, it reminds me, and you were a priest who listened to a lot of confessions. You must have seen this kind of dichotomy when people were grappling over doing the right thing.

JONATHAN MORRIS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, definitely there. And I'm not, I'm going to give a little lesson and with a six-syllable word. Oh, I don't know your audiences. It is a principle of social ethics called subsidiarity.

GUTFELD: Wow. Say that again.

MORRIS: Subsidiarity. And it's very simple, but it's very profound in term -- this is not --

GUTFELD: I think you just said it for the first time, Jonathan.

MORRIS: The government versus small government is not a Republican versus Democrat thing. And it's, it's because of this. Subsidiarity means, teaches that a larger form of government or society should not do what a lower level of society could do for itself.

Let me say it again, a higher level of society or government should not do what a lower level of society or government could do for itself. So, in other words, we don't want the federal government telling a, a neighborhood organization what color houses should be painted?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MORRIS: Right? So, the lower level of society, the lowest possible to get it done. And that is the most that's the most respectful for the decency and progress of the human --

DR. DREW PINSKY, PODCASTER: I have been saying that for years about healthcare. The more you go away from the patient and the physician, the more you add in efficiencies and problems.

MORRIS: And you call subsidiarity.

PINSKY: From now on, I will. Trust me. Trust me, I will.

GUTFELD: Plus, you can't give them the pens with the little drug name on it. You know, I learned, I love learning something new. That's amazing. I've never heard that word. I love it. You're not going to get that on "SPECIAL REPORT." Chris Wallace probably wouldn't be able to say that, Jonathan. That makes my day. That makes my day.

PINSKY: Yes, subsidiarity. Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. OK, Kat, you are a libertarian, I always preface a question every day to you like that. I'm sorry. The idea of small government seems to be dead.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: All the things you said to me, that's the one you apologizing for? Go ahead.

GUTFELD: I'm sorry, I keep bringing up that you're a libertarian. Not that I make comments about your drinking.

TIMPF: That's OK.

PINSKY: I thought I was libertarian until I met, Kat. And then I found out I had a heart.

TIMPF: That's the misconception. That's the misconception that I want to address. Just because, you know, you don't think the government should have the role or even be the best person for the role of solving the problem, that does not audit automatically mean that you don't care about the problem. That is a logical fallacy.

Therefore, if you're saying, oh, I don't want the government in charge of health care, that doesn't mean that it follows that I want you to get sick and die. But the people on the left have been so successful at pushing that message that if you do not want government tyranny as a solution to a problem that makes you (BLEEP) who doesn't care about the problems. It's not true. It's not backed up by logic or facts. And I have a beautiful, beautiful loving heart.

PINSKY: Yes. I apologize. Mostly time you do.

GUTFELD: Prove it by opening yourself up and showing it to us.

TIMPF: OK.

GUTFELD: Don't do that. That will be disgusting. Joe, what do you make of this government poll? Big government poll?

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: I was going to talk about subsidiary -- Jonathan kind of covered that. Thank you.

GUTFELD: Subsidiarism. Subsidiarism. I'm going to be bringing that up on "THE FIVE."

MACHI: That too, but no, look, we fixed banks that were too big to fail by merging them together. Nothing has to make sense anymore.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: Like, I just, I disagree with the notion that throwing money at a bad idea helps. I mean, if the film version of "Cats" didn't prove that, that doesn't always solve anything, then what more do you need?

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, I have this theory that like, because we don't care anymore about, about deficits and the debt, why, why not just not pay taxes for a year? Because that's $2 trillion. We could actually do that? You know what that would do for the economy? I just want to bring up one thing before we go. I have I've decided, Dr. Drew, that I am pro taxing the hell out of corporations, because they are not --

PINSKY: Oh, because of their behavior in relation to voting reform.

GUTFELD: Like, we said -- I've spent so much of my life defending corporations saying they're like people, they're groups of individuals. And the moment they, they, they're worried about being made fun of on Twitter, they just bend over you.

PINSKY: You guys lost Greg Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: Yes, I'm now, I'm out like tax the hell out of corporations, except for Fox because they defend us through and through.

All right, still to come, a woman facing felony charges for not returning a videotape from 20 years ago.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She's in a mess over VHS. It was the late fee that became a felony. I could do this for a living, you know as a crime narrator. A former Oklahoma resident, aren't they all, recently learned she had been charged with felony embezzlement over a videotapes she failed to return in 1999. That's over 21 late years of adult fees, late fees. Adult fees?

Oh my god! Which comes to $25 million, Doctor, whatever you, you are. That's according to something I just made up. Where am I in this? But one question remains: If she doesn't rewind was he faced the death penalty? The woman says she only became aware of the charges after getting married in Texas, that happens, and being unable to change her name. Apparently, the county clerk ran her name through Ask Jeeves.

The Oklahoma store she rented from doesn't even exist anymore. And what was the tape you ask? "Sabrina the Teenage Witch," who is now 53. According to the woman, it was actually her roommate with young children that rented the video. Same exact excuse I use when renting Pippi Longstockings. Once again, children are the source of all evil. We've been talking about this for a month, the only show that talks about this.

The charges have since been dropped. But it got me thinking about all the tapes I failed to return over the years because I just wanted to hold on to them forever. For example, "Barbie and the Diamond Castle," one of my favorites, and then there's a "Barbie A Fairy Secrets." I won't tell you the secret, but it is mind blowing. And then, there's "Tinkerbell and the Grand Fairy Rescue." That was exciting. And of course "Deliverance." So, I forgot to return that one on purpose.

So, Joe, have you ever been charged with a crime?

MACHI: Greg, I was once charged with loitering but I was acquitted when I convinced the jury I was actually lurking.

I do want to point out. Nice job Oklahoma, catching your accused felons. Like we just have to wait until they tried to get married in Texas?

GUTFELD: Yes. They figured he'd come -- she got to get married sometime. And they have a lot of good communication with the state in case this happens because, yes, not so much the murders, but if there's anybody with an unreturned VHS tape, who's getting married, put us on high alert.

PINSKY: It's so confusing. They've got to be tens of thousands of videos outstanding.

GUTFELD: Oh, are you trying to cover yourself, Doctor?

PINSKY: I want to I want to declare my guilt right now. I mean, I don't want them to find me. I'll tell you, my kids had some video games I'm sure we didn't turn back.

TIMPF: Don't do the crime can't do the time, Doctor.

PINSKY: What are we in for?

GUTFELD: But, like, I it's been a long time, Jonathan, but why would I -- you were a priest at the time, were you renting movies? Were you allowed to rent movies?

MORRIS: Not the type that you were obviously. Because you, you saw, you saw that VHS tape and immediately --

TIMPF: Adult.

MORRIS: Awkward. I didn't understand it, but then I looked over and I saw a Kat and she kind of filled me.

TIMPF: I explained it.

MORRIS: Yes, explained and it was helpful. But no, I've never rented a VHS.

GUTFELD: No, really?

MORRIS: I don't think so. What would you --

GUTFELD: That is incredible. That was my entire like 80s and 90s, just like going there. Which leads me to this obvious question. I could talk about this for hours, Kat. Wasn't there a way that like didn't have a deposit? I always remember there would be a deposit and if you didn't turn it in, they would just charge you or something?

TIMPF: I don't know. I'm --

GUTFELD: You're the expert on this. You flew to blockbuster on our dime.

TIMPF: I did. I also, I guess I'm just confused. Like, I just if this applies also to like live --

GUTFELD: That was her defense for every story, we'd be screwed.

TIMPF: Yes, well, how do you not know you're a felon? Because I don't know. Am I a felon? Like, I don't know. And that's concerning, because I like having a lot of late fees at a library in one state that I lived in.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And then I moved.

GUTFELD: Oh, and it's still there.

TIMPF: So, am I?

GUTFELD: Can't go back there. You can't go back to that state.

TIMPF: I'm not going to say what it -- look, I would have. In the words of the like, I didn't pay -- the words of the grandmother from Happy Gilmore. I would have, but I didn't have any money. So, I moved. Am I going to?

GUTFELD: And that was the reason for moving? Were the overdue fees.

TIMPF: There were so many fees, and I just went around moving.

MORRIS: Why didn't you just return the books?

TIMPF: Well, because my life was really sad and like, complicated and tumultuous. And I just didn't get around to it.

GUTFELD: Oh, here's another, here's an interesting thing that bothers me about this. If this is the most harmless thing to come out of your past, it's like if somebody came up to me and said, Greg, we need to talk to you about something that happened in 1999. I would already be halfway up to the roof. Yes, and then they go it's about an overdue VHS tape. They didn't find out the film I made with the Biker Gang, or maybe they did. It did make it to VHS. I'll tell you that much.

PINSKY: I'm with Kat. It's confusing because I everyone in this room feels like I must have some outstanding debt. They need to come get me. But God forbid if the government owes you money.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PINSKY: Then --

GUTFELD: No one's there.

PINSKY: No, you'll never hear.

GUTFELD: No one's chasing that down. All right. Up next, great point, Doctor. That's why he's a doctor. We think. The Oscars got for you. Are you surprised?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: You won the prize. Now, time to proselytize. Yes, I said it. Last night, the Oscars were broadcast from Los Angeles Union Station and it would have been more entertaining to watch three hours of Francis McDormand pooping in a bucket. That's on VHS too.

The show allegedly exists to honor the best in film from the past year instead focused on lecturing Americans on issues ranging from social justice to gun control. It's like MSNBC hired a bunch of actors, or it is national reviews, Kyle Smith, put it, "If a single five-minute period went by without someone reminding us of something horrible, I guess I missed it." The show's ratings have dropped to 58 percent from last year, as it's gotten more political and preachy, even with people trapped inside.

The show is as predictable as the celebrities you see in rehab. Maybe it's a coincidence, or maybe people just aren't that interested in listening to rich stars whine about how much everything sucks. At least at least when we watch cat videos on YouTube. They don't demand we clean their litter boxes afterward. Dr. Drew, diagnose this for me.

PINSKY: It isn't just the people don't want to hear and watch this. There was competition, Kat, back me up on this. "90-Day Fiance," it was up against it. Didn't you want to see what (INAUDIBLE) last night? Forget it. Oscar's off.

TIMPF: I was watching reruns of "Parental Control," the show on MTV in early 2000s with the parents like the boyfriend and they find any boyfriend and they all watch together and there was this guy that we like why you don't like the boyfriend? Because he pees wherever he wants. Unbelievable, unbelievable storyline for an adult man anyway.

GUTFELD: This is almost as bad as the Oscars.

PINSKY: I called my wife she was watching the Oscars. I said, you know,"90- Day Fiance?" She said, done, I'm off this. Immediately.

GUTFELD: I don't know. You know, Joe, what do you think is wrong with the Oscars? Do you think it's, it's fixable?

MACHI: I don't anymore, Greg. I think, I think a Bob Dylan concert I went to would, would describe it best. He was playing before the curtain had even finished coming up. They never said a word to the crowd, and then he was done. And who's been more influential than Bob Dylan? It is that he put his message in his art.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACHI: And it's it's, it's just frustrating to watch a show where people are getting awards, and then they're telling all their customers all the things they do wrong.

GUTFELD: What do you make, Jonathan? Did you catch? Do you watch any of it?

MORRIS: I honestly did not even know it was Oscars Sunday.

TIMPF: Neither did I.

MORRIS: Like, I and you know, I think in part, we learned to do new things during COVID. We learn to entertain ourselves.

GUTFELD: Tell me about it.

MORRIS: We learn new. I mean, probably some good things, some bad habits, and you know, all of that, but we're not in, we're not in the rut of just doing whatever the rest of society is telling us it's time to do, and I think that's a positive turn.

GUTFELD: They're great. Indulge, China, Dr. Drew. I feel, Kat, it does feel -- you know what's interesting. OK, so when we -- I was debating whether to do this topic, simply because it felt like we were beating up on something helpless. Like the Oscars are now so pathetic, that I feel like I'm bullying. But then I think maybe it's about time we looked down on them. Because they because it over. Because they've lorded over us for so long. They thought that most of America was lame. And so now it's kind of like flipped.

TIMPF: Well, the weird thing is they're still looking down on us. Like nobody's that's when nobody's watching, and they're still it's like when somebody you know, I don't know, like posts like a really revealing picture on social media. And it's got like, three likes. It's -- that's exactly what is happening on a large scale. I didn't watch though, because I didn't think I was going to win, and then I didn't.

GUTFELD: Yes, what are you up for?

TIMPF: I don't know, I just didn't think I was up for anything either.

PINSKY: It sort of had an idea and some cable news stations too, who continued to do their thing in spite of the customer not appreciating unnecessarily?

GUTFELD: I think one of the reasons is, is when you're an actor or an actress, you are famous independent of whether somebody likes you. Let's pick somebody everybody knows, like Bruce Willis steam. But they come in, people come in and they go, what they do is they go they recognize somebody for their fame, but they it's not necessarily whether they like them or not. And I think that gives a false sense, a false sense of I don't know importance. I think we're seeing a culmination of decades of bad movies, decades of bad behavior, liberal arrogance, and it's culminated in kind of this weird humiliation for a truly obnoxious industry.

TIMPF: Yes, they did it at the bus station, which made it harder for people who needed to take the bus somewhere and was appropriating bus riding culture.

PINSKY: I had no idea.

TIMPF: I spent a lot of time on the bus though a few years ago.

GUTFELD: I had no clue that that's what really -- you know, it was at a bus station but I think that's, that's --

PINSKY: Train station.

GUTFELD: A train station.

PINSKY: Train station, yes.

TIMPF: Well, there are buses there.

PINSKY: There are buses there. That's true. I don't know why they ---

TIMPF: Not everybody has train.

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE) bus out of this segment. A local. All right, don't go anywhere. More stuff up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Before we go, time once again for this.

ANNOUNCER: "GREG SEES THE STARS."

GUTFELD: You know, the weather is great in New York City. I like going out to Central Park. As you know, I'm a famous celebrity. I get stopped a lot by everybody. So, it's always a joy for me to see other celebrities out and about and not afraid not wearing a mask. Like, I saw Nicolas Cage jogging through Central Park yesterday afternoon. He was great. He was out there enjoying it. He didn't care who saw him. It would have been nice if he wore some pants. But Nicolas Cage, he does -- he's uncaged when it comes to his pants, he doesn't need pants at all. Nicholas Uncage, that's what he is. Look at him go. Good job, Nicolas Cage. I loved you in the "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call," one of the greatest unsung movies of all time. Now, let's just have a little bit of time. Joe, do you have anything you want to plug?

MACHI: Oh, you can catch me in St. Louis this weekend? The Thursday through Sunday at the Funnybone. More dates on JoeMachi.com.

GUTFELD: Joe Machi, there you go. Dr. Drew, where can people find you if they want to hear more stuff out of your brain?

PINSKY: DoctorDrew.com also Locals, Locals.

GUTFELD: Locals is the Dave Rubin social media platform which also Kat is on as well and I am too. You guys should think about getting on there. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of like Amway. I get some money every time somebody --

PINSKY: You do?

GUTFELD: No, I'm kidding. Anyway, set your DVRs every night. Great. So, you never miss an episode. Dr. Drew, thank you. Jonathan Morris, Joe Machi, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

Gutfeld: What the news denies is where the truth lies

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 23:00:53 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," April 27, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Sounds good. Does anybody have Hunter's number?

You know, every morning I try to find a story that gets me out of bed. Something that shouts, Gutfeld take off the handcuffs, put down the Cool Whip right about this. So, I try to look for stuff that other media giants ignore and I try not to wake up Jesse. I like what the news denies because that is where the truth lies. Take this brawl at the Miami International Airport. It's simply amazing.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hey, hey, hey, stop. (INAUDIBLE)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wouldn't hurt to hold your phone horizontally, Coppola? Of course, it's all on video. And like a rash I got on spring break. It's gone viral. It's already beaten the Oscars in the ratings, which is like beating Ted Bundy in friend requests. Kind of easy. It happened on Concourse D, Gate 12. I say it's a stone's throw from Starbucks. But I don't condone violence. Apparently and allegedly, which will be popular children's names next year.

Passengers were waiting for their Chicago flight when one group was told there were just three standby seats and they were a party of four. Obviously, that first mistake flying to Chicago.

Unless you're a drug mule with three pounds of coke in your anus, you won't stand a chance. Where it always gets a laugh, Rob. An argument -- an argument developed with the agent who then asked another group that they'd like to fly instead of the four who didn't want to split up.

Naturally, that led to both groups exchanging pleasantries. But what began as a measured mutually respectful given take degenerated into a more impassioned exchange as conflicting points of view were presented and in some cases rejected.

And like an anticop speech at the Oscars, it just keeps going and going. It's like being on hold with American Airlines. If this is happening before you board, how are they going to share an armrest?

On the bright side, usually, you have to wait until you're at baggage claim for something like this. Not that these are real fighters, they look like they escaped from a 90s repeated, The Jerry Springer show.

It's fun to watch but then like after eating the Spirit Airlines clam plate, you feel really sick. And you think maybe this is it. Is this kind of -- if this is the kind of thing that can happen in an airport especially during pre-boarding with children traveling alone, and adults who need a little more time are invited to board, why are we surprised when it happens in our streets?

This is an outside of Portland City Hall. This is in an airport. Mere minutes away from any number of fine gentlemen's clubs, and no I.D. pawn shops, Kat, where your grand dad might be if he wasn't sequestered in a basement watching Infomercials for Garlique hiding from a disease he's already vaccinated for. No wonder so many people think violence is an OK method to achieve political goals.

They're willing to use it for airline seats. We are watching generations not in decline but completely disconnected from agreed-upon standards of decency. I know every older generation says this about the young kids. But this feels kind of worse. It's about the loss of human interaction, the ability to reason and cooperate, which is the mark of success, the ability to see a problem through and figure out how to work toward a mutually beneficial outcome that doesn't include kicking someone in the head.

That behavior will earn you no upgrades at Delta or in life. But it's what successful people learn when they're young, impulse control, cooperation, hopefully from their parents or mentors or a suitable role model like Greg Gutfeld.

Without that, you don't have a future. You're at the bottom and your life goes down -- downhill from there. Well, unless you're Alec Baldwin, then you just look for someone to blame for that hill being there.

When I look at all of this, I wonder why no one intervened. Instead, the brawl just multiplied, which presented witnesses in their smartphones with a moral dilemma which fight do you film? The one where three guys are attempting to beat the fourth guy to death or the more evenly matched fight between the other four guys? Choose the wrong one, it may not go viral. And then how are you supposed to get self-esteem by earning the respect of your family and peers?

We're a nation of Ken Burns' minus the Sugar Bowl haircut. We're not just witnessing the decline of Western civilization, we're taping it. And why not? That's far easier than reversing it.

Meanwhile, people mostly stand around watching. Why intervene? That's not their job. You know, cops do that sort of thing. What a bunch of suckers and then we blame them. And really, why intervene? You might end up like a cop who prevents a stabbing because you're the bad guy trying to stop bad things from happening.

Finally, security did arrive, hooray. But no wonder the lockdown holds so much appeal for people with steady paychecks. I'm not afraid breaking lockdown rules because I might get COVID. I'm afraid too because I might get stabbed while pre-boarding. So, the big lesson, if you must travel just remember to do so in groups of three or fewer. Or take Greyhound. It has a higher-class clientele.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period!

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. In college, he majored in saying the quiet part out loud. My fellow co-hosts on "THE FIVE" and "WATTERS WORLD" host, Jesse Watters, everybody.

He's so libertarian, he owns the rights to what sent over. Co-host of The Fifth Column podcast, Kmele Foster. He's done more screenwriting than a graffiti artist's craft in a mosquito den. T.V. writer and producer, Rob Long.

And she never cries over spilt milk. It's not like there's any clues in it. Host of "SINCERELY KAT" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

Welcome to the show, Jesse.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Thank you. I just want to congratulate you, Greg. No one ever thought you'd make it this far. And it's an honor to be on a show with an exclamation point behind it. Like other great shows such as Alvin and the Chipmunks. Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you! And I'm a Celebrity.Get me out of here!

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Which by the way, it's not good.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: Which is how I'm feeling right now.

GUTFELD: I saw that one coming.

WATTERS: You did.

GUTFELD: You know what, I want to congratulate your assistant Johnny for coming up with those.

WATTERS: Are you saying you -- you don't think I do my own research?

GUTFELD: I'm saying we all know that.

WATTERS: OK. Well, that is not fake news.

GUTFELD: So, any thoughts? Are you -- you're probably upset that I got that tape before you got it for yourself?

WATTERS: We'll be using it on "WATTERS WORLD" this weekend.

GUTFELD: Yes. There's actually better tape but we couldn't get it.

WATTERS: Well, I'll get it by the time "WATTERS WORLD" tapes. I -- when I saw this I thought that's why Americans don't lose wars. Because we're ready to brawl over a standby seat at a Miami.

Imagine if they came for New Jersey. It'd be a bloodbath. And Gutfeld, where is the security when I go into an airport? My mother sets off an alarm with her fake hip and security descends on her like a terrorist.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Where is everybody?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: It, you know, used to have tough guys break up fights.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: You got a few licks in and then you go break it up. Now, all the tough guys just tape it and then sell it to TMZ.

GUTFELD: That is true.

WATTERS: Because if you get involved you get canceled.

GUTFELD: Right. That's true.

WATTERS: And you don't want that.

GUTFELD: No, no.

WATTERS: But I do know you did this video for one reason.

GUTFELD: Why?

WATTERS: To show how dangerous it is to fly commercial. So when you renegotiate your next contract you thought private. I'm on to you.

GUTFELD: It is odd to me.

KMELE FOSTER, HOST, THE FIFTH COLUMN: That is the right insight.

GUTFELD: You know, Kmele, I was -- when I was watching it, I -- it's like whatever happened to fair fights. Like if they were like -- if they each one paired off. I'd be OK with that. But there was three on one here. You know, it was like a lot of people kicking people when they're down.

FOSTER: Yes. You didn't ever do that.

GUTFELD: No. Probably do that anonymously.

(CROSSTALK)

FOSTER: I didn't know if we're doing a thing when you said fair fights you (INAUDIBLE) did there. I cannot imagine -- actually let me start here. The very best thing about the pandemic to the extent there could be a best thing about it was that the airports were completely empty.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: And had all of these opportunities to ride on planes, fly in first class of course. Never coach because people like that are the ones and coach causing trouble.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: But I -- all these opportunities to fly on the plane by myself.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: Only me.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: And now we're getting back to normal and there are complete utter brawls. Chaos.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: In the standby line.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, but -- no, but the restaurants are still only at 50 percent capacity. So there's nothing to do so they got to do that. People want to do that.

FOSTER: So this is what we have to look forward to.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Put a low standard of behavior, Kat.

TIMPF: All I'm saying is that guy --

GUTFELD: Look at the libertarian.

TIMPF: All I'm saying is that guy that did get beat up he decided not to press charges. He's probably like that punch hurt but I feel alive again.

(CROSSTALK)

ROB LONG, T.V. WRITER AND PRODUCER: That is the weirdest thing.

GUTFELD: I will say this, Rob. I remember when I had that kind of energy. I got exhausted just following the action. Did you look at it and go wow, you can barely move, you know, from the chair.

LONG: I just mesmerized by the pants right now. No, look, I think what -- I think what you said in your monologue was maybe the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say. Well, you wanted back ---

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I like this guy.

LONG: What about -- what about this isn't the greatest thing we've seen in a year. That's normal. That's not -- that's not going to happen pre-COVID all the time. And this is normal. People on standby fighting and going crazy. And like -- and then -- this is fantastic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: It's over. We're fighting in airports again. We're back, man. We're back.

(CROSSTALK)

FOSTER: We're fighting over what matters.

LONG: This made me so happy. I'm like, more.

GUTFELD: Would you -- Rob, would you have intervened? Should you?

LONG: You know, what, are you kidding? At that point, I'm in the TGI Fridays, like, two-thirds of the way through the Margaritas.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Like the -- no, I wouldn't have --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You ever --- would you go for the larger one? You ever go for the larger beverage? Like when they offer you an extra shot?

LONG: Oh, yes. I mean, they -- don't offer to me. I ordered it ahead of time. You can't, it's the polite reply.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: It would be rude to send the shot back. Oh my god, I start with this is all going to be supersized.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Also, did they not have masks on? That's where I --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: That's where I have the real problem.

LONG: That was in Miami by the way. I just came back from Miami. COVID didn't happen in Miami.

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: No one stopped.

FOSTER: No.

GUTFELD: Although I was there in 4th of July and they did close down the beaches which was ridiculous.

LONG: That was because you were in a Speedo

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, actually it was a --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: The beaches were close to view.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: All right, up next, what happens when woke workers try to take on the boss?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They think they have the power to make their boss's cower. Some employees at Simon and Schuster, they're not two people, have submitted a petition demanding they stop making book deals with people from the Trump administration.

This after the company side Mike Pence, the former vice president, Jesse, to a two-book deal earlier this month. Last week the CEO pushed back on the petition saying, "We come to work each day to publish not to cancel" which is very good.

The petition collected about 3700 signatures, but only about 216 were from actual employees. What's weird is the very next day Simon and Schuster announced 216 new job openings. I wish.

Meanwhile, some people at SNL who didn't buy Tesla's stock are pissed off that Elon Musk is hosting the show next month. Who canceled? Warren Buffett?

On May 8th, the show will be hosted by Elon Musk and the musical guests will be Miley Cyrus, where she will be turning 50. No, she looks great. She looks great. You can hear her voice though, very raspy.

After the announcement was made, Musk tweeted, "Let's find out just how live SNL really is." Cast member Bowen Yang responded on Instagram. What the F does this even mean? Which is a fair question especially since most of the crew members Musk plans to send to Mars will die.

TIMF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And Aidy Bryant shared a Bernie Sanders tweet about how the 50th wealthiest people own more than the bottom half of Americans. Hilarious, follow her for laughs.

Musk happens to be the third richest person in the world pending any more Bezos divorces. To put that in context, Lorne Michaels is also filthy rich, you idiot. So we've got workplaces where the employees are whining about company business, but in both cases, the company businesses involved speech, which apparently the complainers wish to silence, perhaps because they hate older white males. Let's ask an expert.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. So, they don't want to publish these authors or let this guy on T.V. because they don't agree with them? That's a tough one. Give me a second. I'm good at this. I got it. Don't buy the book. Change the channel.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Angry white male, Rob.

WATTERS: You were supposed to cast me for that guy.

GUTFELD: Yes, you're a little too on the nose for that one.

LONG: I didn't think I was that angry.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You wouldn't have to stretch. I just have to wake you up. Rob, you work in T.V. -- go ahead.

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: First of all -- I say (INAUDIBLE) handle that power tool.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Like he knows what a power tool is.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: I mean, and they gave the Oscar to Anthony Hopkins? This guy is delivering for you every -- oh, my god. Talent.

GUTFELD: Don't say that. Don't say that because (INAUDIBLE) money. I got him in that Fox internship program.

LONG: You still have that?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

LONG: That should have been canceled a long --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes. Do you have any thoughts left?

LONG: Yes. I have two thoughts. One, for (INAUDIBLE) like, Elon Musk invented an electric car.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: That used to be something that people who are progressive would be like, yes, electric car.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: The most famous electric car in the world he invented. He's also kind of a weirdo, oddball, free thinking, unpredictable character. You'd think that that would be somebody those people would want to have around just for laughs because that's the point of the show.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: They don't want that. They want normal. Everybody wants normal.

GUTFELD: Exactly. That use to be against normal.

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: But they -- but now they're for normal. And they only I'd say about Simon and Schuster is, I mean, I don't know how many -- I mean, how many Trump administration figures could they publish? I mean, ton, right? There's -- he fired people and rehired them and fired them like once or twice, three times a week.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Sorry. 2,000 people that one job there.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: There's no way they could publish them all.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Pence is enough.

GUTFELD: It's still in their Twitter handle though. Yes. Right.

LONG: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: Kmele, to Rob's point, it's like we are kind of like going after like -- it's -- this is a guy who is an independent thinker, who's kind of quirky. But he's got to go back just for that. He's got to be just -- he has to believe everything they believe.

FOSTER: Yes. Well, Elon is among the only like super-duper wealthy people who actually when you hear him talk, you imagine this is what he really means because he actually says the things that he means in most instances, but I'm also wondering about like, SNL, which has not been funny for a very long time. I just don't -- Elon doesn't strike me as a guy with a tremendous amount of comedic timing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FOSTER: I don't know that he's going to bring the whole quality of the show up very high. Although the show hasn't been funny in some time.

GUTFELD: You know, speaking of funny, can I ask you a question? Why do you have an extra pair of shoes?

FOSTER: I couldn't decide which shoes to wear. So, I have the Yeezys but we could go with the whites. Maybe I'll switch at some point.

GUTFELD: You didn't want to wear the white shoes. Did you?

FOSTER: I mean, do you want me to put the white shoes on?

GUTFELD: Because we're angry white males?

FOSTER: Well, I don't --

TIMPF: Actually me.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I don't believe in -- I don't believe in race. I don't practice that non-sense. I wear --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: This is the first. First, somebody brings an extra pair of shoes as if like there might be a mud puddle on this (INAUDIBLE)

FOSTER: It is entirely possible. One never knows what they'll encounter.

GUTFELD: That is true, especially on this show. I tend to have accidents now and again. Kat, you're no accident. I don't even know what that means. It was just a segue.

TIMPF: I don't think I was because I was the oldest.

GUTFELD: If you ever came to me and said to me, I don't want that guest on the show because I disagree with his beliefs. What do you think I've been saying?

TIMPF: We would never have any guests on the show. We would never --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because I like think for myself about things, right? Like, I don't agree with everything that Mike Pence believes. And I know that because I was able to listen to and read them.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And form an opinion which is a valuable thing. He's also a former vice president. He's not just like some random bridge troll, like not that I would not read that book because bridge troll life -- fascinating.

LONG: Yes.

TIMPF: But -- like a lot of people do agree with him. And a -- you would want to understand that and engage with that and be able to have more knowledge and not less about an entire period in history. And to have this view that your view is not just like the only, you know, view that is desirable for people to consume, but acceptable to people -- to people to consume is arrogant. And thinking that makes you like a good person is also delusional.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, it's cowardice. It's a fear that maybe that person's other ideas might influence yours. You should be so confident.

Jesse, you have a special announcement since we're talking about books, right?

WATTERS: Greg, you really blew that setup. I want to talk about Simon and Schuster first. The Trump people have goals. And it's because they spent hours and hours around President Trump. Think about how many offhanded insane comments he just said passing by. I was lucky enough to have dinner with him at the White House.

GUTFELD: Whoa. Really?

WATTERS: And he spent 20 minutes ranking all of the fighters in the world by their ferocity, Taliban, Kamikaze, ISIS. That right there is a chapter. You got to -- if you have that, you have to publish that.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: That's -- I thought you meant like professional fighters. This is even better.

WATTERS: No, no. Like actual fighters that try to kill people. And then on the "Saturday Night Live" thing, do you remember in school when they pair you up into group project?

GUTFELD: Right.

WATTERS: And you got paired up with a maniac, and you'd roll your eyes because, you know, you'd have to carry the maniac. Whether it be Jimmy or Johnny or Jesse, whoever that person is. You can't raise your hand to the teacher and say, Lauren Michaels, I don't want to work with this guy.

GUTFELD: Right.

WATTERS: You want to work with the maniac especially when the maniac is rich.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Whatever happened to sucking up to wealthy people? This guy come - - most comes on the show. You throwback drinks after the show on Saturday night, then, he's in your Rolodex.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: So the next time you go out to L.A. you call him up and you say, can we come over? Just to impress your friends?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: And then maybe next rocket ship takes off. You're on standby. And that's the standby you want to fight for, right?

GUTFELD: Well done. All right.

WATTERS: That's it though.

GUTFELD: Up next. The states that are losing congressional seats, can you guess which one?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are the east and west coast finally toast? According to recent census data, both New York State and California lost congressional seats due to stalled population growth. True. They've lost more people than General Custer. That's an old joke.

People aren't just calmly walking out in New York State, they're leaving skid marks. The three main reason, taxes, COVID lockdowns, and dying in nursing homes.

But also rising crime as police morale plummets, retirement rates for New York cops are skyrocketing jumping 75 percent from a year ago. Sadly, the retirement rates for murderers, robbers, and rapists, they're holding steady.

Meanwhile, in places like Texas, the population is growing at a much faster rate giving them too more seats in the House of Representatives. That's not the case in California where U-Haul trucks are getting harder to find than Kevin Spacey. Yes, people are leaving the state faster than terrified teens at an Art Kelly pool party. I stopped it too. And thought there might have been a third one then, but I figured no two are enough. Kmele, you did something interesting.

FOSTER: Yes.

GUTFELD: You left New York.

FOSTER: Yes.

GUTFELD: At the right, just about the right time. But then you moved to California.

FOSTER: It was a strange decision. Right outside of San Francisco of all places?

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. How's the smell?

FOSTER: Well, you know, I'm in, I'm in Tiburon. Yes. Which is, you know, across the bay there and is lovely. Marion County is beautiful. The only problem I have is, a lot of my neighbors they just lurch at the opportunity to talk to me, to express their ally ship. How much they care and how important I am and how much my life matters. It's a little bit overwhelming.

WATTERS: You want to be like you were in New York?

FOSTER: It would be nice. I said before, like, it there's something a bit get out-ish about, like everywhere you turn, there's a sign that says your life matters. We really care. You belong here. We want you to stay.

WATTERS: It's a little creepy.

GUTFELD: Oh my God. That is so funny. And true, Kat, you know, when the people flee, and they go to these other states, should they be allowed to vote?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right, next question.

TIMPF: I mean, I don't think there's any way they can --

GUTFELD: Temporary ban, five years. Temporary voting ban so they don't ruin the state they move to. Unless it's Kmele, because he's just moving to California, same thing from New York.

TIMPF: Yes, I'm not really sure what the legal basis for a law like that would be?

GUTFELD: There is none.

TIMPF: Right. Exactly. That would be my concern. But you know, sure, that look, I love the way that this is was framed as like population shift, et cetera, and not like people fleeing syringe and you know, feces littered tyrannical wastelands. But member --

GUTFELD: That's your apartment.

TIMPF: Oh, yes, well --

GUTFELD: I've been there.

TIMPF: Look, not since we got the cleaning lady. But like, remember what everyone was saying over the summer? Oh, GOP people said everyone's going to flee New York, and everyone's going to flee California. And it's this talking point, and it's like, well, no, it sucks here.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. And so people are actually voting with their feet.

TIMPF: With their feet.

GUTFELD: Yes, I just came up with that line, Jesse.

WATTERS: That's why he's got two pair of shoes, right?

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

WATTERS: He's going to vote twice.

GUTFELD: I bet he's a democrat.

FOSTER: Or not at all.

WATTERS: Definitely Democrat.

FOSTER: Or not at all.

WATTERS: You know, it's like a social scene in this country. Gutfeld. Do you want to go to a party in New York with a $20.00 cover with mask rules with speech codes in a dangerous neighborhood? Or do you want to go to a party in Texas, where everyone gets in for free? There's no curfew and there's $5.00 pitchers. That's the party you want to go?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: So these, these blue states are paying a price for their uptight policies. But I saw this when I saw this Gutfeld, it's -- I think the American birth rate is at its slowest rate since the 30s. So, I was walking Jesse Jr., my newborn the other day in the stroller, and he pokes his head up and he said, Dad, and he said, we really need to increase the American birth rate. So, we don't become like Japan or the E.U. and have a bloated welfare state. I said, son, that's a very astute observation.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: And then he said, thank you for conceiving me. And then I said, thank your mother. But it's true, you really need to start having --

TIMPF: Your three-week-old son thinks I should get pregnant.

WATTERS: There are exceptions to every rule.

GUTFELD: His beliefs on climate change are unparalleled. That book of Haiku poetry.

Rob, you now did the opposite that Kmele did.

ROB LONG, T.V. PRODUCER AND SCREENWRITER: I did.

GUTFELD: You move from LA California to New York just at the worst time.

LONG: We cancel each other out. I don't believe it was the worst time to leave California. I just didn't realize I was leaving one thing to the other. I was stepping over one refuse to another refuse. Anyway, your kid sounds a little slow to me.

WATTER: I'll get him into any school he want, no worries.

LONG: I was surprised, in the New York census though. It's like it's only like two dozen. Two dozen. Like Yes, like I don't have my votes, but counts. And I remember, I filled out the My New York census I did that I kind of put it off. And then I had to do it because it's the law. And I think I got a little drunk. And I may have had some fun with some of the ethnic like designation. So if there's a federal program, multibillion dollar program coming out soon for people whose ethnicity is that they come from undersea kingdoms. That was me. I apologize. I was just making a little joke.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know what, it worked. I'll tell you what, New York City is disgusting.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: It is. You know that the homeless now don't just have a shopping cart. It's like full on Sanford and Son. Yes, there's a guy that's got boy that's talking about a reference that nobody remembers. I mean, Sanford and Son. It was a junk shop for God's sake.

LONG: That was older than kind --

TIMPF: I'm so young. Sorry I'm just so young and beautiful, I have so much life ahead of me.

GUTFELD: All right, still to come the Supreme Court cheerleader case, the end all Supreme Court cheerleader.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should you pass for talking smack outside of class. This week, the Supreme Court which is like a regular court but with cheese and sour cream, we'll hear arguments in a case that could decide if schools can punish kids for saying things off campus including on social media. It began with a 14- year-old from Pennsylvania named brandy levy. As a sophomore, she got cut from the varsity cheerleading squad and there myself.

So, she went on Snapchat, gave the finger, started cursing, f-school, f- cheerleading, f-everything. It was terrible. First, her post was all wrong. It should have started with give me an F, give me a U. But you know when I got cut from the varsity cheerleading squad, I took it like a man. I eat a half gallon of cookie dough ice cream and cried myself to sleep while watching "The Notebook."

Anyway, Ryan, the coach saw the post and suspended her from the J.V. squad for a year, even though the video was made off campus, so her parents sued saying or free speech rights were violated. Two lower courts agreed and she was put back on the team. But the school district appealed to the Supreme Court, and here we are. For more, let's check in with Supreme Court Correspondent Joe Machi. What's up, Joe? Can you talk about the legal precedents as this relates to Tinker versus Des Moines in 1969?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: Greg, in Tinker versus Des Moines, the Supreme Court ruled 72 that students do have free speech rights as long as it's not disruptive. But no one will believe that coming for me, because I'm wearing a tablecloth and awake for some reason, even though that's judges in England, when can I come inside?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Never. You will never be allowed inside. Kat, as a woman.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: This issue of cheerleading, but strike at the core of your very being, never were a cheerleader.

TIMPF: You really have a solid understanding of what is important to me, Greg. Really. Look this is obviously just absurd. I don't think schools should be able to, you know, have any say and what kids do off, you know, off of the campus. People like well, what about bullying? It's like, OK, well, it's not good. It's not the school's business. And also, if you're never bullied, you don't have any trauma, you will never grow up to be funny. So, you'll be OK.

GUTFELD: So, apparently, you're saying Jesse was never bullied?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Jesse, you have 12 daughters. I mean, would you ever let them cheerlead?

WATTERS: I know about two of them. If I were a cheerleading coach, which --

GUTFELD: And who's to say you aren't?

WATTERS: My parole officer says I'm legally not allowed to. I would cut this girl because she said --

TIMPF: Oh, like, from the team. OK, sorry.

WATTERS: You're a sick person.

TIMPF: I was like, where are you, Kat? OK, sorry.

WATTERS: We're on tape, right? Because she's destroying morale. And we have state championships coming up, and I run a very elite cheerleading squad. But in general --

GUTFELD: You're getting good at this.

WATTERS: Yes. In general, I don't like schools, punishing students for what they're doing off campus. I like the cat and mouse game. If you get caught leaving campus, you go do whatever you do. If they don't catch you doing that, you're good. If they catch you coming back on campus, then they can nail you for that. But you should be able to do whatever you want off campus, especially on weekends.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: The headmaster should not be able to punish you for that, your parents should punish you for that. My parents, they were both headmaster, so I got punished two times. So, it was a tricky situation.

TIMPF: All she did was say, (BLEEP) cheerleading, (BLEEP) everything. Like, that's not -- the school's you need to get involved. Like that's a great shirt that they should have sold at hot topic at the time.

FOSTER: This is a public, this is a public school, yes? I mean, this is state censorship. Pure and simple. I mean, it's very, very straightforward.

GUTFELD: Really? So, that's how you would look at it?

FOSTER: Absolutely.

GUTFELD: yes, yes. So, the lot -- you know, they're going to hear arguments, I think tomorrow, as I pretend to know what I'm talking about.

FOSTER: Wait, wait, wait, you can say (BLEEP) on GUTFELD?

GUTFELD: That's the --

FOSTER: How is this now my first booking?

WATTERS: Now, now that you've called attention to it, the FCC are going to come down.

FOSTER: I'm going to do this show every night.

GUTFELD: We do bleep it now and again. I don't know any more. You know, Rob, the bottom line, if we had this technology when we were growing up in the 90s, we'd all be screwed. Right?

LONG: Well, I guess if that if that. I feel like this is the worst John Hughes movie ever. Like, what, also like it isn't, it is the idea that the profanity. I mean, have these people heard Cardi B? Like the, like, you can listen to in the school? I think what you said --

TIMPF: You listen to Cardi B in the school?

LONG: You can go to school and listen to it, can't you? I don't know, I don't know how schools work anymore.

GUTFELD: She's the young woman who sings about the (INAUDIBLE).

LONG: She sings about being excited.

GUTFELD: OK, she sings about getting excited about the (INAUDIBLE).

LONG: I don't know, I went to school in Switzerland. I kind of feel like, I mean, she's got a case but on the other hand, it seems personal like they didn't like the what she said about, she just used those words about the yogurt store. I don't know. I'm making this up. I don't know how -- they wouldn't have had any problem with it. And since you said something about them and they're kind of mad, it seems punitive to me but you're not allowed to do.

FOSTER: What's a yogurt store?

LONG: Where do the kids hangout? At local yogurt store, right?

GUTFELD: Every time I ask that question, people just look at me weird.

LONG: I'm not allowed 30 yards outside of a yogurt store.

GUTFELD: You got to register because you're not cultured. I know. I can't resist. Rose McGowan said that Democrats are in a cult. We discussed. That's next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: The Dems are a cult says Rose and given her past, she knows. Me Too activist and Founder, basically, and Actress, Rose McGowan, who herself grew up in the children of God cult, go COG said on fox news last night that she believes that Democrats are in a cult too.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ROSE MCGOWAN, ME TOO ACTIVIST: I leave the Republicans alone more because I do respect people more than are like this is what we are. This is what we're about. This is what we're against. Whereas I find that the Democrats are really pretty much almost against all the same things. They're against changing the world for the better and they're for keeping a system in place. That is for so few people and benefits so few, but they masquerade as the as the helpers.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: McGowan 2024. She said she sees Democrats serving a master they may they may not be, but that may not be serving them. Well, that was tough. So, what's your advice for people in these divided times?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MCGOWAN: Your personal freedom comes at the price of you realizing how you're being controlled and where it's coming from? In separate, I would make a list your belief system and figure out what your belief system what part of it is organic to you and what part has been implanted either by Hollywood or the media or, or your leaders, right?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Great idea.

MCGOWAN: What part of it is truly yours? What's organic to you and see what the polyester is and pull it out of your fabric?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We now check in with a former CNN viewer who's been pulling a lot of stuff out of his fabric.

You know, this is America, we want videos that are in English. I didn't understand a word.

WATTERS: I like the angry white man better. It's not what I meant.

GUTFELD: To Rob, this goes to your very original point. Here is it another kind of independent thinker being expunged from the Democrats, they have nowhere to go inevitably, they end up in this. There's going to be this new place for all of these people to go somewhere. It won't be -- I don't know where it would be.

WATTERS: It's called Fox. We're going to hire her. She's the next ӣ��Ƶ Contributor.

GUTFELD: Give her an hour. I would listen to her for an hour.

FOSTER: Give her this hour.

GUTFELD: Hey! Up next, Gutfeld and McGowan.

WATTERS: Oh, I like that.

GUTFELD: Or McGowan and Gutfeld. Yes, McGowan and Gutfeld.

WATTERS: You'll fight for Gutfeld and McGowan, I know how petty you are.

TIMPF: So, then, I'm just fired.

WATTERS: No, we're going to keep you around.

LONG: Gutfeld is off tonight. He'll be like that for a week. Gutfeld is off tonight. He's on an assignment.

WATTERS: He has a new assignment at a yogurt store.

LONG: Yes, I counsel caution.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Sometimes someone says something and we agree with that person. But that doesn't mean that the next thing that person might say would not be insane.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's --

LONG: I have a feeling that there's some insane stuff that he's like, what's up? He goes, yes, you know what we ought to, we ought to cut capital gains. We ought to like bake the income tax lower. We got to shrink government. And be like, yes, yes. And we ought to get in a spaceship. You got to like, me, like, go slow, simmer down my friends. So, it's nice that somebody said that. I think she's probably right. But I'm just, let's, let's take a minute.

TIMPF: That's why it's more important to evaluate issues on a case by case basis, rather than being in the situation where you have to idolize people that oh, because they're in the same political party. And you know, like, honestly, if you're saying, hey, I have a problem with this person, this person has done things I think are wrong. You say, shut up, they're a leader on your side. You can't say that. That is a cult.

GUTFELD: Yes, it is a cult.

FOSTER: She seem to be taken a swipe at partisanship more broadly.

TIMPF: Yes. Yes.

FOSTER: I mean, even what she had to say about Republicans, I leave them alone, because they tell me what they're about. That doesn't sound like a compliment at all. As someone who is very skeptical of most of the, the two major political parties, I can -- some of those vibes resonate with me. But I also robbed off the same sort of skepticism.

I see shades of Kanye there, like a lot of people got very enthusiastic when Kanye seemed to be gravitating towards their guy, Donald Trump. Like Kanye also ended up running against him, right? I don't know that it made much of a difference. But, but folks like this, who have these kinds of changes of hearts, I don't know that they're going to be very reliable political allies.

LONG: And I agree with you, Kmele, because I am an ally.

FOSTER: It's appropriate for you --

LONG: How are you?

TIMPF: Your life matters.

FOSTER: I feel seen.

LONG: Thank you. I see you. I see you.

GUTFELD: Jesse, I disagree with all of them. I think she is an amazing force.

WATTERS: Yes, me too. I'm ready to vote for her in 2024. I mean, they're much more sophisticated than I am. I hear one thing that I agree with, and I'm like, yes, like, let's go. And I've been saying the Democrats have been a cult for years. No one does segments on what I say. One Democrat has an epiphany and she goes all over the news.

TIMPF: People do segments than what you put in those articles.

WATTERS: Those are negative. And those are all fake news.

LONG: Maybe you got to develop like kind of a crazy stare that seemed to be working.

WATTERS: I'll work on that.

LONG: And headphones, big headphones.

GUTFELD: She's made some incredibly coaching decisions like dating Marilyn Manson. So, I think you know that, that counts, right? One more segment of awesomeness coming up.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Of course, you would. Before we go let's do this.

ANNOUNCER: "GREG EXPLAINS THE SEXES."

GUTFELD: Sometimes you'll come across a video that explains the difference between men and women, and a reaction to something disgusting. Roll it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Where is it? Where's it? Where's it? Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. It's awesome. That is so awesome.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: See, what she finds disgusting, Jessie, he sees as awesome. Are feral creature in their house, awesome or disgusting?

TIMPF: I actually get along quite well a feral creature.

WATTERS: So, I don't want to talk about this at all. I will say that I want to make an announcement. And I will be making an announcement tomorrow on "THE FIVE." It's a personal announcement.

TIMPF: She's pregnant again?

WATTERS: I am straight. It's not that announcement. Despite what people say in these negative articles, were positive articles.

FOSTER: Positive.

WATTERS: Remember?

GUTFELD: All right.

WATTERS: So, that announcement will be forthcoming.

GUTFELD: Even though the show is taped. Biden's addressing Congress tomorrow, so we'll be back on Thursday night. Boo! In the meantime, set your DVRs so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Jesse Watters, Kmele Foster, Rob Long, Kat, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

ӣ��Ƶ' late-night program 'Gutfeld!' to kick off on April 5

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 11:43:18 -0500

ӣ��Ƶ Channel host Greg Gutfeld’s new weekday program "Gutfeld!" will debut on Monday, April 5, the network announced on Wednesday, and the namesake host feels it will stand out from boring late-night competition.

"If you cannot tell the other late night shows apart, join the club. They're as bland as string cheese and not nearly as appetizing. It's the same jokes, the same assumptions, probably the same writers, all reading the same columns from the same hacks in the New York Times. So we aren't going to be like them," Gutfeld said.

"If you want something different, that isn't afraid to take a risk and call out hypocrisy on all sides, check out ‘Gutfeld!’ And if you don't, no hard feelings. Although I will hate you forever," he added.

FOX NEWS MEDIA CEO SUZANNE SCOTT SIGNS NEW MULTI-YEAR CONTRACT

Gutfeld will continue as co-host of "The Five" in addition to hosting his new late-night program. The highly rated "The Greg Gutfeld Show" will air its final episode on Saturday before the namesake host expands his late-night offerings to five nights per week at 11 p.m. ET.

"People need a reason to laugh. Greg’s unique and irreverent talk show has been an incredible success, often beating the late night broadcast competition, despite its Saturday timeslot. With one of the most loyal and engaged audiences in cable news, we’re thrilled to bring the show to weekday primetime and further solidify Greg’s place among late night television stars," FOX News Media CEO Suzanne Scott said last month when plans were first announced.

"FOX News @ Night" with Shannon Bream will move to 12 a.m., increasing ӣ��Ƶ’ original weekday programming to 21 hours per day.

"Gutfeld!" will examine the news of the day with a satirical approach that aims to offer refreshing and light-hearted takes on headlines.

Comedians Joe DeVito and Joe Machi will join the "Gutfeld!" team, along with multiple FNC personalities, actors, politicians, veterans, and comedians. FNC contributor Tom Shillue will also be featured on "Gutfeld!"

CLICK HERE FOR THE FOX NEWS APP

In 2020, Gutfeld’s show had its best year ever, averaging 2.5 million viewers. "The Greg Gutfeld Show" also was the most-watched weekend show among the key demographic of adults age 25-54, averaging 400,000. It even outdrew many late-night programs on broadcast networks, including ABC’s "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" and NBC’s "The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon."

A replacement for Gutfeld’s Saturday night primetime spot will be announced at a later date.

Gutfeld joined ӣ��Ƶ in 2007 after a successful career in the magazine industry. He has authored five New York Times bestselling books including, "The Plus: Self-Help for People Who Hate Self-Help."

ӣ��Ƶ Channel's 'The Greg Gutfeld Show’ to move to weeknights at 11 pm

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 14:32:47 -0500

"The Greg Gutfeld Show" will expand from airing once a week on Saturday to a full weeknight schedule, FOX News Media CEO Suzanne Scott announced on Wednesday.

Greg Gutfeld’s political satire program will air Monday through Friday at 11 p.m. beginning in the second quarter of 2021. He will continue to co-host "The Five" in addition to the new weeknight program.

FOX NEWS MEDIA CEO SUZANNE SCOTT SIGNS NEW MULTI-YEAR CONTRACT

"ӣ��Ƶ @ Night with Shannon Bream" will move to midnight to coincide with the move, expanding the network’s hours of live and original programming to 21 per weekday.

"This feels like the perfect next step following the amazing success of the weekend show, which is due in large part to a great staff and a management that lets the show follow its own unique path,"Gutfeld said. "Every day someone comes up to me to ask when are we going nightly, so now that we are, here will be approximately 3 million people who will claim it’s their idea."

CLICK HERE FOR THE FOX NEWS APP

A replacement for Gutfeld’s Saturday night primetime spot will be announced at a later date.

Greg Gutfeld: Democrats ignored violent riots until it impacted the polls

Sat, 29 Aug 2020 23:46:39 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," August 29, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: There were two conventions going on this week. The Republican one reminds us why America matters.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. KRISTI NOEM (R-SD): I believe America is an exceptional nation, founded on three principles, equality, freedom, and opportunity.

SEN. TIM SCOTT (R-SC): Our family went from cotton to Congress in one lifetime. And that's why I believe the next American Century can be better than the last.

MADISON CAWTHORN, REPUBLICAN NOMINEE FOR NORTH CAROLINA'S 11TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT: Be radical for freedom. Be radical for liberty and be radical for our Republic for which I stand.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That was awesome. Then there's the naturalization ceremony, the reminding us that even as our nation's most prominent voices deem America irredeemably racist and evil, billions beyond our borders would trade their situation with us in a heartbeat.

Such ceremonies upset the press, but give actual human beings a lump in their throats.

And how about the sister? She'd get things in order.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SISTER DEIRDRE BYRNE, THE LITTLE WORKERS OF THE SACRED HEARTS OF JESUS AND MARY: In 1978, as a medical school student at Georgetown University, I joined the Army to help pay for my tuition and ended up devoting 29 years to the military, serving as a doctor and a surgeon in places like Afghanistan and Egypt's Sinai Peninsula.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. That brings back memories of Sister Maya at St. Gregory's in San Mateo. I had chill. After the Dems week-long tantrum though, it's good to see adults in the room for once. I would not arm wrestle this lady. I would not pinkie wrestle her. She could kick my ass.

Sorry, sister, but --

But I put her, Tim Scott, Herschel Walker, Jack Brewer and Burgess Owens up against the entire Democratic Party in a cage match. And what about this guy?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DANA WHITE, UFC PRESIDENT: It blows my mind how quickly some of the leadership in this country has forgotten the critical role first responders play in our society.

Come on America, defunding these vital positions is not the answer.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You could crack me like a walnut. What is it with these people? It's like they're grownups on super pills.

These are not people you would dare to mob. It's quite a contrast.

To the other convention, the one on the streets featuring mobs, arsonists, vandals, looters and shooters. All right, CNN calls it fiery mostly peaceful protests.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OMAR JIMENEZ, CNN NATIONAL CORRESPONDENT: Multiple locations that have been burning in Kenosha, Wisconsin over the course of the night in stark contrast to what we saw over the course of the daytime hours in Kenosha and into the early evening, which were largely peaceful demonstrations in the face of law enforcement.

It wasn't until nightfall that things began to get a little bit more contentious.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: A little bit more contentious. Here lies the problem. For months now, the media and Democrat leaders have been denying what we see with our own eyes, our country is under attack. They use phrases like "mostly peaceful" or "sporadic violence" to downplay this chaotic and even orchestrated violence.

And when you counter such opinions with facts about crime, they laugh like clowns.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Democratic cities are in chaos right now. Is this what you want from Joe Biden? And they're going to take your country away and they're taking down the statues and --

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Crime is rising.

LEMON: Crime is rising.

CUOMO: Defund police.

LEMON: Oh my gosh. It's so bad and they have got defunding police, it's like --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That did not age well. Now, that the violence is out of control and taking lives, however, the mockers changed their tune. But it wasn't your suffering that changed their minds, it was the polls. Tell us about the blind spot, Don.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LEMON: I think this is a blind spot for Democrats. I think Democrats are ignoring this problem or hoping that it will go away, and it's not going to go away.

Joe Biden may be afraid to do it. I'm not sure. Maybe he won't. Maybe he is. He's got to address it.

The rioting has to stop. Chris, as you know, and I know, it's showing up in the polling. It's showing up in focus groups. It is the only thing right now that is sticking.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So that's why the media ignores the violence because it didn't suit them politically. But once the polls show that mayhem hurts Joe's chances, it's time to speak up.

How gross is that? As gross as Brian Stelter and a Speedo, because it means all those businesses burned, all those people injured, all those jobs and lives lost happened because the press didn't see political value in reporting it.

And by ignoring it, it continued. Well, of course until now.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: This is on their watch.

LEMON: It is on their watch.

CUOMO: Mr. Vice President, if you don't believe that your faith demands that you speak about what's happening in Kenosha right now, not in terms of showing riots and fomenting tension when it's a symptom of a problem --

LEMON: They have to talk about these vigilantes and they have to talk about these groups who go in and start this violence.

White guys coming in from these groups, starting unrest, promoting violence.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So now they're upset. Sorry, too late. The ugliness we see now, you built that by ignoring its spread, because it didn't suit you to point it out. Remember what you said about Antifa?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: Too many see the protests as the problem. No, the problem is what forced your fellow citizens to take to the streets -- persistent and poisonous inequities and injustice.

And please, show me where it says that protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful. People who show up to fight against bigots are not to be judged the same as the bigots, even if they do resort to the same kinds of petty violence.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So where does that petty violence lead? Let's hear from a widow.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANN DORN, WIDOW OF RETIRED CAPTAIN DAVID DORN: As I slept, looters were ransacking the shop. They shot and killed David in cold blood and then live streamed his execution and his last moments on Earth.

He was murdered by people who didn't know and just didn't care. He would have done anything to help them.

Violence and destruction are not legitimate forms of protest.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ann Dorn told the story the media chose to ignore because it wasn't beneficial to them. The demonization of law enforcement, the elevation of anarchist protest has led to what was predicted here some time ago, the mayhem begets mayhem.

Here is Rand Paul and his wife barely escaping the mob after Trump's speech.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: What if there weren't armed officers there? So the mob proves everything said at the convention, right, Burgess?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BURGESS OWENS, REPUBLICAN NOMINEE FOR UTAH'S 4TH CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT: Mobs torture our cities while popular Members of Congress promotes the same socialism that my father fought against in World War II.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So the convention's theme isn't fear, its freedom, freedom from fear, fear of attack and tolerance, losing your home, business, life. This is a message we need to hear as our country is at the mercy of marauders.

But that's what happens with leaders cower before the politically correct and the media and their celebrity darlings choose to back lawlessness than those who fight it.

They had Connor Lamb and Stacey Abrams. The Republicans had this guy from Cuba.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAXIMO ALVAREZ, CUBAN IMMIGRANT: I choose President Trump because I choose America.

I choose freedom.

I still hear my dad, there is no other place to go.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: If you want to know who the enemy is, why not hear from a guy who has seen the enemy before. And today, he is recognizing that face of dictatorship, again, it's on the street. It's on TV and a few are in Congress pulling Biden's strings.

I'm sure there were plenty of Cubans in the 1950s who didn't see Castro coming and then when he came, it was like, wow, how could this happen to us? Well, the fact is, it can happen to us. It is happening to us, because your concerns mean nothing to the media or the Dems until it shows up in the polls or at their doorstep.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's so sharp that rock, paper, scissors is now called rock, paper, Trey Gowdy. His great new book is called "Doesn't Hurt To Ask," ӣ��Ƶ contributor and host of "The Trey Gowdy" podcast, Trey Gowdy.

Well he is so patriotic the Liberty Bell once took a field trip to see him. "Fox and Friends" weekend co-host, the very ugly, Pete Hegseth.

She's quick with a quip and won't take no lip. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

And he's got more muscles than the Great Barrier Reef, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox nation, Tyrus.

All right, what a line up. All right, Trey Gowdy, your book. It's about persuasion. So I want to ask you how persuasive was this week -- this convention to, let's say, undecided, folks?

TREY GOWDY, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I think they did a great job. I think Tim Scott's story appeals to everyone. I mean, there is a need, Greg, obviously to acknowledge the base. You want the base to be energized.

But the groups that we were struggling with, I mean, you can't listen to Nikki Haley. You can't listen to Tim Scott. You can't watch the clemency of a man who deserved a second chance of life and got one.

I didn't see the angry Donald Trump that the Democrats portray.

GUTFELD: Yes, neither did I. You know, we're going to talk about Donald Trump in the next block. Pete, isn't it interesting how preferable non- politicians are to listen to? That's what --

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Big time.

GUTFELD: Yes, I mean that's --

HEGSETH: Big time. You want to hear their story and time after time, you heard stories and this is directly how the President's policies that he promised he would deliver improved my life and my family or would have prevented Kayla Mueller's parents who they say our daughter would be alive because they would have taken ISIS seriously and actually brought her back.

They spent four days shredding the leftist strawman. The left creates the strawman that we are a systemically racist nation, where cops are running around intentionally trying to find black men to shoot and climate change is going to kill us all in 10 years so we need to socialize every part of our economy.

And bit by bit, they broke it down and exposed America versus anarchy and then all the speakers and all the attendees were poignantly harassed by the mob when they left the event, to put a perfect exclamation point on precisely what the President is talking about.

I don't think they could have orchestrated it better and it was the powerful stories of individuals that I think did it best.

GUTFELD: Kat, you almost leapt out of your seat like a cat when I was talking about the non-political people. I bet you want to comment on that?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I do. First, I want to say I learned something very important yesterday, thanks to the R.N.C. Dana White is actually a dude.

I've always heard the name and I'm like, oh, one of those lady wrestlers, but he's actually a very meaty manly dude. So, that was great. I learned that, but yes, I agree totally. Because whenever I'm hearing anyone speak who is trying to win an election, it doesn't matter what party, you always have in your mind, like okay, yes, they are trying to win something, my vote, with their words, right?

It's kind of like you trust them about as much as a guy when you're on a date, and it's like your four drinks in and he's like, come home with me. I think you'd love my cat. I'll introduce you to my cat.

But again, you mentioned some of those people, but the one that I thought was the real standout was Alice Johnson.

GUTFELD: Definitely.

TIMPF: I watched it about five times and I was in tears, because it transcended politics, especially because she was saying, there are thousands more out there just like me.

I have written and spoken and volunteered criminal justice issues for years, and I was like, I'm not doing enough. What more can I do? It really, truly moved me and just to compare that with the voiceover calling Kamala last week a fighter for criminal or for ending mass incarceration.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Here's someone who is out here actually doing that, and the only reason she is out here at all is because President Trump freed her. I thought it was so powerful it transcended politics.

It motivated me, and I think a lot of people felt the way that I did, just such a truly powerful, amazing moment.

GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus, so maybe I am biased because I have such an antipathy towards leftwing whiners, but I felt like I was looking at adults, especially when Kat brings up Dana White.

Like when you're listening to Data White. You see Herschel Walker. You see Jack Brewer, which is the best name ever invented Jack Brewer. I felt like I was around people I want to hang out with in a bar and I know we'll never get a bar fight.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, you would find a way. I don't doubt you would. You would find a way to start it and then say Tyrus will be in the bathroom when it's over.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's true.

MURDOCH: And then that's exactly what happens. Before I start real quick tonight, Greg, I have to just give my condolences to the Armstrong family "Bullet" Bob Armstrong. He passed away this week and a wrestling legend, a hero of mine. So I'm sad to see him go.

But yes, you used the term the adult in the room. Herschel Walker is literally the nicest, no nonsense person you're ever going to meet in your life. I don't -- he doesn't change expressions much and I honestly don't think he has to.

And I've always -- he talk softly but his words are always strong, and I think that the R.N.C. did exactly what they should have done. The D.N.C. went with dramatization and celebrities and scenarios and, you know, coming attractions of the world is going to end and they're going to save it, and basically, it's -- you know, the United States is the new "Star Wars" and the Empire, you know, President Trump and the Empire.

And the R.N.C. said, well, we're just going to be adults and here's our plan. They're sorry, there's no CGIF. There's no fantasy. There's no music videos. We're just going to have straight talk and see what you guys think of it.

So, the Republican Party was the Republican Party. I expect no less. I didn't expect the -- although there was fireworks, but it was at the end.

GUTFELD: We're going to talk about that.

MURDOCH: Not during. Not during.

GUTFELD: We're going to talk about that in the next segment because we're not done. We've got to talk about Trump's speech and the fireworks.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: He made the network's cover the fireworks. So what's Trump's plan for the next four years besides tweeting endorsements of my next great book? First, a simple question.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: So tonight I ask you a simple question, how can the Democratic Party ask to lead our country when it spends so much time tearing down our country?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Much of the speech hit on how Democratic policies made America worse, not better; policies that led to last week's power outage in California. Did everybody see that?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Everybody saw that. Tremendous power outage. Nobody has seen anything like it. But we saw that last week in California.

How can Joe Biden claim to be an ally of the light when his own party can't even keep the lights on?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What a line? I take it he doesn't think Joe Biden is very strong.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Joe Biden is weak.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But Joe says he loves blue collar workers. I wonder, does he give them hugs and even kisses?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Joe Biden took the donations of blue collar workers, gave them hugs and even kisses.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Okay, let's change topics. How about the moon? What are we doing with the moon?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: America will land the first woman on the moon, and the United States will be the first nation to plant its beautiful flag on Mars.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. First woman on the moon. Who's he got in mind?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): Just don't tell anybody I told you this, especially don't tell Joe Biden. I don't think that there should be any debates.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Because she thinks Trump would belittle the process. It sounds like she is worried and building the case to cancel. But Joe says he will debate although he has got to wonder why the hell couldn't he get fireworks that spelled out his name, too?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Okay, Pete, four years ago if I saw -- if I saw that, I would probably be triggered like how dare he do this? But now, to me, it's absolutely hilarious that he did that.

HEGSETH: The only thing better would have been a military parade with tanks, which I'm still waiting for, okay, and needs to happen.

Of course they're epically triggered by the scene of the First Family and Ivanka giving this speech beforehand and then the fireworks with his name and it's already at the White House and they're not supposed to politicize that and then they do an about face and look at the Washington Monument is Trump's --

I think that was a giant Nana Boo-boo, we're here. You're not. And after you watch this production over the last four days, you're going to be waiting for more years.

And when I turned the channel to other networks, it was -- their minds were exploding.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And it's a giant Trump trolling effort at them and they can't contain it and not a single viewer cared about any of that. They watched his words. They watched the speech. They watched the presentation and they liked it.

GUTFELD: Trey, do you think that the speech was too long as a lot of people were saying? Should it have been tighter? What did you make of it?

GOWDY: Look, you only get one chance to do it. I mean, at my age did I think it was too long? Yes, because I had to get up early this morning.

But I stayed up because he's a showman, but he also has a unique way of communicating and what I was captured by is yes, I'm discussing my record. That's what's obvious.

But the best pieces of evidence also have subliminal purposes. What was subliminal on that was the media has never treated me fairly and I've been under investigation for four years. Imagine what I could do with just a halfway fair media and without the Mueller and the impeachment investigations. Imagine what our country we could -- that was the message I got.

GUTFELD: So Tyrus, you can choose your topic but I -- do you have any opinion on Pelosi trying to provide cover for Joe to get out of the debate?

MURDOCH: Yes, again -- listen, I've been investigative reporting on crafty the old white men for a little over four years now I believe.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And I'm still out fact finding because these guys are clever. All my sources won't let me ever name them because for fear of backlash, but here's the thing.

This is why Trump does it better than the other side or honestly, than any other politician in history. Because of his wrestling background, he knows how to build a card and when I say building a card, you start off slowly. You give a little bit.

Then you have the sun come and put the heat on everybody. You get three or four speakers. Just talk trash, get everybody fired up, right?

Then you're ready for a little hub spot. The wife comes in and makes everything pretty, everyone happy. Oh, and then everybody is kind of like comes back from grabbing a snack and now, it is the main event.

Trump's going to speak. He fires up. Throw some punches, one, two, three, boom. Fireworks. Everybody goes home happy, fired up and ready to vote.

That's how you do an event. That's WWE 101, baby.

The other side, Vegas did a bunch of flips all night. We didn't know what was going on. There was singing and dancing, blaming. World is ending. Cows being deported. We didn't know what was going on.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know what happened and at the end, boom. Trump. What was on everybody's mind? Whether you hate him or you weren't sure about him or you loved him, you were like. Boom. Trump 2020.

That was on their mind because that's how you do the damn show.

GUTFELD: Yes, the only fireworks, Kat --

MURDOCH: You're welcome, America. You're welcome.

GUTFELD: Kat, the only fireworks ever perhaps brighter than that, the stuff coming out of the CNN anchors heads when they saw that.

TIMPF: Yes, I mean, I've got say, I didn't like the speech because of the length. But that's not an insult against Trump. It is an insult against myself. It made me feel really bad because like Trey said it was too long for me.

But I look up there and I'm like, this man is 74 years old. He's had such a busy week and he can get up there in a full suit and he's talking like for 70 minutes straight. It truly blows my mind that he has this kind of energy and ability and just comparing that with the other candidate. It is absolutely truly insane because he's been on TV all week. Okay.

I was like -- I did a 20 minute beginner workout on the Peloton. I've got go to bed. It's a school night.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So, I truly -- it was just astounding to watch and then. Boom. Fireworks. It was a show for sure.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: It did make me feel inadequate. So I didn't like that about that.

GUTFELD: I also fell asleep before it started. I tried to stay up, but I just couldn't. And then I woke up in the middle of it.

TIMPF: He is 74 years old.

MURDOCH: That was the wine.

GUTFELD: That was the wine. It was the wine. That is true.

TIMPF: It was the wine.

GUTFELD: Speaking of wine, what does Joe Biden do now besides a nap?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.

Two police officers were shot in St. Louis tonight. One of the officers shot in the head and is in critical condition. The other was shot in the leg. Both officers are being treated for their injuries. Authorities say they were responding to a shooting call.

Investigators say the suspect ordered a couple out of their home and remains barricaded inside. People are being told to stay away from that area.

And a Nevada man may be the first coronavirus reinfection case in the U.S. The 25-year-old was first diagnosed back in April and he tested positive again in late May. Researchers say he was infected with two different strains of the virus. Reinfections were also reported earlier this week in Hong Kong and Belgium.

Nearly six million people in the U.S. have the virus, more than 182,000 have died.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

For all of your headlines, log on to foxnews.com.

GUTFELD: Biden and his silence over violence. Kenosha, Wisconsin saw several nights of mayhem this week following the police shooting of Jacob Blake.

Tuesday, two people were shot and killed and a 17-year-old has been charged with their murder.

Later this week, Joe Biden addressed the riots.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: Protesting brutality is a right and absolutely necessary, but burning down communities is not protest. It's needless violence. Violence that endangers live. Violence that guts businesses and shutters businesses serve the community, that's wrong.

The problem we have right now is we're in Donald Trump's America. He is rooting for more violence, not less, and he is clear about that. And what's he doing? He's kind of pouring gasoline on the fire.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So Joe finally condemned the violence coincidentally, as he also blames Trump using a terrible analogy. But he is only really condemning their violence in order to blame Trump, which is kind of sad given that the past two months he has been as quiet as a worm's fart about the chaos.

But it wasn't the only notable thing he said this week.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: You have said yourself that you are a transition candidate. Does that mean a one term President? What does that mean?

BIDEN: No, it doesn't mean --

QUESTION: So you're leaving -- open the possibility you'll serve eight years.

BIDEN: Absolutely.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow. So it turns up, Joe is up for a second term in 2024, which will put them at 233 years old. That might be news to Kamala Harris. Let's watch that again. But pay close attention to her reaction. It's very subtle, but you'll see what I mean.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

QUESTION: You have said yourself that you are a transition candidate. Does that mean a one term President? What does that mean?

BIDEN: No, it doesn't mean --

QUESTION: So you're leaving -- open the possibility you'll serve eight years.

BIDEN: Absolutely.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.

QUESTION: Will you raise taxes?

BIDEN: I will raise taxes for anybody making over $400,000.00.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So Kat, I have a feeling Kamala wasn't expecting that answer. I mean, there had to be -- without question, it is kind of an arranged marriage under the assumption that she is going to be the President, not in four years, but in two months.

TIMPF: Oh, yes. I mean, she loves power. That's the thing that she loves more than anything. If she has got to throw some people in prison, she'll do it. She's got to pretend she never threw anyone in prison. She'll do it.

It's ridiculous. And I just feel really, really awful for Jacob Blake's family for the way that this is all worked out because you watch the video, it is obviously horrific. And it's obviously a situation where there needs to be justice.

The thing is, the way to achieve justice is not by going out and you know, creating a bunch of other uninvolved victims.

You know, I saw a video of a guy whose family furniture store was burned to the ground. What did the furniture have to do with any of this? And it's disturbing that it took so long for Joe Biden to condemn that.

This isn't tough stuff. You want justice in that situation for him and his family, but also his own family saying they're disgusted by what's going on with all the looting and destruction. Condemn that. They should not be political.

GUTFELD: Yes. Unfortunately, Tyrus, everything is political now, and everything is extra political because we've got an election coming up. So it's being used as a football, essentially.

MURDOCH: Yes and both sides really need to punt. You know, this has been a tough week for me, dealing with the frustration of these type of shootings and trying to see, you know, watching it objectively, but at the same time, I also have to answer the question as a black man, what -- you know, what are your thoughts? What is that?

You know, it's frustrating because it's very hard. You know, I'm fortunate because people reach out to me. You know, retired police officers reach out to me. Cops reach out to me and they always want to be anonymous, but they always say the same thing.

They just said that the guys lost procedure. They panicked and they didn't support the shooting. And they explained to me ways that they could do that without doing it.

And when you try to word that, it gets lost because for some reason you can't support the Police Department, and at the same time you're your fellow brothers to be safe.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURDOCH: I don't want to go out and get shot in the car over a misunderstanding.

One of the things that got me a steady job was that speech I gave, maybe my second or third show about complying -- compliance.

You know, we have to comply. No matter how bad it is, no matter how much you hate that police officer, no matter how horrible he is, you have to comply.

You don't turn your back on anybody, especially a police officer with a pistol. You have to comply. And that's just not a black man, that's every man who was ever in trouble with the police. Comply. You might get your ass kicked. You might have to lay face down on the ground. I've been there, but I'm going home.

And the message is we have to comply and when you're fighting for justice and when you want equality, we end up shooting ourselves in the foot because before we can even get the message out, people who say they're on our side who have their own agendas ruin it.

You have a protest because you want equality and then a group shows up and burns down a house. Where is the safety for the people in neighborhoods? Mrs. Dorn, you know, we looked -- we get lost and then we end up at each other's throat.

The only way we'll ever change the police department is not taking away the roots, not affecting, you know, defunding the police department. So you're going to hurt the guys on the ground, the good cops, the men and women who sacrifice and deal with the worst in human society every day, and still have to come home and raise families and pay taxes, we're going to hurt them.

And the answer is what? It is term limits. It is qualified immunity. It's not the bottom of the tree and we always attack the bottom of the tree.

We never deal with the fruits that are getting found off everybody else's misery. And until we wake up and stop attacking each other, it's not President Trump's fault. He didn't -- he wasn't there. He didn't order it.

But it's convenient. You know, shame on Joe Biden. Yes, you came out against violence. I applaud you for that, sir. And then you turn it into political and blamed it on the President because you want some votes when you know damn right, well, the Presidents of the United States of any -- it doesn't matter who it was, Barack Obama, it doesn't matter who it was, had nothing to do what's going on in our streets.

And that's what upsets me and then we'll talked a little bit over, but my bad.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know what, I really feel sorry for Pete Hegseth to follow that -- Pete.

TIMPF: Hey, Pete.

HEGSETH: I actually cede the balance of my time back to Tyrus. Well said, brother. I mean, that says -- I mean, that's the kind of conversation the country needs to have. You can both recognize that black men are treated differently or perceived differently by law enforcement, and that changes the interaction completely.

But also when you're watching resisting arrest and you're watching a lack of due process for officers that are in impossible situations, it makes people rush into their corners and defend exactly and then nothing ever moves and the media exacerbates all of it and it has the unintended consequence.

Ironically, there was a pizza owner whose shopping window was smashed out. I can't remember if it was Domino's. It was a chain and he is yelling out the window, he is saying, are you trying to get Donald Trump elected? That's exactly what you're doing.

GUTFELD: Trey, last word to you before the break.

GOWDY: Well, Jacob Blake's mom asked for three things. Asked for unity, prayers for her son and answers. And as a former prosecutor, she is entitled to answers and then for the justice system to work its will in a fair and impartial way.

But speaking of answers, Greg, I mean, Joe Biden needs to be asked more than simply is murder your breaking point? If you talk about systemic racism, the most systemically racist thing I encountered in 20 years was the 100 to one ratio, crack cocaine to power. That's the most systemically racist thing. What did he do about it?

And by the way, did Alice Johnson seek clemency under your administration? Why did it take Donald Trump? If it was an injustice and it was for her to receive that prison sentence, why didn't you grant her clemency?

GUTFELD: Good point. All right. Up next, it's whiners versus diners.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Would you resist or raise your fist? Earlier this week, Black Lives Matter protesters in D.C. were filmed harassing diners and demanding they raise their fists in solidarity with the movement. Take a look.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: The woman being shouted at said she actually supports the cause and has been marching for weeks, but didn't feel right complying with the mob's hostility. I feel the same way when Kilmeade asked me to dress up as Doocy.

Anyway, it's interesting to now watch the left eat themselves at a restaurant, it seems fitting. But hey, if screaming at someone face was actually an effective strategy, this guy would be the world's most persuasive person.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: That is amazing. All right, Tyrus, I always have -- remember whenever I see stuff like this, I go, I wonder what would Tyrus do, but no one would ever do this to you at a restaurant, I imagine.

MURDOCH: I remember -- I remember one time, I think we're all having dinner together after the show and somebody went over to say something, and I just looked at him said, "You've got something to say?" He was, "No good show." He kept walking.

So here's the thing, standing over someone and telling them to raise their hand is just as bad as what you're supposedly fighting against.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

MURDOCH: Making people do things against their will, what you're fighting for, the fact you want equality and freedom for everyone, except for the woman, you're a real brave dude standing over a woman.

Now, if I would have been having dinner with my friends and family, I always have a rule, I'm good for six to eight of them. Which means, I am good for six to eight of them. You all have got the rest.

And I also guarantee -- I don't promote violence, "Tyrus and Timpf" on our podcast, we always say this, "Kat back me up," although we never promote violence.

TIMPF: We do not condone.

MURDOCH: If you're going to be violent.

TIMPF: If you must.

MURDOCH: Make an example of the first one.

GUTFELD: Okay.

MURDOCH: I would have hit the dude so hard in his chest that the people next thing would have felt it and they all would have backed up and I'm like, "Does anyone else want to raise hands?" And they would have moved on.

GUTFELD: All right, Trey. Your book as I said, it's about persuasion. This is like the least persuasive technique I've ever seen.

GOWDY: That's exactly what I was thinking, it is how non-persuasive. What is persuasive is when the right calls out malefactors, male actors on our side and the left does the same. That is persuasive.

GUTFELD: Right.

GOWDY: I was not born with big muscles. I use rhetorical skills. I was asked yesterday, will you say Black Lives Matter? I said, I'll say it. But I spent 20 years proving it in a courtroom and I wish you'd been there to help me 20 years ago when we were trying to assign value to a black homicide victim's life and you didn't see anything the night of the shooting.

So you want to say it or you want to prove it?

GUTFELD: That's a good point because they were like -- they were going after Rand Paul over Breonna and he was -- well, Kat, you know this story?

TIMPF: Yes, that was his thing. Justice for Breonna Taylor and the no- knock warrants. Kamala Harris nowhere to be found on that one, but they're going to go after him.

Look, I agree -- this is such another example that I agree so wholeheartedly that it is wrong to be silent in the face of injustice, that it's important for white people to speak out against racism.

I also think it's important to you know, eat food, right, which is what this lady was doing. I am not shocked to, you know, hear that she's also an anti-racism activist because it's possible to be an activist and also sometimes eat food and also to be less inclined to mix the two when the way as we've all mentioned, someone is trying to get you to do that is screaming in your face randomly out of nowhere.

But that is so, so obvious that I truly think the motivation of this mob was really not to help anybody.

GUTFELD: You know, Pete, what I noticed about it is that it's a blackmail situation. If you comply, we won't film you. But if you don't comply, we will film you and it will go viral and then you will be targeted.

HEGSETH: It's like -- it's like emotional extortion, you know, with the video cameras, like you will do it. And by the way, I should just cede my balance of time back to Tyrus again because of his answer on that. It is just the theme of the show today.

But Antifa's name is antifascist, yet they can't see the very fascist tactics they use on a daily basis. And it's because they think that who Donald Trump is and being a patriotic American is so evil because everything is evil about America that anything is justified and that's what it comes to.

And the irony that this lady, she is not wearing a MAGA hat. She is like, hey, I've been with you. I've been with you on the streets like I think we should do something about it. But I won't raise -- when your supporters won't even do it, then you know, you've crossed the Rubicon.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: She wanted to eat some food.

MURDOCH: She just wanted an appetizer.

TIMPF: Yes.

MURDOCH: Just an appetizer.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Up next, Trey Gowdy says, it never hurts to ask. I will challenge that theory by asking him questions that will make him want to punch me in the face.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We've got to talk to Trey about his new book. It's called "Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Using the Power of Questions to Communicate, Connect and Persuade."

Okay, Trey, this book is basically for anyone who wants to persuade someone else to their cause, is that kind of what it is?

GOWDY: Yes, Greg, I mean it is to be heard, to effectively communicate and then in particular how to use questions to do it. I mean, you ask questions for a living, but sometimes folks struggle with understanding questions can also be persuasive.

It is for anyone who wants to win their next conversation or survive Thanksgiving lunch.

GUTFELD: All right, give me an example, because I know you talk about stupid questions are better than stupid answers. But how can you persuade with a question?

GOWDY: Well, I mean, remember, Jonathan Gruber, he said the American people were too stupid to understand the Affordable Care Act. You remember that?

GUTFELD: Right.

GOWDY: So, I've got a choice. I can debate economics. I can debate healthcare or I can ask him, what did you mean by too stupid? Are there grades of stupidity where some are acceptable and some are not? And I spent my entire five minutes trying to get him to own words.

I mean, my hope was that he was perceived as less credible, but he is an M.I.T. Professor so that was the only area in which I could effectively fight with him.

GUTFELD: So this has got to be part of -- I mean, part of your legal background, so you have that talent. Other people, can they create this talent if they don't have it already?

GOWDY: Greg, I was terrible when I began as a prosecutor. I mean, I was terrible. It is a learnable acquirable skill. And the benefit is the other person has the burden, because they're doing the talking and as you know, from what you do for a living, sometimes your next best question is going to come from what the other person just said.

It is eminently learnable, and I lay out in the book, different categories of questions and when to use those.

GUTFELD: All right, as somebody -- I've interviewed probably, I don't know, a thousand people, there were times when I had no interest in the topic. How would you ask -- how do you ask a good like, let's say like, okay, well, we're on "Redeye," they'll say, okay, we have the star of this sitcom that I never watched, but it was the same company, Fox, right?

So they had to have this guy from the sitcom on and he's just a shallow tool. How do you come up with questions when you don't care?

GOWDY: Well, I've got a chapter on how to fake sincerity.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GOWDY: So it's hard to do, but you are an eclectic thinker. So something interests you. I would pivot away from the sitcom.

GUTFELD: Yes.

GOWDY: And find something, I mean, what he did before that? Why did he pick comedy instead of drama? Something that interests you so you don't fall asleep during the interview.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's a good -- that's good advice. That's why I actually don't do interviews anymore because they're -- I would say, 99 percent of all people who want to be on shows to be interviewed. They're not interesting enough.

Unlike Trey Gowdy, one of the most interesting people on the planet. Get his book, "Doesn't Hurt to Ask." It's great. It persuaded me. We'll wrap things up, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Trey Gowdy, Pete Hegseth, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus.

I am Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

Content and Programming Copyright 2020 ӣ��Ƶ Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of ӣ��Ƶ Network, LLC. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.

Gutfeld: Democrats are living in a fantasy world of denial concocted by a complicit media

Sat, 22 Aug 2020 23:10:54 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," August 22, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It was a week for the really weak. Here's a 20-second recap. Anymore and you might die.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: We need numbers overwhelming, so Trump can't sneak or steal his way to victory,

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN KASICH (R), FORMER OHIO GOVERNOR: Division, dysfunction, irresponsibility, and growing vitriol between our citizens.

BARACK OBAMA, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Donald Trump hasn't grown into the job because he can't

SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT): Nero fiddled while Rome burns. Trump golfed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What's with all the deadwood behind Bernie? A metaphor for his party? And yes, that was Kasich literally standing at a fork in the road. I hope he acts out more cliches. He can kill two birds with one stone. What if he beat a dead horse? I guess we're lucky he didn't say it's time to cut the crap.

So how did the media handle all of their anti-Trump vile regurgitated by people more famous than they are? I bet it was history shaking, really.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: The history making speech from Kamala Harris and really history shaking speech by President Obama, just an extraordinary speech.

WOLF BLITZER, CNN HOST: This may have been the most powerful address he ever gave a presidential address to the nation.

RACHELLE MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: Michelle Obama started talking and it was like -- like a moment passed and it was over. She is absolutely riveting.

NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC HOST: She delivered epic shade.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I think I have to rinse myself off. They gush like the old faithfuls they are. It was like they were watching it on a drug, a drug called stupidity, because for normal people, the convention carried all the joy of traffic school.

I've witnessed more exciting rice cakes. The only reason they drool over Obama is because he just repeated their script. All petty emotion, no facts. Complimenting Obama complements themselves.

Then there was this stab at comedy. Literally, they killed comedy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS, AMERICAN ACTRESS: So what did you think about Kamala Harris's speech last night?

ANDREW YANG, CNN POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: It was tremendous. I was so happy for her.

DREYFUS: I know me, too. She was fabulous. I cannot wait to see her debate. Our current vice president Mika Pints, or is it paints?

YANG: It's pronounced Ponce, I believe.

DREYFUS: Oh, some kind of weird foreign name.

YANG: Yes, not very American sounding.

DREYFUS: Yes, that's what people are saying strongly.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Who said leftists can't be funny. I could watch that satanic version of Abbott and Costello forever. It's like a talent show two siblings throw for their parents friends at bridge night. It sucked. Everything sucked. If only they made these sad speeches slightly more exciting.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

H. CLINTON: As Michelle Obama and Bernie Sanders warned us, if Trump is reelected, things will get even worse. That's why we need unity now more than ever.

KASICH: Division, dysfunction, irresponsibility, and growing vitriol between our citizens, continuing to follow that path will have terrible consequences.

B. OBAMA: Donald Trump hasn't grown into the job, because he can't.

SANDERS: Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Trump golfed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: If I produce it, that's how it would look. Anyway, the convention had three goals; one, to make the election a referendum on Trump's personality. After all, it's a thing that can't be measured, unlike war casualties or the economy, but focusing on the unmeasured offers no need for proof, just feelings, right Captain Perv?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: At a time like this, the Oval Office should be a command center, instead it's a storm center. There's only chaos.

Just one thing never changes, his determination to deny responsibility and shift the blame.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, that's your go-to guy on conduct. A guy who used the Oval Office the way Epstein used his plane.

Awesome that after weaponizing the #MeToo movement to crush Brett Kavanaugh, they welcomed the Hall of Famer of handsy horndogs.

And besides, how do we know he had his pants on when he taped that? His wife also showed up, wide eyed and really wide eyed.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

H. CLINTON: This can't be another would have, could have, and should have election. Joe and Kamala can win by three million votes and still lose. Take it from me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We did take it from you, fair and square. You always know when crazy face is talking, every dog in every house retreats to the nearest corner under a bed, but it's hard to take moral lectures from folks who coddled creeps for so long.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHELLE OBAMA, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: I want to start by thanking Harvey Weinstein for organizing this amazing day.

This is possible because of Harvey. He is a wonderful human being, a good friend and just a powerhouse and the fact that he and his team took the time to make this happen for all of you should say something not about me or about this place, but about you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Everyone knew Harvey was slime, but he was liberal slime and liberal slime can do anything it wants to anyone it wants.

Now their second strategy, pretending that the violence in our cities doesn't exist as they condemn Trump for his conduct. They excuse murder, mayhem and mobs and trash the guy, Trump who is trying to stop that stuff.

But to acknowledge the chaos would be to admit their guilt. After conflating criminality with minorities they now falsely believe to fight crime is just like fighting minorities when it's actually the reverse.

The Dems are true racists. They think minorities want less law and order and fewer cops? That's wrong. So no wonder they hid the havoc. And of course, the media knows the ongoing violence is a reminder that voting Trump could put your life in danger. That his victory will make the George Floyd riots look like a church social.

Which brings us to Joe.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: The third anniversary of the events in Charlottesville. Close your eyes. Remember what you saw on television. Remember seeing those neo-Nazis and Klansmen and white supremacists come out of fields with lighted torches, veins bulging, spewing the same anti-Semitic bile heard across Europe in the 30s.

Remember what the President said when asked, he said, there were quote, "very fine people on both sides."

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Now anyone with a pair of eyes and a transcript knows this is false. Trump actually said this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I'm not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalist, because they should be condemned - - totally.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: See, he was actually talking about both sides of the monument debate. But the media and Biden always omit that. Why? It's more than wrong, it is actually dangerous to do that.

We're living in unstable times, a twin-demic of disease and racial conflict. So do you think reviving a three-year-old incident to push a lie that pits race against race is healthy for America?

Biden is bumbling America toward a race war. He pushes a sick lie that puts millions in harm's way while not lifting a finger to stop a national crime wave. It's a dark message that the media pretends is airy and light.

So media, save your drool. But at least Van Jones was honest.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

VAN JONES, CNN POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: We were prepared for it to be a terrible speech as long as he didn't embarrass himself we were going to come out here and praise it.

You don't have to make nothing up tonight. Joe Biden did that thing tonight. Unbelievable.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, that's honest. CNN was just grateful Joe didn't poop his pants and rub it in his hair plugs. CNN are the parents at a hockey game clapping for their clumsy kid who keeps scoring against his own team. Oh look, Joe can read. Cue the orgasms.

Finally, they blame COVID on Trump even as obvious data refutes it. Blue states have roughly twice the number of deaths with fewer cases than red states.

New York's Democrat Governor allowed thousands of in rest homes to become infected and die over an insidious mistake.

Meanwhile, what did Trump do? Well, he shut down travel fast while facing down resistant Democrats. He got a zillion ventilators for a petulant Cuomo, who ended up with a stockpile.

He sent a hospital ship to a city port in an instant, which was then ignored by the Governor because he'd rather not do anything lifesaving that makes Trump look good.

He flowed cash to millions to get them through this pandemic and he set the table for America to endure this disease by delivering the best economic numbers in recent history.

But none of this matters because reality doesn't matter. We live in a fantasy world of denial concocted by a complicit media that allows beatings by rioting Democrat extremists to continue, shootings to rise and mobs to spread beyond cities to suburbs.

It's going to get worse until the Dems decide it gets better. Meaning Joe wins. It's an extortion plot against you and me. The only thing you can do, prevent the worst, which is the Democrats' very best.

Let's welcome tonight's guests.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Feeling blue, then get a dose of Shillue. Host of "The Quiz Show" on Fox nation, Tom Shillue. Nice hair.

He's the chief of staff in making you laugh, writer and comedian, Michael Loftus.

She's got deep thoughts and has had all her shots. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

He may be colossal, but he's smart as John Stossel, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox nation, Tyrus.

All right, Tom, have you learned anything from the convention? What were their mistakes?

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, yes, I learned so much from your monologue, Greg, so many great points and your point about the President's personality, not only is it not measurable, it's fixed.

So the President admits that that's why when he campaigns he says, you might not like me, but you still have to vote for me, and that's the best campaign line the President has, because people already know what they feel about Trump.

The Democrats had to take that and run with it. Their job was to say, look, forget about the President's personality, this is what we're going to do for you and they never did it. They continued on his personality, which is totally fixed. You can't change people's minds about it.

And you know, watching the Obamas and the way the people breathlessly talking about the Obamas. I don't think I'm alone, I'm in the minority, but I was never impressed with Obama as a speech maker.

I think he's boring. He is boring now. He was boring when he was President. He reminds me of -- there's always comedian like this. You know, a successful comedian who's on stage and the crowd kind of likes him. They're kind of laughing at him. He's very comfortable on stage, has a nice smile. No act.

Nothing you remember about them, and there's nothing anyone -- no one can tell you. They talk about Obama. They say, oh, he's such a great speechmaker. And then you say, what did he say? And then, I don't know what he said. They don't know. They can't tell you his act.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Michael, what was this week like for you?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Well, first of all, I didn't think I was going to get attacked by Tom Shillue.

It was -- it was horrible. I have to think that they're still cleaning the Diet Coke off the walls of the Oval Office, just from all the spit takes that Trump was doing. What you hear is craziness?

Like, I just wish I could have been there with him to be his like, dude, I know guy. That's what Trump needs. He needs someone to hang out with him to go like, "Dude, I know. I know. It's great."

It was like watching a crazy ex-girlfriend talk about you, like you only went out with this chick once and now it was just night after night of like, "He's not nice. He's mean."

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Now, you're talking about me.

LOFTUS: It was great. When Barack was -- and here's the other thing. How many takes do you think that Joe Biden speech took? Was it like seven, eight, nine takes? Where he is like life, liberty and the -- you know the thing. They're like, "Cut. Try it again from the top, Joe."

It was it was horrible.

GUTFELD: It was also like the shortest speech in recent history I read somewhere. Kat, what was the highlight or low light for you?

TIMPF: The low light for me was when Kamala came out and there was a voice over calling her a fighter for ending mass incarceration when she has contributed to mass incarceration.

How do you get a voiceover like that when you have fought to lock up non- violent people, but then I was thinking, I really wish that is how the guest intros on this show works where, we had just lies to make me sound better than I really am, so I have a few suggestions.

GUTFELD: Sure. Okay.

TIMPF: She grows that hair all on her own and she's not addicted to her phone. She's far more beautiful than the waves of Thailand and she's never been dumped at Coney Island. And then my personal favorite, she's far too brave for any nerves and she makes jaws drop with her voluptuous curves.

GUTFELD: Wow. See, if I used any of those, I would have been fired.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Like that.

TIMPF: I'm not addicted to my phone. No, just think -- she gets it. Walk into a room, complete opposite of the horrible thing you did and everyone just lets that slide. I didn't know that was a thing. I'd like to walk into rooms like that.

GUTFELD: Me too. Hashtag. Tyrus. Do you think this won over anybody or were they just speaking to the choir?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I'm just going to keep it real. I just feel like I'm Dr. Evil in an Austin Powers movie when the Democratic Party does things. I always keep shaking my head going, "You just don't get it, do you?" You had momentum. You had all these things going in your favor, and then you go ahead and run a telethon with celebrities.

How many times have we told you, celebrities don't make people vote -- well, actually, they do. They make them vote for the other side. You just don't get it.

Luckily for me, the NBA playoffs was on, so, I had to keep checking scores because I just couldn't do it and the next time you're going to do a convention, maybe don't make it the MTV Music Awards for artists who aren't getting a music award this year.

You know, I didn't get any of the songs, and literally one of them was like, "Yo, where are my Latinos at," at the end and I was like, is that all I was supposed to be watching tonight? My bad, you know, like he literally -- if you would have said before we started the show at the end of your monologue, "Yo, where are my white guys at."

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You were saying, people would be like, wow, that was really insensitive and rude, Greg. Double standards are absolutely ridiculous.

But the other thing is, I don't know how -- I can't wait to find out any of their speeches because all the introductions are literally, first of all, you have to thank everybody, so I apologize to the panel for not thanking you all for your caucasian-ness and your individual struggles, whatever you all are going through. Do not participate in them.

I do empathize with your issues caused by your caucasianism, i.e. shortness, loss of hair, glasses, short on rhythm. The list goes on and on. And I just want to say, I'm proud of you all.

GUTFELD: Why thank you.

MURDOCH: For being here today, despite your obvious inequities. So thank you. I applaud.

GUTFELD: I'm crying inside and out. And on that note, we must move on.

We've got more and more and more. It's Trump's convention up next. How should he play it? We've got some advice.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's now time for Trump to hit the stump. The Republicans will make the case for the President next week. List of speakers include Nick Sandmann, fresh from his settlements with CNN and "The Washington Post" and Mark McCloskey who has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon for defending his property against the mob.

Trump has got a lot of accomplishments to tout, that's for sure. Defeating ISIS, jobs numbers before the pandemic and the economic recovery now. Did you know we call it a super V?>

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: We call it a super V. It's no longer a V. It's a super V. And they didn't think that could happen and they're probably not happy about it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And Trump will probably talk about the wall. Walls are one thing that doesn't change. Am I forgetting anything else?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Two things don't change, right? Walls and wheels. And you can come back, you can come back and 2000 years from now and two things will still be around wheels and walls.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's right about that. And you know, Trump wants to hit back at every insult the Dems hurled at him this week, starting with Biden and his real home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: And his real home is a place he never leaves anymore.

[LAUGHTER]

TRUMP: Never leaves.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Now, don't give away the store there. Save some material for next week. Now, what a contrast, D.N.C. loves to show off their celebrity star power, but the R.N.C., they don't need mopey popstars, they have Trump. He is way more interesting than an angry actress, but he must remain on message and hit the Dems where it hurts.

Soft on crime, hard on cops, soft on economy, hard on hard working Americans, soft on radical leftism, hard on capitalism and soft on the border.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. All right. Michael, any advice?

LOFTUS: I agree with you 110 percent. Trump is better. It doesn't matter who he gets to be on stage at the convention. The media is going to hate it. He could introduce Jesus himself and you'd have people freaking out over at MSNBC, like what happened to Jesus. It's sad to see politics and the Church.

And then Joe Biden is like, I went to school with Jesus. I don't think that was him. That's horrible. Trump should just host the whole thing and just show clips from the D.N.C. debate like John Madden talking about football, like look at Barack. Look at what Barack is saying here. That's crazy.

GUTFELD: That's a great idea.

LOFTUS: It would be awesome. Awesome with all kinds of ideas.

GUTFELD: Okay. That's a great idea. But Tyrus, what Michael is saying though requires that Trump is on every night because people are going to tune in for him. He can't just have like other people on. He's going to have to be there.

MURDOCH: I don't know where the hell you've been Greg for the last four years, but he is on TV every night.

GUTFELD: True.

MURDOCH: I think it should be about 15 minutes long. He should come out and say -- and behind him have a huge board of his accomplishments and he is like, throw up the W and walk off, like literally, don't give him anything.

If you've got to say anything, say everything you just saw for the last three days. I'm not going to do that. Deuces -- and walk off.

There's -- you're not going to be able to compete with the -- I don't know what you call it, the pageantry of whining that was for what for? Four years long.

It was. I mean, CNN had nothing else. Like, and if you missed it, they really want to punch you in the mouth, they replayed it. You don't say -- so you can't get away from it.

So they should just keep it short and sweet. Stick to their things, and have Trump come out drop the mic and walk off. It should be real, real easy. Don't try nothing. No glitter. No nothing. Stick to what got you to the dance and move on.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, one thing great, I just learned, Kat, is that this means winning. I finally got it from Tyrus. It means winning or a missing finger. Kat, any advice?

TIMPF: More reptiles. Yes. Well, I don't go to conventions unless I am being paid, except I did spend hours on a train once to go to a Reptile Expo. I got a hold of Teego who is amazing.'

You know, so just call up Sandman, say, hey, sorry for what you went through. Hope you're super rich, but we are replacing it with the Gila Monster. I think, you would understand.

But one thing I wanted to mention, you didn't mention someone who would be there is going to be Alice Johnson who Trump commutated her sentence, so she is now free because of him and only because of him.

And I think that that just presents a very stark contrast to the D.N.C. side. We have a random voiceover saying someone something they're not. And then at the R.N.C., there's an actual example of somebody who is free and getting a second chance because of President Trump. I think that's just really powerful.

GUTFELD: Is it Gila or Gila? Is G silent?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Oh, all right. I learned something. I learned something from Kat.

TIMPF: You're welcome. You need any reptile knowledge, I'm your gal.

LOFTUS: Bob Gila.

GUTFELD: What? Bob Gila. All right, Tom, what say you?

SHILLUE: I think he needs audience. We just saw that clip of him and he had people there kind of cheering and laughing. I think there's going to be a lot of consultants saying oh, let's keep the crowds down to 10 or 20 people. He should get a crowd in there.

Find a way to get them distanced or whatever he has to do, he should have a rally. He should have people out there applauding, so we want to see that.

Also, I think he should say two things, I will never shut down the economy again and I will never mandate masks. He should say both of those things.

Right now, the Democrats are all in and I know they are never going to give up on this mask thing. If Democrats get in power, people are going to be wearing masks forever and I want it to end and he should say that there is going to be an end to this mask thing.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. I think in summary, he should talk about -- I think he should talk about the economy, law and order, definitely law and order, but stay and be focused and be on as much as possible and that's all I've got.

Don't make it look like a telethon. Do not make it look like a telethon.

Coming up. Nude cycling, hookers and pizza or what I call Wednesday.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.

Another grim milestone for the coronavirus pandemic. The global death toll surpassing 800,000. More than 23 million people around the world are infected with the virus. That's according to data from Johns Hopkins University.

In the U.S., more than 176,000 people have died and about 5.6 million are battling the virus. U.S. leads the world in total number of cases and deaths. Brazil is second and India third.

And Minnesota is now the third state linking an outbreak of coronavirus cases to the Sturgis motorcycle rally that's in South Dakota. At least 15 cases are tied to that massive rally held earlier this month.

Cases have been reported in South Dakota and Nebraska. Residents of North Dakota who attended the event are being told to look out for symptoms.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. For all your headlines, log on to http://foxnews.com.

ANNOUNCER: Pandemic-Con.

GUTFELD: Oh, to be a fellow at a German bordello. Well, the brothels are open, but the openings remain closed. Yes, after months of a shutdown, brothels in Berlin, Germany are back in running but sex is banned, though customers can still get an erotic rub down or as it's known in Europe, the Bill Clinton.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm Bill Clinton and I approve this massage.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Meanwhile, in Philly, the city's annual naked bike ride has been cancelled. Organizers say calling it off was the safest bet. We went to a bicycle seat for comment.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Finally, COVID pills and other classic, up to 300 Pizza Hut restaurants are set to permanently close. They'll be replaced by a British guy named Liam.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Cooking my first ever pizza of my mine. Give it two minutes. Oh my god. [Bleep] now. [Bleep].

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ah, no sympathy here. Kat, we -- just a prelim. We need to keep this clean, so the show editors aren't stuck here until Sunday, editing out jokes about hookers and nude cyclists.

TIMPF: Sex workers.

GUTFELD: Yes, sex workers. Go Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, I'm moving to Berlin. I really am moving to Berlin, okay?

They have more freedoms in some areas than we do. I get that we have very important ones that they don't have like completely free speech; however, from the whole bondage clubs a few weeks ago where they're like, oh good, just wear a mask.

And now with the brothels, they're saying, okay, we can open, but you can't bang for money just yet, right? People are actually protesting this too, by the way. They're very upset.

They're like, what? We're not going to take that and I love it. Adults should be able to decide what to do with their own adult bodies. And there's no reason why Germany should be beating us in freedom in any area.

GUTFELD: Yes. They're taking the germ out of Germany. Hey, Tom. This response, the brothels in general, it's just kind of -- it's so contradictory, but that's how this has been all along, right?

SHILLUE: Yes. And I mean, I think I don't know what -- maybe I could -- I would go to one of these brothels. If there was really no sex, then you could safely go and you could say, you know, maybe you could order a coffee.

I do like conversation, Greg. Maybe get a manicure. So I think it would be fun to have 100 percent wholesome interaction at a brothel. I think it would be a heck of a lot of fun.

But some of these other things, I mean, I wish they'd had the bike ride because what a spectacle that would be to see all these naked people on bikes with masks on because you know, they would be wearing the mask. To be safe.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true, but that's the contradiction. It's like you can protest, but you can't pray. You could stay in lockdown in your home, but you can't sit inside a restaurant. It's driving me crazy, Tyrus. What do you make of this?

MURDOCH: Well, you know, it's all kind of connected, Greg. You know, my biggest fear with the reopening of the brothels and saying that they're not going to have sex.

A lot of rekindled and salvaged marriages will be in jeopardy because, honey, I just went there for the conversation. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. And now he's not going because they can't have sex, which is -- he is going to be breaking his promises. You know what I am saying?

There's a lot of people who use that excuse. They go, Your Honor, yes, I was at the brothel, but I was really there to preach scripture.

GUTFELD: There you go.

MURDOCH: We are not having sex, I'm not going, you know what I'm saying? There's a lot of things, which ruins the family meal.

So then no one is going to Pizza Hut restaurants for the Sunday family meal anymore because we found out that dad was not going to the brothel in Germany for conversation. So the family unit is breaking down, and then when the machine breaks down, nobody works out anymore.

So therefore, nobody is excited to go on a naked bike ride, because dad turns out was actually brotheling at a brothel, instead of talking, which led to no family meal, and then no group exercise. So, it's a whole ugly life circle.

GUTFELD: Tyrus does the circle of life. He just did the circle of life. All right, Michael --

MURDOCH: It's tragic.

GUTFELD: Wrap it up, Michael. What do you say?

LOFTUS: A German brothel without sex is like peak Germany. These are the people who invented technology. It is the only way to show the humanity is to strip away the humanity and be all machine.

The perfect brothel is the sex without the sex and I want to think that the bike ride -- the naked bike ride was a protest because they would have to wear masks. You've got to go all naked or don't go. It's a great bike ride. Just make sure you're behind somebody good.

I've been in these bike rides where it looks like they're carrying around two bags of nickels, and you don't want to be in the cellulite parade.

GUTFELD: Up next, I just had a cameo. The best breakup revenge story ever.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She threw in the towel, so he got back with a howl. After being dumped by his girlfriend, an Australian man -- aren't they all -- played a prank on his ex by putting up flyers with their phone number promoting a fake Chewbacca roaring contest with the promise of 100 bucks for the best impression.

People call the number at all hours of the day making howling noises of the famous character from the "Lord of the Rings" series. Take a listen.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Sounds like the voicemails I get from Doocy after a few too many brandy Alexanders.

Anyway, the woman says she found the prank funny, but she is still not going back because she found someone new.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: So, I guess Chris Stirewalt grew his hair out. So anyway, Tyrus, the fact that he put all this effort into this, maybe the ex was right to dump him.

MURDOCH: Yes, if he put that much effort in the rejection, imagine what would have happened if he put that much effort in the actual relationship.

Like this is where guys get it all wrong. The only time you get amped up is when the show is over and you go out of your way to -- let's see what he did. First, he came up with the idea. It was so brilliant he then told it to one of his friends and then one of his friends who didn't really care that he was being stupid, then he said yes, bro, this is good idea.

Then he Googled Chewbacca. He printed it off. He then put her phone number. Probably messed up three or four times by misspelling Chewbacca, then he puts these papers up and then now yes, she's really going to know how hurt I am that I went to all this time and energy to do this to her.

And then what ends up happening? She ends up dating one of the guys with the Chewbacca sounding voices. Nice job, bro. Nice job. You did it man. You showed her and you made her famous. Right on, man. Proud of yourself. I know right now you're sitting somewhere alone on your mom's couch going, got her. Got him, coach. Like a -- moron.

GUTFELD: You know, Michael I'm not a big fan of pranks. I don't know why. I just find that -- it's a lot of efforts for little reward.

LOFTUS: I don't think this was a prank. I think he is doing her a favor. I think she needed this sounds. "I can only get off if I hear Chewbacca. You've got to give it your best shot," and he's in bed just like "ma-ma- ma," and it's horrible. "You sound like Peewee. I'm not going to have the big O."

So he decided, it didn't work out for him, so he's going to find her a good Chewbacca.

GUTFELD: Tom, I have to point out that Michael has now done two impressions and you've done none.

SHILLUE: I know, it's so true. It's so true.

GUTFELD: Yes. Have you ever -- Tom, you don't seem like a revengeful type? Have you ever taken revenge on an ex?

SHILLUE: Well, I don't even think this counts as revenge. He obviously loves her and he is just trying to show her affection by getting all of his friends to do his favorite Chewbacca impression.

No, that guy's obviously a psycho. He did more than this. First of all, you've got to think what he did. He put his ex-girlfriend's phone number all over the place.

GUTFELD: That is true.

SHILLUE: He's a total psycho.

GUTFELD: That's terrible.

SHILLUE: And then, he also parked his car on her lawn and he took the wheels off. So the thing is --

GUTFELD: I didn't know that.

SHILLUE: Yes, he did other weird things. The guy is a total nightmare. But it shows you, if you want to commit a crime and be a psycho, just add a cute character to it and everyone will think you're funny.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's such a good point. Kat, you didn't find this funny either. I didn't know that stuff about the car. That's not nice.

TIMPF: Yes, well, yes, Tom is right. He is a psycho. But not just because he plastered her phone number everywhere or really because he blocked her into her home with his car, but also because he clearly really, really, really likes "Star Wars."

That is a huge red flag, sir, if you're watching. I bet you sent some death threats my way in 2015.

But the bad news for this guy, of course, he got dumped. The good news is, he may never get dumped again. The bad news is, that's because he will probably never have another girlfriend because a guy who does stuff like this, he's going to be the guy, first five minutes of the date, he is like six whiskeys and, "Guess what I did. I am a funny guy." So yeah, boo you and boo you, and boo "Star Wars."

GUTFELD: Yes. Okay, and we've got to go, but I just want to give some advice to men. You know the best prank on an ex is success, achievement. Writing five "New York Times" bestseller books. There's a prank.

How about having three successful TV shows being a prank? How about marrying a beautiful woman? There's a prank. How's that for a prank, Becky?

Up next, Susan B. Anthony is now Susan Be Difficult.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She gets a reprieve, yet her disciples still grieve. Shortly after President Trump announced he was pardoning women's rights activist Susan B. Anthony, the folks that run the Susan B. Anthony Museum said, "Thanks, but no," to a pardon. Who turns down a presidential pardon? The museum went on to explain that Anthony was very proud of her rebellion, and that pardoning her would only validate her conviction.

But do you buy that? Or do you think -- ask me why that if someone else had done the pardoning, someone not named Donald Trump, the mopey museum would have been over the moon. I put that question to you, Ethan.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: How many times, Ethan, keep -- I told you to keep your eyes on the road. Ethan. All right, Kat. Go ahead. Whatever.

TIMPF: No, I am actually a major, major Susan B. Anthony enthusiast.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Yes. At my house whenever we do sham-bongs, it's a rule and just so -- I brought -- if you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the sham bong, and before you do the sham bong, you have to dedicate it to Susan B. Anthony.

GUTFELD: I had no idea.

TIMPF: That's the rule, okay. And yes, I'm if you're judging me, anyone, I'm totally joking. But if you're fun person, I am serious.

But then I started thinking, I don't know Susan B. Anthony, so maybe I don't know if she would like the sham or the bong or the sham bongs, so I just want it on the record that when I die, I want you to do sham bongs in my honor. And please hand them out at my funeral in lieu of the little prayer cards.

GUTFELD: Ah, you know, Tom, I'm happy she was being pardoned, but I still hate her coin. I hate her coin.

SHILLUE: It was a good coin, Greg.

GUTFELD: No, it wasn't.

SHILLUE: I loved the Susan B. Anthony coin but --

TIMPF: Don't say that in my presence.

SHILLUE: You know what the President should do. Trump should now pardon the Susan B. Anthony museum for the crime of having the worst Museum in America.

People in a museum should stop pretending they're the person. You remember the Anne Frank Museum of the United States. For two years, they sent out anti-Trump press releases, and the press dutifully printed them in the newspaper until we realized, wait a minute, the Anne Frank Museum is just a Democratic hack with a GoDaddy website.

GUTFELD: I had no idea. I remember that though. I remember that. All right, Tyrus, what do you think?

MURDOCH: Do I have to? Look, I enjoy the Susan B. Anthony coins because that's usually how I settle bets that I lose that I'm really bitter about. If I have a $400.00 bet, I will go get $400.00 of Susan B. Anthony's and a nice satchel, and I will fill it up and throw it out said winner. And say, there is your money. Dig that out.

So I've always associated Susan B. with being kind of like in a bad mood kind of in the picture that you keep showing us, it kind of shows the same. So I think in the spirit of her, I think that's probably why they refuse. See what I mean? She just looks mad. Just no smile, no smirk.

TIMPF: I'd be mad, too.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying? Grandma is not playing. So I would imagine in the spirit of her, they refuse the first time and then if you maybe word it differently, if maybe President Trump starts saying things like, I will never pardon, Susan B. Anthony and then all of a sudden the media will jump. How dare you, sir.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

MURDOCH: How dare you. And then there will be petitions and then he'll go. Fine. You guys got me on that one. You win.

GUTFELD: Yes. Like Michael, if Obama had done this in 2010, it would have been, I think the museum would have like cried tears of joy.

LOFTUS: Absolutely. There'd be a parade in his honor. They would have repaved their little tiny teeny parking lot in gold. I agree with Tyrus.

I think Trump should give her a life sentence now. He should go to the electric chair for Susan B. Anthony, and all of her dollars -- all of her dollars are now worth 80 cents.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. You what kills me about -- that coin -- it shows you how your frame of mind can change. Like when you have the coin, you want to unload it and if the person rejects it like at the store, you get really angry, right?

But then, when somebody tries to give it to you, you're the same way, you refuse it. So it's like it depends on what side you're on of that coin.

TIMPF: Not me. Not me. I love Susie B.

SHILLUE: You give it to parents, Greg. It's great for the tooth fairy.

LOFTUS: They all end up at Kat's house.

MURDOCH: I have the same problem with $2.00 bills.

TIMPF: I can vote even with a cervix now. It's crazy.

GUTFELD: It's great for the tooth fairy, that's what Tom says.

MURDOCH: No, the going rate of the tooth fairy is five bucks, guys.

GUTFELD: That's --

LOFTUS: Wow. It must be nice to be at your house.

MURDOCH: It is. It really is.

GUTFELD: More show, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: Final thoughts. It's the last thought. That's why it's called the final thoughts. Okay.

GUTFELD: If you haven't bought my book yet, "The Plus," you buy it now because it fell off the bestseller list. You need to get it back on.

I have time for one final thought. I guess, Michael, you have a final thought.

LOFTUS: Yeah, I just want to apologize to America for all the "Star Wars" hate that was on this show. That's not who we are. We're better on this.

TIMPF: That's who I am. I'm not.

MURDOCH: Well said. Well said. Well said.

LOFTUS: Yes, George Lucas is back in charge of the "Star Wars" universe. He's going to turn it around.

GUTFELD: I don't know. Never a fan of Captain Kirk.

Thanks to Tom Shillue, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf and Tyrus.

I'm Greg Gutfeld. Buy "The Plus." It'll change your life, and I love you, America.

'Tucker Carlson Tonight,' 'Hannity' help ӣ��Ƶ Channel finish quarter with record-setting viewership

Tue, 30 Jun 2020 15:35:25 -0400

ӣ��Ƶ Channel finished the second quarter of 2020 with its largest audience in history as viewers flocked to FNC for information on everything from the ongoing coronavirus pandemic to nationwide protests stemming from the death of George Floyd in police custody.

ӣ��Ƶ has its most-watched quarter ever in both total viewers and during the primetime hours of 8 and 11 p.m., finishing as the most-watched among all of basic cable in both respective measurables. It was the 16th straight quarter that ӣ��Ƶ finished atop the total day category.

“Tucker Carlson Tonight” finished as the highest-rated program over an entire quarter in cable news history.

CNN'S LATEST LOVEFEST CUOMO BROTHERS LOVEFEST SLAMMED: 'SHAM OF JOURNALISTIC PRINICPLES,' 'CLEAR CONFLICT OF INTEREST

“Tucker Carlson Tonight” and “Hannity” both topped the viewership record that was previously set by Sean Hannity last quarter, as both shows averaged more than 4 million total viewers for the second-straight quarter -- something no other cable news program has ever accomplished prior to their historic first quarter.

ӣ��Ƶ dominated primetime, averaging 3.6 million viewers, as MSNBC averaged a smidge under 2 million to finish second. CNN, HGTV and TLC joined FNC and MSNBC among the top five primetime networks.

FNC averaged nearly 2 million total day viewers, while MSNBC finished second by averaging 1.2 million. CNN, HGTV and Food Network rounded out the top five in the category.

TRUMP RALLY GIVES FOX NEWS LARGEST SATURDAY NIGHT AUDIENCE IN ITS HISTORY

The network also scored its highest-rated demo since 2005's third quarter in total day, averaging 360,000 viewers for a 61 percent year-over-year increase. By comparison, MSNBC averaged only 193,000 demo viewers.

ӣ��Ƶ Channel also swept the five most-watched programs in cable news, with “Tucker Carlson Tonight” averaging 4.3 million viewers to finish as the No. 1 program in cable news for the first time ever.

“Hannity” averaged 4.3 million viewers, followed by 3.9 million for “The Five,” 2.7 million for “Special Report with Bret Baier” and 3.6 million for “The Ingraham Angle.” MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show” did not make the top five, finishing sixth overall despite being the network’s most popular show.

CNN'S CHRIS CUOMO BLASTED FOR DECLARING BROTHER 'BEST POLITICIAN IN THE COUNTRY' ON HIS SHOW

The most-watched show on CNN was “Cuomo Prime Time, which finished No. 17 overall behind 13 ӣ��Ƶ and three MSNBC programs. Chris Cuomo’s primetime show finished behind a variety of daytime offerings on the other cable news stations such as “Outnumbered,” “The Daily Briefing with Dana Perino,” "Bill Hemmer Reports” and even MSNBC’s “Deadline: White House.”

“Tucker” averaged 791,000 viewers age 25-54 to finish atop the key demo, followed by “Hannity,” Special Report,” “The Five,” “The Ingraham Angle” and “The Story with Martha MacCallum.” CNN’s “Cuomo Prime Time” finished seventh while MSNBC failed to have a show finish among the top 10 in the crucial category.

MSNBC’s “The Rachel Maddow Show” finished No. 11 overall in the key demo category. Four different CNN programs managed to outdraw Maddow among younger viewers.

CNN, MSNBC COVERED LESS THAN 4 MINUTES OF TRUMP RALLY DESPITE ALL-DAY TULSA COVERAGE, STUDY SAYS

Overall, ӣ��Ƶ finished with 12 of the top 15 cable news programs and the top six in the key demo, along with 89 of the top 100 cable telecasts during the second quarter.

“The Five,” “Special Report,” "The Story," “Tucker Carlson Tonight,” “Hannity,” “The Ingraham Angle,” “FOX News @ Night,” “Outnumbered Overtime with Harris Faulkner,” “The Daily Briefing with Dana Perino,” “Watters’ World,” “The Greg Gutfeld Show,” “Justice with Judge Jeanine,” “Your World with Neil Cavuto,” “The Next Revolution with Steve Hilton” and “Life, Liberty and Levin” all had their best quarters ever among total viewers during the historic news cycle.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

“FOX & Friends” averaged 1.6 million viewers to finish as the most-watched morning show on cable news for the 74th straight quarter.

FNC also finished June as the most-watched network in all of television among total primetime viewers, as “Hannity” averaged 4.3 million viewers to win the month.

All television data is courtesy of Nielsen Media Research.

'Gutfeld' guests say Trump was 'comedic genius' at Tulsa rally while Pence lacked 'razzmatazz'

Sat, 20 Jun 2020 23:50:25 -0400

President Trump returned to live rallies by delivering a "sensational" performance in Tulsa, Okla., Washington Times opinion editor Charles Hurt said Saturday night.

Exactly how "sensational" was the president?

"Political science professors around the country are tearing up all of their lectures for the past 20 years and rewriting everything," Hurt said during an appearance on ӣ��Ƶ' "The Greg Gutfeld Show."

Tyrus, meanwhile, had less positive things to say about Vice President Mike Pence, who spoke at the rally ahead of the president.

CHARLIE KIRK SAYS TRUMP'S TULSA RALLY SHOWS HE'S BACK: 'GOOD LUCK,' JOE BIDEN

Trump's appearance at Tulsa's BOK Center on Saturday night was the president's first rally appearance following weeks of coronavirus shutdowns.

Hurt said he especially enjoyed Trump's account of his recent visit to the U.S. Military Academy at West Point, N.Y., where the president delivered a commencement address -- and sparked media speculation about his health.

"That story that he told about what happened at West Point was some of the greatest political theater I've ever witnessed in my life," Hurt said. "It was absolutely astonishing.

"You take something that is your greatest weakness. You lead with it. That was the center of the entire rally. You go there, you make it hilarious. And I mean, the guy's like, walking offstage, reenacting the entire thing. He's a comedic genius. He knows how to tell a story."

Following his prepared remarks to the West Point graduates, Trump was seen cautiously walking down a ramp from the stage and using both his hands to drink a glass of water.

Trump mocked the media, explaining the moments in question to the delight of the crowd.

"I say this -- and I'm sort of kidding, but I'm also kind of serious about it -- when this guy is finished in politics, I'm quitting," Hurt joked. "I'm going to become a sheep farmer. I don't want to cover politics if this guy is gone. It's going to be so boring."

During the same show, Fox Nation's Tyrus criticized Vice President Pence's role as warm-up speaker.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

"President Trump had to work too hard because ... What's going on, Pence?" Tyrus asked. "There was no fun stories, Pence. There was no razzmatazz. Pence could have ruined the whole thing tonight. He was reading bedtime stories."

Tyrus jokingly called on Ivanka Trump to replace Pence as vice president.

Greg Gutfeld slams Cuomos, de Blasio, Newsom, CNN for making 'The Purge' a reality

Sun, 07 Jun 2020 02:50:17 -0400

"The Purge" movies have become reality -- but blame only those on the left, Greg Gutfeld said Saturday.

"Last week was a victory for mayhem, left-wing violence disguised as justice, and the media gets the assist with a disguise," Gutfeld said on the "Greg Gutfeld Show."

"I remember dystopian science-fiction movies I'd watch as a child: 'Soylent Green,' 'The Omega Man,' 'Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,' and wondered, 'How could that happen? Is it caused by overpopulation? Lack of resources? Cocoa Pebbles?' I assumed our society was too rich and resourceful for anything like that to happen. I was wrong to say these are weird times. It's like saying Rome around 476 A.D. was weird times."

'IT WAS A WAR ZONE': SMALL-BUSINESS OWNERS WHO LOST EVERYTHING IN RIOTS SPEAK OUT

"The Purge" films and television series center on one night per year where there is no law -- thus no legal consequences for any crime committed that night.

Gutfeld blamed liberal leaders and the media for permitting the lawlessness that resulted following the death of George Floyd.

"'The Purge' occurred and -- sorry, Hollywood script writers -- it didn't come from some autocratic right-winger," Gutfeld said. "No, Stephen King, Cher and anyone else snorting horse tranquilizers behind a gated community who thought Trump was Hitler: It was actually your side."

Gutfeld then listed CNN's Chris Cuomo, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and California Gov. Gavin Newsom as likely villains -- along with liberal news network CNN.

He ripped Cuomo for recently saying, "Show me where it says the protests are supposed to be polite and peaceful."

"Say that to the black man who watched his business burn down or the immigrant facing his boarded up deli," Gutfeld said.

Gutfeld also slammed Cuomo's brother, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, for defending rioters and looters.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

"So as New York implodes, its governor thinks the biggest problem is people seeing the implosion, the death, the mayhem, the desecration of Mr. Floyd's memory -- like this video of David Dorn, a retired 77-year-old police chief who bled to death after being shot by looters. I'm sorry, I meant peaceful protesters," Gutfeld said.

"Please don't watch because you might blur the lines between peaceful protests and looters. But who is blurring the lines? It's those who accuse you of demeaning protesters when you are pleading for help to stop the violence."

"And that allows cities to burn," he said, "because it makes it impossible to stop the mob if you continue to deny it exists."

Gutfeld: Liberal hypocrisy machine erupts over Trump taking hydroxychloroquine

Sat, 23 May 2020 23:01:33 -0400

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 23, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It's true. Our president takes drugs.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I'm taking hydroxychloroquine.

QUESTION: When?

TRUMP: Right now. Yes. I was just waiting to see your eyes light up when I said this. But you know, when I announced this. But I happen to be taking it for about a week and a half.

QUESTION: Every day?

TRUMP: At some point -- yes, every day. I take a pill every day.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, the President did the unthinkable. He told you he was taking a drug prescribed to him by a White House doctor. Why? Because he tells us everything, and the media's addled brains bubbled like cracked eggs on a hot sidewalk.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: The President of the United States said today he is taking a drug to prevent coronavirus that the F.D.A. warns is dangerous, and study after study now show is useless against the virus.

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: He is taking an unproven drug that medical experts warn can have harmful side effects.

This is really deadly serious. It is quite dangerous.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: Why does he bring up this hydroxychloroquine? I don't even know that he is really taking it, by the way.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And that's just what they said between tokes.

Now, remember, Trump hadn't said he was taking some overpriced exotic root from the rain forest that Gwyneth Paltrow claims loosened her chakras. He wasn't licking some toxic acid on Amazon frog rescued from Joe Rogan's isolation tank.

No, he took a reliable drug under the best supervision that's been around half a century.

Now, what exactly did Chris Cuomo take, Kayleigh?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

KAYLEIGH, MCENANY, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Cuomo mocked the President for this, and interestingly, I found this out just before coming here.
Hydroxychloroquine of course is an F.D.A. approved medication with a long proven track record for safety, and it turns out that Chris Cuomo took a less safe version of it called quinine, which the F.D.A. removed from the market in 2006 because of its serious side effects, including death.

So really interesting to have that criticism of the President.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, she's good. But Cuomo, he's a hypocrisy machine. He says, don't break quarantine, then he does. Don't take risky meds, then he does.

He accuses people of not taking the virus seriously, and then he does this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CUOMO: Is it true that this was the swab that the nurse was actually using on you and that it first -- it went into your nose and disappeared so that in scale, this was the actual swab that was being used to fit up that double barrel shotgun that you have mounted on the front of your pretty face.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's like a birthday magician on drugs. Carrot top, I know you're watching. Someone broke into your prop closet. Call the cops.

You know, I don't mind mixing humor with news. But do the news first. And the news hasn't been good, at least for the elderly in rest homes who died by the thousands under Governor Cuomo.

And what did the press do? They lionized him in part because of these adorable CNN routines.

Imagine if I pulled out a giant swab. CNN would condemn my depraved indifference to death. It makes you wonder when you look at Chris or Don Lemon, what are they? News? Commentary? Prop comics?

At Fox, you know what we are. I do commentary. Bret Baier does news. Then we hot tub like craven beasts.

But CNN is a garbage salad. Dudes doing commentary is news. And so as the media gushed over Andy, they smeared Florida's governor who had enough.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): Got a lot of people in your profession, who wax poetically for weeks and weeks about how Florida was going to be just like New York.

Wait two weeks, Florida is going to be next, just like Italy. Wait two weeks?

Well, hell, we're eight weeks away from that and it hasn't happened.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I think whatever Trump has is contagious. It's not corona, but cajones. Then, did you hear Trump did wear his mask briefly in Michigan.
Some people put it in perspective, except this loon.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

WOLF BLITZER, CNN ANCHOR: Is the President no longer welcome in Michigan.

DANNA NESSEL, MICHIGAN ATTORNEY GENERAL: Well, I will say, speaking on behalf of my Department and my office, that's right.

The President is like a petulant child who refuses to follow the rules. He is a ridiculous person and I am ashamed to have him be President of the United States of America. And I hope that the voters of Michigan will remember this back -- when November comes that he didn't care enough about their safety. He didn't care about their welfare.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nice work, crazy lady. Now, do the guy who brutalized an elderly person in a Michigan nursing home, where was the care and safety in that?
Yes, she freaks out about the mask, but not that in her own state. Nice priorities, you joke.

It's also funny watching people like her and reporters go after Trump for not wearing a mask, as they aren't wearing a mask either. Apparently, their message is more important than the President's.

Meanwhile, leftwing writer, Katha Pollitt said this week she would vote for Biden, even if he ate babies. How does one respond? Clearly she's not a vegan, shame on her. But she can get away with saying that because it's not offensive to her peers.

Because she said, baby. She didn't say black baby, gay baby, trans baby.
That would have been too far.

But the generic baby, that's okay, especially since Planned Parenthood just got 80 million from the Paycheck Protection Plan, which was to aid small businesses during the pandemic.

How is America's largest abortion business small? I get it. Their victims are.

So, is the media truly concerned about Trump's health? No, it's just that the media loves knowing things you don't. It validates the superiority necessary for their insecure elite class.

It's why they faint at the thought of taking an anti-malarial pill, but eat shrooms by the pound. It's why they think nuclear power is evil, but crystal healing rules.

They need to be first and once something cool becomes popular, they hate it.

The media loves to boast about the hot Broadway play, you can't get tickets to. For a year they tried to out "Hamilton" each other. Oh, did you get tickets yet? Yes, they're so expensive. We got ours through a friend of a friend.

This special class loves the free stuff, the secret stuff, the stuff they can get illegally, and they'll never share it with you. But Trump is the opposite.

If he likes something, he'll tell you about it. It sounds like he's above you, and that's weird.

Now, the jury's out on this drug. It seems useless at the end stage, but maybe, maybe helpful in the early phase.

It's a line of defense that you assess with your doctor, not with idiots like me. You can't buy it at the GNC. It's prescribed again by a doctor, not a politician.

No wonder Nancy is tit.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): He is our President and I would rather he not be taking something that has not been approved by the scientists, especially in his age group and in his, shall we say, weight group. What it is -- morbidly obese, they say.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That's a pretty good joke. Now do Jerry Nadler or Stacy Keach?
Just kidding. You can only fat shame some people. But she's got game and Joe Biden could learn from her.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Nancy, I need new nicknames for the President. I like President Tweety because you know the bird, they're both orange.

KATHERINE TIMPF IMPERSONATING NANCY PELOSI: How about M -- morbidly obese?

SHILLUE: No, no, no, we need more hyphens in there.

TIMPF: Racist Philanderer.

SHILLUE: Still too short. I like my insults long like a Hannity monologue.

TIMPF: How about degenerate, unpresidential, obese, lying Russian racist, pony soldier.

SHILLUE: Yes. Pony soldier. That makes the hair on my leg stand up. You want to reach in and touch it. Come on. Real quick. I'll close my eyes.

TIMPF: I'm in San Francisco.

SHILLUE: Oh love, San Fran, and that Golden Steak Bridge. Oh, hold on. Got to go, that's Hunter.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But Nana shouldn't be nailing Trump for managing his own health, unless she has got better info than his doc. And it's cute how are vain over classes go after a person take an illegal drug during a pandemic? What would happen if Trump said he loved Botox and Adderall? The entire press would have to quit both.

They'd get nothing done, but the crying. The good news, we believe life is getting good again. Cases are dramatically declining. And a new Gallup poll shows people are happier more than a month ago.

They sense good things, and it ain't a wrinkle cream. This perspective diverges from the misery media who see grim horizons beyond their stretched faces.

We know we've done great, but we're done hiding and we're done leaving it to the media and their lies. It's time to get up, go outside and get to work.

We can do this. We already have. It's pretty simple. Wash your hands a lot.
Put on a mask a lot. Don't hug strangers. Protect the elderly and get to work.

Unless you're the media, maybe you should sit this one out. You've done enough damage.

Have you thought about a broccoli enema? I know someone who knows someone who could squeeze you in.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. If tats were bats, he could have his own wet market, author of the new book, "American Crusade," "Fox and Friends" Weekend co-host, Pete Hegseth.

If jokes were yolks, he'd make some delicious omelets. Writer and comedian Michael Loftus.

She's got more takes than a bad actress. Host of "Sincerely, Kat" on Fox Nation. Kat Timpf. It "Sincerely Kat."

And he's a really big thinker. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said"
on Fox nation, Tyrus. Yay.

All right. Pete, why do you think the media is so upset about Trump's honesty on this stuff? They always feel like -- go ahead.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That is the most insane opening montage of clips and statements -- I mean, listen, you've done a lot of these and you've done a lot of great ones, but that one takes the cake.

They can't -- you're right about that. His transparency shows that he is comfortable in his own skin. Whereas as you laid out, the elites love the privilege of the things that no one else can access across the board.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: Only thing that made sense in that entire clip that made sense was Ron deSantis who is trying to grab reporters and be like, listen, guys, in my state, we did it right. I know you're showing Cuomo all the time, and he's killed a lot of people in his nursing homes, and for some reason, you're obsessed with him.

But down here, we did it right and you can cover it just one time and they can't do it, and he has to give a statement like that in order to wake him up.

We're living in maybe the end times. I don't know, bizarro times, whatever it is. It's insane.

GUTFELD: All I know is, Pete, I don't think you have enough flags in your background. So we're going to have to move on. It's embarrassing.

TIMPF: Do you love this country?

GUTFELD: Yes, I don't think he loves this country enough. You know, Michael I love the fact that you're beginning to look like Michael Douglas in -- what was that movie?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, COMEDIAN: "Falling Down."

GUTFELD: Falling down. Yes, this pandemic. I have a theory that you started cutting your hair, and you kept making mistakes. So, you had to keep getting lower and lower.

LOFTUS: That's kind of what happened. I bought clippers. I'm like, I'm going for it. But now I'm in Dallas and I'm doing shows and I found I found a barber shop. This was actually done by a professional.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. That's nice.

LOFTUS: I spent money for this.

GUTFELD: That's nice. What do you think of the Cuomo brothers as a comedy routine?

LOFTUS: They're hilarious. I don't mind a prop comic at all. I enjoyed the giant swab. I wish they would have done some green screen work.

I still can't get over that shot of Anderson Cooper. When did he turn in to Malfoy from "Harry Potter?" I swear he looks -- he is going to go up to Trump and be like "Expelliarmus."

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And who cares that Trump is taking hydroxychloroquine. That stuff has been on the market for a million years.

They make it sound like it's like this voodoo drug like, if you take it for lupus or malaria, you're fine. But if you don't have those, it goes straight to your heart and you explode.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: And it's the same thing with coronavirus, the rona, it knows if you're at the grocery store. It knows if you're at the voting booth, but it won't find you in your bedroom. It's hilarious.

It's -- we're at voodoo levels of hypocrisy.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Kat, I love the Stevie Nicks look from the Rumours era. It's quite becoming.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes. What do you think of that Pelosi fat shaming?

TIMPF: Look, you can't really say oh, you're being too mean to Trump because Trump insults everybody. But to me, it wasn't even about the fat shaming, it was about the general her saying she must know better than Trump's doctor or that what she has to say about it matters at all.

I do not understand why there's so many politicians and journalists arguing back and forth about what drugs someone is or not taking for their health.

In my America, that would be your own decision. Whatever drug you want to take your health or whatever drug you even want to take, you know, to alter your perception of the universe recreationally would be fine with me, too.

I remember the Russia investigation, right? Everybody was a lawyer. They were all like, you know what, I heard that quid pro quo thing when I watched "Silence of the Lambs," so I totally can be arrogant with my take on this.

Now, we've got a bunch of communications majors, all doctors, all right? I don't understand why people are so arrogant and weighing in on this thing.

No, I know better. How? You're not a doctor. And also it's not your body and you brought up the frog licking. I kind of feel like if Trump were licking acid off the frogs, if it didn't interfere with his ability to do his job, I'd say kind of not my business.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true and it can't be fun. You know, Tyrus, I am not a doctor. But I do tell people I am, sometimes.

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Okay, I'm maybe -- my professional opinion is don't do that.

GUTFELD: Okay.

MURDOCH: But I'm sure we could find you a certificate from the University of Phoenix to get you give that doctor or we can find a Division 4 school for you to go speak at you don't get kicked out off and you could possibly get a Honorary Doctorate so we could maybe someone on Twitter land, get him an Honorary Doctorate because that's my question.

And I'd just like to say, wow, Kat watched another movie. She watched "Silence of the Lambs."

TIMPF: Yes, I did.

MURDOCH: That's breaking news, because to this point, she's only watch "Happy Gilmore." So, hats off to you, Kat.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Boy, what a great segment for me.

GUTFELD: All right, we're going to move on. Up next. What is Joe Biden trying to say this week? We don't know.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Good old Uncle Joe bring us a new hit show. Now that "Jeopardy"
and "Wheel of Fortune" have been forced to air reruns, we are inventing a new game show you can play along at home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: What's Joe Biden trying to say?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Welcome to what that guy just said. I'm your host, Bob Eubanks. The rules are simple. I play a clip and our contestants guess what Joe's trying to say. Here's your first one.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: And we're going to create a new bio based manufacturing -- multi manufacturing job, environment to deal farmers in on the benefits of a changing economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, that's tough. One more time, please.

BIDEN: And we're going to create a new bio based manufacturing -- multi manufacturing job, environment to deal farmers in on the benefits of a changing economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right, Kat, what was Biden trying to say?

TIMPF: Yes, I watched that like five times and I absolutely have no idea. I have no idea.

And the way that he's having to do things right now, is not that hard, right? He basically doesn't have to go anywhere, right? Like he doesn't have to like hop, make sure he gets on the flight and go talk to voters.
Okay.

I just wish that I were, you know, old enough to run for President right now. But I'll remind you again, I'm very young, I know you're going to make a joke, whatever. I'm 40 blah, blah, blah.

I'll have you know, my eggs may be scrambling, but I still have like, a good 10 to 12 years like, theoretically could get pregnant if you include the ones where I could have it, you know, like, medically done.

But it's not -- it shouldn't be that hard if you don't have to leave your house.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: You have to just appear coherent and presentable from the waist up, like 10 seconds a week. And you've got a whole team, you've got millions of dollars' worth of resources, I don't think I've ever even been so drunk where I couldn't do it.

GUTFELD: And he has, you know, I would say that he's got the internet at his fingertips, but he doesn't know what the internet is or his fingertips.
Tyrus, what do you think he meant? And also, I don't know, have you been following on what he recently said?

MURDOCH: Yes, Greg, and you wouldn't be white if you didn't ask me that question. I'm going to be real with you, man, that was the realist thing Biden has said this entire campaign.

Sleepy Joe, woke up for a minute. Now that was the last we'll ever see of him awake. He will not be allowed to do that.

Going forward, all his speeches will be a picture of him, some soft music and somebody reading his statement. He will not be allowed to talk amongst himself anymore. The basement locks are on the outside now.

I have an issue with what he said. I'm just saying is that is there, it's a wrap because Joe is supposed to do what they tell him to do. And he, he did an interview that they probably didn't want him to do, and he kept it real.
He got passionate and he said what was on his mind, and hey, I'm cool with it.

But that was cool. And the rest of it, that's it. He's not talking no more.
Back to the basement. Lights out.

GUTFELD: He lost the privileges. Pete, what did you think he was trying to say in that earlier clip?

HEGSETH: You know what, hey, guys. Bio based multi-facturing. That seems pretty legit. I mean, I don't know that we know what it is.

But it could be something pretty awesome like a sustainable multi-factoring thing. It could involve robots. I don't know.

At the at the end of his day, he definitely goes into the basement and listens to the record player with his sweater on and has it old fashion.
And listen, I know this, that if I've got a hit that I really want to do well, I should have done that for this show. Because I'm clearly underperforming.

I write my notes down and I tape them right under the camera, guys, right here and then I know exactly what I'm going to say and you don't know that I'm reading my notes. The fact that he hasn't figured that out. This is sad.

GUTFELD: That's pretty good.

TIMPF: He is probably being intensively, intensively coached. That's the craziest part.

MURDOCH: He is not allowed to have writing utensils. He is the basement.

GUTFELD: Michael, what did you make of his comment?

LOFTUS: Well, I think what he wants to do is come up with multiple ways to turn farm implements into energy. I think that was apparent to anyone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LOFTUS: This is terrifying. Like if Joe Biden -- if this was a boxing match, you'd be like, turn it off. You'd have the rep step in. It's horrible. This is him functioning. This is his A game.

He can't run a Skype meeting on his best day. What happens at 3:00 a.m.
when he is startled? I can't even imagine.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Well, the only way to solve this is if we ask Joe Biden himself. Joe, what were you trying to say?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHILLUE IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: What I was saying is, it's 2016, it's time we get this thing done. Put the Cowboys and Aliens together. All the farmers will come up aces. Bio based tyrannosaurus rex for the rocket ship.
It's an economic road trip for you.

Come on man, bottom line, manufacturing, saxophone, pillowcase, cactus shaving cream. That's to God's honest truth. Text Joe to Biden 2016 for https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__president.velociraptor.chicken.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=sFAZs1s6OsYn8_1zLEwORPZR5plqG0bJtDiwqh5im-0&m=hVEJbuTRJOguQDOIzEgQuXwcafF8D6YeteB4pM4O-qg&s=XUiAeUvu_unTMvu9QKdbhxvp1Aj3wjndaN1BpwFnFRk&e= .

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well now, we know, and we've got to hand it to the Democrats. Only they would have the stones to read a candidate chain to a radiator in a basement who talks like he's a 10-year-old recapping the plot to his favorite movie.

It just shows, you can do anything you set your mind to when you have the media in your back pocket.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: All right. Before we take a break, a public service, we're calling Greg's lost pets.

So, I got an e-mail from Val who writes, "Lost very friendly cat. Please announce to your viewers Cat, [name is Gallagher] was being transported from Florida to NYC. Jumped out of a vehicle at St. George, South Carolina.
Forward when found. All white with grey butterfly shape, and gray tail.
Very friendly." Thanks, Val.

Next time, give us a picture.

All right. This has been Greg's Lost Pets.

Up next, government overreach is no day at the beach.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.

The White House is sending nearly $5 billion to nursing homes ravaged by the coronavirus. The money will be used for testing, purchasing protective equipment for workers and other virus related expenses.

Advocacy groups for nursing home say about $10 billion is actually needed.
"The New York Times" estimates that at least 28,000 nursing home residents and workers have died from COVID-19. That's about one third of all coronavirus deaths in America.

And one business in Brazil is thriving during the pandemic and that's grave diggers. The country is struggling to keep up with the amount of bodies.
This, as the Brazilian President calls the coronavirus a, quote, "little flu."

The South American country has yet to even hit the peak of the virus, yet adding about 20,000 cases each day. It lags behind only the U.S. in severity, but with a far less stable healthcare system.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: These crazy times lead to not real crimes. Take the gym owners in New Jersey who defied the state's mandate and reopened on Monday, socially distancing the equipment and all.

At first, the police gave them some warnings and a fine, then later in the week, a member was arrested inside the gym for defying state's orders.

And by Thursday, they state had the gym closed down by the Board of Health.
What say you gym owners?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All of these messages on the wall from the Health Department were put on without them ever stepping inside and taking a look at the facility.

So, we've been shut down by the Health Department without them even coming inside. So, that tells us that we're doing the right thing because it's a scare tactic and we have our lawyers on it.

They've been on it since 6:00 a.m. this morning, and our plan is to handle it and reopen tomorrow.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And they did reopen it Friday. Elsewhere, New York Mayor and year- round Halloween costume, Bill de Blasio announced that New York City beaches wouldn't be opening Memorial Day weekend, meaning you can walk on the beach, but new swimming and if you tried to swim, the strong arm of the law was waiting for you.

Behold the Stalin of sand.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO (D), NEW YORK CITY: The NYPD will be out, Parks Department will be out. Obviously, first and foremost, to help make everyone remember, don't go in the water. You're not supposed to go in the water.

It's a dangerous situation to ever go in the water when there's not lifeguards present.

So, there'll be a constant reminder of that. Anyone who tries to get in the water, they'll be taken right out of the water.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: No lifeguards. It makes me want to install an above ground pool right above him. And in Michigan, barbers gave free haircuts outside the State Capitol to protest the state's strict stay-at-home orders.

Some more masks and kept six feet apart. Some didn't. Police handed out citations for disorderly conduct to those who weren't obeying the rules, for giving someone else a haircut, which under normal circumstances is perfectly legal, and is becoming essential because we're all starting to look like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I kind of like that hairstyle. Good on that kid. All right, I guess I should go to you, Loftus, since you're having hair problems. What do you make of the -- I feel like a lot of these businesses are different, so the decisions are going to be different.

LOFTUS: Like I think it's all different. It has to be on a case by case basis. I just -- who knew that the hair salon people were the brave ones?
Who knew that is who is going to lead us out of this darkness?

GUTFELD: True.

LOFTUS: When everybody else is like, I'm staying inside. I'm scared. It was that like that hair salon lady in Texas who was like, I don't care. I'm not listening, clip, clip, clippety, clip, clip. Freedom. That's who I want with me in a foxhole.

If it really goes down. If we're invaded. I'm going to hang out with a hairdresser. I'm going to fight for my freedom and I'm going to look fantastic.

GUTFELD: It's like the businesses in the strip malls with the clever hair names like American Hair Lines. You know? I don't know. That's the only one I can come up with.

LOFTUS: That's how they should break us. They should break us into divisions by strip malls. You know, you've got the nail salon lady, the hair salon. The kung fu guy.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's all there is.

LOFTUS: And then all the ice cream.

GUTFELD: Tyrus, are the politicians treating citizens like children, or do they have a good point?

LOFTUS: No, they're definitely treating citizens like children. It is a case by case and I think you need to treat gyms just like if you're smoking cigarettes, you know what the ramifications could be. If you were to smoke, you could get something.

If you go work out in the gym, there's a chance you might come in contact with the coronavirus, but if you take precautions and you're willing to walk in the door of that facility, then that means you understand what's going on.

I think that's what needs to be happening with a lot of these things because you talk about hairstylist and nail salons. They are the ones that have most of the cleaning products.

They work very hard to keep their stores clean. Gyms have towels. Everyone wipes down the stuff.

If I go to get my nails done, or I go to get my hair done, or I'm going to go get my weight lift on. I know the risks, and I'm choosing to take that, and it's just like swimming in the ocean. There's sharks in the water, things could happen, but I'm willing to take the risk. And I think they should be allowed to do that.

GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, the thing that bugs me are regulatory laws that force cops to enforce things they don't want to enforce, for example, like it's against the law to sell loose cigarettes that led to Eric Garner getting choked out by a cop who didn't really want to wrestle him for a cigarette.

And so I fear that when we start cuffing people for doing regular things, it's going to lead to chaos and violence and destruction.

You can't cuff people for going to a gym, but cops don't want to do that, but then they end up having to.

TIMPF: Yes, absolutely. And I just don't like this narrative surrounding it that if you're one of these people who are out there or saying, hey, I'd like to open the salons. You're a selfish jerk.

Like, everyone's going to die and you only care about your hair. Blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, no, no. It's like when people say just stay home, right? That is so offensive, because what they're really saying is, hey, you know, just completely give up. Destroy your business that you've worked so hard and sacrificed for.

Hey, you know, just completely get -- you know, get away from that need that we have as humans for some interaction with each other at times, right? Because there are people who are losing everything.

There are people who are unemployed. There are people who are in complete isolation and haven't seen anyone at all for going on three months now.

GUTFELD: It's crazy.

TIMPF: Then there is this narrative of, oh, we're going to arrest these people and they're so bad for going out and trying to do their job. It's not just about oh, I want to get my hair done. I want to get my nails my nails done. I do.

But it's also, I have friends with small businesses that they've sacrificed so much and work really hard. They don't know if they're ever going to be able to reopen again under this, so quit saying, oh, just stay home like that is so offensive. You don't know what you're really saying when you say that.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, Pete, the people saying just stay home are people in our business because we're getting paid. There's a whole --

HEGSETH: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: We're getting paid for this.

HEGSETH: Yes, I can be at home in make up in my office doing THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW and everything is fine for me. Right?

But the reality is, I spent time with Ian Smith, the guy who runs Atilis Gym in New Jersey. I was live on the scene with them. These are some of the most hardworking, decent, respectful, responsible people you have ever met.

And Governor Murphy, like any other governor is using all the powers at his disposal. You know, breaking news, I don't do a lot of breaking news on the show. Murphy just filed an order to shut down the gym on a health violation.

They've never been inside the gym, Greg. And the larger point is, which was what Tyrus just said. If you don't want to go, you don't have to go lift weights.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

TIMPF: Don't go.

HEGSETH: You don't have to -- it's the massive caveat over the entire thing. So, I'm for -- Viva La Revolt of the hairdressers and the gym owners and the restaurant owners. They are charting the course because they've got skin in the game and it's a beautiful thing to watch them.

GUTFELD: And you know who else has skin in the game? Nude beaches? They're in this fight, too.

All right, up next, the race to cover your face.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Are you up to the task of life in a mask. People are adapting to the new reality of mask wearing, so no surprise the mask has become a place for innovation.

One Israeli inventor designed a version with a remote controlled mouth, allowing you to eat without taking it out. Take a look.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: I watched that for hours. I don't know. I mean, how different is that than what I wear on the weekends already?

Okay. Meanwhile, a designer in New Orleans created a mask with a straw flap, but these never take it off designs pose this question. Will masks ever go away? Will their appeal be seasonal like the Trans Siberian Orchestra? Or are they here to stay like the Trans Siberian Orchestra?

And how do you flirt when half your face is covered? Will teenage boys tell their friends about the first time they had hooked a girl's mask with one hand? And how will my cats react when they finally see my face?

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: That was just cruel. Tyrus, that edible opening mask thing or whatever, that just scares the crap out of me. How about you?

MURDOCH: What scared me more than that was watching that poor man try to eat, wow, no one could jump in and get him a spoon? That was rough. That was brutal.

You know, I don't have that problem, whenever I put a mask on, people get out of my way, but really, when I put this on and go to a restaurant, everybody clears out. Everybody clears out. So, I never have to worry about more than six feet.

You know, social distancing when I eat, but, honestly, the invention was great and I appreciate the idea. But if you just go like that, you can eat.
Like it's -- are we taking crazy pills here? Is this for a rat?

GUTFELD: I think so. I don't know. You know, Kat. We're going to -- oh no, I can't ask Kat this question because she's too young. So, I'll go to Michael -- no, I am going to ask Michael.

TIMPF: I am young. That's why I don't ever want to wear this mask yet.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: You know. I've still got like a couple more years of being hot without needing surgery. So, wait in the future, I can save money only doing the Botox and the fillers on half my face then I love it, but not yet. Too young.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. Why waste these precious years?

TIMPF: Supple young face.

GUTFELD: Yes, your young face. You know, Michael, I think we're going to have to be --

LOFTUS: Rock on, Gold Dust Woman.

GUTFELD: Yes. Michael, I have a great question for you. We're going to have to redo the bases. Right? Remember first base was kissing. Now, first base is going to be removing the mask, which means we might have to scrap baseball and go to football where you have four downs and a touchdown. Or maybe we would do bowling where there's 10 strikes. Or I don't know, pat --

LOFTUS: I like it. I like football. I like football that way like first down, you get the mask off, second down. Like what -- I went for extra points. You went for extra points on the first day? Oh, I call it an audible. She was into it.

GUTFELD: It's amazing. It is destroying my world in a tailspin, Pete. Do you think masks are here to stay?

LOFTUS: Go for two.

GUTFELD: Go for two.

HEGSETH: Unfortunately, I took the depressing step of taking an extra mask and putting it in the center console of my car today, and that was a depressing moment, feeling like I'm going to need this going forward when I don't expect it.

And that robot mask is depressing. Do you know the amount of people I see at the grocery store that wear it like this? You know, right about here?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: You know, or then they've got to do something. So then it's up here. I mean, they can't use it right way, anyway, you know. The adaptations are unnecessary.

I hope the mask is gone soon. We don't want to live in a mask world. Plenty of people don't want to do that already.

GUTFELD: Well, we just may, just to get on with life. All right, my favorite story is up next. Stick around.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Well, more people want to touch your body if you test positive for antibodies. Dating experts claim singles are posting on their dating profiles that they have coronavirus antibodies, figuring it will make people feel safer to meet up with them. Yes, I have gonorrhea and syphilis, but no corona.

So, we're not sure if antibodies mean virus immunity. Perhaps, that's why some prefer to go back to their exes.

"Vice" interviewed a few people who admitted reaching out to their ex during isolation because loneliness makes you do weird things. Quarantine may make you remember your ex like this, when in reality, he is more like this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: What's wrong? I prefer that. All right, oh, God help me. You know, Kat, do you really think saying you have coronavirus is going to stop anyone from dating a person who is hot like if Halle Berry just asked me out, and then she says, oh, I have corona. Do you think I'm actually going to say no?

TIMPF: Especially not now. I think this is all the same sort of thing.
People are getting desperate and you start to think that you really miss things more than you do, like lately, I found myself missing going to brunch because I have it in my head that like, I'm sitting there and I have a sun dress on and I'm sipping champagne. It's delightful. That's not what happens. Okay.

I'm sitting there in my sweatpants. I wish I were dead. I'm miserable. I'm eating overpriced eggs benedict and I'm like chugging those, you know, bottomless mimosa mimosas to try to numb the pain. I have like 19 of them.
I'm still sober because they're so watered down.

On the way out, you know, a bunch of drunk NYU kids and I'm like, why are you so drunk? I know it's not from the mimosa, did you take Molly before you got here? Like it's God's day. It's Sunday. I want to go home.

But no, because you know what people say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think that what they really mean is absence makes you dumb. It allows you to delude yourself.

When you are lonely, when you are getting desperate, when you have been spending so much time alone, you're going to start thinking you want things that you don't want.

GUTFELD: I tell you, Absynth makes my heart grow fonder, Pete, Absynth. I don't know why I said that.

HEGSETH: I don't know either. I was going to see the balance of my time back to Kat, but I will just say, it's like being on deployment. You know, anybody that served in the military, you're overseas and the stories get bigger and bigger, right? Everything is more amazing back home.

And everything is amplified and hyper scrutinized. But then your standards, they drop quickly over time and then pretty soon, everything back home is just amazing and then you get home and you realize it's just like it was when you left except probably a little worse.

GUTFELD: It's that movie where the guy comes home and doesn't like it and -
- "Hurt Locker." Maybe that's what it was.

HEGSETH: Yes.

GUTFELD: Or was it "Benjie 2"? I don't know, Tyrus, I'm confused by the movies that I see.

MURDOCH: I'm glad you said confused Dr. Greg, because of course, you have told Halle Berry, no, because you're a happily married man.

GUTFELD: True.

MURDOCH: I think I can speak for Pete and myself that there is absolutely no reason to ever look in the rearview mirror when our future is so bright, and we are so happy where we are now in life with our wives that we are all smiles. I ain't got time to look back. I've never looked back.

HEGSETH: Amen. Amen.

MURDOCH: I'm living in the now. So, Halle Berry, you have to get to NATO, the G Train Lift Station, and if it is occupied, lovely.

GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, I've been saying it to her for the last five years, but she keeps texting me. It's either Halle Berry --

MURDOCH: But you keep saying it. You keep saying it, Doctor.

GUTFELD: It was Fred Berry from what's happening.

MURDOCH: Okay, I'm done.

GUTFELD: He's dead. I love Fred Berry.

MURDOCH: I'm out.

GUTFELD: Last word to Michael.

LOFTUS: I'll tell you, if you're single, go big or go home. Don't say you have the antibody. Say you've got the cure. I'm like, if you have sex with me, you will be cured. That's what I would be selling.
Right? And just a big shout --

TIMPF: When I was 23, I would be like, oh, yes, I can't believe.

GUTFELD: Oh my god. That's what it's all he does.

LOFTUS: A big shout to all the people with the hand washing fetish, someone out there gets off on washing -- on watching people wash their hands. This is your moment. This is your time to shine for all of you people with hand washing fetishes. Enjoy yourselves.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. What if you are somewhat attracted to people in medical gear? Not saying that I am. But I do love a good mask and gloves.

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now. Don't forget about my upcoming book. Oh, you're going to love this. It's called "The Plus." It's a self-help for people who hate self-help. Basically it is how to do positive things if you aren't a positive person like me. In stores July 28th, but you can pre order your copy now.

It's available at ggutfeld.com and all major book retailers. Final thoughts, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Thanks to Pete Hegseth, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus. We are out of time. I'm Greg Gutfeld, and we love you, America.

Trump campaign plans to fly blimp over swing states this summer

Sat, 07 Mar 2020 23:25:06 -0500

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," March 7, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The common sense of washing your hands, not touching your face, ensuring that if you've touched anything, you go and wash your hands again.

DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: And I haven't touched my face and weeks -- in weeks. I miss it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[LAUGHTER]

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: We do, too, Mr. President.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: So just a few days ago, the press and the pundits had declared the campaign dead.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Just a few days ago, the press and the pundits had declared the campaign dead. And we were told that when we got to Super Tuesday, it would be over.

Well, it may be over for the other guy.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

BIDEN: By the way, this is my little sister, Valerie and I'm Jill's husband. Oh no, they switched up. You switched on me. This is my wife and this is my sister. They switched on me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: They switched on him. So he confused a sibling with a spouse. You know, it's not as rare as you think.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: All right. No idea why they're clapping. Yet, the moment after Joe wins big, he reminds everyone he still doesn't know what the hell is going on.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: But the Dems were faced with the choice between two risks. One, nominate a socialist who cheers commie tyrants or two, nominate the guy who might put his pants on his head.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: They chose the right guy -- pants or no pants. But don't for a minute think they were rejecting socialism. No, they only took Bernie out because they knew he would lose big.

After all, Sanders rose to this high point because the Dems wouldn't refute his attacks on capitalism, mainly because they agreed with him. Right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Joe Biden on March.

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Just like my great grandfather said during the Civil War, march comes in like a lion, goes out like Sonic, the Hedgehog. Sonic. Funny guy. He's blue.

Like Blue Tuesday. It's my favorite holiday. Yes, and Friday, that song by The Cure. It's Friday and I'm in gloves. That's good advice for the coronavirus.

Spend your Friday in gloves. You're going to be waking up healthy on Saturday.

Oh, yeah. Text Joe to Super Taco Tuesday. Get a free pair of gloves with every purchase.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ah, thank you, Joe.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: So, Joe benefited from a political version of a mob hit. Obama was Don Corleone calling in favors through endorsements to take Sanders out.

So what will the Bernie Bros do? Well, what does a bitter ex do when she's been dumped? As revenge, she hooks up with the person the dumper hates most. And who could that be?

Yes. America's bad boy. But thank God for this guy, he announced he's now going to campaign for Joe. Joe must be thrilled.

Wow, you've got Scaramucci. Who's next? This guy?

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Yes. Indistinguishable. Or what about this guy?

Yes. He is back in the news. According to a new documentary, Bill Clinton claims he had the infamous affair with an intern as therapy for anxiety.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Let's ponder that. You know, if sex could be viewed as a therapeutic treatment for a health issue, I wonder if this can now be approved as a medical advice.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I really hope that covers that. I can't return it. I already opened the box.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Of course, Michael Bloomberg dropped out and over at MSNBC, their top talent struggle with math.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MARA GAY, EDITOR, "THE NEW YORK TIMES": Somebody tweeted recently that actually with the money, he spent he could have given every American a million dollars.

BRIAN WILLIAMS, MSNBC HOST: We've got it. Let's put it up on the screen. When I read it tonight on social media, it kind of all became clear. "Bloomberg spent $500 million on ads, U.S. population 327 million." Don't tell us if you're ahead of us on the math. "He could have given each American $1 million and have had lunch money left over." It's an incredible way of putting it.

GAY: It's an incredible way of putting it. It's true.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh my god. How adorable is that? The media trying to do math. Obviously, it doesn't come to a million a person. It's like $1.50. But that in a nutshell exposes the media's cognitive incompetence.

Consuming a diet of shallow outrage and misleading headlines, they've let their logic muscles atrophy. It's why they suck at economics. Watching them do math is like watching me dunk a basketball or Tyrus trying to put on a pair of skinny jeans.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Now, a lot has been made of the money Bloomberg spent, but it's not that he spent a ton and got nowhere, it's that Bloomberg spent a ton and got close.

What got in his way was this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG (D), FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I always say to people, there's no I in team and I spell team T-E-A-M. I spell team T-E-A- M. There is no I in team, I always joke about it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He does always joke about it, he invented it. Yes, money can buy you delegates, but not a personality. He is what happens when a snooze button and a snapping turtle mate.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: It could happen. Bloomberg is only slightly less charming than that stuff that drives on the edge of a casserole pan. Right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Joe Biden on breakfast foods.

SHILLUE (IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN): I'm not going to lie to you, I like a little ice in my oatmeal and that's a luxury the Quaker Oats man could only ever dream of.

Oh yes. I know oats. I'm from Pennsylvania, home of the Rocky Mountains. And America's favorite beer, Heineken.

Put them all together, you get yourself a Dream Team. Dream Team. You remember them -- Magic Johnson and Larry Bird. Best two-man bobsled team in history.

Text Joe to downhill, slopes, snow, Heineken, the Rocky Mountains and the Great State of Philadelphia.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: So now it's down to a two-man race or as what Joe calls, spaghetti. But what happens if Biden gets the nod?

With Joe, the Dems patched a tire and threw on a coat of paint. But you've still got to sell that jalopy, and the moment you test drive the model Joe against Trump, everything could fall apart.

So will a socialist fight back? Will Joe make it to the end? Will Liz finally change her black shirt?

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: All I know is, this is going to be a hell of a ride and I can't think of a better group to enjoy within you. Right, Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Now, Joe Biden on daylight saving.

SHILLUE (IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN): I'm against it. What are we saving daylight for anyway? We ought to be spending that on healthcare. You save daylight. You know who doesn't like that? Vampires.

I checked their Wikipedia page, those guys work at night. M. Night Shyamalan. Good director. Hey, M. Night, I've got a twist ending for you.

Guess who's been running for President this whole time? That's right. Uncle Joe. Bam. Didn't see that one coming. Text Joe to Bram Stoker's Dracula. Starring Gary Oldman and Keanu Reeves. Love those kids.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is so patriotic, his prom date was the Declaration of Independence. His book, "American Crusade comes" out May 19th. "Fox and Friends Weekend" co-host, Pete Hegseth.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: He's as tasty as the dish he is named after, comedian and host of the new podcast "Everyone is Awful" on Barstool Sports, Jim Florentine.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: She's mean and lean and acts like a teen. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: And he showers at Niagara Falls. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: All right, so Pete, can we just throw up the cover of that book for a second? Holy crap.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: That's for you, Greg.

GUTFELD: I'm putting that up on my ceiling above the water bed.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: You know, I am heterosexual, but I'm feeling things, Pete.

[LAUGHTER]

HEGSETH: Well, you're welcome, Greg.

GUTFELD: Holy Toledo.

HEGSETH: If you're going to crusade, you better look like that.

GUTFELD: You are crusading. You are crusading for a night of passion.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: All right.

HEGSETH: Let's do.

GUTFELD: Let's shift. What do you make of the new frontrunner, Biden?

HEGSETH: Who saw that coming?

GUTFELD: No --

HEGSETH: I mean it. You know, a week ago on your show, maybe we felt like Bernie was fading a bit because of what happened in South Carolina, but who saw -- almost literal version of "Weekend with Bernie" with Biden with the other contenders dropping out and propping up the guy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: All the way to Super Tuesday.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And now, he is in the pole position, and the best part about him, what they love about him is he is a total empty vessel.

I mean, your videos are onto something because they're onto something. And Beto O'Rourke and everyone else will feed their far leftwing policies straight into them and he'll become -- he'll become the leftwing dummy.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's like they carried him like one of those Egyptian tombs across the finish line, and they open up the tomb and there's nothing in there.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Jim, I have no idea what just happened to me.

JIM FLORENTINE, ACTOR/COMEDIAN: I don't either. I don't know, I think that Republicans should be worried with Biden because it depends who he picks as Vice President.

GUTFELD: True.

FLORENTINE: If he picks a good Vice President, anyone that's going to vote for him is going to know that Vice President is going to make most of the decisions.

GUTFELD: Yes, or be President.

FLORENTINE: Yes, be President because I mean his gaffes right now, imagine in four years how he's going to sound.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: He sounds like this now. So they know that a good Vice President makes -- yes, they're going to prop him up like you said, "Weekend at Bernie's." If there's some big issue on TV and I say, I feel bad for Bernie though. They pushed him out again.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

FLORENTINE: Same thing again. All of his fans, you know, feel the burn, feel the burn. Well, they got burned.

GUTFELD: Yes, he did.

FLORENTINE: They got burned.

GUTFELD: He did. And no amount of tetracycline is going to take that burn away. I don't know why I said tetracycline. I dated myself. Kat, who do you -- what are you most excited about the results from this week?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION HOST: You know, Bloomberg.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Didn't do so great.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And everyone was saying, why did he spend all this money on all these ads? He spent all this money on all these ads, why did he do that? I don't get it. I totally get it.

The only thing I don't get is why he didn't do it sooner. Like if I were a bajillionair, I would be doing that. And I don't know mean the President thing? I don't get wanting to be in political office. I just mean the ads.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I would have so many ads like, just for me. You know?

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: Why wouldn't you do that? Like, Kat Timpf, not at all annoying. You know like -- all over the place. People are like -- why doesn't every rich person do that? Just ads for you.

GUTFELD: That is a great idea.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: You said vajillion, and I'm under -- I'm unsure what kind of --

TIMPF: I said bajillion.

GUTFELD: Oh, I thought you said vajillion -- Tyrus?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No, I am not touching that.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: What's your take on this week?

MURDOCH: Well, you know, if we go back and go through the history of THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW, there's been one common theme with these tricksters.

GUTFELD: Yes, the tricksters.

MURDOCH: The old white men that they have been trying to get rid of and they just keep showing up.

GUTFELD: They do.

MURDOCH: Like even with Daylight Savings Time coming up, you think they'd nap sooner and would see less. They're everywhere.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: And everyone is upset about it. How do these old white men keeps showing up? We banned them from our neighborhoods. When they come on TV, we say horrible things about them, but they keep showing up.

GUTFELD: They keep winning.

MURDOCH: How? He literally forgot who his wife was. Everybody was okay with that.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Do you know that if a black candidate did that --

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: If a black candidate --

MURDOCH: Stop. Oh, no. Don't clap.

GUTFELD: If a black candidate forgot who his wife was, there would be hell to pay.

MURDOCH: Oh, yes. Especially if it wasn't his sister who he touched. Absolutely.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: It's just amazing to me how clever and shifty those old white men are.

GUTFELD: You know what, we're going to talk more about old white men later in the block, but we have something very, very special for you.

The last moment of Liz Warren's campaign. Don't miss this.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Pocahontas, more like No-cahontas. Liz Warren ended her bid on Thursday after a dismal primary performance. She didn't even win her home State of Massachusetts. In fact, she came in third and I think Joe Biden should thank her though for her campaign. She did two things she stayed in which hurt Bernie by stealing support from him, and she destroyed Bloomberg in that hilarious debate.

You've got to hand it to her, she takes down old white men faster than gout.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: And as usual, she is blaming it all on sexism, which is weird because it's her party who is rejecting her, meaning Democratic men and women didn't like her.

It must have been hard for Liz to come to terms with letting go. I wonder what that meeting was like.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Look, we got hit pretty hard on Tuesday, I think it's time that we seriously think about --

TIMPF (IMPERSONATING ELIZABETH WARREN): My experience as a handicapped black man fighting racism in the Senate?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No.

TIMPF: I was in 'Nam, okay? Drafted at 18, fire fights like you never saw. I saw things you could never forget.

When we hit Normandy, it was like nothing you've ever seen.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No one is going to believe you fought in World War II.

TIMPF: I'm pregnant with an alien baby.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You're 70.

TIMPF: Are you saying that, I am too 70 to be pregnant? Okay, check this out. Okay, who is too 70 to be pregnant now? Okay. We don't tolerate the age shaming. All right, your fired. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Okay. All right, so who won last night?

AUDIENCE: Joe Biden.

TIMPF: Okay, so now, I identify as Joe Biden. My son Hunter is an ass, but I am not his father. That's it. I've got a plan for that, too. I am not his dad.

Oh, this is going to be great. I just need to figure out what song I'm going to dance to. And my victory party. I'm going to dance on out of here now, guys.

All right --

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Kat, I felt like -- I felt like you consumed her soul.

TIMPF: I did, a little bit. I enjoyed it, but honestly the victim stuff from her and her supporters and the sexism stuff. I just -- she is a famous millionaire.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And she's managed to be a famous millionaire, as someone who apparently didn't realize she was white until she was well into her 60s. Okay. That is not a tragic story. That is remarkable.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I just -- I hate it because as a woman myself, I have faced issues that are involving sexism and things because I am a woman, and this doesn't help that cause because if you just use it as excuses and you don't take responsibility that cheapens all of the women who have faced these things for real.

So you're not pushing women forward, you are exploiting pain to push yourself forward and moving women back and I don't appreciate that.

GUTFELD: Yes.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: And you know, if she can't endorse a man because remember, you don't want to have any -- there are too many men running. She should endorse Tulsi, but she's not going to do that, Jim, is she? She's not --

FLORENTINE: No. She sounds like another famous politician that blames everybody but herself.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: Another female, doesn't she?

GUTFELD: Yes, I can't think of her name.

FLORENTINE: She should actually get another DNA test to see if she's related to Hillary.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

FLORENTINE: Look, maybe she dropped out because she wants to spend more time with her tribe. We don't know. You know, maybe she misses it. Who knows?

GUTFELD: Tyrus, the thing that they -- she says that it like it is sexism, but the problem was, she wasn't likable. The women didn't want her.

MURDOCH: Well, you know, every time I don't get my way it's racist, so --

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: So you know --

GUTFELD: Those tricky old white women.

MURDOCH: Yes. I mean, I just -- no one knows how to lose with dignity anymore.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Like it wasn't one person. It was several states that decided, thank you, ma'am, but no.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And we see that all the time, but that's the way it works now in the media, where she was wronged, but they never blame -- they blame them and they. They don't say hey, America or Democrats -- you, Democrats, you didn't vote for this person.

It's the same thing with how they're like Joe Biden has all this momentum and it's like -- he hits six threes in the fourth quarter over Bernie who was in foul trouble. It just moved to a different state, that's all that happened.

If they would have started in South Carolina, he would have been the frontrunner. They started in Iowa and Iowa happened to like Bernie better and Buttigieg, but --

What I am just saying is like, it is not momentum. States have -- I know this is going to be crazy, media -- people with different ideas, different things they like, so maybe he did well in these States, but they've still got more states to go.

GUTFELD: It's not over.

MURDOCH: And they might feel a different way. And would that be -- oh, no, a steal by Bernie. He gets in. It's not a game.

American people make choices based on what's best for them and their situation. It's not momentum. It's just a different state.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: It wasn't sexism. You just didn't relate.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. There you go.

TIMPF: Oh, good one.

MURDOCH: Damn, yes. Well said. Yes.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Pete? She also -- she wanted to be the first at being the most woke, and I'm noticing that that people who try to be most woke, trying to appeal to the loudest voices on Twitter, they're not doing well.

HEGSETH: Well, because it's not authentic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And that's the reason why everyone thought she'd get out of the race and because she had a bromance with Bernie and they're both these far left that she would endorse them.

Except, oh, by the way, she saw him fading. She doesn't want to endorse a guy who is now losing. So it turns out, I can bend up my progressivism because I never really believed it that much to begin with.

That's why she lost to Bernie because she was the fake socialist.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.

HEGSETH: Even though she is a socialist, she was willing to bend at any time and people went with the original gangster in Bernie Sanders.

GUTFELD: True.

HEGSETH: Why would you go for the cheap one? The poor man is Bernie.

GUTFELD: Bottom line is, when it came to Liz Warren, it was America who had reservations.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: You could have seen that line. It was like a Frisbee in the desert. You could see it from like six miles away coming right at you.

All right, Trump the incumbent. That's next.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

AISHAH HASNIE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Aishah Hasnie.

The number of coronavirus cases continues to climb in the U.S. with more than 400 people now infected. Officials are scrambling to control this outbreak, 19 people have died and most of the fatalities were in Washington State. Ten of those deaths are linked to a nursing home in the Seattle area.

And New York's governor declaring a state of emergency with nearly 80 cases here in the state, the nation's capital also confirming its first presumptive case of the virus.

Overseas, dozens of people trapped after a hotel used as a quarantine center for coronavirus victims collapsed in China.

Emergency crews are searching for survivors, about 40 people have already been rescued. So far at least two deaths have been reported. No word on what caused the collapse.

I'm Aishah Hasnie, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.

GUTFELD: So will it be Trumpy versus Grumpy?

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Or Trumpy versus Bumpy?

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I mean, we have this crazy thing that happened Tuesday, which he thought was Thursday.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We have this crazy thing that happened right on Tuesday, which he thought was Thursday.

[LAUGHTER]

TRUMP: But he also said, 150 million people were killed with guns and he was running for the United States Senate.

Support me, I'm running for the United States -- there's something going on there.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right. But what about Bernie? I wonder, was he all set for Bernie?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: I was all set for Bernie because I thought it was going to happen. You know, we get ready for things, right? So mentally, I'm all set for Bernie. I was ready to go and then I say, you know, I don't think I'm running against Bernie. I think it's going to be very hard for him to come back.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: But what can we expect from Trump, the incumbent candidate? Get this. His campaign already has plans to fly a blimp over swing states this summer to get its message out. A blimp you ask? Why a blimp?

And I say why not a blimp? You thought Trump tweets were something. This blimp is be like a Trump tweet flying right over your head.

I can't wait to see what it says on the blimp. Trump: The only thing higher than the Bernie Bros is this blimp.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Trump: This is the best blimp. Everyone agrees, that I can tell you.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Trump: Enough with a Jasper pics, Dana. We get it, you love your dog.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Where's Hunter? He's got to do that. He has got to do that.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Watch GUTFELD, but not "Watters' World."

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Good year? How about four more great years?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: And finally, Trump: How do I land? I don't know how they land blimps. I missed that in blimp school.

Jim, this is the first time we're going to see Trump, the incumbent. I'm kind of excited.

FLORENTINE: Yes, I don't know about the whole blimp thing. It's kind of dated. In this day and age, he could put a tweet out and 73 million people read it in one second.

GUTFELD: That's true.

FLORENTINE: You know, I mean, they're all guys though, you know Biden and Bernie -- you know, is Bernie going to start -- I don't know, is Biden going to start Morse code and tweeting?

You know, Bernie is going to travel by Pony Express? I mean, it's stupid.

Look, Biden has got to be worried about this.

GUTFELD: Yeah.

FLORENTINE: About the blimp. You know, he might get like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I mean, wasn't he one of the passengers on the Hindenburg?

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: He could have been. He could have been.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's true. You know, Tyrus, I think it's going to be like from the Wrestling World, Trump as incumbent is defending his title.

MURDOCH: He is the reigning and defending, four years holding champion of the world basically.

I like the blimp because it's annoying.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: Because if you don't like him or you might not follow him on Twitter, but if you're mowing your liberal lawn and you know --

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: You know, and then your liberal child is going, daddy, look at what's over my safe space? You know, like it's just -- you know, just keep flying around. Like, it will be nice when it swoops in over CNN, you know?

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: That blimp would be like, no one's watching, you know, it's just kind of fun.

GUTFELD: That was funny. CNN. No one is watching. And you know, the President watches this show, so we just got like seven great ideas, Pete. Anything -- any suggestions for the blimp?

HEGSETH: Oh, you put me on the spot there.

GUTFELD: Well, I can ask you a different question.

HEGSETH: Okay.

GUTFELD: Read your book. Have him read your book.

HEGSETH: Okay. "American Crusade."

GUTFELD: Yes, "American Crusade." Show that cover again?

HEGSETH: Shall we, yes? No, this is for you, Greg.

GUTFELD: Oh, why? Thank you.

HEGSETH: Yes. Listen, I absolutely --

GUTFELD: Oh.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Amen. I didn't know you had a tattoo there.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: So it expands.

[LAUGHTER]

HEGSETH: Maybe it's a picture of Trump. At first, I saw the blimp idea, too, and I thought yes, what in the world?

But it is absolute genius. Blimps don't move. They stay there for hours.

GUTFELD: Yes.

[LAUGHTER]

HEGSETH: And you look at it and then you -- maybe, but you're like maybe if I text the number on there, it'll go with away.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

HEGSETH: Anything to make it go away. Just the Trump derangement syndrome spins out of control. What I love about title defender Trump is, remember there were some people who were sort of encouraging him to be more presidential.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: He has got to prove to people --

GUTFELD: That was me. I was an idiot.

HEGSETH: Yes, a lot of us were figuring it out. I was right there, too.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And then, now that he's been President for four years and mocked what it means to be presidential, imagine what those debates are going to look like. It's going to be great. Unpresidential presidential Trump.

GUTFELD: You know what --

HEGSETH: It's going to be the best.

GUTFELD: I'm scared, Kat that he might not do debates because you might not need to. That would break my heart.

TIMPF: Yes, because you know, it's going to be Trump and then a guy that's like, doesn't know, you know, that he is debating.

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: I mean, when I read all the articles about Super Tuesday, which was a lot of them, by the way -- there were many, many words. I kept seeing Joe Biden be referred to as the safe candidate.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: And I would just pause every time because whenever I watch him talk, I don't feel safe.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: Like I am nervous for him. I'm nervous for everyone around him. They're going to get called a dog faced pony soldiers. I'm nervous for myself and I'm not even involved and it makes no sense for me to be nervous whatsoever.

But it's still so overwhelmingly just terrifying.

GUTFELD: Yes --

TIMPF: It like you don't know what's going to happen.

GUTFELD: It's like watching a really bad street magician.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: It feels like somebody could just lose an eye or you know -- it's amazing. It could be so much fun.

TIMPF: He should do magic.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That would be better.

GUTFELD: Yes, he should do magic. All right, back in a bit. We've got more to come. Stay right there.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Geeze Louise. Do they see the idiocy of their dance policy? Triple rhyme there, people.

According to "The Salt Lake Tribune," a paper, a Utah woman is challenging a middle school rule after her daughter wasn't allowed to say no to a boy who asked her to dance on Valentine's Day.

The mom says her sixth grader was asked to dance by a boy. The girl said no, but the School Principal stepped in and told her she had too and should.

Yes, I say shoo them onto the dance floor. The Principal says that's not how it went down, but admits that they asked that all students agreed to dance with each other. Claiming the policy was to make sure to kids that no kids feel like they get left out.

The mother says that's a load of crap. Kids should learn to handle rejection.

Now, apparently the Principal and Superintendent are reviewing the policy. But look, I get turned down when I ask people to dance all the time, sometimes on the subway, which is why I only dance with my miniature horse, Sparkles.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: You know, we cut out right in the nick of time. It went [bleep] crazy. Tyrus, you have daughters. I'm dying to know what you think. Try to get past that visual that I just --

MURDOCH: It's just been a weird show. You said I wear skinny jeans. I take showers in the Niagara Falls and then, man, pony love.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: I just don't know where we're going. Listen, I have huge issues with this. One, dancing is always a tough thing for kids anyway.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURDOCH: I mean, you should be allowed to say no.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And it shouldn't be -- on the other side, young men, the word no is what builds our character.

GUTFELD: Yes, rejection.

MURDOCH: I don't remember any of the girls I danced with, but I remember all the no's. I remember every no. You know, because there's that walk afterwards because you have to -- you're all back against the wall.

GUTFELD: Back to your --

MURDOCH: Up against the wall, heart is beating. You hear your favorite song and you're like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it.

And then your friends are like, you ain't going to do it. I'm going to do it. And then you walk over like, hey, would you like to dance? No. Cool.

I mean, you come back and be like, I hate the song. I never want to dance to the song anyway.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying? You know what I mean? Like that's part of -- it builds character and you accept that. You should be able to accept no. Why do we feel as -- we live in a world where kids can't accept no. They can't fail. They can't have to deal with rejection.

Those are all the things that they need because the really real world is all about failing, no and rejection. And we don't want them to experience that, and then you make other kids uncomfortable?

GUTFELD: Yes. It's terrible.

MURDOCH: Like, you have to dance with someone?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: I don't know.

GUTFELD: You know, it's like an immune system that we're not building up for kids. Although, I will say this. I feel bad for a girl when she's asked to dance to "Stairway to Heaven" because it's like a nine-minute song.

And you know that things are happening. If it's a slow dance.

MURDOCH: I want to be honest, Greg, if it's an eighth grade dance and eight year olds, they're going to dance to "Stairway to Heaven," I got all kinds of problems with the DJ.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I don't know. I just aged myself. Kat, you seem interested in this topic.

TIMPF: Yes, because this would have really helped me in high school.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But on second thought, it's wrong.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And also, I'm glad, because dancing alone isn't really bad. Like, if you're dancing with someone, your arms are totally out of play.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Like when you're alone, you can like totally get them involved and do all this stuff. So all these kids out there, if you're spending your teens dancing alone, just know, your arm dancing game is going to be awesome in your third kiss.

But don't wear light up flip flops under your dress. You might think it looks cute, but if you do have to run to the bathroom to cry, more people will notice.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: You have a lot of good crying tips.

TIMPF: I mean, I've done my fair share. You do get good at it after a while.

GUTFELD: All right, Pete, I'm crying to find out that this isn't really your book. But you also have children.

HEGSETH: I do. Many.

GUTFELD: How do you feel? You have many, that's right.

HEGSETH: Many, I do.

TIMPF: Sure does.

HEGSETH: Yes.

MURDOCH: Five whole villages of --

HEGSETH: Two girls under my --

GUTFELD: You have five boys and two girls.

HEGSETH: Yes. I would say, first of all, I agree with Tyrus, dancing as a young boy, I'm sure as a girl, too, was the most mortifying experience more than anything else.

Forget about sports. Forget about championship games. The idea of approaching a girl on the dance floor was psychologically impossible.

It seemed like a Rubicon you could not cross without looking like a fool.

So what I take issue with here is, it takes away the joy of victory. It's that one moment when you finally did muster the courage, and you know, someone named Andrea Merrier that might be a real name or a made up name.

[LAUGHTER]

HEGSETH: A real name, actually says yes. The clouds part and the sun shines and you are the man.

GUTFELD: And then you have children.

HEGSETH: Well, yes. Well, exactly. What if -- Andrea Merrier has to say yes to everybody, then what does it matter to me? There's no victory there.

At the same time, I would -- I would always want my children to be able to say no.

GUTFELD: Yes, of course.

HEGSETH: Get the heck out of here, you creep.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Because the creeps didn't know they're creeps.

GUTFELD: It's difficult.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Speaking of, Jim?

FLORENTINE: Yes. You know, it's funny how they teach us that no means no. Well, in this case, no means yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go.

FLORENTINE: Listen, it's not like they're putting on back that ass up or -- and people -- and the kids are twerking on each other.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

FLORENTINE: It's under supervision, sixth graders, so it's not going to be that bad. They are not grinding on each other on the dance floor.

GUTFELD: Thank you for the image.

[LAUGHTER]

FLORENTINE: Oh, yes, yes, you dancing with a pony. That was -- that was good.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. My favorite story is up next. Don't go away.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's really quite lame to leave your bed for a game. True, it's too much effort to wake up and walk over to their desk to play video games. They got a furniture company in Japan that has created a bed that comes with a desk for your gaming screen.

A thing to hang your headphones on and a cup holder. It can run you over a thousand bucks. The only thing the bed doesn't come with is a toilet. But there is that cup holder which for me will do just fine.

Now, I love this bed, but video games don't interest me, unless someone came up with games that I would enjoy.

For example, get another tattoo with Pete Hegseth.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Cover my entire body. Lose Jasper. I believe the goal here is to lose Jasper.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: And finally, escape from Lou Dobbs' Hot Tub. The twist is, you really don't want to escape. You find that out in the end. Figuratively, that is.

Kat, you're dating some guy. He invites you back to the apartment. You like him. He opens the door. You walk in. You see the gaming bed. Do you run screaming out? Or do you say --

TIMPF: I would be stunned for a while, maybe throw up.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: But this wouldn't happen because no one with that bed would be talking to a girl, okay. I don't want to be mean, but this bed might as well be a coffin because these people are living so little. They're basically already dead.

I don't mean if you're playing video games, I mean if you need this bed because you feel like you're wasting too much time walking into another part of the room that you could be playing more video games.

You're not alive. That's not a life. You could die and literally be in hell and be like this level is hard. You wouldn't even notice.

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: But not to be mean.

GUTFELD: Tyrus?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: What to do -- people watch Netflix in bed. Why can't you do this? I am pro-gaming bed. There, I said it.

MURDOCH: This is literally an audition for my 600-pound life. Once you get on that bed, you don't move. You lay in bed and eat. You literally -- you can e-mail your catfish friend and Vietnam and play your game.

And there's two screens so you don't feel as lonely because no one else is next to you. I mean, it's just -- this is where we're at.

But you know when I think about it, this is less traffic for me at the park. Less people I've got to deal with at the zoo.

I am going to lay in bed and play a video game and think you're in the real world. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's just -- this is what we're inventing? This is where we're at?

What you could do to stay more in bed?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know, like, why get up to the refrigerator when you can lay there and scream, Ma, I'm out of Funions, Ma.

You know like I like to work hard.

GUTFELD: In your bed --

MURDOCH: Like people work hard to be active and healthy and this promotes just expanding on the bed laying there.

GUTFELD: Jim, I'm going to -- I'm going to go pro on this one. I think you know, somebody sits in their bed, you know, this is a way to de-stress, keeps you from doing other things.

FLORENTINE: I noticed they only made a single bed, they didn't make a double bed. They didn't make it king or queen because they know any kid that's going to buy this has got no shot of getting a woman in that bed.

[LAUGHTER]

FLORENTINE: So there's no reason to make a big bed.

MURDOCH: Yes, great.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: That's a hundred percent right. Yes.

GUTFELD: Pete?

HEGSETH: I am with you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: Because I think every teenager ever has had some variation of the video gaming bed.

GUTFELD: That's true.

HEGSETH: I had a bed, it had a table near it. I put the big box TV on it and my Nintendo. If the cord would reach far enough, I could lay back a little bit.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: It just made it easier and more convenient.

GUTFELD: Oh man.

MURDOCH: I'm sorry, Greg. I'm sorry, but that's different. I put -- I have to say, I had to invent. You had to be clever. You had to build forts and then your mom took it away because it wasn't right in the living room. Filthy lifestyle and you go outside and play.

She didn't say, hey, I've got a better idea. Let's make it all inclusive, so don't have to see you again.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Well, that went into a dark area.

[LAUGHTER]

HEGSETH: But you admitted to having a gaming bed.

MURDOCH: Yes, because I had to use inventions and borrow chairs and kitchen utensils.

FLORENTINE: Greg, you know, I've got a screen like right above the bed. They got a place to eat right here.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FLORENTINE: You know, it sounds like a studio apartment in New York City.

GUTFELD: That's true.

FLORENTINE: Everything is right there.

GUTFELD: Exactly. And man, if it's adjustable, imagine.

HEGSETH: Of course, it is.

GUTFELD: Yes. I don't know what I'm imagining.

TIMPF: Yes, I'm not going to --

GUTFELD: Maybe I should just leave it in the dark part of my brain, where it will die.

Back with more show after this -- I hope.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Finally tonight, we dig a little deeper in our ongoing series. By the end we may all agree that --

ANNOUNCER: Animals are jerks. Animals are jerks. Animals are jerks.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

ANNOUNCER: Animals are jerks. Animals are jerks. Animals are jerks.

GUTFELD: They are imbalanced. Great jerks. Thanks, Pete, Jim Florentine, Kat, Tyrus, our studio audience.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Greg Gutfeld says feuding Democrats are like the Donner Party: 'They're eating themselves alive'

Sun, 01 Mar 2020 00:05:27 -0500

Greg Gutfeld highlighted the absurdity of the latest Democratic presidential debate, arguing that the Democratic field is looking ill-equipped to take on President Trump in November.

"It feels like a stupid person just exploded all over me. You know how libs always whine about voter suppression? What about voter depression?" the host said on "The Greg Gutfeld Show." "If I were a Dem looking at that bunch of fools, I wouldn't find a polling station. I'd find the nearest bridge and I'd jump."

IN MUST-WIN SOUTH CAROLINA, BIDEN DELIVERS IN A VERY BIG WAY

CBS News' South Carolina debate was described as chaotic with the candidates speaking over each other and attacking one another.

Gutfeld joked that at least eventual South Carolina primary winner Joe Biden had a better performance before welcoming commentary from ӣ��Ƶ' Tom Shillue portraying a goofy Biden talking about the state as his "firewall."

"Look, I never said South Carolina was going to be my firewall. You didn't hear me, right? I said 'Wonderwall.' That's right," Shillue's Biden said before citing lyrics from the band Oasis' 1995 song titled 'Wonderwall.' "Maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. After all, you're my firewall. That's what I said. And by a band called Oasis, the band. They're like the Beatles. But with talent."

Gutfeld compared the Democratic candidates to athletes not taking the Olympics seriously.

"It's crazy. The Dems had four years to come up with someone to oust the 'Orange Demon' and they squandered it all, chasing phantoms like collusion and impeachment," Gutfeld said. "They're like the world's dumbest Olympic athlete. He knows the event is in four years. But instead of getting in shape, he retreats to a basement where he spent the entire time eating 'Funyuns' and popping Quaaludes and watching tentacle porn."

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

"It's no longer, 'We're all in this together,' but, 'It's me versus you.' Race versus race. Gender versus gender," Gutfeld said. "That's not the Democratic Party. It's the Donner Party. No wonder they're eating themselves alive."

ӣ��Ƶ reaches highest viewership in network's history, topping MSNBC, CNN in 2020

Tue, 25 Feb 2020 18:39:29 -0500

ӣ��Ƶ Channel continued its cable news domination in February, reaching its highest viewership in the network's 23-year history.

FNC has been celebrating a 44-month consecutive streak as the most-watched network on basic cable and a 218-month streak as the most-watched cable news network, averaging 3.5 million primetime viewers and 2 million total-day viewers, according to Nielsen Media Research.

Among the most-watched cable news shows, FNC had 13 out of the top 15 on the list, including "Hannity," "Tucker Carlson Tonight," "The Ingraham Angle," "The Five," "Special Report with Bret Baier," "The Story with Martha MacCallum," "Your World with Neil Cavuto," "Outnumbered," "Bill Hemmer Reports," "ӣ��Ƶ @ Night with Shannon Bream," "Outnumbered Overtime with Harris Faulkner," "America's Newsroom" and "The Daily Briefing" with Dana Perino.

FOX NEWS DIGITAL HAD BEST YEAR EVER IN 2019, TOPPING CNN.COM IN KEY CATEGORIES

FNC also nabbed 14 out of the top 15 most-watched cable news shows within the key 25-54 audience demo.

"Hannity" has continued its reign as the most-watched cables news show, averaging 4.3 million viewers in February. "Tucker Carlson Tonight" averaged over 4 million viewers for the first time. "The Ingraham Angle" averaged 3.6 million viewers, making Laura Ingraham the most-watched woman host in cable news history.

"The Five" dominated in its early evening timeslot with 3.6 million viewers, well above its MSNBC and CNN competitors. "Special Report," anchored by FNC's chief political anchor Bret Baier, averaged 3 million viewers and "The Story," anchored by Martha MacCallum, averaged 2.7 million viewers.

FNC also fueled success during its weekend programming. "Justice with Judge Jeanine" secured the title of No. 1 cable news show on Saturdays, averaging 2.88 million viewers, followed by "The Greg Gutfeld Show" with 2.6 million viewers and "Watters World" with 2.5 million viewers.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE FOX NEWS APP

Both of FNC's signature Sunday-morning programs also had their most-watched month in network history. "Sunday Morning Futures with Maria Bartiromo" landed 2.1 million viewers while "MediaBuzz" hosted by Howard Kurtz landed with 1.87 million viewers, doubling CNN's "Reliable Sources."

In the news-dominated month of February, FNC was the number-one news outlet among viewers during coverage of President Trump's State of the Union address and outdrew CNN and MSNBC during the Iowa caucuses and the New Hampshire primary.

Gutfeld: Why President Trump is going to be hard to beat at the ballot box

Sat, 15 Feb 2020 23:20:09 -0500

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," February 15, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: Sound the alarm that way. That will let everybody know what has happened.

All of the alarms are going off about this.

All of the alarms have sounded. They are ringing incredibly loudly.

That's like a 10 alarm fire.

Struck the alarm bell, right?

Alarm sounded. We're awake.

Can set off an alarm bell.

Like I said, the alarms are ringing. What do alarms do? They're supposed to wake us up. Well, in this case, we are all awake. What do we do?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: How about hitting the snooze button?

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERING]

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: All right. Let's start off with a quiz. When you think about the state of the Democratic Party. What does it remind you of? This.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Or this?

[VIDEO CLP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Or this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: You see this is what I do for a living. I look at the news and I try to come up with a visual analogy. But the problem with the Democrats is there's such a mess you spend a lifetime doing it. So I'm going to go with just one.

The Democratic Party is like your neighborhood cat lady and all the wacky leftists, they are the cats. See it started out fine. It wasn't too bad when she just had one cat. But then one day you open your back porch and you see this.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: So is it any surprise the Democratic Party is now led by one giant furry cat?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: It's funny, sometimes American journalists talk about how bad a country is because people are lining up for food. That's a good thing.

In other countries people don't line up for food, the rich get the food and the poor starve to death.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, he's the cat who hates capitalism, a feline who digs bread lines. But hey, maybe Sanders deserves the nomination. He's got a cause and fans and he fights -- not bad.

Until you step back to see the big picture. That century-long battle between totalitarianism and free societies. Bernie's are eternally wrong fuzz moppet who chose Darth Vader over Han Solo.

Instead of embracing America, he picked the team that lost, the one that contributed to hell on earth. So his success now can only be enjoyed if you choose to ignore the mountain of misery behind it.

So the Berlin Wall comes down and communism collapses. A sensible person says hurray. But Sanders he says, hey, we still love Cuba.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: But as Bernie surges, Joe continues his slow motion collapse.

If only there were an analogy for Biden's campaign.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: It looks like his team could use some industrial strength Viagra. Which is a surprise given the articulate brilliance of dog faced pony soldier.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Which is my screen name on Grindr.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: So what's Joe? What's Joe got to say about that?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Joe Biden on insults.

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING JOE BIDEN: Look, it's a simple formula. Action plus animal slash body part plus animal slash profession. Yes. I've got a million of them. You crying squirrel-eyed goat fireman. Come on. Come at me, you tap-dancing alpaca eared beaver sales clerk.

Where are you at you coughing limp wristed salamander boat captain?

Do you like them apples? By the way, Joe gets his apples just like everybody else. I buy them on eBay one at a time.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[APPLAUSE]

Cheer

GUTFELD: All right. Okay, so we kept warning everybody, hey, Joe, he may not make it, but no one had the guts to tell him, not even his buddy Obama, who now won't even be in the same room with him.

He is treating Joe like a porcupine with chlamydia.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Obama is literally that guy who ditches his boring friend at the party and he has definitely ditch Joe pawning him off on the rest of us. So I have a solution. The Dems should just throw Joe a surprise retirement party.

Don't tell him. Don't tell him.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Just have him show up for a meeting and then surprise confetti, ice cream cake, the gold watch, speeches, face painting before Joe knows it, he will be back on a plane to Delaware completely forgetting he was running for President.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Which is a good thing. I mean, I kind of love the guy, but he's like a doctor with that great bedside manner who keeps removing the wrong kidney.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Besides job Joe -- Joe doesn't need to run against Trump, when even Mickey Mouse could beat him, and now Joe Biden on Mickey Mouse.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SHILLUE: This may surprise you. I'm not opposed to a Mickey Mouse-Donald Duck ticket. Duck ticket, duct tape.

Hey, why do we have to murder all those ducks just to make some tape? I won't do that.

Tape. Superior to DVDs. Here's a tip for you from Old Joe. You don't have to rewind your DVDs. Just take them back to blockbuster as his. I've got a slogan in my campaign. Be kind, rewind.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: So as the Dems keep losing, Trump keeps winning. The Trump economy is making everyone happy. It's better than spiking the water supply with Prozac.

So why on earth would you expect America to mess with a good thing? I mean, if your 401(k) is kicking ass, you don't cash it out and sink it all on edible stockings, though that sounds pretty good.

So what a mess the Dems offer America -- Bernie is a socialist, the guy who rooted for the other team because he despised his own so much more. Mayor Pete is a walking Scrabble dictionary. Liz, what can we say about her that she hasn't already made up about herself?

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: And Joe, he is just a nice old man who hasn't just lost a step but misplaced the damn ladder.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: What do you say Joe?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: And now Joe Biden on his fifth-place finish in New Hampshire.

SHILLUE: Fifth place? Come on, man. Where I come from that's just winning first place four times. It's a lucky number, five. Party of Five. Scott Wolf. Good looking kid. Wolf pups. They're like regular pups but not as scary. Yes. Scary movie. Who is driving now? Count them, huh? Who won New Hampshire now? Text Joe to place fifth.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

ANNOUNCER: Period.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. He's got more culture than a gallon of yogurt, author, political commentator and host of "The Mark Steyn Show," Mark Steyn.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: This man got bin Laden to open up. Former Navy SEAL who killed Bin Laden, Rob O'Neill.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: She is as grim as she is trim. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: He doesn't drive, he orbits. My massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Station, Tyrus.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: All right, Mark. Are you excited about this array of Democrats? Anyone who excites you?

MARK STEYN, AUTHOR AND COLUMNIST: Amy Klobuchar came out of nowhere, no one knows anything about her except she eats salad with her comb.

GUTFELD: Yes.

STEYN: So that when Joe Biden is sniffing her hair, he gets the faint tang of Thousand Island Dressing.

GUTFELD: Rob? What are your thoughts?

ROB O'NEILL, FORMER NAVY SEAL: This is next-level stuff right here. No, you know, I find myself walking around the house out of nowhere just saying Buttigieg.

[LAUGHTER]

O'NEILL: I know the name and I noticed if I go in front of the mirror-like the movie "Beetlejuice," if I say Buttigieg, Buttigieg, Buttigieg, just the ghost of Robert De Niro shows up. So I'm pretty excited about that.

No, you know, I don't have a problem with a lot of these candidates. It's just -- I mean, other than, you know, Joe Biden, he has been in office for 48 years. He's going to come back to Washington and change it.

But I mean, these are the people with their problems and they're are pandering to the left and it's like all of this ridiculous socialism crap, it's never going to work and it's just -- I mean Trump's going to win in a landslide.

GUTFELD: Yes.

O'NEILL: So I don't even know why they are wasting their time.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GUTFELD: Rob O'Neill. He just panders to you. All right, I just want to point out that that was a pander.

O'NEILL: Oh, yes, totally.

GUTFELD: A total pander.

O'NEILL: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right.

O'NEILL: O'Neill 2024.

GUTFELD: There you.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Kat, What about Joe? Do you feel bad?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION HOST: I feel so bad. I was watching the New Hampshire stuff.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And watching it come in. He's not doing a great job. I was just feeling so bad for him and I just wanted to like take care of him and make him feel better, even though I never liked him in the first place. It's like, oh my god. It's like everyone I dated in my 20s, right?

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: So honestly, now I'm doing better --

GUTFELD: Apparently.

TIMPF: But I the past, no, I'm doing great. But I'm just saying if there were more people in America who were like, you know, codependent 20 somethings. Maybe he'd be doing a lot better than he is. I might have even voted for him.

But no, you know, that we've all gotten the therapy we need and it's just - - it's not going to work out and it's really, really sad to watch. I wouldn't take care of him.

GUTFELD: Oh.

TIMPF: I am recognizing toxic patterns.

GUTFELD: Yes and what about you, Tyrus?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: So here's the thing. The impeachment. Who did it really hurt? Who did the Democrats destroy with impeachment? There were two older white men involved in impeachment. One's ratings went up. One had all-time turnout for voters as there was only him to really vote for him.

And one guy got obliterated off the entire planet -- Joe Biden. Yeah. Congratulations, Democrat your impeachment worked. You destroyed Joe Biden's presidency. You destroyed it.

O'NEILL: With the impeachment, too, it is, we're going to find out eventually where those 33,000 deleted e-mails from Hillary Clinton were about.

MURDOCH: That's what I am saying, that's what it led to that every voter - - every Democratic voter was like, great, so we support Biden and around November-ish, the F.B.I. is going to come out and say, you and your son, we need to have a conversation.

GUTFELD: Yeah. See -- that's what happens -- instead of just playing fair and letting the voters decide, they screwed themselves.

We've got to go. We're going to talk about Trump's week. That's next don't go anywhere.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GUTFELD: Trump keeps scoring, the Dems still boring. I wonder what did Trump learn from impeachment?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: That the Democrats are crooked. They've got a lot crooked things going, that they are vicious, that they shouldn't have brought impeachment.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Anything else?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: And that poll numbers are ten points higher because of fake news like NBC.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GUTFELD: The country kept thriving during impeachment and America started to notice. You know how pollsters asked, are you better off than you were three years ago? This year 61 percent said yes. Better off under Trump. A number way higher than when incumbents were up for reelection. Obama didn't get that high. Well, nor did Bush 43 or Clinton or Bush 41.

Trump's number is so high, I get a nosebleed just reading it. And that's going to be tough for any of the candidates to beat. Honestly, do you think Trump's going to worry about this?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHAEL BLOOMBERG (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Now, if I were from Texas, I might say he is -- Donald Trump is scared as a cat at the dog pound. But since I'm from New York, I put it this way. We're scaring the living hell out of him and we're just starting right now.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I don't think Texans say that.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: And I don't think Trump is scared of that. Even CNN knows that Trump victory November, it's not that hard to get there.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN KING, CNN CHIEF NATIONAL CORRESPONDENT: It's not that hard to get there because North Carolina viewed as a swing state here, North Carolina tends to lean red in presidential politics. Florida in recent elections leans red in presidential politics.

Arizona, Democrats think they can win it this year. Let's see. Its history is, it leans red.

Just those three states get the President to 259.

Look at the map, he could get there easily just by winning Pennsylvania again, that would get him over the top.

Let's say that one goes blue, the President could get there by winning Michigan again, that would get him over the top. He could do it with a combination of New Hampshire and Wisconsin.

So when you look at the map now, the President has a viable path.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, what you can't hear in the back there is Don Lemon quietly weeping.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I guess, the Dems better find something else to investigate, like maybe President Trump interfering in the Roger Stone case with a tweet.

But in case you haven't noticed Trump tweets all the time, which means he interferes in everything. Mike Bloomberg is a mass of dead energy.

New stock market record, spend your money wisely.

Great lineup on Fox tonight with Jesse Watters, Judge Jeanine and Greg Gutfeld. That's a real tweet.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

GUTFELD: I'm telling you. You name it, he's going to tweet it. So the Dems may try to impeach Trump for this thing, too. It's all they have, especially when the majority says they're better off than three years ago, when 90 percent of the country thinks my life is good, and when the first impeachment didn't put a single dent in Trump's armor, are they going to try it again? I hope so. Because I really miss Adam Schiff.

[LAUGHTER]

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING ADAM SCHIFF: Because I like it.

If you were an apple, I wouldn't pick you.

I'm going to slide down a snowy mountain on my bare feet.

No wait, that's not --

Ready or not, here I chess.

Go Adam go.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Somebody call security.

SHILLUE: Security. Prove it in a court of law.

I see I have the light. I recognize myself. Good night.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[LAUGHTER]

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Rob, thoughts in general? What are you thinking?

O'NEILL: In general, I know President Trump and he can never not say something about people like he actually brought me to the Lincoln bedroom and I was having an out of body experience.

I'm looking at the Gettysburg Address. I turned around and said, he said, you know, Rob, not everybody gets to see this unless of course you donate to the Clinton Foundation. I'm like --

[LAUGHTER]

O'NEILL: It's like, you just can't not.

GUTFELD: Yes.

O'NEILL: Yes --

TIMPF: That always happens when I'm hanging out with the President, too. I'm so annoyed.

[LAUGHTER]

O'NEILL: No, but it's funny here in Bloomberg talk because you know, I like to make jokes once in a while, too, and my jokes, my number one joke is never about poop, but it is always a solid number two.

GUTFELD: Yes. Ladies and gentlemen --

O'NEILL: That has nothing to do with anything --

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: I don't know. You know, Tyrus, that was a pretty good joke.

MURDOCH: It ain't bad.

O'NEILL: Thank you. It takes exercise.

MURDOCH: For all the money that Bloomberg has, he couldn't find a comedian coach? I mean, you give me $250,000.00, bro, I'll do two jokes for, but I mean, he literally said in Texas, he was more nervous than a cat at a dog pound. Why?

All the dogs are locked up. Like his jokes don't make any -- and then he was like, but how we do it in New York? And you remember the one guy in the crowd was like, how do you do it in New York? Thank you.

The entire place was like -- well, sometimes when people talk and they can't tell a story. It hurts so bad you can't look at them. I guarantee you that entire audience by the time he got to the dog pound, they were like, I mean, you have to look back to acknowledge because he's looking at you so you go like -- you're right. Let's go.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: When you don't have charisma or talent and you're a billionaire, you buy it, bro.

O'NEILL: Exactly.

MURDOCH: I'm on sale. I'll get up there.

GUTFELD: I think he is paying for it Kat, but he's getting lousy jokes.

TIMPF: Yes. I think so, too.

MURDOCH: It's such a pose contest.

TIMPF: Yes, it's so weird.

O'NEILL: Have you seen the ice video? When he -- he has got bigger ice cream, which I'm assuming is glorious, but like, he kind of dove it like --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because he probably has somebody to feed him ICE cream.

O'NEILL: Spoon feed him.

STEYN: Yes.

MURDOCH: But I think about voting for a guy who was like, if I'm your President, this is going to happen. And someone feeds you ice cream. And then there's a giant gingerbread man flipping around. You know what I am saying? And him riding a giant cat he made -- he cloned from a dinosaur.

Like, this dude gets things done. He is a billionaire I want to know about. Instead, we get, like a cat in a -- it's Texas. You ain't talking about cow, steers and cowboy hats. It ain't funny, Jack.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Mark?

TIMPF: Was that only my time to talk?

GUTFELD: Yes. Because I'm pretty sure they both just talked over me the whole time, but that was good.

MURDOCH: I'm sorry.

STEYN: Did I hear that right that cat is the one who killed Bin Laden?

GUTFELD: Yes.

STEYN: I am amazed. I never knew that. That's incredible.

TIMPF: I should have killed Bin Laden. I forget.

STEYN: I couldn't --

MURDOCH: Very truculent of you, Kat.

STEYN: Tyrus, I can't believe -- last time around, I can't believe they found someone who tells a joke worse than their candidate in 2016 because every time I came on this show that time I used to do, Hillary when she'd be saying, boy, I want to tell you, and she do the bobble head thing.

TIMPF: Oh, remember Pokemon Go to the polls?

STEYN: Now that's only if you're a Democrat presidential, old blue Bob has to do is, boy he is about as scared me as a cat in a dog pound and then fall over and he'd get the Hillary ovation.

TIMPF: And also, Trump is funny. Like whether you like him, don't like him. He is objectively hilarious and you're not going to be able to be funnier than he is.

GUTFELD: Yes.

STEYN: No.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: You're just not.

STEYN: And actually, that's a good point. You should be the guy who just keeps saying that's not funny.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

STEYN: Because the Democrats are actually a great humorless party these days. They're the party of the humorless, and the people who say that's not funny.

GUTFELD: There, I think it's got gloomy and Trump it's a tortoise versus the hare because he does look like a tortoise and Trump has got the hair.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: All right. I want to stop.

MURDOCH: Well played, sir.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Take a lesson from Mikey, don't extort Nike.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Former lawyer for Stormy Daniels and all-around dirtbag, Michael Avenatti was convicted of attempted to extort $25 million from Nike. They make shoes, Kat.

The litigating lollipop said he was taking an aggressive legal move on behalf of his client. But now the bald-headed bozo is facing up to 42 years when he is sentenced in June and he's got two more trials coming up facing charges of defrauding Stormy Daniels and other clients.

Yes, she hired Mikey to screw Trump and it turns out, he screwed her instead.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Anyway, he may be the worst lawyer ever which says a lot, but man, the media loved him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANA NAVARRO, ABC HOST: To me, you're like the Holy Spirit. You are at all places at all times.

BRIAN STELTER, CNN CHIEF MEDIA CORRESPONDENT: Looking ahead to 2020, one reason why I'm taking you seriously as a contender is because of your presence on cable news.

I wrote about this saying you're currently leading the pack among 2020 contenders on the Democratic side.

CHRIS MATTHEWS, MSNBC HOST: Look, I think you're doing a hell of a job. I don't think you're in this for money.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: How [bleep] stupid are these people?

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: So why do we keep playing that? It's fun, but also to remind you, dear viewer, that you saw this guy for what he was -- scum -- but the media tried to persuade you that he was something else. Further proof that the establishment media is wrong on nearly everything.

We go now to the media for their apology.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Kat, why did Stelter and that crazy lady from "The View," and all the people kissing this guy's ass? What? Why? What is wrong with them?

TIMPF: I don't know, but I'm actually going to disagree with Chris Matthews. I think that it may have had something to do with money.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I don't know. I mean, he's obviously a terrible, terrible man, and he's obviously incarcerated. But I -- what he did was wrong. But I also do have, like the life goal of being someday rich enough, where like, I fully understand what extortion is and like how you do that?

You know, I would never just -- like Nike -- like how did you think this was going to work? I know what Nike is. I've seen their little checkmark all over the place. I see it so much I'm sure there's some pretty powerful dudes running that place. One bald dude can't take on all of Nike. Come on, man.

GUTFELD: The reason is, he was fully hubris because, Tyrus, the media built him up. I mean, Stelter said he was going to be the next President contender.

MURDOCH: Greg, stop. Greg stop it. Just stop. Let me get this out. He persuaded me. I believed in him. I sent $3.00 to his Iowa campaign.

He saved Stormy. He was up for the CNN Hero Award. I haven't -- have you been up for that?

GUTFELD: No.

MURDOCH: They took him and the Russians grabbed him, put him in jail because the [bleep] was a criminal.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: All right, Mark, could you imagine if he was found not guilty?

STEYN: Yes.

GUTFELD: CNN would have him back on.

STEYN: Yes, yes. He'd actually be parachuting into Nevada and South Carolina the dream moderate candidate who was going to who was going to save them.

I love the way like when he was shaking down Nike for $25 million, he had already spent it. He had spent the money. He had -- he wasn't just a bad lawyer. He had a chain of coffee shops as well, Tully's Coffee, so he actually sold bad macchiato and decaf cappuccinos. And nobody --

TIMPF: I just want to be rich enough to know what a macchiato is.

STEYN: No, that's a sophisticated -- and so you're just looking at this guy. He's ripped off his coffee house partner. He had Stormy -- he was going around doing these wearing $5,000.00 suits while she's dancing on a bar in Virginia for a couple of dollar bills to pay him.

GUTFELD: Yes.

STEYN: But the best thing about it was he was supposed to be the guy who's going to put Trump in -- do you remember when the great -- one of Anderson Cooper's best lines when he said, did he wear a condom to Stormy Daniels and I thought, oh, this is great. We are at last getting a real sex scandal in the Democratic --

I went out to put on a nice cup of tea and settle in with the sex scandal. And I came back and they say that it's a campaign finance infraction.

That's why can't get anywhere in this country because of sex scandal. You wait two minutes, and it's some kind of campaign finance thing.

So I was never -- I never quite bought him and I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I never thought it would be Nike because that's a hell of a shoe.

[APPLAUSE]

TIMPF: I see what you did there.

GUTFELD: Rob?

STEYN: That's two out of three.

GUTFELD: It's funny, every time they try to target Trump there's blowback. It's like he is the worst contestant at a pie-eating contest.

O'NEILL: There's blowback, you know. All President Trump -- I mean, Donald Trump is a billionaire. He didn't need to do this. He wants to make the country better. That's all he's doing.

And what amazes me is it's even before Nikita Khrushchev debated John F. Kennedy, the Russians were saying, we can beat the Americans not firing a shot, as long as we take Hollywood, the universities and the media.

GUTFELD: Yes.

O'NEILL: And my question is, when are we going to get rid of these [bleep]? Like --

GUTFELD: That was just one.

[APPLAUSE]

O'NEILL: The Stormy Daniels, the Avenattis, and I'm not going to mention some of the congressmen that -- I mean, Blumenthal senator. Fake Vietnam guy. I mean, no shame at all. And they're out there just proving they want to destroy the country. I don't get it. As a guy that fought for the country, I just don't get it.

GUTFELD: I think you're mad.

O'NEILL: No, I'm good. I'm good. It's late.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: Just don't try to shoot me, okay?

MURDOCH: A lot of us are upset because we were persuaded.

GUTFELD: All right. We've got more stuff to come. Don't go anywhere.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's the story that took America by storm, or at least the media during a slow news day. By now, you've seen this video. You've got these two passengers on an American Airlines flight. One of them reclines her seat back, the other passenger doesn't like it, starts hitting the back of her chair repeatedly.

So to recline or not to recline? It's a debate going back to the Roman Empire when humans and chickens fought to the death over such matters, and then made violent love.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: That's wrong. For more, we go to our airline etiquette corresponded Chad and Chaz with a live demo on how to sit on a plane.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Classic Chaz, always has to lick himself. This is why you're not getting any good work, Chaz. All right, Tyrus, try to ignore that video. You are a huge man. That guy would not have pounded your chair.

MURDOCH: Well, he would have did it once.

[LAUGHTER]

MURDOCH: But I have to deal with the lean back all the time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: And it should be uncomfortable for them to feel the knees before the lean.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MURDOCH: So when they lean back, I don't have to do the -- and there was another thing, too. What kind of punch was that? Like? He just being annoying when he could have just said, excuse me, ma'am. It hurts when you lean back. Do you mind not leaning back?

Well, I'm sorry. I won't lean back. Try that first.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying, like this is a grown man doing a temper tantrum. That's where we're at, America?

GUTFELD: Yes, I wouldn't call that a grown man.

MURDOCH: You can't just say -- no, I am just saying. He is bald as hell. He's grown. I mean, he's lost more than he has gained at that point. He doesn't have your Mel Gibson hair.

GUTFELD: Why, thank you.

MURDOCH: So the least he could do is just say -- am I lying? It's Mel Gibson.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

MURDOCH: Just one time. Just one time. Just say, give me back my son.

GUTFELD: Give me back my son.

MURDOCH: Bam. Watch the movie. Take it.

GUTFELD: "Ransom."

MURDOCH: "Ransom." Yes. But the point is, don't hit -- the first one, that's a woman, too, you should never hit.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. You never hit a woman.

MURDOCH: You shouldn't do that.

STEYN: Yes.

GUTFELD: Kat, air travel, I have a theory, it accentuates people who are just a-holes and they get on the plane and they don't fly very often and they just get worse. This guy could have checked in early and got a better seat.

TIMPF: Yes, see, I don't recline my seat. It's not because I think it's wrong. It's because I tried to one time like 12 years ago and I couldn't figure out how. So I just stopped trying forever.

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: I'm serious.

GUTFELD: You know what it is? You know what, I know what it is. I know what is.

TIMPF: I couldn't figure it out.

GUTFELD: I know what it is. It's called -- no, it's called the Dana Perino issue. So get this. Get this. Dana Perino could not -- she would go to the movies as a teenager, couldn't get that folded up seat to sit down, when she sat on it, she weighed like 35 pounds. You can't recline the seat because you can't press it back because you don't have bodyweight.

TIMPF: I don't try and thank you for calling me skinny. I want to make sure to acknowledge that. But I can't and like I've been uncomfortable for so many hours of my life because I'm just so afraid of looking rude or stupid and that's like what it's like to be a woman overall.

Can you please let me have my turn? You will let me have my turn.

MURDOCH: I am just pretending to push the button.

TIMPF: Okay, thank you.

GUTFELD: I think --

TIMPF: Anyway, if you do recline the seat, can you all do me a favor? First of all, congratulations. You're all geniuses.

GUTFELD: All right.

TIMPF: But don't -- pick take a position and stick with it. I hate it when people go back and forth, it's not a carnival ride and I'm trying to sleep on the back.

GUTFELD: All right, you know, Rob --

O'NEILL: Yes.

[APPLAUSE]

GUTFELD: Kat had a good point. Your opinion depends on your situation like when you're driving, you don't like pedestrians and then when you're a pedestrian, you get mad at drivers.

O'NEILL: That's it. Yes. That's in transit. We all hate each other. Most people are good people, but in transit, we don't like each other.

GUTFELD: Yes. Except for that guy.

O'NEILL: People that drive don't like pedestrians, pedestrian don't like drivers, and when we're in airports, we don't like each other.

Now, if I was that dude in the back being a soy boy, which he obviously was, I would have just jumped on the first class and ask Bernie Sanders to change seats with me.

[APPLAUSE]

O'NEILL: But the point I am making, I guarantee, if my man, Tyrus was up there, he's not punching that [bleep].

GUTFELD: No, no. Exactly. Mark?

STEYN: I don't -- I don't understand how reclining became a thing?

TIMPF: I don't either.

GUTFELD: I love reclining.

STEYN: No. Because you're on an airline.

O'NEILL: You couldn't figure it out.

TIMPF: I couldn't figure it out.

STEYN: You don't get any food. You don't get -- you get a bag of mini pretzels and they only accept credit cards and then you don't get any drink and you can't smoke, so suddenly reclining is a big thing and if you --

When you watch United to Singapore with 80 percent reclining in business class and some people, the minute they get on the plane, they want to make a big deal about the recline. So you get like -- I'll have the hot dripping taco.

I mean, how did reclining become the only benefit of flying? By the way, just to emphasize what Tyrus was saying, I don't get -- I don't get the way it is now.

If I say to Kat, that's a lovely dress you're wearing. She can #MeToo me and I'm finished. It's over.

TIMPF: I'm seeing dollar signs right away.

STEYN: But if she sits in front of me and I'm punching her -- I'm punching the back of her chair all the way to LAX, this airline gave her -- gave that guy a free rum and coke. So how many women do I have to pump to get a magnum and champagne?

GUTFELD: All right, on that note, we've got to take a break. See you in 240 seconds.

[APPLAUSE]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Like the rotary phone, VHS tapes, and my cousin Steve, parallel parking is dying.

Yes, I probably shouldn't have said that about Steve. He doesn't -- he doesn't know. I opened his mail.

Anyway, this week Nevada announced it will become the 17th state to stop requiring parallel parking on its driving tests. Part of the reason -- everybody is terrible at it. Said a DMV spokesman, "We had a pretty high failure rate with parallel parking. We fail them and they'd have to come back for a retest. Nobody wants that. So we simply eliminated it."

Well, that is a solution. Instead of getting better at it, just get rid of it. Instead, the DMV says what's important is that the driver can prove they can control the vehicle.

I guess that's true. Parallel parking is a skill and I tip my hat to anyone who can do it well. Here's Bill Hemmer arriving to work this morning.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: All right. Rob.

O'NEILL: Yes.

GUTFELD: I believe that parallel parking is one of those words pleasures in life. You know, when you make it in one shot, it's like hitting a bull's eye, seeking a three footer or fitting a fat drifter into a tiny suitcase.

O'NEILL: Whenever you can park using just your mirrors not looking behind you. That's a total skill. But I mean, it's like this, we teach young Rangers young Navy SEALS, how to use map and compasses instead of GPS because once the GPS fails, how are we going to get where we're going.

If you get away from the mirrors and the parallel parking, plus, I mean, chicks dig it.

GUTFELD: Yes, no, there's nothing more impressive, Mark than parallel parking.

STEYN: No, that's true, but I'll tell you what is better. I always -- when I parallel park, I always like to do it in full recline, especially if that's so -- I always do it like that. Just -- and you're straight in. You can't go wrong.

GUTFELD: I feel bad for Kat. She is on the receiving end of that image.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: I know, Kat, I know you don't drive. So I'm assuming that that same feeling is like, wow, I really nailed that emoji.

TIMPF: Yes. I think that there should be no driver's test. I find the driver's test and the driver's license to be quite authoritarian. I don't think the government is the best, you know, authority on who can and can't drive or should and should not drive. And I know this actually because they gave me a license.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And I can't drive for -- and I was going to put the S word there. That would have been --

O'NEILL: That's where it was going.

TIMPF: It was going to be so good. But all the boys said the F word before me. So then I couldn't swear. But I think that parallel parking, I nailed it on the driver's test actually, in the real world, I could do it. But like, you've got to give me 20 to 30 minutes.

GUTFELD: You know, I always think that the drivers --

STEYN: Kat, should have done the S word as a vanity license plate.

TIMPF: It was perfect. I can't drive for -- that was good. And you guys are just haphazardly throwing F bombs and crushing my dreams.

O'NEILL: That was a really well-written joke.

GUTFELD: Tyrus? You know what I like doing? I like on my street, watching people parallel park because when strangers are watching you, it makes it worse. And not just for parallel parking -- if it happened to me in a party at midnight, I am embarrassed.

MURDOCH: Yes. You know what, Greg. That is a phenomenal point.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: Kat, will you demonstrate how you parallel park while I talk?

TIMPF: No, it's okay.

MURDOCH: I'll do it. Because you know what? You're okay when you're goes back and you look at this part, you're cool.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You're all right here, and then when you're backing up you're like this. And then when you look and someone sees you, you're like, you son of a b___h. And you back it up. This guy is looking at me -- and then - -

GUTFELD: It's like when you --

MURDOCH: I can't do this if you watch me.

GUTFELD: It's like when you're using the urinal.

MURDOCH: Stop watching me.

GUTFELD: It's like gentleman's bladder.

O'NEILL: Oh my god, the jokes are riding the --

MURDOCH: It's like that.

TIMPF: Gentleman's bladder?

[LAUGHTER]

STEYN: Oh, come on.

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: I need hazard pay.

GUTFELD: When you are at a ball game and all of a sudden there's a line of people behind you at the trough. It kind of changes thing.

STEYN: Yes.

MURDOCH: Yes.

TIMPF: And that is called gentleman's bladder.

MURDOCH: You make some choices.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's called gentleman's bladder.

MURDOCH: Yes.

GUTFELD: That's -- you know, Kat, that's what gentlemen call it.

STEYN: Yes.

MURDOCH: Yes.

[LAUGHTER]

TIMPF: Okay.

GUTFELD: I don't even know where I am at this point. I think I've asked all of them questions. All right. You know, yes, don't go anywhere.

[APPLAUSE]

[CHEERING]

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Welcome back to gentleman's bladder.

[LAUGHTER]

GUTFELD: We're out of time. Thanks to Mark Steyn, Rob O'Neill, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld, I love you, America.

Gutfeld on socialism and the Dem candidates

Mon, 10 Feb 2020 18:37:09 -0500

You remember Friday night's Democratic debate? Yeah, me neither.

The high point? When a moderator asked, "Is anyone ... on this stage concerned about having a Democratic socialist at the top of the Democratic ticket?"

Sen. Amy Klobuchar, D-Minn., was the only one who raised her hand. (We don't count Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt.).

NEW HAMPSHIRE POLITICS EXPERT: AMY KLOBUCHAR THE CANDIDATE TO WATCH IN GRANITE STATE PRIMARY

It says something good about her, and something frightening about the rest. She thinks for herself as the rest cower before the fringe.

The sad thing about this crop? You're grateful to see even a grain of common sense.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE OPINION NEWSLETTER

Apparently, voicing disgust over an ideological menace that helped to kill millions is now an act of blasphemy. What a mess.

Former South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg is a thesaurus without specifics. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Mass., is an evasive phony. Former Vice President Joe Biden sounded like a guy at the bar after he got fired, talking loudly about all the stuff he did better than everyone else.

It's also bad when Democrats say they wouldn't kill a terrorist. Who are they worried about pissing off? Terrorists?

Oddly, they seem more spiteful of companies, which are just made up of people. However, lacking economic skills, Democrats think companies are sinister engines run by the "Monopoly" guy who wears a top hat.

They plead for unity while slamming folks who were once examples of American opportunity.

As the economy rolls on, with more jobs, wages and satisfaction, they accuse half the country of exploiting the other half.

So now, reasonable Democrats have become the fringe, while others parrot the line that America is racist, leading to divisive factions and punitive actions. They deny real progress with race, which puts future progress in jeopardy. How do you measure change when you reject its existence?

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Amy's at least rooted in some reality.

Which means she's toast.

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on Feb. 10, 2020.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BY GREG GUTFELD

Greg Gutfeld says Trump has 'Category 5 Hurricane' at his back after impeachment victory

Sun, 09 Feb 2020 02:42:43 -0500

Greg Gutfeld took an analytical look Saturday at President Trump's week, highlighting the drama and celebrating the commander-in-chief's impeachment-acquittal victory.

"You want a victory lap? You got one," Gutfeld said on "The Greg Gutfeld Show." "Seriously, this was the best week ever. You had everything: Trump crushes impeachment. Nancy throws a fit. The Democrats implode. All that's missing is an invasion of space creatures that taste just like citizens, but look like Ryan Seacrest. It's beautiful."

TRUMP CONDEMNS ‘EVIL’ IMPEACHMENT AFTER SENATE ACQUITTAL: ‘IT WAS A DISGRACE’

"Trump keeps going," Gutfeld added. "He doesn't have the wind at his back. He's got a Category 5 hurricane."

Gutfeld also mocked the Democrats' demeanor during Trump's State of the Union address.

"In the face of so much good news about lots of stuff, they appeared as joyless as a boarded-up liquor store," Gutfeld said. "Would it kill them to stand up and applaud once? You know, they're so bitter, they poop grapefruits."

Gutfeld then turned his attention to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi ripping the president's speech.

"I didn't really realize how great the speech was until I saw her pathetic frustration and all that shuffling, shuffling, shuffling," Gutfeld said. "She's like the world's worst blackjack dealer. She was a mess because she knew where this was going."

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But the host warned that impeachment might not be over.

"The heat is deep and it's an emotional investment too heavy to discard. So we'll go through impeachment again. Millions of dollars, months of attention, fulfilling a phony exercise with the media strongly behind it," Gutfeld said. "Really, impeachment is a fantasy sports league for losers."

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